Don’t talk
Don’t speak
Don’t beg!
Don’t look at me with so much dread!
This world isn’t held up by my hands!
You weren’t made to follow my commands!
Go,
Leave,
Before I plead!
Before this world crashes on me!
Before my hate and love explode with a fire
Of all my dying desires.
Of all the pain I have ever felt
And all the need that keeps me knelt,
By your side for much to long
Burning my insides all along!
Don’t talk
Don’t speak
Don’t beg!
Don’t think of me inside your head!
Don’t fill yourself with so much dread!
Don’t ask for me to return instead.
Don’t think
Don’t whisper
Just breath,
Let everything settle
And let everything be.
-ALC January 16, 2017

I get excited bubbles,
That burst inside me,
Leaving me leaping through the air in glee.
I always felt odd,
Knowing there was never truly a cause,
For this excitement to ignite within me.
Though as I have gotten older,
The less I have cared,
If anyone thought a child of me,
As I skipped blissfully through the air.

Though now you have joined me,
Us two peas in a mutated pod,
Us two ******’s against all the odds,
Us two soul mates bound together by the gods.

You are the ying,
And I am the yang,
Because we look so different
And yet are the same.

So now I have someone else to accompany me,
On my wild excited spree’s
As we skip down the halls,
You and Me.
-ALC February 2017

Hold me in a dark embrace
In the black stillness of the night.
Vanish the light from the day,
Allow only the stars to come out to play.

Hide me in an obsidian blanket
Where I can sit in quite silence.
Let me disappear into the night,
Silently watching as an owl in flight.

Include me in your onyx cover
So that I may think in cleaver wonder,
As the moon creates a soothing calm
And my body stills in your nightly song.
-ALC

How can you like me with such a passion.
That causes you to want to be close to me.
You have barely known me.
You have barely met me.
You have not yet glimpsed the depths of my shallowness.
My flaws,
My insecurities,
My true self.
You have only seen my outer crust
Which grows flowers that blossom in the sunshine.
Yet I have an inner mantel,
That is made of molten lava.
Always flowing ready to burn anyone that gets close,
And impossible to control.
I have a core
That is hard as diamonds,
Resistant,
Yet shines in the light.
-ALC Nov 30 2016

You bark
You whine!
So many times!
Sometimes I can’t stand it anymore!
You cry,
You plead ,
You need me, please!
Just give me a little time.
I will teach you all my tricks,
I will show you this whole world!
You will be my side at every step
And I couldn’t want anything more.

You shaggy tail shall wag
During every single trip,
And slowly your whining will stop
As your view of this world will tip.
I will help you forget your fears,
You will forget that you once had pains.
I will show you that this world
Is made of some amazing things.

No one shall ever hurt you,
No one will ever scream,
I will hold you tight at night,
And you will help to protect me of the lurking beings.
You will be my guide,
In this world of ups and downs.
We will hold each other up
And help each other bound!
-ALC January 14, 2017

My knuckles they burn
For fresh contact to take place.
Be it a wall
Or your face,
Just name a time and place.
My soul is an inferno
Ready to scorch this earth.
To begin the mass extinction
Like the ones we’ve unearthed.

I can’t contain the rage,
It bubbles inside.
It shoots off like little rockets,
And in your mind they reside.
They burrow their way in
To a deep dark place
And there they will fester
Tell you can’t find their trace.

My body burns
With all I hold back.
The temper I control
Just cannot last.
Its about to erupt,
From every atom in my being,
From every crack in my skin
To destroy all I am seeing.

I will go out like a planet
Taking its last breath
Before erupting into a light
That will be seen far from this earth.
-ALC February 5, 2017

5 am calls my name,
And drives all my dreams away.
I wake with a start
Trying to calm my beating heart.
As I look out my window.
Am I still sane?

5 am calls my name,
With rays of light peaking through.
I am not sure what draws me awake
To look out my window at you.
I know my eyelids can’t play this game
And wont let me stay to long.

5 am calls my name
Feeling restless and awake.
Yet my thrumming heart quickly calms down as I see your name,
And my limbs grow heavy at the sight of you
Pulling me back down to sleep.
-ALC June 25, 2017

You are the most completely, utterly, positively heartbreaking thing I have ever felt.

