I've been meaning to write something like this for a while
But the time hadn't come like it just has
Where words and a desire for death mesh
Into something that someone might be able to relate to,
I don't know, maybe not, but in all actuality
I'm here just to find a way to let this out without
Ending it all in that way that's always called selfish-
You may call this a suicide note, or maybe a testament to living

When my light dims to darkness
But right before you forget all about me,
I hope that you sing about me.

Embers to light the way, nothing less nothing more
Everyone gives up, everyone gets tired of you eventually
They say all you can count on is yourself,
But what about when it's yourself that's trying to **** you?

When my light dims to darkness
But right before you forget all about me,
I hope that you sing about me.

When the time comes I don't know where I'll be
Who I'll be
What I'll be
But all I know is that no one will take me
Unless it's my hand.

Recovery must be a fallacy;
Because right when I taste it's sweet release
I find myself alone, backtracking

When my light dims to darkness
But right before you forget all about me,
I hope that you sing about me.

my most prominent childhood memory
is when i stood barefoot in the snow
screaming for my mommy.
it was hard to see her go.

i understand now why my father
drinks beer day in and out
because i know the feeling to want something nearer
or close to your mouth.

i was ***** by the same person
who molested me when i was four
i was just sixteen, wasnt even over the first one
same year mommy died, i turned into a *****.

i was in love with a hurricane
and it ate me alive
no use for Novocaine,
i could hardly survive.

last hospitalization
the sixth time i spent a week
with intravenous medication
for my soul to keep.

the first song i wrote was
about my step father
as he tried to push mommy down the stairs because
she was drunk, and such a bother

i spent a week at my now passed grandparents' home
with barbies, cookies, not one school day
as young as i was, as little that i had known
my life was not okay

i have been used about 36 times
in different ways, but on different days
and it makes me feel guilty sometimes
i could have coped in better ways

i reach for you like nothing before
no where near the bottle, the blade
i dont want you like the smoke, the noose i almost wore
it came apart, like we did, and so i hoped and prayed

this prose is ugly to the core
my angel would hear me sing
until she started to snore

i've been silent for a while
my words hold a numb distance
all simple and docile
it will return, but for now, good riddance

the waves no longer rage
or beg for me to stay
and the winter is passing
and for air, i'm no longer gasping

i am breathing and i am grounded
i am solidified and no longer broken
some sort of tranquility, i've found it
but it's left me so softspoken.

Cesspools of naked bodies and lust.
Emptiness ravages the home I call my soul,
And in the throes of love and despair
All is not lost, all turns to rust.
Over time, over distance, over loss of care
I lie alone, in the midst of forget-me-nots,
You have devoured me whole.
I am an ***** donor-
If you need my heart, you can have it.
My lungs have breathed for you since we met.
They are corroded with tar,
That beating muscle is broken, salvage it.
I hope you find someone who rises your suns once they have set.
And in the end I am left with
Digital memories and things I'd be better off to forget.
I can erase the pictures on my phone
But I cannot erase the once thriving forest,
With leaves of desire and soil of trust,
So alive- feelings of love, bereft.
You burned down the home
We built together, for what?
I forget things faster than they come to mind,
But you are the exception.
I would've walked through fire and razor blades and nooses and water just deep enough-
But you couldn't even explain why.
What with your unconscious deception,
We could've gotten higher and have it made and truces and wander deep in touch.
But you couldn't even fight.
We say our goodbyes and
I listen to the silence that follows.
I reach into the void for some sort of closure that you will not bring.
It ends in screeching cries and
The kind of pity that wallows.
I turn to dust and collapse to the shadows, the kind of song you can't sing.
Finish her and bury the evidence.
Throw her into the water, let the tide take her away.
She will rot and corrode with nature, become one with the sea.
Don't forget your medicine,
And make sure you tell them you love them and this time, stay.
I will see you in the future,
Where we are one and you are me.

