Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
I got him by my side
going down the road
but he's not really there, no,
he's got someone else on his mind

and it's got me feelin kinda blue, you know?
when the man you love
just can't love you,
no hope.

but kiss me hard before you go
and hold me tighter than ever before
it's because of you, now i know
i've become a sick and twisted little *****.

but this isn't me, you see
the past few months
can't show
my true colors.

but i've said it more than once
and he don't trust me, no
no more.

the lights go out
when you
walk away
23
23
Damaged seeks damage
And misery loves company
I think that's why we're best friends,
We understand each other's melancholy.
I realized out of the blue
That I've never written anything for you
And that's just ridiculous, you know,
You're the best friend I've ever had
You're angry, and I'm sad
But deep down inside it's the same broken path
I destroy myself for the hell of it
And you watch with open arms,
You stick around.
Thank you for that.
It's three thousand miles of pure *******
But at the end of it all there is nothing more sincere
Than the way we can laugh with each other
After so many long years.
This is pretty messy, this is pretty dull
But I wanted to write something that hadn't been said yet
About something that hasn't grown old.
Our bond is irreplaceable,
Irrevocable.
Thank you for showing me unconditionality
And thank you for being around for refusing to forget.
See January 23rd, 2019
Is gonna either make or break me
I will fly my way across this torn land
I will stay by your side.
And when the clock strikes midnight,
January 24th, 2019
Will break it's way through the clouds to greet you.
A world without you would break my heart
Every day that came.
And in the time we spend apart
I learn the spaces between your name.
This one is yours, for you to keep
Please remember me, when you turn 23.
Boost Post
for hannah
3
3
The darkest cloud you've seen
Since the hurricane of sixteen
Lingers far over the horizon
And the sky darkens
The mind goes blank
All the polite smile and nods you've always faked

Murmurs of lovers
******* SCREAMING IN YOUR EAR
three thousand miles spread across my heart
Space and time is something I've learned
To never fear
I guess sometimes people need time apart

Please mind the gap
Between my mind and soul
Between space and time
Between light and dark.

I've gotten so fat
So tired and old-
Draw the line
Between alright and all hurt
monday means
manically searching for something to occupy your mind
and it seems
you just can't seem to leave the past behind

tuesday is
tar and treason; poisoning your own body
and you can't forget what your father always says
don't give that heart to just anybody

wednesday holds
weddings and warzones; love gone faulty
just wait till the air gets cold,
and you'll sense the presence of all that is rotting

thursday brings
thirst for that which the deceitful showed you
and all those broken things
from which you had to choose

friday proclaims
freedom from that which you lost
no longer insane,
you now know the cost

saturday comes with
sadness and pain; thunder and rain
his love, a playful myth
his lust, that which you overcame.

sunday you are here
and no one else stands close enough
to sense your fear
no demons below, no angels above
but your head is clear
you are one with us all, you are whole and full
a week passed, a month went
years were lost, what was possible
has met it's end.
86
86
I'm tired of fighting myself
emotionally drained
unsustained
with empty promises i
will contract some sanctity
for you

these words lack the luster
to get you back to me
in my arms
in the home of your soul
i've gone off the rails.

a narrow minded walk through the
paths life has to offer
living for others
without a true lover
i don't know what i need
to make it out alive

who am i kidding,
we all lose at this game
called life
our time runs out
call it quits,
86
don't push it, baby
you've gone too far

100 words down
a few billion more to go
until i run out
they've lost their flow
live
without

death is only a horizon
and i'm ready for my ships
to set sail
i'm ready for
my suns to set

they call it a gift,
some kind of magic
don't waste it,
lose it

a shot in the dark
a walk in the park
a day to remember
and a night to forget
God wouldn't save her
if it came down to her last breath

hide the knives and
hide the drugs from me
i am a hazard to society
i am a hazard to myself

crazy.
in the passenger seat of your
tightly packed subaru
i felt as good as royalty
you as king, me as queen,
always wondering what lay in store
for me and you.

little did i know it would
come stammering to a halt
not that it should've
but i always found it strange
how you added salt
to your macaroni and cheese
not that it phased me,
no, i loved you all the same
your salt and all.

because i was taken advantage of
and you were salty as ever
and i was high off the ground
in a lifeguard chair as i told you the news
and i heard clattering on the other end of the line
you were done, you were no longer mine

and suddenly it was as if
the ocean had its own gravitational pull
begging me to come in, come and drown
i would go fleetingly, with nary a sound

but i grabbed familiarities instead
took the knife to my skin again
and it bled and it bled and it bled
i never wanted it to stop

i was surrounded by
people who knew what unconditional meant
and they wrapped me up, kissed my
wounds with their closing fingers
too many times
i should have died.

there is no requiem for a dream
there was no requiem for me
Now settle down and listen
Not to the voices in your ear
The mind is a confounded prison
But there is more to life than fear

Words might not seem to flow like they used to
And people you love may turn into gargoyles haunting you at night
But it's not them you have to fight.
It's the mind that has chosen to attack you.

