Filling the paper with feelings

Jan 2017

Sarah Mulqueen

Fibrous Dysplasia - My Body With A Rare Bone Disease

My body is a temple, one I must uphold.
My body is a temple,
A temple with a few bricks askew?
The foundations no longer stable?
Moss and ivy growing up the sides, finding all the crevasses.

To look at, all but a natural beauty.
I'm weathered at such a ripe young age.
My body is a temple.
But this temple needs a grave.

I can't call the architect,
To tell them they ****** up.
All the sympathetic looks, or sideways glares.
No one truly understand the amount I learn,
from the way they look at me.

My body is a safety hazard.
No warning sign required.
Hips and arms clicking and cracking. Legs, back and neck no better

Ease me up gently and handle with care.
I'll bruise with the slightest pressure.
My temple may as well be completely collapsed right on top of me.

My temple has a leak causing the structure to rot.
I don't have the energy,
To fix myself again.
I don't have the energy.
I'm barely even still me.

In April last year I found out my bone cyst had returned in my right humorous. I later found out I had been misdiagnosed and actually had something called Fibrous Dysplasia (https://www.fibrousdysplasia.org/)
Which is something a lot more serious than an Anuerysmal Bone Cyst which is what I previously thought I had.

Without sounding mellow dramatic I hope I was able to portray how my body feels on a day to day basis with chronic pain.

#chronicpain #fibrousdysplasia #bonedisease

Jan 2017

Rebel Heart

Fake Love

Show me fake love,
Lie to me in the face...
Kiss me with broken words
and hold me in an empty embrace.

Love me,
Love me not
I don't even care.
Just remember to
buy me some flowers
and play with my hair.

Compliment me
once in a while
tell me jokes and
make me smile

Make me fake promises
promise me a place
with just the two of us
and nothing but empty space.

Because love is just an illusion
that does nothing but shatter my heart
and what we have is a hopeless dream
and you'll understand that if you're smart.

Just show me fake love,
and lie to me in the face...
Kiss me with tainted words
and break me with grace

Just harsh, unedited mess of words splattered into stanzas. Don't even read, just keep scrolling along.

#love #dream #words #fake #empty #you #illusion #heartbroke

Jan 2017

Rebel Heart

I Was Already Dead Inside...

Another year
has Come and passed
Who knew
this long I would last.

My body is working
But I can't move
My heart is paralyzed
At the sight of you.

And my lips are moving
but words can't escape
Your name stuck in time,
as I stand here agape...

In the back of my mind,
thoughts swirling inside
memories crashing and burning ,
drowning in the deep tide.

The reality you convinced me was true
turned out to be nothing more
than a figment of my mind.

The truth you convinced me was reality
turned out to be nothing more
than a lost paradise I designed.

And a single tear
drops
from my face

And my heartbeat
stops
empty in space

As my realities crash
and tear into pieces
My life crashes
and cries into shreds...
Because you were all left of me
And now that too is dead.

I was already dead on the inside, my love... You didn't have to **** me too.

#love #heartbreak #broken #depression #sadness #dead #tear #you #heartbroken #inside

Jan 2017

Arcassin B

Bus Stop

by Arcassin Burnham

Like an angel forsaken and dipped in hellfire,
she was a girl of many things and many talents when the school ******
don't really expire,
she was a good liar,
she was something more electric like a live wire,
Did so many things that she wasn't proud of that a real teen wouldn't do,
girls all over school disgracing her name , like just be glad it wasn't you,
been at it since 8th grade and still ain't change in the actual,
But a nice home , good man ,two kids and a dog would be virtual,
Almost like a simulation because she thinks it won't ever happen,
remembering her last boyfriend , her was eyes were blackened,
was never a role model , she'd tell them to join the wagon,
i'll meet you at the bus stop,

As beautiful as heaven and destructive like her dad,
lived at nana's house to go to school , she was the only one she had,
and she was always sad,
because her grand daughter that she loved dearly was simply
going mad,
Had her first child with a guy that'll never leave her side,
that'll never black her eyes , that'll never make her cry,
but instead in the midst of situations he would dry her eyes,
took her to rehab and showed how to be a strong person,
He Saved her life before her life could even worsen,
I see your happy at the bus stop.