He grabbed at her wrist as she began to walk away, pulling all her attention back to him. He locked his eyes with hers and with such surety to his voice he told her “our paths have crossed, and even though they are separating now, one day they will join together again, and I will never let you go”.
-ALC May 24, 2017

I answer the phone,
And my heart stops.
My eyes blur,
And my world cracks.

I am on the ground
Hugging my knees to my chest,
And I am numb.

I don’t feel the shaking of my body,
I don’t hear my sobs that wrench from my cracking body
I don’t see the people stare at me as they witness my utter destruction.

My body is breaking.
My soul is shattering.
My whole world is growing dark,
And the only thing I can do is scream,
And shake,
And cry,
And wish to take you’re place.

I can’t fathom a world where I can’t call you
Where you won’t be there to give kind advice,
And stern reality.

With a shaking voice, I ask “How will I ever be the same without him?”
My stepmother responds “You wont.”
-ALC March 13, 2019

I am made of my brothers twisting grip,
as we grapple on the living room floor.
I am made up of saying uncle,
and laughing so hard at the dinner table that milk comes out of my noise.
I am made up of slobbering dog kisses, loving kitten purrs, and injured strays.
I am made up scrambling through bushes, slipping in dirt, and mudded shoes.
Of wild hair, wild eyes, and a wild grin.

I am made up of road trips and sunny days.
Of pool parties and family gathering where laughter is the only thing that echo’s through you’re ears.

I am made up of countless flues and colds that kept me homesick.
Of ditching school with my best friends to go to Disney land,
Of every Friday night being girl’s night for 3 years.

I am made up of heart break for lost love and lost friends.

I am made up of travel and moving away
I am made of studying in Australia,
Of my Danish and Dutch friends that I chose to make my family.

I am made up of smiling faces as I walk to school,
Of ravens over head, and redwoods straight in front.
I am made of scratched arms and bruised legs
Of callused hands and burning muscles.

I am made of a drive for adventure and new experiences
Of an aggressive spirit
And a curious mind.

I am made of freedom,
Of courage
Hope,
Happiness,
Sorrow,
Loss,
Heartbreak.
Of love
Eccentricity
And a warriors spirit.
I am made up of my memories, of the people I have met, and of the experiences that will never stop.
-ALC February 23, 2019

I can tell by your wants, you crave me,
This I know without a doubt.
I can tell by your voice, you miss me,
I wish I had more time to spare.
I can tell by your actions, you need me,
Though I am not sure what I can do.
I can tell by your eyes, you love me,
But I am not sure what to do.

You can tell by my wants, I am wandering,
There is nothing you can do.
You can tell by my voice, I am fading,
But I haven’t lost interest in you.
You can tell by my actions, I am drifting,
Thousands of miles will do that too.
You can tell by my eyes, I am unsure.
I am unsure of every part of you.
-ALC August 18, 2018

He rests besides me,
Gentle as a sheep.
So quietly does he sleep,
Twitching, but not making a peep.

Slowly he will rise
And blink straight at me.
I am his line of sight
The only thing he thinks he needs.

Gently he will smile at me,
With glowing eyes,
Showing all the passion he could ever comprise.

I am his whole world,
And I am happy to say,
He is mine.
And I know he would fight for me
Till the day that he will die.

And vigorously those tears will fall down my face
Anguish jumping from me in every space.
They will whisper to me
“He is in a better place.”
But he is mine,
In every aspect of time and space.

Anger will slowly fill those tears,
As I look at our past years
And know you gave me all you could.
If only I could give you all you should
Have gotten within those loving years
Of dedication through my fears.

Love will slowly seep for me
As I sleep alone and dream
Of your furry face upon my lap
And your smiling eyes that made me laugh.
-ALC January 2, 2017

She stabs the black object into the gorge,
of her victims now open body cavity.
She smears the blood as it follows her strokes,
Smearing the victim with shades of color.
Her tears roll down her cheeks
As she tries to control her sobs.
Each memory opens a fresh wound in her heart,
And she releases that pain with another anguishing
Slash,
Another added detail.
She pulls back to see her work,
Looking down at her hands smothered in the blood,
From her weapon.
She smiles
Whipping away the freshly spilt tears,
Smearing colors across her face.
She admires the creation of her heartbreak.
-ALC November 15, 2018

Spread out on the ground,
Lies a love that held no bounds,
Lies a love the had to die,
Lies a love that said goodbye.