My words are shuttered sentences on what it's like to hurt
But yours are futile and terrified-
man, I'm just hoping we'll make it out alive.
What I'm trying to say is it is all in your mind
Reality is fluid, more than one can be right

Remember a time before the fear
Remember me, remember her

I'm not here to hurt you, I'm here to make sure you're okay
I don't understand as much as I want to-
I don't always know what to say.

The fractured mind is the darkest time
I think we will ever know.
But you are not alone.

Adam's eve, the night before his day
A friend I've been, a friend to keep,
I will always be here to fight by your side, come whatever may.
downed half a bottle in less than five minutes
and then i heard the news
so my mind reached it's limits
when you told me what he did to you

your throat caught between a car door
his fingers in your mouth,
biting, tearing, screaming, like you never had before
from the time you left my house,
it all went south
blades of steel beg for him to bleed more

i would hope they choke
on all the words they spew
i can only hope
tragedy will leave me and you.

my fist met the dead wood
blood drips down my fingers
and i did not do as i should've,
found him, destroyed him, left his soul to linger

so instead i returned the books to a false love
who broke me in ways no man ever should
it should've meant something, it must've,
but with him, it never could.

here's to the bruises on your arms
and the words that still echo inside my head
here's to the war we fought, all the harm
here's to the men who are better off dead.
i understand hatred.
these worldly pleasures are far too finite
the words come and go
with the love
i thought i had

i'll be there in a minute,
but in seconds, i'll have to go
with the love
we thought we made

you could hardly taste me
without holding your breath
it was not big enough
but it was enough to see
you are as unchanging as death.

resin and whiskey
caked on your entrails
do you see any better
when you're seeing double?

i've got holes in my skin
where your fingers like to play
reality did not differ much from what you dreamt
except this time you ran away
so, go.

do you know
i am going to leave you?
i'm in love with a dying man
i'm in love lying in the sand

we were ****** from the start
I keep hearing trains, but there's no station around
Is it possible for the mind to fabricate the 1 sound
Of what you need to hear?
Could it then, possibly, bring you nearer?

They told me not to look back
But how can you not with a past like that?
It took 2 months to find a connection
Generating such adoration and passion.

So I've been smoking up a storm
In my man made heaven, in some form
I think I exerted myself a little too much
Spent over 3 hundred dollars on you, but i used you as a crutch

So back to standing as singular as ever
Metaphors and words that appear to be clever
Well I won't forget you my dear, never,
Just wish those times with you could last forever
you don't know how long i've been waiting for

someone like you to come along

you see darling, i just wanna be adored,

let me be your baby, you'll be the muse to every song



every time your words seem to have a subtle tone

of resignation, a nervous glow

i cannot help to think that it is my flaws

laid out beside yours, they seem to weigh so much heavier

so i hope and i pray

to some gods and a enigmatic fate

your feet seem planted on the ground, so much steadier



i can begin to feel you knotting up my heart strings

that tension in my chest growing deeper

but how you do it, and how it sings,

because it already knows that this one's a keeper.



you saw my physical form cloaked in no silhouette
and i showed it to you with no sign of regret

we shared a non menthol cigarette

i could make your heart race, your skin sweat.



i could listen as you rant

philosophically, nonsensically

i could tell all those boys that you're my man,

i could live my life so unselfishly.



would you like it when i'd run my fingers through your hair?

or keep you sane when the world just doesn't seem to care?

tell me darling, are you still there?

or am i just talking to the humid still air?
words come and go
like teenagers
in love
in spite of your
memories, your
private soliloquies
there's a bitter
promise in the
way you say
goodbye;
we are full
of reminders
we wish to forget
you keep bursting
at the seams,
flinging your broken pieces at me
the sun don't shine for us
and the moon just reflects.
the sky is not as endless
as it seems.
replace the ink with blood
and maybe you'll make a
difference
death comes for everyone
from the reader to the writer
even the innocent bystander
i see you in the stars;
in the breeze through
the trees.
i guess i'll keep you alive
in my dreams
love is lost, along
with the one who
created you, who
destroyed you
live a life in color
to fool them
you're alive
live your life alone;
make it alright
in your mind
I've been meaning to write something like this for a while
But the time hadn't come like it just has
Where words and a desire for death mesh
Into something that someone might be able to relate to,
I don't know, maybe not, but in all actuality
I'm here just to find a way to let this out without
Ending it all in that way that's always called selfish-
You may call this a suicide note, or maybe a testament to living

When my light dims to darkness
But right before you forget all about me,
I hope that you sing about me.

Embers to light the way, nothing less nothing more
Everyone gives up, everyone gets tired of you eventually
They say all you can count on is yourself,
But what about when it's yourself that's trying to **** you?

When my light dims to darkness
But right before you forget all about me,
I hope that you sing about me.

When the time comes I don't know where I'll be
Who I'll be
What I'll be
But all I know is that no one will take me
Unless it's my hand.

