I gotta get outta here, man.
The smell of broken dreams
Hangs thick on everything
Til you can't wash it out.
The whole ****** town is
Self-medicated into a state of
Absolute acceptance of
The **** they're hip deep in.

I gotta get out of here.
My empathy is contorted
Into apathy, because it's easier
More convenient to not give a ****,
To hide in my sociopath shell
Knowing the world is burning outside
But my AC works, so ***** it.
I'm good.

I gotta get outta here
Before I become what I hate
Or somebody that I hate
Hate, in general, seems to be
A motivating factor in all this.
It seems now to outweigh the love
That used to make all my major decisions.
Call it a defense mechanism
Or cynicism, or whatever.
I'm starting to think it's evolution.
It's part of the cycle, the great circle-**** of life,
It's all vigor and enthusiasm
Til you've peaked.
Then comes the shame and regret.
I'm joking, but only slightly.
****, I gotta get out of here.

Keep me today,
the day is long
and I'm a bit tired
of being strong.
I want to hide here,
but I have to press on,
so give me a hand,
for my strength is gone.

Guide me today,
that I will not fail.
This world may rise up
my heart to assail.
I know that, big picture,
my burden is small,
but it's still hard to carry
when reduced to a crawl.

Lift me today,
I'm feeling too low.
Let your reassurance
be the one peace I know.
Put a hand on my shoulder,
arm around my neck,
and help me stand strong,
though I feel like a wreck.

Help me today,
so I know you're not gone.
Just a pat on the back
and I could carry on.
Believe me, in body,
I can stand on my own.
But my heart needs the love
that only you've shown.

The wind won't blow,
And it won't rain, 
And I can't see the moon. 
No crickets chirp
Or whippoorwill
Or solitary loon. 
Just me beneath
A silent sky
That light dare not impune 
A loneliness
Consuming me
I pray this passes soon.

You saw me as a fool, a child
And treated me as such.
I claimed mine was an icy heart
Yet melted with one touch.
So much alike, you knew me
And I hated that you could see
The man behind the stony mask
The truth, as it may be.

I loved you steeped in silence
from the corner of my eye.
You knew I was a hopeless mess
My composure was a lie,
Yet you approached with velvet hand,
I must have looked like an antique-
But you lifted layers of death and dust
from the truth, or so to speak.

You wouldn't let me hide my eyes,
The light you made me see.
And broken lies and alibis
Against your ears failed me.
The ****** know no frustration
Like an actor with no role;
You stripped my ruse away to see
The truth, or so I'm told.

I'm full of love and resentment
The world is just a pill
Stuck in my throat, belaying notes
That when sung come out shrill
But you're on top, where you belong,
Such anathema received
You refuse me my bitter outlook
at the truth, as it's believed.

I'll never be your hero,
It isn't in my soul.
I cannot be a guiding light
I lack the self-control
But I cannot spend another day
Believing we're both dead
I drag my lifeless body towards
The truth, or so it's said.

Through the bottom of this bottle
I can see you oh, too clearly
The lights come up, and curtains draw
On something cherished dearly
And as the world files out-
all around us wave goodbyes-
And the two of us are left alone
with the truth, and other lies

I loved you from a distance
from the corner of your eye
You never cared I was a mess
You knew that I would lie,
Still somewhere in the stormy night
we held each other warm and tight-
and learned more than we thought we could
about the truth, and wrong and right

Now, I miss the part of me
that could barely speak
And the part of you that handled me
Like a fool, a child so weak.
A contorted little memory
of what we shared is all
That I still hold of your life and times,
It's the truth, as I recall.

Daylight broke the night in two
Forgot to pay the bill again
I can't believe I'm calling you
with drool and anger on your chin
The night was split, and you don't care
It's like we never got the note
I like the way you pulled my hair
Hence, the insults that I wrote.

Stupid me! I nearly faded
twisting knuckles in the wound
I worry that you've become jaded
and your harpsichord is tuned.
Look at how you look at me
when you're so certain that I'm dead.
I've never understood the glee
that comes from such an empty head.

Still you judge as though you know
the way we were in ancient caves
You collared me with thorns and grace
and took me to the sickest raves.
So now, so long, and fare thee well,
I only wish I could've met you
Catch you in my private hell!
If you want to paint the town, I'll let you.

Last night I wished upon a star
That I could split the night,
but wishing didn't get me far
the star was just a satellite
So I hung my head in disbelief
where I knew that you would find
my love of life is rough and brief
and my third eye is blind.

