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8.8k · Apr 2018
Voices II
Barker Apr 2018
Is it really worth it?
Does loving you out weigh the cons?
You mean everything to me.
But I have these voices in my head
Telling me it's wrong.
These voices make me second guess everything.
I don't know.
What if I'm doing something wrong?
What if you don't really love me?
What if I'm just fooling myself?
...
What if you're just playing with me?
I've had my heart played with before.
What if this is all just set up for heartbreak?
I can't withstand another break up.
What if?
...
These voices keep me up at night.
I can barely sleep.
Sometimes I don't sleep at all.
I just lay awake thinking of all the possibilities.
I can hear the voices telling me that you don't like me.
I can hear them saying things that I know aren't true.
But they make me doubt everything.
I don't know what the truth is anymore.
And that scares me.
(c)ibarker
8.4k · Apr 2018
Pain II
Barker Apr 2018
I see you standing there
I can see the pain masked by a smile
I can see how broken you are

I want to help you
I want to make you feel wanted
I want to make you happy

But I don't know how
I don't know what to do
I don't know how to act

I wish I could help you
I want to help you
I can help you

I've been through this
I know how this works
I know how I got through this

Maybe I can heal those scars on your wrist
I just want you to open up
I need you to open up

I know that it is hard
I understand what this means
I might not understand completely

I can try to understand
I will understand
I just need you to trust me

Please
Let Me
Help You

Don't
Shut Me
Out
(c)ibarker

For the one who has my heart
6.8k · Sep 2017
People Treat People
Barker Sep 2017
My gender
My ****** orientation
My disability
My problems
My colour of skin
My size
My voice
My place of origin
My clothes
My religion
My past
My mistakes
My label
Shouldn't be the determination of how you treat me
(c)Ibarker
4.2k · Jul 2018
Nightmares
Barker Jul 2018
Nightmares
That's what the memory’s become
...
I wake up to the stars
Pain shoots up every limb.
My vision clears up and I realize that they aren't stars,
They are shards of glass.
I look down at my hand.
It's covered in blood.
I can hear my heart beating to the sound of sirens.
I clutch my chest.
I hear shouting but it's distant.
My vision goes in and out of focus.
I realize I'm dying.
...
Then I wake up.
Sweat drips down my shaking body.
That's the only memory I have left of you.
Everything else is locked away in my mind,
Suppressed by medication.
(c)ibarker
2.6k · Jun 2018
Don't Apologize
Barker Jun 2018
You shouldn't have to apologize for being yourself
(c)ibarker
2.4k · Sep 2017
Beauty
Barker Sep 2017
You don't have to lower yourself
To fit into the worlds specifications
Don't change
Show people your
definition of beauty
(c)Ibarker
2.4k · May 2018
Clay
Barker May 2018
People are like clay.
We can mold to adapt.
We can change how we look,
But not what we are made of;
And if we are left uncared for
We become as hard as rocks,
And that's the tragedy of living.
(c)ibarker
2.3k · May 2016
Bookmarks
Barker May 2016
Her heart was full of bookmarks
From those who had once loved her pages,
But not enough to finish what they had started.
1.7k · Oct 2017
Losing
Barker Oct 2017
If I'm losing my mind now
It's because I believed that I can make something broken
Into something perfect
(c)ibarker
1.6k · Sep 2017
Black, White and Human
Barker Sep 2017
The constant fight for equality
Black vs White
White vs Black
Religion vs Religion
Women vs Men
Men vs Women
Human vs Human
Why can't we see that we are all equal
(c)Ibarker
1.6k · Jul 2018
Car rides and panic attacks
Barker Jul 2018
Every car ride I end up going on
I'm always in a state of panic
Because I know what cars can do.
I know that they've killed more people than the number of digits on my phone.
I know that they have taken away the people I have cared the most about.
And so I sit wondering "Who's next? When is it going to happen."
Praying that I will be next so someone else doesn't have to take the hit.
(c)ibarker
1.5k · Sep 2018
Untitled
Barker Sep 2018
I want you to know.
That even in this challenging time,
I still love you.
With all my broken, shattered and torn apart heart.
(c)ibarker
1.5k · Sep 2017
Understand
Barker Sep 2017
I know that feeling of being lost
I know that feeling that there is no one out there who understands
What you're going through and the emotions that you have

But listen to me
Hear these words that I'm about to say
I understand what you're going through
The emotions that you are feeling
I understand and I want to help