Recovery must be a fallacy;
Because right when I taste it's sweet release
I find myself alone, backtracking

When my light dims to darkness
But right before you forget all about me,
I hope that you sing about me.
barely audible, like the leaves falling at night
the trees shed their autumn sweaters
as we shed ours for each other
and it was the sound of
two bodies breathing together
in the sanctity of solitude

and they are solemnly at peace
one for convenience,
one for the love
she quivers like the breeze
he misses the love he can no longer see.

we are just two broken phantoms
left hollow by the beginnings and ends.
it all bleeds together
after a while

so we go grabbing,
struggling for that release
from some love that made its way free
wont you reach with me, darling?

waiting for you to open your eyes
and see me in a different light
is like me trying to find
the courage for the demons i have to fight.

so maybe it's time
for me to open my mind
to learn how to look you in the eye
without falling for you
every
****
time.
avalanche, mystifying icon
you are still on my bright screen
yet i no longer linger upon yours

lo and behold i try to
muster up the courage to
approach you
only to fail, flee, or **** it all up.
There's a lot more to the world
Than what meets the eye
Physical intimacy laced with
Eradicating emotion
There's no time in the universe
In which peace can be acquired
The day the earth stands still
Is the day we know what comes next
In a memory flashing by your mind
Just sputtering through the motions
But suddenly you're caught in derealization
And you can hear her voice again
Clear as wedding bells
A young girl reading sermons
To a man passed out drunk, and the woman who made him that way
I was just 4 when I first tasted beer
And I vomited all over myself
I was just 8 when I first tasted liquor
And I don't remember much else
Chicken wings with candles
And the songs my mother used to sing to me
The way she'd crawl in bed with me
In times of drunken solitude
Ungrateful **** of a daughter
Who should've been aborted,
Well I tried, mama, I tried
Now that you're gone and you are nothing more than ashen memories
I look at you in your black box prison
With your name pasted to the front
And I tell you all the ways I have already died
I tell you all the ways I don't feel alive.
The way you screamed for help at the top of the stairs
And he's shoving he's pushing and you can't run
And I'm still here
And I'm still here fighting him away
He says he can't sleep in beds without you anymore
And coming home from 2nd grade
Police badges light up the front porch
And they're shoving you they're pushing and you can't run
And you're in handcuffs
And his arm is bleeding
the young man told me I was not alone
And falling apart on your floor
At a ripe 5 years old
And I'm crying I'm sobbing and you don't care
And I scream
And you don't love me anymore
The piano goes quiet
And after grandpa died
she took all his medicine
Muscle relaxers and pain killers and the daily *****
And anger
And she screamed at the walls she called god
For taking her children away
It was her all along
I do not hold grudges
But it took you dying for me to hold that promise
It took you dying for forgiveness
The family shuns me like how they did you
Black sheep we are
Your ashes lay on the table beside my bed
With fake vanilla candles that light up all kinds of colors
And I tell you all the ways I have already died
I tell you all the ways that I do not feel alive.
The blood always runs red
Skin color makes no difference;
Why do you feel no regret
When your bullet sets the sentence?

I can't feel their grief,
I can't taste the fear,
But watching this repeat-
No ******* relief-
I can hear this endless ringing
Deep in my ears.

How can you not?
At least 136 souls dispersed
Among the dark beyond;
Their light turned off
Forever.

But even after, you turn both eyes blind
Unless you're looking for reasons
For how it was their fault they died.
Now is the season for revolution-
Not homicide.
I guess blood ain't thicker than water
The way he held a gun to his head and said;
"If you don't **** me then I'm better off dead"
Now tell me it wasn't manipulation, and how was I not to falter
In saving myself from a man who already had caused me traumatizing trivialization

I guess blood ain't thicker than water
The way I held a gun to my head and you said;
"It's all for attention,"
I guess you thought me better to be dead.
But I tried to speak out, I tried to reach out instead
Only for you to slaughter
All hope I had sent.

I guess blood ain't thicker than water
Because people don't believe in saving grace.
Deliver me into my fate,
If I'm gone there will be no hate.
Maybe you'll see after Thanatos takes over-
A death drive to send me to a new place.
Tell the victim they're a liar,
Might as well say there's no such thing as ****.

I guess blood ain't thicker than water.
A father gives up his daughter,
A mother faded away.
A brother whose got nothing to say,
A sister whose forgotten her place.
I guess blood ain't thicker than water,
Because I'll be drowning,
blood covering the counter.
The color blue is all I know now
Your bruised irises leading to your
Tightly wound heart strings
There is music inside your laughter
There are artworks in your smile
I fall asleep on the softness of your lips
I forget trauma in the wake of euphoria
My angels' hymns are all about
Knowing you
Feeling you
I am so elated to have met you
The color blue is my favorite now
Your halo shines like a light through
Stormy dusk and evening tempests
There is no dawn like your "good morning"s
There are no ways to eclipse your "I love you"s
I lay my bones before you
I read the lines in between you and I
My poetry is the way I hold on to you at night
Dreams of you
asleep or awake
Are the best I have ever known
I'm just a girl who writes, then and there,
If you put a pen in front of her.
If you pulled the plug from her,
Unwind and fade away,
There she goes again.
Where's the new sentence?
Where's the new presence?
It never changes and I thought
all that was constant was change.
How many brain cells does it take
To change your mind?
Don't be scared of your fear anymore.
This time embrace the fact
That words can't always rhyme and
We don't always have enough time.
My mother was bohemian
She was more than the world could handle.
In 50 years it had torn her to shreds
She had me to be her medium.
And in this world, we all crumble,
From stardust we were built and to stardust
We shall return.
Use your soul for purity,
And let your ashes become anew.
substitute your blades with butted cigarettes
and watch the blisters seep their diluted pus
let the scars heal, sure
but you still haven’t found the cure