You and I, again
Dancing on the edge of love
Pretending we're not

If I should see the sunset soon
My life drawn to a close
There's little I would fret about
As far as my past goes.
No place or plot unwrought would I
Dare look back on with dread
I'd fill my final thoughts on earth
With your sweet face instead.

No earthly woe or unsung verse
Could burden me on death.
Rather I would speak your name
Even with my last breath
Such ending would befit my life
When my time here is through
No better way to wrap it up
Than rapt in thoughts of you.

I used to write poetry,
quite prettily,
With flow and effervescent soul
Firm of form and splashed with
The color of a thousand heartbeats
Of dreams and tears and please-accept-me's,
Humble offers of a crumbling spirit
And you could hear it in my words
If you cared to put your ear to my shell,
The ocean in my broken heart churning
Threatening to swallow me whole.
I used to write poetry,
But times have changed,
seen me turn orange and
fall from my branch.
Dry and brittle on the forest floor
I feed the worms.
I feed the roots.
Summer is gone, and winter bears down.
I used to write poetry,
Now I chisel away pieces of
My stony disposition
And fantasize of the warmth
That once kept my heart aflame.

When it's slow,
when it's quiet,
my mind grabs a shovel
and digs up things
that I keep trying to bury.

I'm tired, my brother,
can I just take a minute?
I know life's a struggle,
you know I've been in it.
But fighter or not,
time has taken a toll.
More often than not,
I am NOT in control,
I'm just holding on,
that's the best I can do.
So gimme a minute,
or maybe a few.

I didn't stop moving,
when the world fell apart,
and I helped dig the grave
where we buried my heart.
I've been on the front
since I learned how to stand,
and I'm still taking shots,
though it's not what I'd planned.
Don't judge me too harshly,
I'll still do my best-
but I won't be worth much
if I don't  get some rest.

It's harder to sleep now
and everything aches.
I know I'm not special,
and that's just the breaks,
but I'm tired of doing
"whatever it takes"
and I'm tired of living
with all my mistakes.
Just give me a moment,
to break down and cry.
I'm not giving up,
I'm not ready to die.
I just need a breather,
in a minute, I'll rise,
for now, let me sit here,
just resting my eyes.

Someday, when I'm old and gray,
I'm sure to regret what I never did say. And sometime, true,
before it's through,
I'll regret even more
what I never would do.

My heart hurts, but I'll be alright.
I just won't be alright tonight.
Most of the time my spirit's light,
My silver linings shine so bright.

But sometimes life gets in the way,
And you can't see the light of day;
I know the pain ain't here to stay,
My heart hurts but I'll be okay.

Will you see me to the river?
I fear that I have lost my way.
Could I find her muddy waters
Then I know i would be okay.

This path, I cannot recognize,
The shadows here are tall and fierce,
The lights that used to guide my steps
This twilight haze they cannot pierce.

Lead me to her raging rapids
Waters cool and unrelenting,
Let her hear my last confession
Close as I come to repenting.

Let her take me to the ocean,
Let her bury me in the sea,
The salty air to soothe my soul
On the warm sands of memory

Here we stand on the edge of extinction
Shaking fists at the sun
Snarling through clinched teeth
And casting fault for the burnt flesh
We chose not to shield.

Wasn't it almost a perfect life?
2 and a half children,
Loving husband and wife...
A little slice of country
With a future so bright?
Wasn't it almost just right?

Wasn't it almost your schoolgirl dream?
Like a Kincaid painting,
Little house by the stream...
Where forever seemed like a real long time,
Wasn't it almost sublime?

Wasn't I almost the hero of this tale?
In my shining armor,
How could I ever fail?
Brave and unshaken, with a will and a plan;
Wasn't I almost your man?

Isn't it almost a beautiful life?
Sometimes you've the pleasure,
At others, the strife.
If I could take it all back
I'd unbreak your heart...
Isn't that almost a good start?

I pour my heart out.
You won't take a drink.

It's hard here on the ground floor, surrounded by the street.
The scenery a still-frame, a cell set to repeat.
I don't see your colors now, that patch of blue's gone gray
I hear your laugh cut through crash of just another day
Time, again, finds us alone...
in the crushing nothingness of the crowds
I just want it to be gone
Want to shed my shadows among the clouds

It's quiet here in the recent past, reliving a silent beat,
An echo too weak to distinguish, yet still moving the Earth 'neath my feet.
Still the subtlety's hard to decipher, the nuance is lost in the stroke
I numb any phantoms that linger, the world is cloud of smoke.
And time and again, it pulls me through
Running headfirst into hell.
Full circle, it seems, in whatever I do
Stopping just this side of well.