i've found my own succubus
******* the life from me word by word,
dollar by dollar,
tear by tear

they sold my mom's house
as i signed the consent form
i felt like i was selling my childhood
for something like 16,000

bold figures, i'll have all i need
enough to make any dream closer to reality
except for you

no no not that again
this isn't poetry,
these are streams of consciousness
spilling from my finger tips and eye lids

i think they got the wording wrong,
when they said
"absence makes the heart fonder"
i think they meant to say
"absence makes the heart somber."

i would do anything to have you back under my skin
i gotta stop thinking about you, man.

my sobs sound just like yours,
mother
and my wounds look just like yours,
mother
with cuts on the wrist,
mother
and cuts on the throat
mother
i drown my sorrows in substance,
mother,
just like you
mother,
and i cant face the truth
mother
delusions abroad
mother
your replacement to this world,
mother
i am just like you
mother

i will love you till
the days grow solid
as one
and we will be together
one day
your mother, daughters,
and only son
we will coexist
as one

give it a try
not your hardest
stained my skin and left all sorts of marks
rip it apart,
there is no truth
perspective leads to no singularity
perception leaving no place for reality
bleeding gums and a pity party of the ages
except instead of bottles and ashes its
pills and ****** fluids
now why i’m alone i don’t know
he had my heart, though
denial is an old arch nemesis;
my mother’s truest friend
she visits me in your absence
instead of facing an end
she tells me sweet stories at night
“he’s coming back, and never leaving again”
and then rage, rage, rage
whenever i can believe you’re gone for good
she tells me sweet lies at night
“i don’t love you anymore.”
sometimes i wish i stayed inside my mother
sometimes i wish you had let me die, that day.
now we’re left with this game we play,
this stalemate game we play with each other

moments
ache
knives
embark on my skin

melodious
entrails

songs
open
more
eternities
to
hatred, love.
interesting how
nothing
grows

never look me in the
eyes
wars wage inside

It takes a lot to say nothing
I'm coming to find that my soul has been screaming my whole life
And I am just now able to translate its tongues
Into some sort of verbal *****
That a human could possibly understand
I have never felt like a true part of this socially structured civilization
I have never felt like a homosapien shaped by its surroundings, its perception
Instead I have felt like a source of energy that flows without molecular or even atomic ties to this universe
Confined to a physical form in a four dimensional realm
If you cleave away the ego, you can feel the infinite
I have so much more to say,
And I have struggled my whole life in finding things to say
That matter, that are relevant
And I've come to realize that my soul has been screaming my entire life
And I am finally able to translate the tongues
Into something meaningful to say.
You may not hear the divinity in the language I use
You may not feel the sincerity in my soliloquies
But I do, and my perception is what shapes my reality
And only I can save me, now
The selfishness in the selfless
And the hollowed out remains of the empath
I can't be the only one who hears this piercing noise?
And this sickness that runs through the planets veins?
The agonized cry of every species on the earth harmonized into the humming vibration some call the will of god
Our pain is ricocheting through the void we reside within
An echo chamber of screams
I do not believe in hell because it cannot get worse than this.
No, not this moment, you may have misunderstood
The progression of these moments will lead to an inevitable end
An end to end every beginning
I am not the only one who knows that the dead are just no longer physically present
I am not the only one who knows that humans are parasites
I am not the only one who can feel the agony of someone I have never come across
Simply because
Our souls all scream on a frequency
That only those who truly listen can hear.

loneliness does not equate to a lack of love
paths are to be followed,
not to be spoken of
when it's all over, when all is said and done
all that is left are the echoes
of all the lives you have touched

hey man,
you alright?

i got a lot on my mind
and this pinch in my side.

well tell me why,
you don't gotta bottle it all up

too many words and
too little time
i can't really tell down from up
because i'm perfectly insane
in all the right ways
i seem to fit this sort of criteria
of how many tears i've cried
and lives denied.

well you know i'm here for ya,
i don't quite know what to say,
except it'll all be okay

but that's the thing man, it wont
because it gets bad before it gets good
and it gets good so it can get bad
i have felt much less love that i have shown
but that's all good cause i don't get all that i should
i don't know, man, i just get kinda sad
sometimes i kinda miss my mom and dad

but they were ****, weren't they?
and you know, that's okay.

you gotta quit saying that
because it's not alright, not okay
i've gotten so tired and lonely and fat
not much else to say
i'm gonna go now man
see you another day.

left on the phone line
wouldn't know their heart was breaking
over their own knee, in with the car key
the ignition, the ride,
their simple lies that everything's just fine

over the bridge
or through the trees
down the mountains
or into the sea

hey man,
you alright?