©ABPoetry2017
http://arcassin.blogspot.com/2017/01/bus-stop.html?m=0

#love #words #girl #drugs #abuse #liar #loved #forsaken #blackened

Jan 2017

Arcassin B

Warm Embrace Of You

By Arcassin Burnham

How you been,
How's the weather treating you all on this end,
I repent,
For the day I get to see your face again,
It was sin,
That combined us , intertwined us through our touch,
It was lust,
Sealed and sending us in a ****** rush,
Blaming fate,
For the arguments and lying that took place,
I regret,
All that I said to you trying to maintain,
Its At rest,
All we worked for thinking you'd forget my name,
You were cruel,
Knowing our friendship will never be the same,

Bad intentions don't bring happy endings pacing back and forth
In a dark room where I reside to be alone,
No matter what I do , I've told you about my situations and my family,
And how they don't care about me,
And now you don't care about me,
Its apparent that this was all for nothing,
Just to give me something to deal with,
And you know I don't need the *******,
Don't really have remorse for you,
I'm so glad that we're through,
But I'm wishing I could hold you in my arms for a day or two,
The warm embrace of you.

©ABPoetry2017
http://arcassin.blogspot.com/2017/01/warm-embrace-of-you-continuation-from.html

#love #words #hatred #life #hate #loss #relationship #breakup #warm #weather

Jan 2017

Arcassin B

The Unknown Flame #2

By Arcassin Burnham

Screaming from the shadows hoping somebody hears ya,
Even though nobody cares to notice ya,
Mindful eyes get left dry but they fall down on ya,
There's no secret to your flaws cause they're exposing ya,
I see the fire in your eyes , you're a tough one,
The cookies don't crumble here but others try to persuade the weak,
Reavaluating life choices and separating the good friends from
The bad friends knowing they all despise ya,
Here! You help me with this one thing and I'll promise you won't
Ever have to see me again , talking with everybody,
So you don't have to live with so much selfhate and doubt in ya,
You're strong,
I'm proud of ya,
You usually don't talk too much,
But out of these wannabes, you're a different breed,
With situations in life that'll make you hang yourself then kick over
The chair if you need,
But don't do that please.

©ABPoetry2017
http://arcassin.blogspot.com/2017/01/the-unknown-flame-2.html

#words #life #fire #break #weak #strong #leaving #situations #breed #hellopoetry107

Dec 2016

Arcassin B

Flame #8

By Arcassin Burnham

You'll be blinded by the social scene in corners of your
Brain is shutting off right as we speak,
I'm looking at the t.v. and every lie that's spoken on
The news its what we don't get to see,
Record every moment spent with your family declaring
As an alpha, you will make decisions wisely, for the kids,
Cause they will see better days,
But get them pass these flashing screens ,
Away from the evils , away from the insane,
Won't make you a better parent than me, not being cocky,
For I prepare for every contengency,
I'll never be like the family that was birthing before me,
Carrying around secrecy like it's a sport,
I promise you all I never will come up short,
I'm still on the rise,
While you sit and just scrutinize,
I swear I will have no time,
For the ignorance that you possess,
See the fire in my eyes.

©ABPoetry2016
http://arcassin.blogspot.com/2016/12/flame-8.html

#words #life #social #media #days #family #live #corners #news #hellopoetry107

Dec 2016

Parsavagely Kompenere

The Thought That Counts

Unwrapping gifts
Is not all it's about
But this year I know they mean
A little bit more,
This year I open up promises,
Of continued love and honest support,
And in a box of eyeshadow,
I find 12 shades of "Yes, this is okay"
And "You can be pretty"
And around my neck, a brand new scarf,
That goes so well with my favourite coat,
That says "Go on, be our beautiful girl"
"We will keep you warm and safe"
So yes, the family and love are more important,
But those gifts are reminders,
Hope in the dark times,
That I will always have a home,
And parents who love me.

Dec 2016

Rebel Heart

Living An Illusion

Well I guess we all have
our own versions of the truth
Our own little realities
Mine separate from you

When I say that I'm alright
And you know that's not true
When my smile, its so fake
And I can't hide it from you

So maybe I'm living in an illusion,
Or maybe this is all just a dream.
I don't want you to see my life
how it really is.
You mean too much to me

You barely scratched the surface
of my whole life story
And to tell the truth
I don't want you to know,
Just think that my life's boring

It's better for you
and better for me
If you keep living in this illusion
Because we only see what we want to see
And you don't need to see these scars...
They hide too much of the truth
The truth I myself hide from.