It's fleeting here in so-called prime of this distraction known as living
And I haven't asked for more than I have, but I'm taking what they're giving.
A single spark in the midst of a fire doesn't seem to warm the soul
But that same small flame can change the game if you add a little coal
We're hardened now, by time and heat
The pressure's always on
But maybe, when our time's complete
We'll be diamonds before we're gone.

Speak to me, Poet.
Sing the songs of the sea.
Use your rhythm and rhyme
and teleport me.
Paint a grand picture
with kaleidoscope words
of great crashing waves
and soaring sea birds.

Pine to me, Poet
tell me stories of woe,
of lovers and champions
that have been let go.
Sing softly of passion
and sadly of pain;
if the song is familiar, 
I'll join in the refrain.

Swear to me, Poet
that your story is true-
and I'll live vicariously
for a moment, through you.
Turn words into vision
and then let me see.
Though the hour is late,
I have nowhere to be.

Cry with me, Poet,
Oh! how the heart aches,
at the depth of the sorrows,
the mournful mistakes.
But spare me not, Poet,
til your songs are all through;
Though the hours fly by
I have naught else to do.

Write for me, Poet,
and I'll write for you.
We'll share our condition
be the skies gray or blue.
The morning will be here
before you know it.
So for now, sit a while,
and rhyme with me, Poet.

The exhale that followed
The gasp that was you
Left me blue, dying
For another breath
That will not come

We didn't say much that night,
but the silence loudly spoke.
We were burning moonlight
watching it go up in a puff of smoke.
We both felt the fire,
but it couldn't last long.
For one of us or the other
the heat would soon be gone.
There was no fear, just separation;
the night bore a connotation
of terminal proportions,
and an impending self-condemnation.
Awash there in the silence,
watching the night hang overhead,
we sat, as though watching kin
slowly slipping away in their deathbed.
Like, we know that it's coming,
there's no impending sense of dread.
We'll say a prayer and throw some flowers
Then both sleep in our own separate bed.
We almost force a smile
when our eyes meet.
It takes a while of trying
Before we both look back at our feet.
Still, she leans into me,
Closes her eyes against my shoulder.
The only warmth left between us
So I wrap her up and hold her
and we sit there,
cloaked in the waning night.
The clouds have blanketed the stars
and we've burned up all the moonlight.

We live as if reality
Is only in our head
We live as if we'll never die
We live as if we're dead
We chase the stars while standing still
We hide behind the moon
We count the days unnumbered til
We die, hoping it's soon.
We're swinging from the chandeliers
We're tearing down the walls.
We'd be the future of the game,
but We haven't got the *****.
Told for so long how we might fail
But not how to succeed
We've watered insecurity
It grew up like a ****.
We dance with love and apathy
We sleep with shame and lies
We carve a niche and wait to see
How everybody dies.

On the clearest of nights,
when the moon is new,
I like to lie on my back
in the grass and dirt.
I'll close my eyes, and
lie there, silent,
feeling the wind roll over me
timing my breathing with
the dance between breeze and grass,
keeping meter with the song they play.
Then, I feel the earth against my back.
I stretch my arms
as   wide   as     I    can...
and, palms down,
I hold the world on my back.
I try to feel the weight of it
on my shoulders.
I think of the size of this
hot ball of rock and water.
I feel the heaviness of
all of its inhabitants.
I feel their slightest vibrations-
baby steps
that move mountains-
shaping the landscape
and changing the destiny of this
ball of dirt.
I feel it living.
At the same time, I feel it dying.
It's an endless cycle
Of beautiful, precious life
in terminal doses.
I think of all this,
behind my back,
on my shoulders,
until I feel that the weight of it all
will surely crush me.
In that moment, I open my eyes
And look up at the clear,
moonless sky, and see
a sea of stars,
burning brighter than normal
as they pierce the darkness,
the illusion of the world on my shoulders.
As I stare into the cosmos,
the reality of this little ball of rock
is lifted from my back.
What was, moments ago,
the heaviest object in the universe,
was now tiny, when set against infinity.
I finally stand, and smile,
having successfully
thrown the planet back into space.