The darkest cloud you've seen
Since the hurricane of sixteen
Lingers far over the horizon
And the sky darkens
The mind goes blank
All the polite smile and nods you've always faked

Murmurs of lovers
******* SCREAMING IN YOUR EAR
three thousand miles spread across my heart
Space and time is something I've learned
To never fear
I guess sometimes people need time apart

Please mind the gap
Between my mind and soul
Between space and time
Between light and dark.

I've gotten so fat
So tired and old-
Draw the line
Between alright and all hurt

hawaiian flowers light my eyes up in that way that men used to
instead of breaking me apart the way that dead leaves crunch beneath heavy boots
i've never been met halfway in the sense of love
as i am always chasing, giving, unfolding, while they are
closing, solidifying, lying

so i too became rocks, but i glittered in the sun light
i was a ruby, red as dripping blood,
but oh so blue, like that fluid, still in your veins
i greeted the selfish with open arms and legs
and let them enter me with hardly a fight
not saying i should've,
never said i was a saint

soon enough i opened another eye
and looked at someone with more than just my mind
he turned away before i could show him
a world he had never known.

and here i am,
alone again
waiting, playing
bored and aroused
internally screaming
for someone to save me.

monday means
manically searching for something to occupy your mind
and it seems
you just can't seem to leave the past behind

tuesday is
tar and treason; poisoning your own body
and you can't forget what your father always says
don't give that heart to just anybody

wednesday holds
weddings and warzones; love gone faulty
just wait till the air gets cold,
and you'll sense the presence of all that is rotting

thursday brings
thirst for that which the deceitful showed you
and all those broken things
from which you had to choose

friday proclaims
freedom from that which you lost
no longer insane,
you now know the cost

saturday comes with
sadness and pain; thunder and rain
his love, a playful myth
his lust, that which you overcame.

sunday you are here
and no one else stands close enough
to sense your fear
no demons below, no angels above
but your head is clear
you are one with us all, you are whole and full
a week passed, a month went
years were lost, what was possible
has met it's end.

I'm blown away by the serendipity of life and death.
You know when you get some ink on your skin
In memoriam of someone whose last breath
Was taken by the reaper; your barriers got broken-
Where am I going with this again?

I'm amazed by how the light circles the dark in intricate patterns
Like the way our eyes capture spectrums,
That the rest of the world can't even fathom.
I'm trying to express the way the universe comes together,
In alignment to where it's supposed to be.
Before chaos ensues and the ends fray and we lose grasp of the tethers
Holding us together.

The color blue is all I know now
Your bruised irises leading to your
Tightly wound heart strings
There is music inside your laughter
There are artworks in your smile
I fall asleep on the softness of your lips
I forget trauma in the wake of euphoria
My angels' hymns are all about
Knowing you
Feeling you
I am so elated to have met you
The color blue is my favorite now
Your halo shines like a light through
Stormy dusk and evening tempests
There is no dawn like your "good morning"s
There are no ways to eclipse your "I love you"s
I lay my bones before you
I read the lines in between you and I
My poetry is the way I hold on to you at night
Dreams of you
asleep or awake
Are the best I have ever known

sweetness dripping
down your throat
and artificial energy shooting
through your veins

emptiness is sitting
cross legged beside you
spelling all the names
of the people your eyes brushed past

and you are alone
with your sorry self
not much for you to say
to the one whose come to be this way

the air is cold and crisp
waiting for you to seek out the sun
and the winter winds are sneaking up on us
to blow our minds to waste

infinity, and the time it takes to get there
i will not chase forever
the trees are humming vibrations full of
love,
life,
light

can you hear them?

