The sand sinks beneath my feet,
And I feel myself slipping in.
I know what lies bellow me,
Yet still I don’t give in.
Maybe this will be the fall I need,
To snap out of this trance
I have placed myself in.

I watch as earth crashes down bellow me,
I watch as it is dissolved
Into the chasm below me.

My body slips forward,
And I push toward the momentum
Needing to get lost in something,
To feel the sharp snap of fear.

The earth squishes into my sneakers,
And water soaks into my feet,
Earth falls away from me.
I lean in.
And fall.
I Fall into the crevasse
I have opened up before myself.
-ALC November 24, 2017

I want someone who is self-confident and doesn’t need me to complete them.
I want someone to go adventuring with, but also someone who is willing to just be alone.
I want someone mature and willing to take risks and try new things with me.
I am of course not looking for this person in the near future, but its kind of a nice idea to know what I am looking for.
I know there will be lots of guys along the way that will pull at my heart strings, but all in all, I want someone to adventure and take risks with.
To help me live each day as if it is my last, and to help me remember to look for the simple beauty in life.

The storm brewed,
Then lightning struck,
And the structures that once stood tall,
Crumbled to the ground.

You could hear an echoing gasp
Stretch out from the audience all around
Never expecting such destruction from beauty.

She laid in the rubble
Cause by her own building tempest,
Feeling as broken as the foundation she had built.
No longer sure of her actions, words, or thoughts.

She lacked an ability to restore and rebuild.
To rebound from the catastrophe crumbling beneath her body.
She bleed and she cried and she lay exposed and raw.
Having sacrificed more than her soul could give,
She suffered the ramifications in the most cataclysmic way.

Though as the storm rolled through,
Rain fell from the once damaging clouds.
Showering her broken body,
And washing away the debris and dust of a broken life.

The sun peaked through dappling her in light,
Blinding her with the promises of what could be.
She felt her fragile body healing,
Closing the fissures that had opened, leaving only scars.
And with shaking breath,
And tentative legs,
She stood.
ALC April 10, 2023

I hate you.
I hate you because I fell in love with you.
I hate you because I fell in love with the real you, and not just some idea I had of who you could be.
I fell in love with your soul,
The complete essence of who you were.
How you were so confident in the goofy human you had grown up to be.
I fell in love with your soul
Before we even held hands,
Before we ever touched,
Before I could stop myself.
I fell in love with you without even kissing you.
I hate you because I fell in love with you,
And because I haven’t stopped.
-ALC March 21, 2018

Does it hurt when you see my name?
Or think that you see me in the crowd?
Does it hurt when I try to talk to you,
Just to see how you’re doing now?
Do you think I feel no pain?
For the loss you’re feeling now?
Do you think I feel unburdened?
That I’m not lost like you somehow?
I’m sorry I feel free
I’m sorry I’m not as sad,
I’m sorry that it’s been 4 months and I still miss you so bad.
- ALC [November 21, 2016]

I hope that song
Doesn’t sound the same
And you can’t listen to it
Without hearing my name.

I hope that view
Doesn’t look quite right,
And that you can’t stare off
Without me in your mind.

I hope that seat
In the coffee shop
Feels much to big
Without me in my spot

I hope that food
Doesn’t taste quite right
and leave a bitter flavor in your mouth all night.

I hope I have ruined
Your everything
Because you have destroyed
Me entirely.
-ALC August 11, 2017

I am used to knowing what’s going on inside your head, but now I am not even sure if you still feel for me like you once did, and I know that our seeing each other will be fewer and farther between. So I cry, not because I feel like this is a break up, but because my heart has broken in the death of a friendship that I had begun to rely on so much for everything. I cry because I know I have lost such a dear friend.

It’s amazing, how little it took for me to get over you.
It’s amazing, how I can go day-by-day without thinking of you.
So what stops me now,
From walking through that door,
That separates us both?

It’s Amazing that I can go day-by-day without thinking of you,
But right now I can’t even bear the possibility of seeing you.
So I’ll stand right here,
And stare at the door,
Wondering where we go from here.

It’s amazing how little it took for me to get over you.
But now I’m standing here
And I don’t even want to see you.

It’s amazing how little it took for me to get over you
And now I can’t even look at you.
-ALC February 15, 2019

When you look at me, do you see the vortex of pain behind my eyes, or do you just see my pretty disguise.
-ALC February 1, 2017

You fight with your words
And You fight with your fists
You fight just to see if You can make others ******,
But You wouldn’t fight for me.

If I called You out
On all the words that You spout,
On all the ******* that You give
And the narcissistic way that You live,
You would be livid with me.

You would shut down on me,
Give up on me,
And slowly
You would try to forget about me,
But You would never fight for me.