I used to write poetry, 
quite prettily,
With flow and effervescent soul
Firm of form and splashed with
The color of a thousand heartbeats
Of dreams and tears and please-accept-me's, 
Humble offers of a crumbling spirit
And you could hear it in my words
If you cared to put your ear to my shell, 
The ocean in my broken heart churning
Threatening to swallow me whole. 
I used to write poetry, 
But times have changed, 
seen me turn orange and 
fall from my branch.
Dry and brittle on the forest floor
I feed the worms. 
I feed the roots. 
Summer is gone, and winter bears down. 
I used to write poetry,
Now I chisel away pieces of
My stony disposition
And fantasize of the warmth
That once kept my heart aflame.

Liberty is bleeding,
but they say she's doing fine.
Took the cloth off lady Justice,
now only fools are blind.
Threw a tourniquet together,
tight around her reddened wrist,
to hide it from the sunlight,
and the salty harbor mist.
Liberty is bleeding,
you can't see the blood-soaked truth.
The old girl's barely standing,
and a little long of tooth.
The torch rests a little lower,
and the tired and huddled masses,
read a plaque that says "Turn back,
or we'll shoot your troubled *****."
Liberty is bleeding,
she can't hold up her head.
If everybody saw the wound
panic would be widespread.
In the sun on Ellis Island,
you can tell that she is hurt.
She's stepped down off her pedestal.
She's standing in the dirt.
She's leaning, doubled over,
like she's gonna fall apart.
Liberty is bleeding,
because we tore out her heart.

Statues may tumble
But hate still stands
On a pedestal, proud
And foolishly clinging
To a dying light
To a long since lost battle
That will never end.
Walls crumble, steel bends
And the spirit bows
But right or wrong, friend,
It just does not break.
Even standing there
In the rubble of "what should be"
Realizing that doesn't exist now.
There is only "what is".
And all you can do is fight.
Bridges burn, and we'll never
Make it back to where
We were before the fires.
Simply standing on the banks
On our pedestals
In the rubble
Chest puffed
Chin out
Needing to break something else.

I've been pretty patient with you
You *******.
What's up?
How you gonna ****
Every
*******
Body
Else
And leave me here with a bunch of ******* I don't even know?
Spineless ******* skeleton.
You ain't reaping ****.

It's two in the morning
And quiet as the dead.
I can't get you out
Of my ******* head.
The neighborhood's silent
In my space there's no sound
Save the fan blades
As they motor around.
And here in the silence
Unshakable dread
Because I can't get you
Out of my ******* head.
I just wanna sleep, now
But you just won't let me.
You show up at night
Just to haunt and upset me.
It's not the good memories-
They're mostly dead.
It's the ******* and heartache
That screams in my head.
I'm chemically askew
Eschewed by my slumber
And taller than titans
Your absence does lumber
If I don't get some rest
I'll join you as the dead
And you still won't be out
Of my ******* head.

Standing clinched-fists in the rubble of good intentions, with the blood of my own soul under my fingernails, I look forward-
not to the ******, but to the end.

It used to be thrilling to me-
All the **** that was killing me
That i just threw away
Habits trashed so I'd live to see another day
Still I'd pay, I'd even pray
In hopes that it would go away
They say it's a small price to pay
You could live forever living this way
And that's okay
I don't wanna be here anyway-
But i gotta stick around they say
Cause people love me, tell me "stay".
It's not a me thing, i think it's they
Who say the easy route is the coward's way
Now I'm just too tired to play
The game is rigged anyway
I'm on cruise control for another day
Feet on the dashboard, let the wheel sway
And pretend it's all good, but anyway
I've let the world have too much say
Invade my sanctuary, turn my blue to gray
I cling to this fantasy that I'll find my way
In the dark, blindfolded and broken, but anyway
It's all about the facade, me and God are okay
Talked to him for an hour yesterday
Asked him how much longer it'll be this way
He said to **** it up, it's all a joke anyway

If I don't wake up tomorrow,
from these words, some comfort borrow-
know that until the very end,
you were my heart, and my best friend.

If never more I see the dawn,
or watch the stars burn from the lawn,
believe that I died pacified-
my soul content, you by my side.

If this old heart should beat its last,
it will not beat for forlorn past.
It's final pulse- though weak, still true-
will be driven by love of you.

If the sun were to shed no light,
and darkness turn the day to night,
no other star could dare to shine
and light a world as you have mine.