Spread out on the ground a mosaic heart resides
Full of weeping colors
And longing questions of “why”?
-ALC January 23, 2017

They ask me
Will you date him?
Will you love him?
Will you guys finally be together?
And my response lies with a drifting gaze of
No.
I cannot date him,
I cannot love him,
I cannot be with him.
For I gave my hearts away seasons ago,
And though I have asked for it to come back countless times,
It stays within reach of someone who has yet to grab it,
And hold it,
And treat it with compassion.
So I say no,
Because my chest is hallow
And my blood has run cold,
And I hold no room in my body for a miss matched puzzle piece.
I say no,
Because I fell in love with someone who has no idea,
And my heart has yet to find it’s way back to me.
-ALC August 7, 2017

Kiss my hand,
and hold my check,
and tell me of great adventures.
But don't just whisper them in my ear,
Make them happen,
have them appear.

I am so sick of being censored.
Of not saying what I want to say,
If I want to scream “****”
To the world,
who will stop me saying “nay”.

I am sick of being censored
Of not telling people how I feel.

I am sick of holding in my feelings
It does indeed make me feel ill.
So ill I fear I am about to snap
And let all  of my feeling spill.

I am sick of being censored,
Of biting back my tongue.
Soon enough I’ll snap right through,
And there will be nothing left to be done.
-ALC January 4, 2019

“Did you move already?”
“Yup.”
“I am so sorry, I really meant to hang out with you before you left!”
“And I was really hoping to hang out with you before I left, but I got tired of trying. I got tired of putting effort into something that you weren’t willing to put effort into as well, so I gave up trying to get you into my life, and let you slip away.”
“… I am sorry, I have just been busy.”
“I know you have, and I don’t blame you for being busy, you have a life to live, and so do I. It is what it is, no point in staying caught up in it. You know what ***** though; I kept hoping that I would hear from you. Every day I gave myself a little bit of hope that you would call me, or something! And each day I let myself down. I did this tell the last day, and even a little while after. I did it until I finally realized I couldn’t put any more faith into you. I did it until I realized that you meant more to me, then I meant to you. So I began to slowly undo the bonds that you unknowingly put into my life, and started to let you go.”
-ALC 6/11/2017

I forgot what it was like to spar with witty banter
I forgot what it was like to be grabbed with gentle hands
I forgot that a conversation doesn’t have to be all ******
I forgot what it was like to date a man
-ALC Feb 9, 2019

There’s a little bird singing in my room,
Hiding behind currents always peeking through.

There’s a little bird hiding in my room,
Singing a soft melody all about you.

There’s a little bird singing all night long,
Of all the good things you’ve ever done.

There’s a little bird singing in my room,
Now I can’t help but to sing along too.
-ALC April 7, 2017

Why did your lying make you mad?

I am happy you found her,
Just hold her tight,
Kiss her right
Love her immensely,
And make sure to cuddle at night.

She will be your new shelter
For all your shattered pieces to reside,
And I can only hope,
That you will always treat her right.
-ALC June 21, 2017

If your wondering where I am and why I have changed, I wondered into the forest and didn’t returnee the same.
-ALC

I’m exhausted,
I am a wreck,
I have put on a show,
And I did not slip.

I showed you my home,
While you smiled with tears
And we both felt the grieving
From all those so near.
We realized our loss
Was not ours alone
And we gathered together
In this just right sized home.
We mingled,
And conversed.
We shared our stories
And our tales,
And we all agreed that while in this world, He prevailed.

I feel the loss so deep
That it could cut down to my soul.
But I feel the love all around me,
As you gather in my home.
-ALC February 10, 2017

We are all breathing for something great in life,
but most think the answer is love.
-ALC January 7, 2015

Sometimes I feel overwhelming emotions,
like my mind is about to explode from my body to be free of this spinning vortex of emotions that makes up my soul.
Sometimes my eyes water with no reason,
And sometimes my body shakes and quivers with convulsions and sobs; and I am not sure where this pent up sadness came from,
Or where its origins lie.
Sometimes a smile sparks across my lips with such stunning simplicity that I am not sure where the rays of light are derived from,
Or where this untapped energy is being sourced.
Sometimes I use up the whole vortex, and am left in the shell.
Not quite happy, not quite sad.
And these are the moments I fear.
The moments where my body feels hallow
And my mind begins to scream at the quietness of my soul.
-ALC September 17, 2017

Don’t love me with gifts
Or extravagant affairs.
Don’t hold me with promises
That might not be there.