love is a sick mixture of
obsession and adoration
such a matter-less composition
i am unsure of
an honest explanation

we lack understanding of the true meaning
behind sweet nothings you whisper tenderly in my ear
all i do centers around you,
you are my sun the light in my world

but it’s been getting dark lately
when you hide from me behind the shadows
and the darkness creeps quietly behind me
it’s gotten so hard to let it go

I try to pick up where we left off
I miss the sunrise that peeped through my window
while i lay in your bed
Next to you i feel at home but now a days
your shoulder grows cold

just like my heart when you
turn away from me
and your back is pressed against my front
but i still feel your heartbeat
thump thump thumping away
but it don’t thump for me, no

No, for me it goes still
indifferent to my presence
I mourn for the connection between us
the light that has long since died out
I am shrouded in doubt

you had a hot, sweet taste to your lips
that i got too wrapped up in
it plagues me at night
right before i fall out of consciousness
only to visit me while i sleep
leave me in peace.
can you hear the monotone rumble
ringing in my head?
it creeps its way through my bones
an echo of all the things that i could have said.

my shattered jaw line outlines all I’ve suffered
and what’s left to come.
the bruises layered onto my skin
are only the reflection of a long night of regret.

imprints of recurring dreams
and stones left unturned
impressions are digging at me again
they don’t know what i truly am.
build yourself a little empire
to protect your stuttering ego
i will be the flame to start the forest fire
it won't be such a shame to see you go

do you recognize the stench that fills the air?
that’s the smell of a thousand burning forests.
you can hide behind your walls in shambles,
losing everything you thought you ever had.
but me? sweetheart, i’ll be doing just fine.
roaming the earth, spreading the seeds of regrowth.

positivity and its fine little hairs
prickling at the sight of someones skin
you just so happened to fall in love with
but they’re not really there,
darling, you made it all up inside your head,
among the burning flora of a million sins
you would think you would have learned
the fifth time around
but perhaps you never really cared,
blisters where the shackles of lust had you bound.

you’re seeking definition
thinking it’s buried deep in the neck of others.
you bury your lust in the sheets,
transforming casual conversation into white noise.
you’re foaming at the mouth and your pupils dilate
waiting to strike and tear your next victim apart.
like a succubus, you linger in the shadows
twisting and turning your way through
the wide open doors of the unknown
you sink your teeth into your prey,
**** away their sympathy
and leave them breathless,
hollow and taciturn.

i watched you slip away
deep into the arms of others
slowly declining as your breathing grows heavy
your body becomes a warzone
those who have traveled it before know,
you’re not the same as you once were,
and you never will be again.

what will you do now, with your claws at the ready?
will you tear them apart, or yourself first?
be sure you get the order correct

you are not the seamless dress you slipped off
before you made your way under the sheets
you are the breath that expels from your lungs
when you finally see your reflection
and you are not what you once saw

your lips curled back into a snarl,
your fingers bloodied and cracked
your eyes void and black
not once will your prayers be heard.

i caught myself wishing you back
finding myself buried in delusions and heartbreak.
you should’ve just said “i never loved you in the first place”
but that would’ve just made things simple.

simplicity was never an option for you.
everything had to be a challenge,
because that’s how your entire life was.
abused by your father, channeling the hate of your mother
there’s nothing you would do just to form stability on this
tattered and beaten ship you call your life.

where will you go now,
that your ship has sunk?
what paradise can you seek
without the stars to guide your way?
they will not shine for you any longer,
the darkness is now your only friend.

and to you, directly to you,
where do you hide your heartbreak?
can we build a fortress strong enough
to hold our heads high
through the pasts empty threats?

our towers were built alongside the shoreline
shining light to those who passed by
in hopes that they wouldn’t just avoid us
our intentions were pure, but our actions were contradictory
we can’t accomplish anything if we don’t know how to.

did the ocean wash it away?
or is it still standing, pure and tall.
everyone can see you sparkling there,
your light runs through your veins
where your blood is supposed to be.

all along the watchtowers
we hide our emotions, like treasure
to be found by a lucky passerby.
whoever ventured into what we’ve built would find
everlasting love and emotions too strong to perceive.
we just pray that whoever finds them doesn’t sell them off to another.

crystalline passages to our hearts
shattered by a beating drum
they collapse and collide
our minds lost to the debris
Angels come and go,
But at least they came,
Right?
I feel as though my soul melted with the snow
But you'll remember my name,
Right?

