Some days I'm tired of you asking if I'm ok
The conversation of oh I'm fine
Can't you read in between the lines
I'm struggling in wanting to stay alive
I try and I try and I try
I know we've played this record before
I know it's not what I'm working towards
I don't know what goals or ambitions I want to archive
**** I'm just trying to be me
Some days I don't sleep or eat
Waking up is a feat
I wanna be you who has it all figured out
Instead I'm standing here like a clown
I'm tired of always hitting the ground
It's hard when that voice in my head tells me to stay down
Telling me no one cares if I stick around
So when you ask me if I'm ok
Some days I just don't know what to say.
Instead give me a hug
Show me some love and say I'm glad you woke up today
I'M GLAD YOU WOKE UP TODAY!!!!!!
The moon holds all of my secrets.
It knows all of my weaknesses.
It has seen me cry more times than I can count.
On some nights I can hear it whisper back to me, "that one day it will be ok".
All this pain and suffering I am going through now,
Will just be part of the past and to live in the now.
I wish I could make it understand.
This pain is something I cannot comprehend.
I try to find the root cause.
I still end up getting lost,
In my own head and heart
This is insanity that is tearing me apart.
Yet I still stare up to the moon, and I let a smile come across my face,
Because I know that these secrets I confess to it will never leave this space.
Your love is addicted.
Hurt as well.
But, i love it.
Your lips is so sweet.
But, it's all lie.
And i'm ok.
The world I live in
I wish it lasted a min
I hate the dark
It left me some marks
Do you even know
About all of the lows
Hey hows life
Oh I have deeply dived
Whats that? Go away?
I know Imma have to delay
Every scare you give
Makes you sad and not wanna live.
things were good,
but then they were bad
i don’t know how to feel about the outcome
I’ve kept it down.
pillow over mouth
blanket over head
Duct-tape and Gags
sort of feeling
Because I’m ok
(they have to think im ok)
(i dont know why but they have to)
music in my ears
words at my fingers
Ties and Shackles
I have to be ok
(if i tell myself that it has to be true)
(i dont know why but i have to)
Really I’m Fine
then she told me
- Maybe you should talk to someone?
- I mean maybe... Ill be fine tho
- Trust me, thats what I thought too
but I did, and you kno the story better than anyone
- If I find time then I guess so
- Yus! I’m glad. Itll be goooood for you
Too bad my schedule’s full.
(this hasnt been enough of a problem)
(its been ok up until now)
(this has always been there though)
why do I feel like this though?
What do you guys talk about in that chat?
Why do you like me? I’m a *****...
Haha it’s not stupid! Why don’t you like it?
I make myself laugh more than I do others.
Is this normal?
HA!! Oh sorry...
I’m a very self-aware person, self-reflective. It’s hard to explain...
What? Is that stupid?
I feel weird...
Why do I feel weird?
(it isnt good. whats wrong? somethings wrong)
am I normal?
can someone help?
What am i doing wrong? whats wrong...
(its not ok)
How are you still here?
Are you locked in a maze of my memories?
Trying franticly to escape and
screaming your way into consciousness
New pills but the same tunes
It’s been so long and yet some days
It feels like I’m still trapped
In the personal hell you constructed for me
You owned not only the key
Nor the concrete windowless walls
Nor the velvet-thick darkness surrounding me
as I begged for you to let your light in again
but you owned me too
You didn’t even need chains to keep me there
My heavy heart held me down more than any metal could
I can’t even say I escaped
let me go
Both times reopening the deadbolts to call me back
And obediently I came crawling in
And then you shoved me out again
This time without warning
The light burned my eyes and my skin
My hands bled as I scratched at the door
Tears choking all the words back to my stomach
And when I couldn’t feel anything anymore
I grabbed a knife
and carved a map into my skin
Desperately waiting for you to call me back again
But you didn’t
And I’d like to say that I’m ok now
That you no longer torture me
But I’m not.
And you still do.
Of course she helps
I swear someone sent an Angel
And I’m not worthy of her
But she still loves me
And I’m terrified that one day
my demons will tear through her wings
just like you tore through my heart
And though she helps mend it again
It will never be whole again
Because you stole a piece for your own sick collection.
I’m walking on broken glass
Looking up toward the overcast
so many empty faces pass
no one looks at me
and they leave at last
I’m between the present and the past
no relationships are going to last
I’m nowhere near any kind of track
maybe if you had paid more attention
I wouldn’t be hurting this bad
my heels dig into the grass
but I guess I’m ok
everyone’s still rushing past
— The End —