I sit watching with a lifeless gaze I see only the thoughts that grip my mind all an effect of words said. Not the words spoken out loud but the words stringed into answered questions. Questions I have yet to ask and will never ask.
I see visions of what if's and what will, I see images depicting years of the most likely outcome influence by years of observation. i see them fall in place like falling leafs from a tree. A tree whos roots grew from insecurities of being nothing more then a seed.
I see not love stories nor happy ever afters but that timeless story life has forever told, the story of Truth. I see a play of the willful becoming those who lack the will.
I see the stage set with actors holding back their desires fighting their inhibitions till the clock ticks hitting that split-second. STOP! Release the lights! QUIT THE ACT, Let the water run and split the bar on the gate that is life.
I see the mind of those so many who jump ship in this flood, simply to drown in their waters. their last breath a regret! As They sink in their sea of pain calling out no name only asking who do I blame? The waves washing over with no sway as if to whisper but one name.
I watch the outcome of this play day after day reeping my mind like the sun seeks the shade. it's fear, fear of loss and Fear To Love, it's of failing and failing to try, all the hellos and goodbyes. it's the moments and memories of with and without, its my thoughts and my doubts, it's no life with. And its a life going out.
I wrote this off of how I was feeling, the meaning behind it is how ever the reader interpreted it
To the point where it starts or is it to the point where it ends A sinful but childish memory that knows its way to the back terminus The coda of a moment with the certainity of a melliflous flow What makes it deep and so ween is the never ending uncertainity Uncertainity , whether its to the point where it starts , where it ends or is it just simply to the....!!!
Is it weird, that I sit here, thinking about the now? Thoughts are cleared, and I might fear, that I'm lost somehow? In this moment, I feel alive, and it's rather freeing. But I'm broken, and I'm deprived, how am I so late to seeing? Fear sets in, mind starts to race, and my heart beats faster. I begin, "I don't like this place," but I stop with no answer.