I am nothing
Not even a ghost
I am consciousness floating
In a pool of nothing
No form, no host,
Existing on no plane of time
Prey to all of a lost-lovers lies

The smoke isn't enough anymore,
Air turns to liquid
In the heat and pressure.
So instead, I do not sip it,
I swallow it whole
I suppose this is it, you have played your role.

The night calls me to dream
And my dreams call me to you
But nothing was as it seemed
Turns out I had the whole world to lose.
She has muddy toes
With smoke on her breath
Her lips curl back to show
Teeth in all their mess

Her smile, it seems
To hold a feast of dreams.
And open, it beams
But you don't ever see
Her crooked piano teeth.
He plays them with his tongue,
Like fingers on the keys.

The sun it sets so swift
Like the times you swore you missed;
With letters to them all along your wrist.
Clenched up, balled up fists,
There was nothing left
For you to kiss.
i don't watch the news,
i don't read the paper.
i am blissfully ignorant
of this world's demons and ghosts

i don't have much to lose
but i prefer to inhale the vapor
this is not innocence,
but make-believe, at most.

i don't want to know about your bombs and blood
i don't care about the airplanes crashing from above
viruses to wipe out millions,
your country's soldiers killing impeccant civilians.

there is too much love in my heart
for me to know this world
in truth, honesty, clarity,
it would simply tear me apart.
this empty chaos has unfurled
could we not be human without the austerity?

so keep it to yourself,
what you heard on the television today
i'd rather not be aware of this hell
we, ourselves, have made.
Now I don't know the words to say to make it okay,
But listen.
It won't rhyme right, there will be no flow,
But these words come straight from my soul.
In your life there comes a darkness so deep;
A personal hell for you to keep,
They call it a dark paradise.
Now he's gone and there's no going back, no refund for death, and no returns for life.
I know you're sinking deeper and I know you're scared to breathe,
I know I'm selfish, and terribly hard to please.
But don't for a moment think I don't hear your screams, your pleas,
you begging him to come home.
I don't know what it's like,
But I know you're not alone.
He's waiting in the wings yet he stands beside you-
He watches you while you sleep,
why do you think he's always in your dreams?
And you are not weak, you are so strong,
Amanda, keep going,
I am no medium but I promise
that's what he's saying.
I don't mean to be defensive, I just don't understand
I don't understand your pain and I don't understand my own
Something's different and will never be the same
But I want you to know he's got you in his hands,
And your love is set in stone
You won't forget his face, the history, his name,
You won't forget a **** thing.
On your skin the hair will rise
At the thought of his touch.
And on your mind he will linger
Until the end of time.
It's too much, it's too soon,
it's tough luck, it's out of tune
Forgive death for taking him away,
Forgive yourself for not being okay.
Forgive me for not knowing what to say,
And forgive the world, for that fateful day.
for Amanda Porter
Dear first love,
Memories and dreams are all I can know you from now.
Years ago, when we were in the same space and time
You visited my slumber a few moments ago,
It gave me a few things to say.

Dear first love,
How dare you encounter me
Beside my lover, in bed, asleep?
And how dare you be so far away
In reality?
Have you forgotten me?
What was I to you?
Something short of nothing?

Dear first love,
I know I sound bitter, angry
But those feelings are put to rest
They say you never forget your first love,
And you don't stop loving them either.
What went through your mind when you saw me
Say your name in the throes of passion
Was it love? Was it all made up in my head?

Dear first love,
I would be lying to say it doesn't hurt
To see you've moved on.
It's been four years now
Since we parted
But something still pains in my chest
When I hear your name, or see your face

Dear first love,
I am sorry.
It's safe to say I trapped you
Between my love and my pain
I hope that you are falling more in love
Every single day.
I hope that your hip has lost the chronic pain,
I used to massage it away.
I hope that when I cross your mind
There is no bitter end,
And although we'll never see each other again
I will never forget you, and neither could my pen.
before you get that shotgun
before you hold it to your head
i want you to think of me.

before you set your suns,
before you're already dead,
i want you to dream.

that day i kissed you
the first day we met
because i was broken,
and you were too
and we got caught in some endless
mess

and then we stopped talking
but don't think of that
because i'm still here today
and i want you to be here
tomorrow

six feet under, the soil is not calling
for you
remember the forest where we sat
i felt alive and okay
no fear,
no sorrow

i want you to think of these
before you go
i will write you a million words
if it'll change your mind.

we hid away behind towering trees
watching the smoke blow
i hope you heard
when i told you, you're one of a kind.

remember when we slept together
and how it was all so awkward
because we weren't meant for each other
but yet, here we are.

i don't know why you came into my life
but i can't let you go out.
don't extinguish the flame
that blessed us with you.

i know it gets hard to fight
and no matter how loud you scream, or shout
it still remains the same
nothing left to lose.