The numbness of old, once scabbed over scars
The ones where you went too deep,
Should've gotten stitches.
But instead you sent your hopes to the stars
For them alone to keep,
But they don't listen.
Medicine and serotonin
All that seems to matter in the grand scheme
Aggravation and empty promises
Let me not fall back into that bottomless ravine
They say when you wake up with a start
(Like you fell from a cliff and hit the ground,)
They say that's your soul, another part
Of you that died without a sound.
Our love is ravenous and consuming us alive
I hope in the end we make it out side by side
I grind my teeth and bite my tongue
Say not the ways my mind has come undone
For your safety I keep myself around
For our sanity we love each other unbound
Should you choose to turn around
And walk the other way;
My heart will beat its last for you.
First loves never really count-
But the last one, I hope it never fades,
The last one, I hope is you.

words come and go
like teenagers
in love
in spite of your
memories, your
private soliloquies
there's a bitter
promise in the
way you say
goodbye;
we are full
of reminders
we wish to forget
you keep bursting
at the seams,
flinging your broken pieces at me
the sun don't shine for us
and the moon just reflects.
the sky is not as endless
as it seems.
replace the ink with blood
and maybe you'll make a
difference
death comes for everyone
from the reader to the writer
even the innocent bystander
i see you in the stars;
in the breeze through
the trees.
i guess i'll keep you alive
in my dreams
love is lost, along
with the one who
created you, who
destroyed you
live a life in color
to fool them
you're alive
live your life alone;
make it alright
in your mind

i am addicted to the way
your heart pounds against me
i can feel it thump thump thumping
against my spine, in my stomach,
through my fingers and
in the softness of your throat

i am attached to the electricity
that shoots through our skin
when i lay beside you
and when your arms wrap around me
you are my fortress

i am lost in the friction
between you and i
we cannot keep our hands
off each other
when our eyes meet
when we are alone
a thousand words spoken in our minds
a million memories
and countless times

i'm obsessed, i'd say
with the way
i feel
with you
inside of me

All this time on my hands. Can't give what the truth demands; your fingers fell through mine like grains of sand, my heart breaks when you command. Ashamed to say it but you're still in my dreams every night, it's the same today as it was when I scream "I'm alright". Never loud enough for anyone to hear, I've succumbed to the numbness, my dear.
I never got to sing you to sleep or give my soul fully to you to keep. These waters I tread are cruel and deep, I wish for a world where our ends meet. My angel, my queen, everything in between; I was faithful, I believed, you were the truest relief.

hey you
with the eyes and the hair
sprouting from the brilliant head i'm yet to recognize
here i am, with nothing left to lose
life's been pretty giving, but pretty unfair.
the weight of living morphs in size

because when two pairs of shoulders
hold it together
it seems so much lighter,
doesn't it?

all those age old mistakes
were made for you
so i could learn how to piece me together
and see what we will make,
will you be ready too?

i can't wait to meet you,
whether we have or not,
i cannot wait to love you
the same and one, a true love knot.

that man has got a blade for tongue
his vocals slipping off into the slum
he speaks with vigor
and empty voice of debilitation
the mouth of the rancid giver
he develops the destruction of communication

slashing tires just for fun
this golden child is on the run
from disabilities better classified as demons
losing his breath for the rising sun

the open eyes are clear to see
what is unfolding
right in front of me
a path to the future,
a gaping aperture;
there are a million things to say
but none of them match the light of day

i've been silent for quite a while now,
but here's some thought for the why's and how's
keep your soul trapped in the skin
until the day we are whole again.

friendship
the bond between two strangers
bringing them together as one
fragile yet empowered
with makeshift strings of imaginary steel

lust
the demon between two outsiders
bringing them closer
but not any deeper than the skin
hiding from what burns within

love
the enigma holding us all together
and pushing us farther apart
it is the essence of friendship
and the enemy of lust

you
were my best friend
and we fell prey to lust
but we still have that love
don't we?

i
haven't lost it all, yet
but soon enough, at this rate
i must
unconditional
and irrevocable
i will always love.

