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13.5k · May 2015
Lotus
Courtlyn Quay May 2015
We must use words in the same tone we handle weapons
hoping never to hurt the wrong person
To protect those we love
To entertain friends
To master its blade is impossible
Thats not true though
No ones took the time to.
6.7k · Jul 2014
Gemini
Courtlyn Quay Jul 2014
Rip me in two
Make me Gemini
Throw me to the stars
Watch my light shine down
Let me lift you up
You are my star
You guide my way tonight
6.6k · May 2015
Excellence
Courtlyn Quay May 2015
I know no reason to stand still
No reason to sit down
excellence is never a matter of patience
Rather, initiative is the mother to excellence
Its father being practice
So I must practice each day
Never sit still
Never sit down
When life is your goal
Excellence is never a matter of patience
3.1k · May 2015
V8: Splash Mango Peach
Courtlyn Quay May 2015
tastes like v8 on a good day
today it tasted like a kiss from a goddess whose entire essence irradiated mango
needless to say
I was thirsty
3.0k · Jul 2016
Sleepless nights
Courtlyn Quay Jul 2016
How come when I am nearer to sleep
That my eyes should close, not even a peep
I only hope then, that my eyes do not open
2.7k · May 2015
Light Bulb Joke
Courtlyn Quay May 2015
One to describe the light and how it illuminates the room
Two to capture the desperation to change a flickering bulb
Three to show the torment lived by the first three
Four who debated the philosophy of light
But in the end?
In the end no one cared to change the flickering light
1.9k · May 2015
The City
Courtlyn Quay May 2015
I hate the city
How you can't see the stars in the sky
How hopes seem to die
How life is a swindlers mind
It's not that the stars aren't there
They just fell, burned out, hidden in apartments
They forgot their worth and so forget to twinkle
Like a black hole
The city swallows every star
1.7k · May 2015
Cigarettes
Courtlyn Quay May 2015
Cigarettes stopped tasting the way they should
They stopped holding that zest that made me content
The nicotine buzz isn't worth the smell
The moment I stopped and looked
The ashes no longer sang to me
My lighter no longer kept me warm
The same day,
I got to know you
1.1k · Jul 2014
Understand
Courtlyn Quay Jul 2014
We did not go softly into the night
From our homes our voices screamed
From our windows our hearts bled
From our room our bones broke
Our solace was never given to us in the form of a parent
Our solace was taken away when they broke the lock on our doors
When we find no where to run but the edge of the blade
"Life is hard or life isn't fair," yea that's what you say
But I say it's the people, the people who make it this way
Can you close your eyes and shut your ears but open your heart?
Don't feel sorry, feel compassion and join the fight
Because that's all we want
A friend
Ya know?
that'd be tight.
This is something i think people overlook.  Whenever we see someone with self harm marks we mark them off as emo or a depressive person. I'd rather people take the time to get to know someone and find out what they can do to help. It doesn't hurt to be someones friend
982 · May 2015
The Window
Courtlyn Quay May 2015
The tvs on
The xbox is on
Netflix is on
And yet, I'm compelled
My window is tuned to the best channel
The sun dipping over the horizon
The attrition of trees as leaves fall in the wind
The beauty of new leaves grown
I love this channel
I love sunsets
904 · Jul 2015
The Indifferent
Courtlyn Quay Jul 2015
From ash and bale
bones splintered
souls raving
to fields of asphodel.
Dance by and by
spin an echoing moan
dip in scenes of the past
the shades waltz.
Courtlyn Quay May 2015
We don't know where we are going to land
Whose arms we find ourselves in
When the fuse finishes with a puff of smoke
It's not over.
This is the best part of it
Whose arms we find ourselves in.
Brace for impact
Be ready
Catch the broken pieces we can't hold together
Courtlyn Quay May 2015
I couldn't choose to live life quietly if I wanted to
That the lion's roar rings true for all to hear.
That I must make a fool of myself
When facing life I will do so embracing it with a laugh
When facing death I will do so I will wail for those who cannot
I dare not squelch a soul, I dare not wish it on anyone
That your soul should live, and live loudly
824 · May 2015
Passing the Torch
Courtlyn Quay May 2015
My intrinsic value lays waste upon the world
Sweat dripping from my brow
The pen scribbles words that tell truth and lies
That silver tongues are born with hints of gold
That hearts crumble in ash and born again in flame
Using love sparingly upon my prey
Hands begin to bleed with anticipation
The next word could be my last
So I try my best to make it my best
Teaching generations of the thoughts we had
The troubles we faced
Hoping someone comes,
And takes the pen
Dripping ink
Please,
Write.
810 · Jun 2015
A gram
Courtlyn Quay Jun 2015
Tonight, we tipped the scales.
The ones hidden between our emotions.
the ones embossed in our actions.
Weighted more or less with each choice of word or sliding of our hands;
Sometimes we longed to push them to see how far they'd go without tipping.
Sometimes we expected nothing,
but often times we saw that the wager made, out weighed itself so that the price of humility was more than enough to pay for the price of romance.
A brush of your hand against my arm, my voice hanging on the rim of your ear.
the smile of your face as I rubbed my thumb against your tear.
With each new dare we gave ourselves, we found ourselves out numbered by the emotions we bare.
Love, desire, a sense of passion cooled by blankets that serves as feudal resistance to the inferno inside, because the war we waged could turn a nuclear winter into a spring day.
the only price to pay was for a somatic spell.
sparing no time, knowing our conscious is guilty of our crime
we said it
nothing sounded more decadent
Than the thought that tonight we decided.
Lets change this.
807 · May 2015
Lion Heart
Courtlyn Quay May 2015
This ones to you whose mind is fierce and body timid
Here's to the one I call Lion heart may your days never be numbered. Heres to the victories over broken hearts and conquered realms. Heres to the one I call lion heart. A girl who doesn't know when to sleep and has had too much caffeine
767 · Mar 2016
Drunk poetry
Courtlyn Quay Mar 2016
My mind spinning webs inside broken weaves.
My eyes full of black viscous blood.
I know no conscious, I know no filter.
Tonight?
That's alright.
I'm alone.
My head spins relentlessly on a dull point.
It's drunk poetry because it's satire of the personal self.
It's drunk poetry because tonight is the day I said no more.
the night I said,
relax... one more.
it draws me closer to a darkness I portray as the man  in the mirror.
The man that knows himself less than you think.
the boy that thinks himself less than you think
It draws me closer to being quartered by my own mind.
Relax... one more.
Relax
And that's all.
You light weight.
Courtlyn Quay Nov 2015
The fire in my heart will not be squelched, I am not a lamp lit by the wicked or pure
Call me a burn out
Call me a loser
Call me a basket case
But  You can’t tell me i’m finished.
I cannot make the stars bend
Nor the planets alig
But I will deny your reading of them.
You may put the fear of god in every child that fears to sleep at night but be warned
The monsters that we find under our beds is nothing compared to those we find in ourselves
That the scars inside my heart don’t make me different or broken but improve me.
If you’ve noticed the etchings on my body and look at me in disgust. well that ***** to be you
You said it was attention seeking behavior
Tell me this.
Who cries out in terror
Their heart in pain
But doesn't want to be saved?
I've found my Salvation
I'll gladly show you the way of the heart
The last thing It needs is your sympathy
All It wants is your respect
For living
Courtlyn Quay Aug 2015
Did you forget?
your god is one of love, not discrimination.
So, as I walk beside my love
That she could be he
Or he could be she
Or the one
It is the love of the soul next to me
That reminds me of god
712 · Sep 2015
Skeleton
Courtlyn Quay Sep 2015
My demons dance on barbed wire
My sorrows sing in mellow harmony
My bones rattle to the dance of the necromancy.
My bones dance the macrabe waltz
712 · Nov 2018
Diligence
Courtlyn Quay Nov 2018
Pragmatic is the virtue of diligence. Always active in the common comedy, let alone the discipline desired to do what's destined to unfold before this paragon. His jaw is angled from clenching his teeth in anticipation, her breath steadily drawing in the heavy air around her. Eyes dilating in excitement. All because diligence reaps what is sows
706 · May 2015
Fatherly Advice
Courtlyn Quay May 2015
Between a father and his son
I've learned so much
To be courageous
To be strong
A man that I and others are proud of
So i deem myself Lion Heart
I've been taught that no one knows what they're doing
So invent a script for myself
When the going gets tough
Get ready for the brawl that comes with it
Love isnt something that comes by everyday
So cherish the ones you have because they might be gone
Today might be your last, So give someone something
To remember you by.
Its a shame I had to learn this
Without you...
704 · Jun 2015
Dictation
Courtlyn Quay Jun 2015
I mere moment of your hands in mine
The taste of your words on my ears
It's all I want to hear.
I don't care how over used it is
I don't care what it means to others
I just want to hear you say those words
The one's that seem to escape
Your vocabulary
695 · Apr 2016
Invoker
Courtlyn Quay Apr 2016
I am the animist inside the dancer.
Cigarette smoke for the spirits,
Sweat as my sacrifice
Pulling on the chords that bind me like a puppet to the sound
Breaking strings and mending spirits,
Rending air with empty hands.
Forcing my will in the pitch black
Just to make a walk on in your thoughts.