And I hope you'll never have to find
The ugly truth that I call my life
I'll keep it all buried in time
In this pain, in this strife.

I'm trying to hold on
To this little sliver of a lie
that holds the broken pieces of my reality,
Telling myself I'll be alright...
That this pain is just an illusion
And in truth I'll be fine.

But I was never good at lying
And I'm just doing this for you.

Because you're
safe
in your own little
reality
As long as its
Far
from my own little
truth.

The poem that inspired my new song "My Own Illusion". It won a competition but more importantly saved me from drowning on yet another night...

#truth #broken #life #sadness #reality #you #despair #illusion #fine #alright

Dec 2016

DarkStorm

Last Night

You
You drive me nuts
All I can do is think of you
And how you so easily control me

I pride myself on being independent
But all you do is look at me
And craving your control
I become yours

Craving your hand on my throat
Your marks on my body
The immobility from your control
Your body pressed against me

I must feel your bite on my skin
You pulling my hair
Your hands roaming my body
Your breath on my chest

I must hear you say "mine"
The quit sound of undoing my bra
Your sigh of approval as you look at me
Your breathing next to my ear

I must see you smile at me
The pride in your face for having me
The relaxed version of you
The controlling you

You make me crazy
But I'm addicted
I must have more
You

Dec 2016

Arcassin B

Dark Mist

By Arcassin Burnham

I've watched you your whole life,
I want you to do right , that's what God would say..
I've watched you your whole life,
I want you to **** up, that's what the devil would say..
Depression that eats you up , anxiety humiliates,
But in any case,
Some dark parts of my soul need to be cleaned out and
I'm willing to wait,

In this darkness , in this darkness,
Wondering where has my mind gone..
In this darkness , in this darkness,
I just wanna be all alone...
In this darkness , in this darkness,
Unusual to be home grown,
In this darkness , in this darkness,
Lord please just take me home...

You don't know where you're going,
but you don't know where you've been,
trying not to remember...
You don't know where you're going,
in these dark days ahead,
you better find yourself a new...
In this darkness , in this darkness,
I better have a light shine down,
I've watched my whole reputation crumble to little pieces under
My feet , it always got me down,
In this darkness , in this darkness,
You don't know where you're going,
There's nobody else around,

In this darkness , in this darkness,
Wondering where has my mind gone..
In this darkness , in this darkness,
I just wanna be all alone...
In this darkness , in this darkness,
Unusual to be home grown,
In this darkness , in this darkness,
Lord please just take me home...

#words #life #alone #anxiety #days #darkness #mist #situations #grown #hellopoetry107

Dec 2016

Austin Heath

"Black Cats."

A painting of men,
tangled in a web of flesh.
Drifting into hell.

Drifting into sleep,
I put on your mix CD
to rinse my eyes clean.

I would pray for you.
Writing it gives me chills and
I might wash my hands.

I yearn for your arms,
and exhale daydreams of love.
Pretending to breathe.

I want you to breathe.
I choke you as we **** and
say something nasty.

You know, John Cage said,
"In the dark, all cats are black."
Maybe that's why we

close our eyes to kiss,
or sleep in each others arms;
We don't fear our night.

Alternate; "Surrounded by arms/ shrugging off nightmares of love/ I'm scared you can't breathe."

#love #trust #fear #haiku #***

Dec 2016

Arcassin B

Young Wonder #6

By Arcassin Burnham

Showing kindness in an speechless manner to make
Anybody wanna resent you even more than they already have,
Dipping toes in the lake below having a fresh calmness in
The world you don't wanna really be in,
Wondering,

Where does the after life go when the lights dim in a four wall room
Without a door to open,
Loss of breath,
No hand to hold in times of discomfort,
Don't make it sound more depressing than it has to be , just learn,
Be vigilant to everything and everyone around making moves like
It's black Friday with fists flying,

You are a symbol for what kindness is and kindness is what
Everyone should have,
It's apparent that everything that has happened will be for reason
And not for a cause but improving the change,
You came along way young one.

#love #words #life #change #young #wonder #kindness #discomfort #calmness