bad things happen to good people in this town
just overcame some hills, but now it's all down
entitlement to pride, a nervous wreck breathes
i see my reflection in the growing tides, mirrors just confusing me
i lost a lot but gained some peace of mind
misunderstandings that crush and divide.

my fixation is
slowly fading away
and its ties to my heart
are fraying at the end

i can breathe again
for myself,
freedom comes in increments
starts with gnawing at your own teeth
and writing for yourself

i hope my silence leaves you empty handed
and you will know then what you had
when you forced my love to disbandment
for a while there, i was pretty sad.

but i'm moving past you now
like a stream smoothing over the rocks
while your head is up in the clouds
i'll be learning how to talk
again

you made me mute
in your torment
our one sided theories face the refute
i will no longer remain silent.

i will embrace the air like
a long lost relative
abandoned by the sands of time
i gave all i had to give
and now i will reclaim what is mine

Here I am in a foreign place
I once knew as home
I've found that roads and places fade away after years and space
From existence, from memory,
Leaves behind an empty tomb

I had dreams last night of lizards,
Birds landing on my fingers.
I leaned that once you know sadness,
It comes at your beckon, your call,
Never too far away from madness.

Slow suicides and honorable lives
Friends from years passed and lovers who turned away
I have found peace buried within
I have found the rest to be not worth the time of day.

In another life and time,
Where you are not gone and I was never trying to be
The sweetest angel on my mind
I hear you in the forest's songs-
The whispers of the wind's serenities

Write a poem.

your words are ethereal
they keep me solid
red wine, aged since 1990
keeps you lingering in my mind

i can't see past your brown eyes
they're my blue skies
big enough to be mirrors
to my empty soul

what would we do
if we spent hours with each other
speak in tongues and
writhe together over love lost

the weight of your angel wings
is sending shivers down my spine
open windows and shady trees
sentences that do not rhyme

i can't let you go
with your open arms
that keep me on my level
the oceans sigh for us
the sand tumbles over itself
keep me out of harms way
when i drown my tears
in the blood red

you and your
bad news
look me in the eyes
and tell me something new

you say the pain will pass with time
but i can't please you
the way i used to

where do words come into the mix
of the body of lust and
the simple little fix
of you inside of me
and me entangled with you
it wont take me too long to see
that my wounds, you cannot soothe

and in these dreams i wake
to heartbreak and mild mistakes
of looking into another's face
you cannot forgive the wrongs i make

but i forget yours
and push them away
if we were counting scores
your dust would be all i could taste

and in the end it's a sorry tale
of a lover's lost soul
and the brittle heart of males
a dog without it's bone,
an actor out alone
let the lonely spirit consume you whole.

do your eyes ever gaze past everything
straight into nothing?
can you see anything there, still?

does your mind graze the evergreen
as it soars out of your body?
does it ever land on me?

do your hands match the finger prints
i've left on your skin?
do you want to feel them again?

does your body twitch and itch with loneliness,
does it, tell me this,
do you feel it when it's missed?

i'm feeling pretty sullen
left alone.
i've been trying real hard to pretend
then i'm not so prone
to death and all it's ends
i just watch the sun and all the places it's shone
messages left to pend
my heart is solid as stone
shattered, and it depends
on you, alone

my mistake
was letting you in
my heart break
will never wear thin
so, stay
my darlin,
wash away
my sins

I understand you more
The farther the miles stretch
And I feel for
All those lost files you sent
In the hopes of making something new
When in reality, all you had to make
Was you.

See I watch leaves fall from trees that just came back to life
And it reminds me of the way we
Ramble on endlessly, to avoid the call of the knife
Asking you to break the skin
You almost came to love again.

