A pressure weighing
Nothing seemed this heavy before
Nothing was so precious before
My whole world has been flipped brought smack back intoo reality
A love so pure
How can I muster the strength to wield such a strong and beautiful being
Your ailments become my own
Your achievements fill my my heart
Your presence brightens my darkest day
I am so blessed to have you in my life
I feel unworthy to call you my daughter
Just a breath could change everything.
To stop my chest growing so tight
This life is a maze,
To some just a path,
To others a confusing,
Never be afraid of what's not yet set,
Before you start to age.
Some may dither,
Others they stumble,
But you remain graceful & strong.
Your wit must have seen you some trouble,
But your charm surely helped you out of a few pickles.
That heart warming smile fills a room.
No one can ever compare to you.
My body is a temple, one I must uphold.
My body is a temple,
A temple with a few bricks askew?
The foundations no longer stable?
Moss and ivy growing up the sides, finding all the crevasses.
To look at, all but a natural beauty.
I'm weathered at such a ripe young age.
My body is a temple.
But this temple needs a grave.
I can't call the architect,
To tell them they ****** up.
All the sympathetic looks, or sideways glares.
No one truly understand the amount I learn,
from the way they look at me.
My body is a safety hazard.
No warning sign required.
Hips and arms clicking and cracking. Legs, back and neck no better
Ease me up gently and handle with care.
I'll bruise with the slightest pressure.
My temple may as well be completely collapsed right on top of me.
My temple has a leak causing the structure to rot.
I don't have the energy,
To fix myself again.
I don't have the energy.
I'm barely even still me.
In April last year I found out my bone cyst had returned in my right humorous. I later found out I had been misdiagnosed and actually had something called Fibrous Dysplasia (https://www.fibrousdysplasia.org/)
Which is something a lot more serious than an Anuerysmal Bone Cyst which is what I previously thought I had.
Without sounding mellow dramatic I hope I was able to portray how my body feels on a day to day basis with chronic pain.
Little by little I step away from myself
To be true to myself
If only to find myself
Overcoming the weight of emotional stress/trauma.
I, solemnly swear... . . . .
I've never met you.
I could lie through my teeth, & you have to take my word for it.
Of course I have lack of faith.
When I have to trust ******* like this.
Our future is dependent on imbeciles.
Like the forests, the lakes, & streams.
Shivering at this thought is an understatement.
The world WILL go on, Mother Nature will rise up & rid herself of the parasites.
That is why I struggle to sleep at night.
I, solemnly swear to do better by this planet.
At a ripe young age my imagination would take me to faraway lands, where I knew I was safe because you were there to guide me.
As I grew I became confused by decisions made for me,
I was upset because you were my Dad but were unable to be there for me.
Headstrong & stubborn with an attitude to boot, are just a couple of reasons we clashed.
Whirling & twirling down a chaotic self destructive path.
Too scared to scream.
Too tired to ask for help.
I wish I had listened to you.
As I grow now I remember the guidance you gave me, I cherish the moments of laughter & memories you made with me. I regret the years we missed amidst all the chaos.
Seeing passion & knowledge just flowing out of you.
Taking the time to know you, become your friend as well as your daughter.
I love you Dad with all my heart, I'm just sorry I didn't say it sooner xo.
******* just let me sleep,
without nightmares or fare.
Without pain from clenching & grinding my teeth to the core.
Just please let me sleep.
Without aching tense muscles,
dread & anything more.
One night without clammy fists fulls of hair,
sheets drenched and clinging with sweat.
I weep as dawn breaks for I know my slumber awaits,
& the lord won't allow me to sleep.