please think of me
before you go
your death breath will rattle in me
get caught in my throat
and we will breathe no more
hearts too sore

please don't go.
cars passing by with their
little minds locked safe inside
cigarette ashes line the drive way,
you forgot to sweep the walkway
that morning, you froze still in my wake
did you beg for god, your soul to take?

here's a line for the peace of mind
i've searched so hard to find
be patient, be kind
keep out watch for those little signs
it's getting better every day.

i'm getting stronger through the night
my dreams keep you far from sight
what we did was wrong,  but felt so right
the manipulation so evident in the words we'd fight

you became the tangles in my hair and
the creak of the floor boards
in that old abandoned attic
discarded like an empty bottle you swallowed whole
love like this issues no control.

paint my face with pretty colors
to get a smile from the pretty people
making their way around
smile with those sincere teeth
and practice those principles
in which you preach

keep your head
close to home
we are not worthless
for the war in our minds
comes and goes
no lost souls to darkness
no evil idea fed
each and every object has come alive
I can't keep writing about the same things
Like a broken record played over and over again
Just so the lonely can hear something sing
It's all her emerald eyes and silent goodbyes
And all the times I've lost my mind
A memory lasts a lifetime,
As long as you have the evidence that that time
Truly existed
Maybe we missed it,
The last train to our future together
Maybe the timetables were wrong and
We were too busy watching our scars heal to
Make it to the station on time. 
I've torn apart so many books and
Burnt so much fabric
In the hopes of forgetting people who
Discarded me entirely
And I will never see that word the same again,
Because when you've become inconvenient,
You will be dispensed, replaced, 
Discarded.
the distance has been growing longer
while my heart seems to grow so much fonder
of you and all those lovely things you do
making me hope to someday be
as unmistakably impeccable as you

and when you see me,
what do you look at?
the longing in my eyes or
the tension in my lips
and the way they yearn for yours.

and take me where you please,
tell me what to take a look at
raise my mind from the floorboards
to the way your innocence sits
reminding me of the purity of what i adore.

and some day will come
where our fingers meet the skin
of the other, under a shining sun
and our story will truly begin.

with touch, with eyes meeting the others'
never too much, not enough for another
but enough for us
to relish in
and trust

so my dear, i hope to see you soon
thinking of all the beauty i'd have to lose
if i were to forget about you.
read between the sloppy lines
of drunk texts and high poems
scrawled upon pages of telephone books
in black bold letters, black slippery ink

i remember the days when you were mine
loved the ***, loved the roses
all your side-long glances and pretty looks
but without you i have gotten better,
in deaths quick sands i no longer sink

i miss you, honey,
but we'll never love again
when pages turn and our story ends,
read between the lines of my drunk texts,
and you will find me.
this telephone book has sat by my side for weeks now
torn pages and notes scrawled along the sides
empty cigarette butts and empty bottles.
Sick of your apologizes
Because sorry cannot wash the blood off our hands
Here is our love's eulogy-
Here is the darkness in which I stand.

When your only passion has been cut short
When all you had to live for is twisting around into a world
Where everything has gone wrong
And no poem, rhyme or song
Can put it back in place.
See, I had dreams of keeping lives safe,
But now I don't know the right I hold
To do so, to be so bold,
I am not sure if I will make it out okay.

I've regressed back into that void where empty promises are sunlight and lust is the closest I can experience to trust
And I don't remember a lot of things, I don't remember what it's like when I'm on the verge
All I know is it's all I have to avoid
I don't understand why I have to live off of artificial serotonin and coping methods
And I don't understand why I have to live at all, sometimes,
Sometimes I think you were the best thing to happen to me but the worst thing I've ever had to lose.

I know it all, I've heard it all before
All these reasons why I'm here
All these people who care
It all becomes make believe in the face of my hell,
My own personal hell crafted by my mothers broken teeth and my fathers swollen feet
I like to think I ****** up for a reason.

I've burnt the 3,000 mile long bridge
Constructed between two points; known as me and you.
I liked to call it love, but the flames engulfed all of that hope, too

I'm not going to apologize,
Because sorry cannot wash the blood off our hands
keep your eyes on the prize
when i grow up i wanna be on the other side of the desk
i want to be the one in the spinning chair
eyes locked on the couch
i want to see this prescription work it's magic
on the lost and the losing

i want my words to be sanctity
the color of my eyes to be warming souls
i want to hold them close but with hands tied behind my back
i'll let my own demons out to play with theirs

ink on the skin never mattered to him
i want to have pages on shelves
i want my words to be serenity

i'll smile with purity and sincerity
the lies and the truths all lined up to dry
oceans wont call my name anymore, instead
i'll be singing to its tides