I got these new pills and I been drinking too much
Don't know if I'm ill enough to need this heavy of a crutch
This is the first I've wrote since you left
Trying to sift through the memories and regrets

I'll write about you, cause you were my muse
I don't love you, cause you lit the fuse
I love you, for the person you are today
Not in love with you, but I love you, okay?

i keep this dream kept safe,
down in the cage of my ribs
where flowers grow, only for you
at one point, at least.

now in this dream,
i want you to sit down and breathe
before you take a look at these words i
compose for you

in this dream, i
lay in your bed, fiddling with that
razor blade i launched into oblivion
to keep those new marks from appearing on your skin

in this dream, you're not around yet
you're off living your life, going to school, working
but the clouds began to chase you home,
their torrents washing away all you have
until you come inside and rush to lock the door behind you
back into your room, your eyes stay closed while the windows do the same
you haven't seen me in your cream sheets yet

but your eyes come open and they're alive
with rage and forlorn
and it's all you see.

i put down the blade, in this dream
in this dream, you fall to your knees
and in this dream, we grieve together
over something we lost
the moment we thought it would get better.
but you knew better

in this dream, you pushed me away
i scatter across the floor like shattered glass
careful now, not to slice that precious skin
when you clean up my pieces

but much to my chagrin, you don't pick up the pieces
you watch me come apart on the floor,
with no remorse.

your eyes are closed again, in this dream
i'm back in bed.
you lay beside me with your gentle rise and fall
of your worn out lungs.

and suddenly, in this dream,
we do not rise and fall together
as your hands are wrapped around my neck
and you're squeezing, gripping so tight
i feel the pop and blackness comes
but it wasn't enough, no

back to my shattered pieces on the floor, you grab the sharpest part
dig inside my chest, doubting you'd ever find a heart inside
but there it is, and it is weeping tears of joy
because if it could've gone by any hand,
it would be yours to have died by.

in this dream,
you killed me.

you set me on fire
i feel like i've said it all before
already worn words
reborn into new sentences
they don't quench your thirst, no

you know, i never was a liar
but you are a thief
my heart rips right on out for you
falls to your feet, but you wont fix it, no
maybe for once its not me who isn't good enough

so how could you do this to me?
you've ****** the words and love right out me
what am i now,
an empty shell?
i don't know why, but i sure know how
boy, you've put me through hell

call me the **** but who gets head
twice in two weeks?
oh wait, but
there goes those words fillin me with dread.
who's the one who ******* ***** me?

i can't do it anymore
and when the words dry up like this i
forget exactly what i'm living for.

The grass looks more green
After thinking about my dead brother.
I miss him more than usual today.
The wind feels more serene
After thinking about my dead mother.
I know she's better off today.

I am a hurricane of extremes
I love with all that I am capable of
And fear with all I know.
I trust humans with a knife to my back
But death is dishonest, death is the undertow.

I rubbed my mother's ashes on my forehead
Like the ashes from palm branches.
"Remember that you are dust,
And to dust you shall return."

seethe through my veins like
rivers through the valleys
where companions turn to strangers
and they use your gifts, with no reminders of where they came from

i had it all
but lost it to the poison in my brain
the chemical imbalance
driving me insane

where silent tears fell
and drowned the words bubbling in your throat
trace the footsteps back to where
you first went wrong

let your betrayals turn to placid numbness
and that space they left in your heart,
fill it with cement
to dry and cool

for a heart as pure as yours
does not deserve to
be so hollow

you don't know how long i've been waiting for

someone like you to come along

you see darling, i just wanna be adored,

let me be your baby, you'll be the muse to every song



every time your words seem to have a subtle tone

of resignation, a nervous glow

i cannot help to think that it is my flaws

laid out beside yours, they seem to weigh so much heavier

so i hope and i pray

to some gods and a enigmatic fate

your feet seem planted on the ground, so much steadier



i can begin to feel you knotting up my heart strings

that tension in my chest growing deeper

but how you do it, and how it sings,

because it already knows that this one's a keeper.



you saw my physical form cloaked in no silhouette
and i showed it to you with no sign of regret

we shared a non menthol cigarette

i could make your heart race, your skin sweat.



i could listen as you rant

philosophically, nonsensically

i could tell all those boys that you're my man,

i could live my life so unselfishly.



would you like it when i'd run my fingers through your hair?

or keep you sane when the world just doesn't seem to care?

tell me darling, are you still there?

or am i just talking to the humid still air?

