Nervous for my future.
The year is at it's end.
Those I know are leaving,
I'll loose some of my friends
Exams a here now,
Prepared I am not
What worries me the most,
Is that I might be forgot.
To do this all over ,
it is more then i can bare.
But i have to do it,
" If i want to get anywhere".
My anxiety weighs me down,
To the point I get up.
Next year will be better.
I;ll finally find my spot

She stood near the rope
in silence and fear.
For the demons of darkness
had driven her here.

They shattered her soul
Ripped it out of her chest
Making her believe
That the demons knew best

They were always near
Sometimes just out of sight
Waiting in the shadows
Till the time was right

These demons were destructive
Knocking down the life she knew
Hating everything about her
She hated herself too

These demons are translucent
But they're far from fairy tales
They live inside your mind
Their evilness prevails

I wake up every day with your smile on my mind.
It's a handsome sight to behold, so soft and so kind.
Your humour lifts my day to day worries
You never seem to be stress or in much of a hurry.
I have you to guide me through my troubles and fears.
I'll always be here for you through your struggles and tears.
Your my forever, my eternity, my love of my life.
Who give me a reason to fight to survive.
I'll be here for you no matter the dilemma.
You will always be first on my agenda.
I love you prince till the last breath is taken
And even then my love won't be shaken.

Simmer down my sorrow,
bellowing in your anger wont recoil what happened.
Don't fret dear heart,
the sadness you feel will once again dissolve.
Dear legs of mine,
stand taller then you once did.
Little mind,
dont underestimate your knowledge and your power.
For you create the struggles which have been and will be endured.

The wall changes as I stare
into dark faces , twisted creations of my mind.
All due to despair,
Anxiety takes my prime.

At square one again.
All the improvement is in the past.
Weak mined , aching body and fragile heart.
Why did I loose progress fast?
Deadly thoughts, worse are the actions, that grasp me once more.
Tell me how to escape my self, so I can be free for this hell.
It urgent, an emergency but there no life line that can help.
The only line I think of, is that hanging rope.
Sorry for my honestly.
I know its hard to take, your ears are use to sugar coated sentences,
dripping in misleading words and expressions of false satisfaction regarding life.
Back to square one but this time I notice the cage that will never let me move forward again.
I have no key, no help and no way out.

My heart is like paper
You can leave your mark
I will let you express yourself
I will not judge your feeling, your thoughts.
But if you mistreat me
I will crumble .
As paper ,you wont be able to fix me.
The lines will always appear.
because of you all those around me will see the lines you left.
BUT unlike paper I can not be recycled.
I can not be made new.
So be weary of my paper heart!

Cold heart
Cold night
Fighting to stay alive
Waters still
Numbed soul
Easy to just let go
One breath
Two steps
Now under the waters depth
Panic stirs
Before relief
Lord Forgive
Angels gone
With the soul as still as the water

We are the hypocrites in the land of no religion, so easy to judge but not to listen.
Some preach perfection when there fill with an ungraceful infection. Those who follow there religions are hypocrites and they lie but the truth is that we are all imperfect but we try.
Why should one person not be with another when with all guards down we all sin but what’s so wrong with spreading what you think.
Love is the base of all religion, it the way it’s shown which is in contradiction.
But if two people display the same intentions why should the tittle displace their feeling.
I was once told that its evil that create bad things, then I was also told love was created by god but then again I was told my loves wrong.  (What?)
Those who say I should choose the “right guy”, insinuating I hadn't tried.
Shown not compassion or love inside because it was I who know what you imply. The fact that you think the religion defines, the fact that you are not wise but otherwise not following the lines in which you say I should pursue because wasn't you who hadn't tried too.

laying unaware of my surroundings,
willingly forgetting about my life
to consume myself with yours.
Sleep  is rare because the thoughts of you stir in my mind
My bodies force of sleep results in dreams taking over.
I wake up feeling un-rested like my mind was exhausting me since the day I met you.
I would not change it for the world
For I know one day I will not have to lay awake,
Holding tightly on to the memories of us
but instead laying comforted next to my love.
For now , dreams will suffice.

I'm unsure what's happened
I thought I got better.
But currently I feel,
more worthless then ever.
Sitting alone, feelings are mixed,
Thoughts are crazy, I'm feeling quite sick.
Each option I choose, sings a regret.
I know that I should change my dangerous mindset.
Is not your fault, don't trouble your self.
I'm just troubled ,that I can't find myself help.
The load is so heavy, emotions burst at the seams.
Please have some patience my amazing sunbeam.
Go if you wish, have time to rekindle.
I wish for you to stay whole and not to dwindle.

She stands in a common place,
so numbed by sadness that even the sadness makes her feel more distant to the world.

She stands still,
yet the people around her seem so rushed,
so preoccupied with them self to even grasp reality.

So her and these people are same but different
because she is distant to reality out of understanding of it,
those around her dont have a clue.

She longs to be blinded like the rest.
But things seen, can never be unseen.
Things learnt are branded in your brain.

Reality is said to be different to everyone.
But what if reality is only given to the minorities.
The ones that look and wish they didn't.

The words you said in anger
linger in my mind.
Numbness fills my body
why are you so unkind?
Passing blame and spreading shame
is not your intended aim.
But my heart is cold, its growing old,
The force to not fold today.
Your apologies although sincere , have out grown their first premiere.
Thanks for the effort, to fixed what you have done.
But the truth is, sorry doesn't cut it ***.

Life is hard to live sometimes
when the light inside no longer shines.
Everything around becomes so dark,
I grab a knife to leave a mark!

Afterwards there is regret
People will see this ****** mess
For a moment I just thought of me
But now my mark effects all who see!

I'm so sorry.

Depression makes the world it's play ground.
It enables you to realise how easy it is to die at every corner.
To "trip" down the stairs.
To "not" see the car coming.
To "accidentally" take a few to many pills.
it opens your eyes to possibilities others dont like to see.

We cut ourselves out of sadness,
Out of shame
Out of anger
Or confusion
We cry our self to sleep
And wake up to cry some more
We stave ourselves to point of fainting or worse
And what for RELIEF
No , to gain more pain ,sadness, shame , anger, confusions , lack of sleep, tears, anorexia , disappointment and
Scares to remind us of the troubles that plague our soul.

The news said it would be sunny,
Yet the sky is back by clouds.
Usually everything around me is all happy and aloud.
Yet there is not a whisper
not a sound.
Should I be worried?
Should I take that run?
Is it safe here?
Or
has something gone wrong?

The bird are chirping now,
Yet they resemble more like screams.
Why is the air now *****,  
When is has always been so clean!

Spring has come around,
Yet there isn't any colour.
The walls are rumbling,
Yet the windows do not shatter.
My feet are planted firmly on the ground,
Yet I feel like I am floating.
What has happen?
What has become?
I was told all is fine,
Yet I want to run.