it's not so hard to be on my own anymore
i can breathe again
i'm so sorry but i feel that my words have been so dried out and old and lacking luster. perhaps it's because he doesn't care to read my words anymore, perhaps i feel i've lost my muse.
You find love in the bottom of a bottle
Or even, maybe a can.
Your love died from the same very thing
That you reach for so dearly.
I understand that cold hard grip of addiction
Of something that slips down your throat and into your blood-
But it's different with you.
I thought maybe my near death moment
Would've opened your eyes,
And I thought that maybe my words
Got inside your mind.
But instead you choose to die faster everyday
You choose to die for a buzz that lasts not even for a day.
And I'm not angry. I'm just sad.
I don't want to watch you die
And they say that's love, watching someone die,
But this disease killed my mother, your lover
I know she wouldn't want you to go the same.
And these words are futile, they are hopeless;
They do not rhyme.
They do not have melody,
They do not flow sweetly off the tongue.
But they are honest, they are sincere.
You are my father,
But not when you are drunk.
Boost Post
for andrew tyree
if i could write the right words
i would
if i could sing the proper song
i would
and if i could turn back time,
pretend it never happened,
oh god, how i would.

if i could find the cure
for your broken heart
it wouldn't take too long
to put back together, what i tore apart
if i could find
all the love we have mentioned
oh god, if i could.

this time's different, you see
because i'm finally learning
from these endless mistakes
i'm done with the insanity
they hopeless pain cycling
darling, if i go without you
i'll get the shakes
lost without you,
i swear this time i mean it.

it's hopeless,
don't tell me it's hopeless
because the only hope i have
is trapped inside that chest of yours
and those moments we shared, they're priceless
without you, i'll go mad.
my skin is lost
without yours

my words have no accountability
my actions are set in stone
i am fraught with hostility
towards no one but my own

forgive me, lover,
for i have sinned.
hey you
with the eyes and the hair
sprouting from the brilliant head i'm yet to recognize
here i am, with nothing left to lose
life's been pretty giving, but pretty unfair.
the weight of living morphs in size

because when two pairs of shoulders
hold it together
it seems so much lighter,
doesn't it?

all those age old mistakes
were made for you
so i could learn how to piece me together
and see what we will make,
will you be ready too?

i can't wait to meet you,
whether we have or not,
i cannot wait to love you
the same and one, a true love knot.
I'm sorry my words are all the same
All trains and the insane and
Unrequited love
I heard the howl of a locomotive just now
And I swear it was howling for me

The faces and things you'll never forget
I can't help but feel I'm next
To be added to the crowd of ex lovers
You'll try so hard not to remember
While I'm fighting to keep your face and hands
Locked inside my mind
It's for nothing

The sun is shining so bright
I can hardly keep my eyes open
And it's so warm
I can hardly feel the cold in my bones

I found a new paradise
In Fredericksburg, Virginia.
No oceans, no throw of the dice
A constant place with the same people
I've come to love so deeply
faces fake like plastic
minds full of lies
make believe friendships
and bullet-proof sighs
guess thats the way the world turns
makes me lose my sight

is it so hard to find companionship on this
corrupted earth
i am all the things you wouldn't miss
regretting that one and only birth

did we choose to come out of the womb
or was it out of our control?
when the world cripples you so soon,
and devours you whole,
where can you escape to?

and who are my real friends
what helping hands does substance lend
this open wound, the skin will not mend
till the room is painted in red
going without sleep is a thrill
how many drugs will i take before
my demeanor is crystal clear
with angelic brushes of grace and sincerity

when will i love my mind, body and soul
when will the snow come for me?
let the frost overcome my body heat
let it burrow into my skin
frigid parasites to devour us whole

my limbs are shaking
with energy from
drug induced freedom
from the shackles of feeling

do i abuse it,
or does it abuse me?
My bed is haunted
With reminants of you
Where dreams linger,
And touch echoes.

A deck of cards
With a king of hearts
Fifty two reasons why
I fell in love with you

But now it's time to back away
From the catastrophe at hand
Two hearts collided
With no where left to run

It's grown old and tired
Fleeting, easily
You came,
How will you go?
Shake up your bones
And pluck your veins
In hopes for a rhythm,
or a melody.
The body is your medium
Between the mind of the soul
And the crushing reality
None of us can comprehend the same.
You can still find inspiration in rotting corpses-
Keep your tombstones to yourself.
The only things constant in life are change and death.
Invisible languages that only the mad can hear
Make them prophets in their own eyes,
And insane in ours.
My mother
Spoke to Lucifer.
She was dead before her body gave
Her eyes were shallow, empty
There is nothing
Like talking
To the soulless body
of someone
Who you gave you life.
I am haunted by the deceased.
They do not come in physical form,
They do not come in my dreams.
They do not come to bring me harm,
They do not come to bring me peace.
They come in spurts when my fingers
Set sail over the pages, or the screen,
They come into my words when I can't hear myself think.
I do not write for me anymore,
I write for ghosts.
TRUTH IS I AM LIVING A LIE
AND I SEE YOUR UNFORGIVING EYES
EACH TIME I CLOSE MINE
I AM A UNIVERSE OF MISUNDERSTOOD MISTAKES
AND DRIED UP ROSES
BUT IF YOU LOOK
CLOSE ENOUGH
YOU WILL SEE GOD*