refusal of ignorance beholds the vigor of the human condition;
it is in this repertoire between our minds that this ligature becomes real
we stumble over ourselves in our entreatment towards each other
dearth becomes so substantial that our hearts coil in trepidation
and for the shattered souls, we close the seal
so hold your fathers, and kiss your mothers
for they have bestowed upon you the purest of endowments.

be grateful for that which you can comprehend
for the imbecilic nature of the beast
that we all contest to extinguish
only the sagacity of our spirits can transcend
or tame, acclimatize, at least
and this is how we must distinguish

the idiosyncrasy from allurements
i can feel your pulse beneath my feet
from miles and miles away
i want you to be my heaven-sent,
i want you to be my king.
in your bold winds i will sway.

and for your adoration i will beg
until i am shackles on your legs and
ropes to your wrists
cold as sand in the nights of winter,
i want you to be my man,
where we can find our own portals in the depths of mists
you can call me your angel, your sinner.

i am taciturn in my consciousness,
yet so avidly alive
what are we good for?
you are whole in your somnolence,
yet so passionately sublime
when will i be yours?

the eyeliner
i left on your pillow
will haunt you
for days

the system
is breaking down
i cannot see straight anymore
the mystery
is an open frown
i cannot feel bad for a sorry *****.

scream the words like you cannot
speak any softer
and remember how i fought
for you to love me after
i stabbed you in the neck
with my depressive borderline destruction

do not break
my darling soul
live past me
and love

do not hate
my love is full
run away, fast from me
and the angels call from above

I keep hearing trains, but there's no station around
Is it possible for the mind to fabricate the 1 sound
Of what you need to hear?
Could it then, possibly, bring you nearer?

They told me not to look back
But how can you not with a past like that?
It took 2 months to find a connection
Generating such adoration and passion.

So I've been smoking up a storm
In my man made heaven, in some form
I think I exerted myself a little too much
Spent over 3 hundred dollars on you, but i used you as a crutch

So back to standing as singular as ever
Metaphors and words that appear to be clever
Well I won't forget you my dear, never,
Just wish those times with you could last forever

You find love in the bottom of a bottle
Or even, maybe a can.
Your love died from the same very thing
That you reach for so dearly.
I understand that cold hard grip of addiction
Of something that slips down your throat and into your blood-
But it's different with you.
I thought maybe my near death moment
Would've opened your eyes,
And I thought that maybe my words
Got inside your mind.
But instead you choose to die faster everyday
You choose to die for a buzz that lasts not even for a day.
And I'm not angry. I'm just sad.
I don't want to watch you die
And they say that's love, watching someone die,
But this disease killed my mother, your lover
I know she wouldn't want you to go the same.
And these words are futile, they are hopeless;
They do not rhyme.
They do not have melody,
They do not flow sweetly off the tongue.
But they are honest, they are sincere.
You are my father,
But not when you are drunk.
Boost Post

no more nights on the dark side
with you reflecting in my eyes
no more times i'll lie awake
with your heart beating in time
with the blood rushing through my mind

no more curled toes, scared kisses
no more touching noses
you'll find another,
someone better,
no more bedtimes for just you and i.

grieving for what
was born to die
voided promises
and skin you didn't know how else to touch

no more entanglement of
your skin and mine, no more
whispers, only goodbyes

no more safe places for me to hide, no
no more home in your arms
back to holding my heart on a spiked leash
so as not to fall back, back, back
again

no more cream colored sheets
no more hands in your grasp
no more words can make the difference
no more tears will change your mind

I was the strike to make your flames ignite
And your skin could be marble in it's magnifence
You were the first to come to sight
And from then on I was lost in your potence.

The rain has come for us and the thunder made it's way home
Birds will sing with us,
Chiming with a gracious tone,
They got their fix, they lost their loneliness

Companionship in the summertime
Is as sure as the shadow before the substance.
I pieced together the little things marked as signs
You can lay back in the overhang while I lose myself to the warm rain and dance

You can watch me with a gleam in your eye
But I'll never know the thoughts that soar through that mysterious mind
And I'll drench you in love and adoration
When the morning comes, I'll be beside you, holding on to blossomed conversation.

i'm your little play machine
dress down for you, all lace and skin
i might be the finest one you've seen
but there's no way i'll forget,
i don't mean **** to him.

i'm your little dress up dolly,
put on a show for you, all love and truth
3 am, you call me
just to say, just to say,
i don't mean **** to you

apologies make me sicker than betrayal
i'd rather you rub your burning coals into my skin
then pretend you care again.
my ships sail stable,
with or without you.

you said "i hope you don't disappear"
well i'll be sure to keep myself no where near
you and your deceit
and believe me, you'll never play me again,
for the first time was quite the feat.