So, if this were my final breath,
and this exhale would mean my death,
I'd form your name with my last air-
I only lived, when you were there.

Amazing how the venom glows
So easy on the eyes
I'll poison myself with your touch
And breathe my last in sighs

Burn my veins in place of the warmth
I thought would be my prize
How sweet the bile that's killing me
How tender my demise

If I should see the sunset soon
My life drawn to a close
There's little I would fret about
As far as my past goes. 
No place or plot unwrought would I
Dare look back on with dread
I'd fill my final thoughts on earth
With your sweet face instead. 

No earthly woe or unsung verse
Could burden me on death.
Rather I would speak your name
Even with my last breath
Such ending would befit my life
When my time here is through
No better way to wrap it up
Than rapt in thoughts of you.

Come stand beside me,
I don't want to rule the world.
We're all just passing through
Til the final thread's unfurled
But for now, just stand beside me
We'll find some place to hide
and shine down dimly on the world
From some secret hillside.
We'll be a star
Giving warmth and light
And taking a little of the
fear out of the night...

This mess will still be here
About that make no mistake
But maybe just for a moment in time
We need to take a break.
We need to stand in the rain,
and not think about the storm;
to know the cold is still there,
but focus on the warm;
to separate self from self,
and mind from thought, and heart from ache;
So come and stand beside me,
and a deep breath we will take.

Let's hurry off to nowhere,
we'll get there just in time,
and let the whole world melt away
just let the whole world stay away
we don't need it, just for today...
let the real world fade away.

"I'm done" proclaimed John Doe as he
Pulled the cord on civility
Wrapped it around his neck and stepped
Off the chair into history.

His epitaph sketched onto glass
In red lipstick from god knows who
Found next to Gideon's beneath
A touch tone phone from '82.

Who knows what brought this unknown son
To the edge of mortality
In Motel 6 in Santa Fe
Around a quarter after 3.

But there he was, embracing fate
Without a single second thought
Selecting death, rejecting self
In spite of what his self had wrought

No tears were shed, nobody knew
This nameless face in calloused crowd
Whose final words in lipstick read
"I'm done, it's all too ******* loud."

I've said it before, kid,
said and repeated:
Don't let the bad times
find you beaten, defeated.
Life won't quit swinging,
it'll press the attack.
No quarter is given
if you won't fight back.

This isn't the end
of the world or the road.
Sometimes, it gets tougher,
and progress is slowed.
Life will get better,
and life will get worse.
There's ups and there's downs
between here and the hearse.

But don't let it beat you,
it'll turn out alright
if you hold your head up
and continue to fight.
So cast thoughts of surrender
right out of your head.
Those who just give up
are as good as dead.

I'm a cosmic wanderer
I don't belong here
Stardust stuck to a ball of dirt
I don't remember the fall
Or the trip at all,
So the impact must've hurt.
Now here I stand
On hostile sand
The weak all feed the strong.
A cosmic wanderer, I am
Stuck somewhere I don't belong.

It matters not that years may pass
and take with them parts of us,
or age may sneak across our faces
and throw us under the bus.
Still seemingly a sculpture
or an ageless nursery rhyme,
you hang there, art for soul displayed
beyond the touch of time.

I witnessed as you robbed me
of attention elsewhere spent.
You blossomed like a cherry tree,
and I lied to mask intent
A craving for a fresh Spring love,
that very tree to climb,
and to swing there, from your branches
beyond the touch of time.

I wanted you like Summertime,
I reveled in your heat.
The long, hot days turned into nights
Where I sought to compete
to bask there in your sunlight...
I'd spend my final dime
To ride the sky with you, like stars,
beyond the touch of time.

I fell for you like fiery leaves,
carried forth on Autumn wind,
and dried up on the forest floor
A season, there to spend,
Nestled in your deep laid roots,
it should have been a crime
To fade away as you stood there
beyond the touch of time.

I loved you like a blizzard,
but you came across as salt
Melting me to clear the way
through my wintry assault.
Yet danced around me like a flake,
held aloft by the sublime,
and hung there in the frozen air
beyond the touch of time.

Full circle, and full cycle,
the revolution's done.
In the aftermath, the epilogue,
it's hard to say who won.
I still see you, through the seasons
and you live on like a rhyme,
written upon  infinity,
beyond the touch of time.

Do these drugs make my existential crisis look fat?