i've done all i want to do before i die besides seeing the world and falling into requited love but this world, this life, this universe seems to have some ****** up plan for me and i'm not so sure what it is. there was a time when i believed i could change the world but then the world changed me. i am swaying like trees in the wind and my eyes are closed and i cannot hear them calling my name over the sound of the shore that begged me to stay, although i have not seen it since the late fall, and now it is late winter and there is snow all around me *bury yourself inside of me
it is cold in the wind but warm under my skin, i promise i will share. we spent evenings huddling for heat and we spent mornings under sheets, under each others skin. now i am alone and desolate but that does not make me any less whole or any less real. i am a human being and we all need love.
half orphaned little lady
with a half mended heart
and half opened ears
you are half awake
and half asleep
you are separated into
two halves

the walls are scratched in black
from unknown nails
and mindless knives
you tested the dullness
on an open wrist
and your skin
split
in
half

you missed a spot
on your ***** soul
keep cleaning,
for you've got
an ethereal growing mold
in those dark corners
where no one gazes
the same hands that once loved you
are now the ones wrapped around your neck
i can't breathe so smooth
like the way your chest will rise
and fall

i promised no more
but came up with many
words you'll never see,
you wouldn't care to, anyway.
and we used to breathe together
so it's gotten hard for me to
without you

it breaks my heart
to look into your eyes
and see the sins i have deployed
upon your love
it's over, now
all is said and done.

i came, i conquered, i saw
i put it all together
just to tear it apart
and sighs can not expel the darkness
creeping through my mind.

bleeding will give you
no forgiveness
and screaming will hinder
no blows
stop your crying, young soldier
you cannot claim the victim this time

the same hands that felt you
are now gone forever
hands, remember her hands
running along your skin
touching your face, loving you all she can
i can't believe i've come to love again

my love for you is like
the way the universe expands
infinitely growing, endless and out of sight
i just remember your hands

i hear the sound of your creations
flowing through my ears
and i cant help but smile with elation
truly the most beautiful music i've come to hear

i want to visit all the places that
broke you right in half
and i'll replace all the memories you have
that make you so ******* sad

i'm gonna make you love your smile
the sunshine of my life
i'm gonna stick around for a while,
for you, i put down the knife.

razor blades and candle wax
how its made and what it lacks
a night to remember, a day to live forever
i will never forget you, not ever.
hello you and your
crooked smile
how are you and your
river of denial
are you drowning,
are you living?
are you ever really
here?

hello, love
and your blistered hands
where are you tonight
and are you still in love?
i never meant to hold such
high demands
i just wanted it to be right
i wanted it to be love
the love i'm undeserving of

words that rhyme
syllables locked in time
hello, my dear
are you still here?

say goodbye
to what once was
go and let it die.
just because.
here's to a lover that doesn't want me here
here's to a lover that wants me gone
here's to you, an angel disguised as man
here's to the bleeding broken heart thumping away in my chest

here's to all the liquor my body wouldn't stomach
here's to the blood, the marks i left along my skin
here's to the fear, the crippling terror of being trapped in your own head
here's to the selfish ******* said you loved.

here's to the nights we spent in bed
and the days we lingered under sheets
here's to the kisses we shared
that didnt mean **** to you

here's to the love i thought we had
pulsing and beating through one heart
thought it was mirrored, reflected inside your own,
what a silly mistake to make.
You follow me into a dark room
Only to let go of my hand.
I wish my words were more vague,
Something no one could understand.
Blunt and to the point.
I heard you got new windows,
Same painted canvas with
A brand new frame
All the colors you can see-
We don't see the same.
Do you remember the way you
Held my face in photographs?
Or the clench of your hand around my neck?
Do you remember the throes of passion
That I guess were one sided-
See, I remember everything,
Every good memory is yours to keep.
But I'll forget them soon enough,
And remember how you broke me,
And the rest, well, that's history.
If I could word it better, you know I would
It's been over a year since I met you,
And I love you more than I should.
There's a thousand bridges burning down in my chest
Ashes and smoke, above and below
There is no hope for us now.
You can get rid of my things,
You can replace them;
You can wash me away,
Cleanse your body of me.
But you cannot erase history.
The numbness of old, once scabbed over scars
The ones where you went too deep,
Should've gotten stitches.
But instead you sent your hopes to the stars
For them alone to keep,
But they don't listen.
Medicine and serotonin
All that seems to matter in the grand scheme
Aggravation and empty promises
Let me not fall back into that bottomless ravine
They say when you wake up with a start
(Like you fell from a cliff and hit the ground,)
They say that's your soul, another part
Of you that died without a sound.
Our love is ravenous and consuming us alive
I hope in the end we make it out side by side
I grind my teeth and bite my tongue
Say not the ways my mind has come undone
For your safety I keep myself around
For our sanity we love each other unbound
Should you choose to turn around
And walk the other way;
My heart will beat its last for you.
First loves never really count-
But the last one, I hope it never fades,
The last one, I hope is you.
Next page