Because once ago
I was going through
The same thing
(c)Ibarker
1.5k · Jun 2017
Piece of My Heart
Barker Jun 2017
A piece of my heart is gone.
You carry it around with you
And only when you are with me
Do I feel whole again.
Dedicated to my dear friend @Crestfall Thank you for always being there for me. Common Sense and Less-Than-Sense shall rule.
1.5k · May 2021
Toxic
Barker May 2021
I
Left
You
Because
I
Was
Tired
Of
Being
Your
Poison
(c)ibarker
1.5k · Sep 2017
Angel/Demon
Barker Sep 2017
Most Demons
Hide in an
Angel's body
(c)ibarker
1.3k · Sep 2017
Scared
Barker Sep 2017
Death doesn't scare me
Hurting those closest to me
Scares me
(c)ibarker
1.3k · Sep 2017
Explain the unknown
Barker Sep 2017
Humans are afraid of the unknown
That is why we search
Day and Night
For an explanation
of the unexplainable
(c)Ibarker
1.2k · May 2018
Art II
Barker May 2018
We fell in love,
Despite our differences
And once we did,
Something rare,
And beautiful was
Created
(c)ibarker
1.2k · Oct 2017
Tradition vs Change
Barker Oct 2017
Tradition is good,
But it's also good to think about change.
The world will never stay in one generation forever
(c)ibarker
1.2k · Sep 2017
Human
Barker Sep 2017
Humans often forget that we're humans
We aren't gods, we aren't goddesses
We are just that, humans
We all go through difficult times.
No one is perfect
(c)ibarker
1.1k · Sep 2018
Maybe
Barker Sep 2018
Maybe it's the feeling that I could tell you everything.
Maybe it's fact that I could make a total fool of myself,
But not dwell on it because I know that you'll still love me.
Maybe it's because I've never felt like this before and that I have no fear of you hurting me.
Maybe it's the fact that I no longer believe that I am a tough person to love because you make it look so easy.
Maybe it's much simpler than that.
Maybe it's more complicated than this.
Maybe all it is, is you.
(c)ibarker
1.1k · Dec 2017
Lines
Barker Dec 2017
The line between
Love and Hate
Is a lot
Thinner
Than you would think
(c)ibarker
1.1k · Sep 2017
Able
Barker Sep 2017
Imagine the unimaginable
Dream the unachievable
Think beyond the realm of this world

Obtain the unobtainable
Create the impossible
For there are no boundaries
(c)Ibarker
1.1k · Sep 2017
Downfall
Barker Sep 2017
Some things are inevitable
Now there are two ways you can handle it
You can either accept it and move on
Or you can give up and let that decision be your
Downfall
(c)ibarker
1.0k · Oct 2018
Time Spent
Barker Oct 2018
There you are. Name engraved on a headstone. Dates marked out. Dead roses sit at the bottom. I sit to the side so I don't sit on your casket. I open two beers, one for you and one for me. I talk about what's going on; how ****** New York Rangers is going to be this year. I just sit there and talk to you for hours; Way past the hour I said I would. When it's time to leave I get up, fold my chair and say "I love you." Before turning around and leaving.
(c)ibarker
995 · Apr 2018
Lessons on Love
Barker Apr 2018
You never know what you had until it is all gone.
You never know what you had until it falls apart.

But if you want love,
You're going to have to go through the pain

You never know what you had until it is all gone.
You never know what you had until it falls apart.

But if you want love,
You're going to have to learn how to change

You never know what you had until it is all gone.
You never know what you had until it falls apart.

But if you want love,
You're going to have to give some away

If you want love
(c)ibarker NF
915 · Sep 2017
Here Hear
Barker Sep 2017
And here I am
Screaming at the
Top of my lungs
Praying that someone
Will hear me
(c)Ibarker
909 · Dec 2017
Loops
Barker Dec 2017
You've caused my mind to run in circles,
You've caused it to start creating loops of thoughts
That always ends up coming back to you
(c)ibarker
907 · Nov 2018
Maybe II
Barker Nov 2018
Maybe it's the way you look at me,
Maybe it's the way you hold me,
Maybe it's the way you care for me,
Maybe it's the way you talk to me,
Maybe it's the way you understand me,
Maybe it's the way we joke around,
Maybe it's the way we love,
Maybe all it is
Is you.
(c)ibarker
898 · Dec 2017
Trade
Barker Dec 2017
All that I have to give
Are my imperfections
And my inequalities.
I hope that it is enough
For I only have my broken self
To trade for your love
(c)ibarker
880 · Sep 2017
Twisted Fantasies
Barker Sep 2017
You don't have to follow their twisted fantasies
(c)Ibarker
860 · Oct 2017
Emotional Disasters
Barker Oct 2017
Love is the true enemy.
It isn't a soft knock.
It's like a hurricane,
It comes in fast and reckless,
And it leaves just as fast as it came
(c)ibarker
860 · Sep 2017
Happy little reality
Barker Sep 2017
She follows the words with grace.
The happiness of being alone
Holding the key to a new reality
Is all too familiar
To this little girl
(c)ibarker
855 · Sep 2017
Sources
Barker Sep 2017
That pain that you feel
Will be a source of
Power
That heartache that you have
Will be a source of
Strength
(c)Ibarker
855 · Sep 2017
My Words
Barker Sep 2017
When you read these words that I write
You are literally entering my mind
The thoughts that I go through
The things that I experience
The feelings that I felt
Welcome to my life
(c)ibarker
852 · Feb 2018
Angel through the darkness
Barker Feb 2018
Broken hearts
And
Empty feelings