My heart is the bass beat that blasts rhythmically with the lights that catch in the pools of blue bombs that drop in the midst of the floor
I accept the impact naturally.
One sacrifice now
Another on its way
Feel the fade
Capture the glow.
The not so quiet; before the storm.
Eyes dilate,
Breath,
Set my footing
Grin.
Here comes the next song.
658 · May 2015
War On Depression
Courtlyn Quay May 2015
Helmets on, guns at the ready, two kinds of First aid kits
One for the wounds you sustain in battle
One for the wounds you sustain at home
Demons with slack jaw faces and eyes as black as night
Their skin as pale as the moon
Their hearts as empty as my whiskey flask
War isn't pretty nor is it reasonable
But remember what we're fighting for
The people crying in their rooms
Those who tears drop with no one to catch them
The times that people lose themselves to their demons
Never forget what we're fighting for
Now go.
And Come back home
656 · Jul 2014
Even Angels Need to Sleep
Courtlyn Quay Jul 2014
Angels flock to clouds so soft
keeping watch upon your soul
there they sit in the skies aloft
living life your only goal.
can you see what is in front of you?
Those eyes of yours so crystal blue.
an angel watches over you for endless time.
its music playing from a windless chime.
but as you know.
Even angels need to sleep.
So don’t worry.
so take that entrancing leap
eyes go blurry
now angel, you too can fall asleep.
635 · May 2015
Humility
Courtlyn Quay May 2015
Without you who am I
A king
A God
I find myself without er
I could kiss the heavens and laugh
But none of that would be as great
to think
I'm happy with who I am,
A peasant
My weary head on your lap
Thank you
613 · Jun 2015
It's hard to explain
Courtlyn Quay Jun 2015
It was that night we slept over at your friends house, when we had a room to ourselves, It was probably the best night I will ever have. A lot of things awoke inside of me. Passion, little lionheart, Curiosity of my self, and feelings I couldn't explain for you. I was still little lionheart, to be honest.  I was scared, I could only take baby steps, afraid of where strides would land. Because At that moment, when you woke up at the dead of night. You grabbed my head from being on your stomach and pulled me up to your heart. You said, "I still hear your voice when you sleep next to me." I replied after a grin, "I still feel your touch in my dreams". We both grinned. "forgive me my weakness but i don't know why, Without you its hard to survive" . belting the last sound at a low moan of tiredness. We laughed,When it went silent, then you lifted my head and kissed me. At the same moment I passed out, I'm pretty sure I wanted to be perfect for you. That's the best I can explain it.
603 · May 2015
Drunk Love
Courtlyn Quay May 2015
Nothing would be better
Nothing could be more
That life of empty wine bottles
Rom comps on the tv
You nuzzled deep into my chest
arms around your waste
A filled living room couch
So drunk
Dreaming thoughts
of you, and you of me
So drunk
590 · Jul 2014
People
Courtlyn Quay Jul 2014
lightning blazes its trails in the sky
I wonder where its going.
so soon so fast.
I wonder when you'll get there.
knocking down trees in your path.
I guess you're a lot like us