If I told You rashly
How brashly You were reacting
How petulant You were acting
You would loose faith in me,
And be dissuaded from me.
You would begin to hate me.

You act like You love me
And say such sweet words of nothing,
You coo to me in the morning
With happy eyes brightly shinning,
And You swear that You care
But if I were to slightly ruffle your hair,
You would retreat to God knows where.
You wouldn’t fight for me.

You wouldn’t apologize,
You wouldn’t stand by my side
Asking for it to all reside.
You wouldn’t fight for me.
-ALC December 25, 2017

I can’t breath,
Air stuck in my throat,
Caught as I stare wide eyed.

I hear the click, click.
I hear my heart pounding.
I know what is going to happen.

My muscles are bunching,
Ready to spring forward
Ready to let out a screech

A foot steps in the door,
And I smell your scent,
Whooshing in with the cold air
That slips in through the cracks.

My eyes grow wider in circumference,
My lips are parted,
My muscles are taught,
My fists are clenched,
And as you finally enter into our house
And look at me.

I spring with a screeched,
Wrapping you in a tight embrace,
Kissing your face repetitively.
We fall to the ground laughing
Curled into each other.
-ALC January 18, 2019

Are you kidding me?
Your joking right?
You think that that was all a big lie?
You think I took your emotions as a game
That it was just a 3-year fling.
How funny,
…Oh honey,
You have over thought it all again,
Well there you go
Down the rabbit whole,
Made of your own design.
-ALC January 14, 2017

Did our friendship die in England,
Or did it die when I came home?
Cause the only thing replaying in my mind
is how you used to say,
“you can tell me anything” and
“I’ll always be your friend”.
That all seems a lie now…
and we promised each other we wouldn’t lie to each other…

I am not sure what to do now.
If I should stand still as you walk away.
Or if I should dance into motion once again to try and get you to stay.
I knew you wouldn’t fight for me.
I always knew that it would be a deadly end.
I just didn’t know it would be so silent,
Or so permanent.

You are made of fire and ice,
You are made of so much pain
And I wonder if our finale
Will leave you halting, all the same.
-ALC January 4, 2019

Faint lines leading down faint paths
Whisperings of lives come and past.
Difficult problems yet to be solved
And turbulent waters yet to be sailed.

Faint images come and they go
Each growing cloudy with the passing days.
Whispering of lives come and past.
Difficult problems needing to be solved,
Of turbulent waters set sail on before.

Faint whispers telling of faint pasts.
Traveling through foggy grounds,
And choppy waters.

Body heavy and tears run dry.
Mind gone quiet and tongue hung parched.
Legs collapsed and arms lay numb.
Intangible Conscious and Allusive Soul.

Succumb to the collapse.
-ALC 1/29/2023

She bloomed like a flower. Not a rose, or a hydrangea, or anything so beautiful or delicate as that. She bloomed like the Joshua trees, like the corpse flowers. Like everything that lays dormant, waiting to show the world exactly how much they were underestimated.
-ALC May 10, 2023

I am an amputated bird
with wings that no longer soar,
and I sit in my perch wondering where to go.
It seems like a struggle to hop around
when I once used to glide.

I am an de-clawed lionness
With fangs that have become dull
and I stare at the planes around me
wondering where all my passion has gone.

I am a mute wolf
glaring at over the valleys
to quite to call my pack back
to scared to hear the silent echo.

One box down with another to go
Slowly they pile in rows and rows.
I start to think,
In this brain numbing task,
Of all my life that has come to pass.

I think of faces,
Of all shapes and size.
I think of the ones that have made me laugh and cry.

How life does change
And we must go with the flow,
Because now the boxes are stacked high in multiple rows
And not a single speck is left to show
Of the life that I once had here,
Except for the marks on the walls,
And the memories I will hold dear.
-ALC 06/11/2017

I didn’t cry for our loss
I didn’t mourn it at all,
And it just goes to show
That we wouldn’t have lasted long at all.
Because as I have said,
My heart isn’t here
My chest is hallow,
And my thoughts unclear.
Because the man I love
Doesn’t see me at all;
Yet you love me so reverently
And you were quick to let us fall.

I didn’t cry for our loss
I didn’t shed a tear,
Yet it still feels strange
That you are no longer near.
-ALC December 24, 2018

You were the madding chaos in my mind
The thought I kept thinking all the time
I begged for a piece to fall free
And those thought to drift away from me.

You persisted for years
As a thought on my mind
Even without a hello
Or an endearing goodbye.

After all the thoughts,
One wish came true.
Finally I would see you.
And with that hello
And a smiling goodbye,
I could send all those thoughts out
Into a clearing sky.
-ALC
11/30/18