You brought me
In
With meaning

You mended
My broken heart

And chased away
The dark

Now all I see
Is your light

Shinning so ever
Bright
(ibarker)
844 · Sep 2017
I am I
Barker Sep 2017
I am the person
I am today
Because of the things
I've gone through
The lessons I've learned
The hard truths
The empty words
The broken promises
And here I am
Standing stronger than ever
(c)Ibarker
812 · May 2018
For You II
Barker May 2018
I promise that one day I'll be around
I'll keep you safe
I'll keep you sound

Right now it's pretty crazy
And I don't know how to stop or slow it down

Hey
I know there are some things we need to talk about

And I can't stay
Just let me hold you for a little longer now

Take a piece of my heart
And make it all your own
So when we are apart

You'll never be alone
When you miss me close your eyes
I may be far but never gone

When you fall asleep tonight just remember that we lay under the same stars

So take a piece of my heart
And make it all your own
So when we are apart
You’ll never be alone
(c)ibarker not mine
796 · Aug 2017
Home
Barker Aug 2017
When you're not around is when I feel homesick, because my house was no longer my home - you were.
(c)Ibarker
796 · May 2021
Emotional
Barker May 2021
I feel too much.
People say that that’s good,
But I spend most my nights
Crying over pointless things
And wanting to **** myself over them.
(c)ibarker
770 · May 2018
Just Thinking About You
Barker May 2018
Dearest Darling,

I’m writing this for you because every ounce of breath you take is a representation of how many times you’ve taken my breath away. Although you may not see and I may be biased you are the greatest being that has every roamed these grounds in this generation. You are a magnificent piece of madness and I love you. Me being a hopeless romantic and a sentimentalist, doesn't mean that I’m good at expressing my fondness for you. I treasure every moment I have with you because these moments are the ones that bring me back to reality when my mind is clouded with darkness. You are the only one who truly knows me and hasn’t ran away. I am still amazed that you are still here with me. Hand in Hand, Heart to heart. It is just you, me versus the world. I will always be with you.. So, when the cold starts to come and you just need a place to be warm come on closer for it feels like home. I can’t wait for the experiences to come and the adventure that awaits us. It is funny how much I can miss you for I never deemed it possible until it happened. You have showed me how enjoyable life is. I used to think that I could get by in this world alone, but you showed me that it didn’t have to be that way. You showed me that together we are stronger. Onlookers will give us disgusting looks but we know that they are just jealous. I will always be here for you. You can put the blame on me and I will always forgive you, because I value our friendship more than the little actions that would be considered unacceptable and friendship breakers by others. I know that life treats you unfairly sometimes, but I will always stand by you. Even in your darkest hour. These words on this page do not even come close to justifying my feelings for you. These words are as perfectly imperfect as me and I hope that it is enough for I only have these words to trade for your love.

Kiss me hardy,
Merry Christmas!!!
(c)ibarker
751 · May 2016
Distant places
Barker May 2016
Dreams become long whispers
And lovers become distant places,
Lost places,
Forgotten places,
And one's never to be called home again.
732 · Jan 2018
Here II
Barker Jan 2018
And here I am

Wrecked to the bone from something metaphysical

Drunk and High from a drug I didn't even mean to take

My mind is slowly starting to disintegrate

My soul is filled with poisoned memories of you and I
(c)ibarker
672 · Sep 2017
Colourblind
Barker Sep 2017
Life is black and white
With a bit of grey.
This world which I see is very dull.
I try to see
The in-between
But I can't
Seem to free
Myself from the
Black, white and grey
That I see
(c)ibarker
643 · Sep 2017
Covers II
Barker Sep 2017
People are so naive
They will take
One quick glance at you
And base their feelings
Off of your cover
(c)Ibarker
597 · Sep 2017
My Mentor
Barker Sep 2017
My mom was my mentor.
She helped me with my problems.
Although I stopped telling her my problems.
Because I was embarrassed and scared that I would disappoint her.
And so I act strong around the house.
But everywhere else
I always slouch
Because whenever I'm at home
It feels although I carried the weight of the world
(c)ibarker
578 · Mar 2019
Split
Barker Mar 2019
I don't know what's wrong with me.

I feel..off, like I'm watching reality from a distance.

I feel...empty, like I've been drained of all life.

I feel...anger, like someone did something very wrong to me.

I feel...pain, like someone stabbed me with needles repeatedly.

I feel...tired, like I haven't had a drop of shut eye in my 17 years of existence.

I feel...not myself, like someone cut a piece of me out.

And I don't know what's wrong with me.
And that scares me
(c)ibarker
564 · Dec 2022
Tired
Barker Dec 2022
I've tried to play along,
I've tried to drown myself in work and things that keep me busy,
But the truth is I'm dying inside,
I mask my emotions with a smile and a laugh,
But I just want to cry and breakdown,

Why am I still going?
Why am I still here?
What's the point?
(c)barker
556 · Jul 2018
Feelings know
Barker Jul 2018
I know what you feel,
When you don’t feel anything
(C)ibarker
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