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Has it always been this bad?
This unfair
This unjust
Is this worse than it's ever been?

Or am I just old enough to see it now?
Olivia Daniels Jul 2021
I want that
Gorgeous bookish moment
With you

I want to sit on the roof
Of a cozy important house
Under the stars
Having... god knows what
Kind of deep discussion
(Though it may have been had a million times before,
this time it's ours)

I want to see you
Silhouetted by the light
Of the moon
While your expressions contort
As you share a heartfelt story
With me
(That you think I don't know)

I want to be comforted
By you
Even if it uncomfortable
On the rough rooftop
When you think,
Wow she needs a hug
(Because I do
If it's from you)

I want to see
Your eyes glow
Brilliant in the darkness
When you emphasize a point
Staring at me
Feeling the strength of our
Connection
(Even if it's guided by
The general ambiance)

I want to hear
The breeze sing
With your words
Their importance far from lost
Sending shivers down my spine
As you lean intently
Into or toward me

Just kiss me
Please
Under that night sky
Knowing well
That just one kiss
Changed everything for us
Please
Olivia Daniels Jul 2021
I just
Want
To fall in love
With my best friend

But I'm scared
Of the consequences
And how
It would affect
The other people
I hold dear

-----------------------------------------------------------­

I've never been
One to have
Crushes
In fact
I always thought
Myself weird
For that very same
Reason

Until I met you
That is
Until I fell for you
I no longer
Thought myself weird

What is weird
However
Is our double helix dance
Of flirtation
And friendship

Constantly either moving
Toward each other
Or away
Drawn together
Or apart

It's so weird
To me
That I still keep
Crushing
On you
For its entirely
New
Yet so
Old

Hopefully soon
Our dance can end
And we can
Just be honest
With ourselves
With each other
And finally kiss
In the middle
Olivia Daniels Jun 2021
Shout out to the fact
that I wrote my D&D character
to be everything
I've ever wanted
I've ever hoped for
I've ever imagined
for myself

Now I'm quite literally
living vicariously through her
and finding myself wishing
for what she has
rather mourning what I don't

It's probably not healthy
how invested in her I am
how obsessed
how utterly disappointed I am
that I'm not really her
I want to be her
Olivia Daniels Jan 2021
I wrote a poem
       about you
       for you
That you are never going
to read at its full capacity
because it's a love song
       about you
       for you
that encapsulated everything
I loved (love) about you
and your magnificent mind

I could redact the
I love you
parts, but it wouldn't read the same
Maybe someday
I'll dump it on your doorstep
and see if you can guess
who it's from
about or for
Olivia Daniels Aug 2020
Life is multiple games of palace
You do the best you can
with the hand you're dealt
and it all comes down to
the three cards face down in front of you

Some say palace is game of luck
but I'd argue there's more to it
there is strategy in how you
set yourself up to succeed

Only you can put yourself
in the best possible position
to deal with those buried cards in front of you

Sometimes those cards are 3's and 4's,
if you're lucky they'll be 2's or K's
but you won't know until you have to flip them

Othertimes the odds are against you
the best way to combat a poor hand is more strategy.
Unfortunately, strategies aren't always easy to find
the more you practice, the better you get.

Eventually, you'll know and perfect them all.
With all the strategies up your sleeve,
statistics would say your odds of winning are the highest
While it's still possible you may fail, the likelihood
is so much lower.

Life is like multiple games of palace.
You may not know the cards face down in front of you,
but after perfecting the strategies
the likelihood of you winning is so very high
Olivia Daniels Jun 2020
Enjoy it while you can
      they say
These next 4 years are going to fly by
      and they did

-Join a club
-Do an internship
-Make friends
-Write a resume, cover letter
-Fall in love
-Apply for jobs
-Do something crazy
-Build your professional portfolio
-Socialize for hours
-Find a grad school
       they say "it's the college experience"

Is it the college experience to feel
Underappreciated and Overworked?
Elated and Devastated?
Accomplished and Incompetent?

It never feels like it's enough
      no, I never feel like I'm enough
I've spent hours staring at a screen
Either in class or at home, it doesn't matter
I scrolled through so many blogposts and jobposts
Applied to countless positions and internships
All for nothing

"What's the best way to do college?"
      is the question I'm constantly asking myself
      and anyone who will listen that might have the answers
"What am I doing wrong?"
      how can so many people have accomplished so much
      before I've even made a name for myself

my 21 credit semester
my double major
my additional minor
my 6 semesters of straight A's
my 2-year executive board position
my part-time minimum wage job
Were they all not enough? What am I doing wrong?
Why can't I find even an unpaid internship?

Despite my exhaustive efforts,
      and I do mean exhaustive, full burn-out
I still see people
people who have done way less, tried way less
with full rides, wonderful internships and jobs right out of college.

None of it is fair.

And I have nothing to show for it.

So has this just been 4 wasted years?

What can I make of myself in the real world,
with nothing to show for my college career?
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