People blazing a trail on this earth.
I wonder where we'll go
so soon so fast
I wonder when we'll get there.
Knocking down challenges in our path
I guess you're not much like us
Courtlyn Quay Jul 2014
Don't stress it. try your hardest, or your very best.
Actually just do it, or don't.
Nothing makes the perfect human being.
Try to be kind, to others always pay mind
Never make a promise you cant keep
Don't look at others with vision so steep
Don't do a lot of things
Do a lot of things.
Just be the best person you can be
577 · May 2015
What it means to be human
Courtlyn Quay May 2015
The fact is, you'll die
You'll die maybe never knowing true love
Never completing anything of value
Scaring yourself to only be half of what you are
On the off chance you do become yourself
That's what it means to be human
572 · May 2015
Wisest Sage
Courtlyn Quay May 2015
You can come to me and ask
"What's next teacher?"
you must jest
I am but a mere student
567 · May 2015
Goals
Courtlyn Quay May 2015
As much as I want to give up
As much as I want to die
I can't
My goals are still unfinished
My dreams are still just fragments
The day they're finished
The moment they're complete
That's the moment I can die
That's the moment  I can rest
560 · May 2015
My Soul
Courtlyn Quay May 2015
I can only hope that I'm as **** as my Soul
That all my scars show through
That my wounds are shown in the best of light
That I am battered and bruised
But never ready to admit defeat
Never ready to die
as a soul
Just imagine it, Thats ****
529 · May 2015
Nature's Call
Courtlyn Quay May 2015
My skin moves with the ageing of society.
That my bones know the song of lovers distant and near
Tapping fingers upon stones and earth alike
My voice rumbles the mountains echo of old