Shake up your bones
And pluck your veins
In hopes for a rhythm,
or a melody.
The body is your medium
Between the mind of the soul
And the crushing reality
None of us can comprehend the same.
You can still find inspiration in rotting corpses-
Keep your tombstones to yourself.
The only things constant in life are change and death.
Invisible languages that only the mad can hear
Make them prophets in their own eyes,
And insane in ours.
My mother
Spoke to Lucifer.
She was dead before her body gave
Her eyes were shallow, empty
There is nothing
Like talking
To the soulless body
of someone
Who you gave you life.
I am haunted by the deceased.
They do not come in physical form,
They do not come in my dreams.
They do not come to bring me harm,
They do not come to bring me peace.
They come in spurts when my fingers
Set sail over the pages, or the screen,
They come into my words when I can't hear myself think.
I do not write for me anymore,
I write for ghosts.

My bed is haunted
With reminants of you
Where dreams linger,
And touch echoes.

A deck of cards
With a king of hearts
Fifty two reasons why
I fell in love with you

But now it's time to back away
From the catastrophe at hand
Two hearts collided
With no where left to run

It's grown old and tired
Fleeting, easily
You came,
How will you go?

Behind this porcelain skin you'll see
Oceans of pain, begging for release.
Behind these brown eyes you'll see
Hurt, from a million times I've tried to forget.

Behind the tattoos you'll see
A soul, just waiting for proof of identity.
Behind the blue hair you'll see
Me, no longer trying to fit in.

Beneath the blankets of agony and sheets of rage
There is a calm before the storm,
A place where forgiveness is found,
A little girl waiting for her mother to come back home.

Under all of this, there is peace.

Sick of your apologizes
Because sorry cannot wash the blood off our hands
Here is our love's eulogy-
Here is the darkness in which I stand.

When your only passion has been cut short
When all you had to live for is twisting around into a world
Where everything has gone wrong
And no poem, rhyme or song
Can put it back in place.
See, I had dreams of keeping lives safe,
But now I don't know the right I hold
To do so, to be so bold,
I am not sure if I will make it out okay.

I've regressed back into that void where empty promises are sunlight and lust is the closest I can experience to trust
And I don't remember a lot of things, I don't remember what it's like when I'm on the verge
All I know is it's all I have to avoid
I don't understand why I have to live off of artificial serotonin and coping methods
And I don't understand why I have to live at all, sometimes,
Sometimes I think you were the best thing to happen to me but the worst thing I've ever had to lose.

I know it all, I've heard it all before
All these reasons why I'm here
All these people who care
It all becomes make believe in the face of my hell,
My own personal hell crafted by my mothers broken teeth and my fathers swollen feet
I like to think I ****** up for a reason.

I've burnt the 3,000 mile long bridge
Constructed between two points; known as me and you.
I liked to call it love, but the flames engulfed all of that hope, too

I'm not going to apologize,
Because sorry cannot wash the blood off our hands

follow you around with the pen
little traces of ink mark your every movement
little dribbles of darkness lost in the snow
where you buried me, so very far below

i've been trying to find the perfect words
to bring you back to me
so i keep sending you little makeshift pleas
but you swear up and down you've heard it all before

black and red up and down the pores of my skin
swollen knuckles and raised fingerprints
your attention sweeps through the tangles in my hair
i keep trying to see if you still care.

i'm sorry i can't leave you alone, no
because where your footsteps follow, the sun has shone
pressed against the windowpane
my eyes still search for you
lost in the crowd, faces without names
it hurts to say i wont be seeing you soon.