Love me with experiences
Littered with fun.
Hold me at night
And kiss me in the sun.
-ALC April 30, 2017

Isn’t it funny how some paths just stumble across each other?
Like a rock that is skipped across a river and happens to sink onto a bed of gold,
That’s what it felt like when you entered my life.
Like I had been jumping and skidding across the surface,
And right when I thought I found my footing and who I was,
I sank and saw your glittering light.
And as I sunk closer to your shine, I began to think of your glow all the time.
And your existence was so full of life.
You got to see fish swim by and rocks die.
You got to be beautiful even if the world didn’t see you,
Always glowing bright in the simple fact that you were you.
And finally when I landed on your soft shine,
I felt like everything would be fine,
Even if you would never be mine.
-ALC March 23, 2017

I want a song that makes my soul come screaming out my mouth.
-ALC February 1, 2017

Sometimes I want to collapse into a dream,
And only see you.

Last night a fell into a sleep,
Riddled with the nightmares of your face and voice.
You blamed me for all your pain,
For all the suffering you had endured,
And I couldn’t deny you that I was at fault.

I woke only remembering your face.
A face of pure sadness and longing,
But I couldn’t remember the reason for that look.

I walked through my day with that face,
And soon the voice followed.
Full of sadness and anger.

I sat down to work,
Only to have the dream appear on my paper.
Full of as much emotion as the night before.
In remembering this,
All I wanted
Was to fall asleep
And see you.
-ALC November 22, 2016

Zip your lips
Don’t utter a word
Don’t let all of your thoughts be heard,
Because if you do,
You know what they’ll say,
That you’re just being mean,
And to go away.

Zip your lips
Don’t say a thing
Don’t let the thoughts
Flow from your brain,
Because they’ll tell you your wrong
And that you’re simply not right
That you should just walk away instead of starting a fight.

Zip your lips
And stare off like a doll
Because you weren’t made to think at all.
You weren’t meant to have such a wonderful gift
To be able to open your mouth and say what you wish.

Zip your lips
Or better,
Just walk away,
Because you're not allowed to say
What you want anyway.

You know the night where you made me come outside,
Just so we could drive around for hours.
I still consider that one of the best night I have had in along time.
-ALC December 19, 2016

Oh there’s a storm-warning happening outside my door,
And I don’t know if it’s figurative or more.
Cause there pulling me down,
They wont let me see.
So I struggle and fight, till they leave me be.

My dreams are clouding up my head,
Pulling in the breeze.
They keep whispering sweet secrets that I may never see.
And they won’t let me go
The wont let me be free
And the storm-warning keeps tugging at me.

Oh there’s a storm-warning happening outside my door
And every one is yelling that I should wait some more.
But I’m running toward the entrance
I feel close to my escape,
And as I pull the handle back
Cold wind blasts my face.

This storm is blowing outside my door
And I run into the fray begging it for more.
I feel the stinging drops tare at my skin,
And I feel the pounding of the wind,
Commencing me to begin.

The storm blows me through its grasp,
Telling me its secrets,
As it beats me slash by slash.
And though I stumble and fall,
I don’t feel afraid,
No, not at all.
For this storm can hold me in its grasp,
But I know that it cannot last.
And the winds will fade
The storm will end
And suddenly,
My life will begin.
-ALC February 22, 2017

It’s not the want to escape from it all,
I know I will come back to the same point.
Like every living organism I will returnee to where I began.

It’s not the need to feel the burning in my legs,
Or the stinging in my lungs.

It is the ache in my heart that always causes me to sprint,
In any direction,
To feel the power of my own body pulsing me forward.
It’s the begging of my soul,
That has me leaving at a dead sprint.
Returning with a blood red face
And an open heart.
-ALC November 15, 2018

You held me in the rain, with tears coming down my face, and told me that your feelings for me hadn’t changed. I knew we wouldn’t be together, but somehow that impacted me greatly, and gave me some warmth in the cold.
Then weeks later you snap at me for asking if you can hang out. You yell at me demanding that I chill and calm down. So I took a step back, and I gulped a deep breath, and I said goodbye to everything, that I had once considered our friendship.
-ALC December 24, 2018

I think we would be amazing together, just not in this life.