I am the dark forest and within me is the secret of life
Within me is the primordial soul
The extinction of each being placed upon grave stones
I will rise up again to claim humans from themselves

I will rise up
my dynasty never ending
I am the forest here my call
517 · May 2015
Complexity
Courtlyn Quay May 2015
Poems should be simple like a brush
So that you get the Idea of its purpose
But as complex as a riddle
Because the beauty,
Is when you understand
How much work was put into it
515 · May 2015
Marketing Essentials
Courtlyn Quay May 2015
I wont play your games I wont
Your Ideology to me is barbearish
Who could follow this Idea
This one we call
Marketing
511 · Jul 2014
Gambit
Courtlyn Quay Jul 2014
There's a gambit in every step you take
A cuff that came off when you raised the stake
What you left undefined
Your emotions unrefined
A step in the opposite direction leaves you friendless, powerless, and afraid
But you know your responsibilities, your job, you know what you do
You know that the only thing to change is you
508 · Aug 2016
Velveteen fur
Courtlyn Quay Aug 2016
In the midst of my depression, I have noticed omens of my past lives.
the moments left behind in old houses, My habits layed out and discarded on my bed. I've grown estranged to their music and the lyrics that parch my tongue like bread.

The same with people, Not a moment goes by and the image of her grows blurrier. Not a moment goes by and my image grows weaker. and all the while I seek no cure so I must be all the wiser

Living up to the name shouldn't be hard
That the melancholy that ails me is just fortunes card

I'm just merely a prolonged chord on deaths strings.
or maybe a bird caged who wants to spread his wings.
Truly though,
I must be a velveteen rabbit
Burnt among the playthings
508 · Jun 2015
Dillusions
Courtlyn Quay Jun 2015
"Once more," Richardson said grabbing his hat and throwing it into the air. the  ball cap slid up through the air slicing the light from the moon and stars. The sky clear on a french night. The soft smell of a bakery near by.  All that one could hope for was in a night like this. And as I came back from thought. I could see the corners of my room. holes, beaten and torn. Here I am, lying around. in this **** smelling rat den. Where some coke head chose to go round two with his *****.
Courtlyn Quay Jul 2019
Sometimes the most simplistic poems are beautiful.

I eat apples because i'm sad, and I like coke too much;

My gums hurt when I bite into the skin of it.
Reminding me that sometimes, the Pleasures of the things that are simple,
are sublimely painful.
like apples, coke in mouthfuls.
It hurts because my gums bleed from chemical burns of stimulates that are lacking opalescence experiances
Jacking my sails  that left me high and dry.
in all odible sensible seriousness,
I'm ready to cry,
hopeing by the end
that I beg
like the children forced to manufacture it,
Hopeing to die.

But I beckon for that pain
Not out of self destructive gain.
But out of recognition for what i've lost.
The identity of the man drowning in Desolate porcelein desserts and tossed into oceans named after the many emotions i'm swayed by.
Sadness leaves me floating,
Anxiety leaves me floundering, Depression has me drowning.
Not a matter of difference but for the sake of juxtaposition.
When Thoughtfulness is chosen.
Happiness lets me see my position.
Then Confidence puts my gears in motion.
Because i've seen bouys floating,
men in yahts gloating,
Survivers floating,
Kids in rags
Not clothing
But like a light house
Your smile
Glowing

I can't think right now because my teeth hurt. From eating apples and likeing coke too much.
But at least I feel alive
489 · Jul 2016
Extortion
Courtlyn Quay Jul 2016
The tide inside my head empties into my heart
My heart empties into my stomach
The alcohol lurches ever so slightly
Exorbitant
That's the price I pay tonight
My poems no longer rhyme
My heart no longer speaks
My head rules with the crashing sea
A typhoon that cannot be quelled
An earthquake that ruptures the world
A beautiful mistake
Named you
479 · May 2018
I dont know
Courtlyn Quay May 2018
drawtext(the cold dark)
I'm glitching.
there are parts of me where the code runs but nothing prints.
why cant I remember what I wrote.
Overlap,
Unknown variables,
variable emotions.love undefined
variable emotions.trust undefined
variable thoughts.do
youcare undefined
variable thoughts.self
worth does not exist could not be launched


scrthoughts.thecold_dark
if Object(self) = true,
{{
I feel like a faulty copy ripped from someone else's script.
I have a function that lets me scream.
But it wont start.
I have a function that lets me dream.
But it wont start.
My cpu has gone cold while the processor over heats.
I don't know how to get past this last line of code.
I don't know how this code to line get past.
past know to I don't get how..
...
I fear its killing me.
}
if alone  =  true
repeat
}
Courtlyn Quay Feb 2017
Welcome back. the tent is raised.
our town is razed,
our eyes go unfazed
Unable to escape a dream come true
Unable to expect to be left with so few.
A calculated loss, given attrition
given munition, and a lack of nutrition.
It wasn't war that we asked for, we just wanted peace.
It wasn't you that we die for, the dignity belongs to ourselves.
When you play that melody on your piano,
In your private home,
Remember me.
477 · Jun 2015
Tying down the wastes
Courtlyn Quay Jun 2015
My body, holds steadfast to strong winds. It bares the marks of eighteen years. Between good, the bad, myself. I contradict my own existence with the lack of will. That my own deterioration of self is stitched together by the shaking hands of a man who doesn't know what to do next. As the pieces slowly fall. "It's fine," I say. "It's fine," that after every moment I lose a little more of myself. "At least I haven't gone this far yet." pointing deeper into the well, to be honest, who am I to judge the depth in the well of depravity when I wash my face in its waters. I have no time for eating, sleeping, I only drink from the well. In the end. it's all I need and all I want.
455 · May 2015
A reason to smile
Courtlyn Quay May 2015
Last night I sat
Wanting a cigarette
Work ******
Had to disown my father
I might be homeless in a few weeks
I couldn't help but cry
But then I realized
My friend might have cancer
I have no reason to cry
so I smiled
I might be bald in a few weeks too.
444 · Jun 2015
Wrong man's eyes
Courtlyn Quay Jun 2015
There's nothing more we can sell our bodies for
Nothing that we have been taught our inadequacy can compensate for
That the slugger is just a slugger, a boy who hits a ball hard
The only thing he's got going for him is his ability at swinging a bat
And so here lies my problem.
How do you explain
Explain to a 12 year old boy that we aren't what we used to be.
That the go getting, hard ***, approach died
How do you explain to someone,
its not over before it began,
try again
How do you look in the eyes of a child and say
I'm sorry
442 · Jun 2015
Suave
Courtlyn Quay Jun 2015
Tap, tap.
So began the drum of our feet, our eyes meet,
so began the voiceless lingo, 
 your eyes dart to the floor and I,
your eyes dart between the seat and I,
but you see,
I,
am already out the door,
here you came,
I waited.
Just because I could tell,
You enjoy a good chase
436 · May 2015
Creation
Courtlyn Quay May 2015
My twisted tongue speaks words less than wise
But it is enchanted with loves sound
An escape artists hands
The memory of forgotten love
It knows not how to speak the full truth
And it cant tell an entire lie
That the words I speak leave existence to die
That creation was a toy of the mind so we must play with it
Taking ostracized thoughts and bring them back home
Take no moment of deepest secret thought
Of the most sacred of intentions
Leave none unmade and let all be known
There's a reason that ink cannot be easily unwritten
It is the will of creation that what has been made
Not be unmade
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