To the world that was once nothing to me,
How and when will I ever see
Who or what you are meant to be?
Is this some kind of special deception?
Some special intervention
To some unknown connection
Why do you have an innocent face?
That seems to put up an act of not knowing your place
A naivete not knowing how to act with grace
I thought I already knew everything by now
Yet you left me with my mouth agape asking "How?"
Now I'm thinking you have lesser thinking capacity than a cow

Stuck between two worlds
I've ran out of audible words
I'm speechless . . . . . . .
All I remember is being caressed
By someone important to me
But I can no longer see
Indeed, there's no black or white
All that there is is a reason to fight
Be it, a lover or a mother
All I could say is "We're not different from one another."
Our diet is different
Our status is different
Our way of living is different
Yet you're just being indifferent
Because you failed to see how alike we are
We also have emotions that you can see from afar
But this harsh reality can never be altered
There's always someone who'll say "I've faltered."
It's just how the chain goes
We have no power to control how a river flows
*So, what choice do I have?

Dearest Mother like no other
You always make me wonder
I don't know where I'd be without thee
Cause obviously without you, there'd be no me
Despite our different tastes and views
You always know what to choose
Irresponsible, stubborn or childish as I may seem
At the end of the day, a smile you'd beam
Melting away all my mistakes
Telling me it's part of what it takes
I know you're struggling a lot
Yet I'm too weak (maybe even too stupid) to give it a shot
To try to help you out
Sometimes I'd like to shout
To the wind, hoping it'll answer
All I can do is include you in my prayers
A simple act of gratitude wont suffice
For everything you've sacrificed
Someday I'll repay all your efforts
But for now I can be the one you can go to for comfort
Thank you for your unconditional love
You're the closest to an angel that we have

as I get a whiff
a sense of relief
overwhelms my entirety
and calms my body

It felt like it was just yesterday
Remember what we used to play?
It was called "Hide and seek"
You always hid as I seek
As we ran all over the place
Sweat covered our entire face
Kids filled with glee
A feeling like you're about to flee

But... But why? *
As time went by
My role stayed the same
But yours didn't and it drove me insane
It seemed harder than before
I couldn't find you in any floor
Although when I do
To all my sadness I say "shoo"
We converse just like before
And end up in a laughing galore

But still... why?
Tell me the reason why now I cry
Again, I remained the same
Oh, what a shame
I'm ok with it as long as it's you
I'm certain, as always, that I'll find you
No matter where you go
No matter how far you go
No matter how skilled you are
No matter how wise you are
I'm sure
Oh, I'm really sure
I'm going to find you
Yes... I am going to find you...
Y-yes...

But where are you now?
I have no idea how
How am I going to find you?
You left with not a single clue
It was indeed gradual
Yet I can't tell if it was intentional
I can't understand your reason
Was this an act of treason?
I wish to find you soon
Are you hiding behind the moon?
Where are you, dear?
Speak up, your voice isn't clear
Or perhaps it is mine
**Because since that day, I've never been fine

I need a spark, spark, spark
in order to create a wonderful mark
let it all flow out of me
shall let it all out, let it all be
it shouts nothing but gurgles
don't worry bout my mumbles
there's organization in this mess
there's always an explanation to the madness
all they've known is entropy
all I knew was the one inside of me

inscribed in a small box
let me ink away like a fox
within seconds you'll understand
this world that I somehow could withstand
from my miseries, I'll be freed
once I plant the truth's seed

this was finally it
wishing it's going to be lit
feels like a long time since I've gone out of my grave
what a heavy sigh I heaved
the heck with it
I'll just publish, wait, and sit

Nang ako'y napatingala sa mga tala
ang naalala ko'y si Bathala
kaya nama'y humingi nalang ako ng gabay
para sa aking napipintong paglalakbay

malayo man ang paroroonan
alam kong ika'y hindi malilimutan
saan man ako magpunta
ikaw pari'y makikita

sa aking mga mata'y
ikaw ang nasasalamin sa twina'y
ako'y magagalak
hanggang sa aking pag halakhak

gaano man kalayo
tayo ri'y muling magkakatagpo
hindi man bukas o sa makalawa
alam ko'y makikita ko rin ang iyong tawa

ani nga nila'y
magkalayo man, magkaibigan pa ring tunay
alam kong di ka bibitaw
dahil yan ang lagi kong hiling sa bulalakaw

paalam, sa ngayon
ang ating muling pagkikita'y sa Mayon
dahil pagdating ng panahong iyon
alam kong sa tuktok na tayo naroroon

Sa pagkagat ng dilim
Ibinulong ko sa iyo ang nililihim
Patagong ipinaaalam sayo
Dahil gustuhin ko man isigaw kahit malayo
Hindi ako pwedeng magpadalos dalos
Dahil kagay nga ng sinabi ni Rommel Pamaos
Ang pusong ito na akin
Mahirap na kung ito lamang ay iyong pisil pislin
Lalo na't di mo naman bibilhin
At wala kang balak mahalin
Kaya hanggang dito na lamang
Ang puso kong nagaabang
Naibunyag ko na naman na sayo
Mula man sa malayo
Ang mga sikretong itinatago
Ng aking mumunting puso

In this sea of words
You're my favorite catch phrase
Just seeing you makes me end up in a daze
Your face reminds me of a wonderful yet confusing maze
Puzzling yet so endearing
It leaves my face beaming

Everytime I dream of you
I always wonder whether it's true
In those dreams of mine
We both seem to get along so fine
In my dreams
We were both inseparable, it seems
In those dreams
Your smiles were mine to keep
They all make me want to continue my every sleep

For only in my dreams is where I can talk to you...
For only in my dreams is where I can be with you...
For only in my dreams is where I can hold you tight...

Cause in reality,
I know this may sound funny
But none of those exist
Believe me, cause I too want to feel the actuality
*Even for a small fraction in time...

Gazing upon a masterpiece
"Give it back to me, please?"
Talking to my ol' trusty fate
Hoping to start with a clean slate

Though under a different roof
These feelings just can't go ****
Unlike a bubble that pops in mid-air
These stay like a disease that I can't bear

Behold my ****** beating heart
deranged from the day we became apart
It longs for your twinkling eyes
mirroring your vulnerable soul, I heave heavy sighs

In a dim-lit chamber
through the stairs, I clamber
I clasp my chest
melancholy runs over me the best
witnessing the past along the corridors
my eyes seek for the one my heart adores

Remembering the constellations upon your eyes
I whisper to myself, wonderful lies
Beaming with tears, I fondly held your portrait
pondering upon the thought that i can never be your mate

Dearest pineapple,
Often times you mumble
Yet I know how much you like to talk
Specially when it's just the two of us who walks
Like me, you have millions of stories
As well as numerous worries
But worry no more
I'll join you and together we shall explore
Today, your special day
I wish for luck to always come your way
I know there are more storms to come
But for you a lullaby, I shall hum
To lull you to sleep to let you rest
And to remind you that it's just one of God's tests

I reach out and touch the glass
I see you safely in it
naive to the world's harsh reality
then I think to myself
"What a beautiful gem. So near yet so far."

A daytime nightmare
enough to make me cry
My beating heart you'd daringly tear
leaving me bawling and wondering *why?

Smile, my dear
There's nothing to fear
Come on now
Go up there and take a bow
Everybody's screaming
Shouting
It must be a dream
I feel like I wanna scream
It all feels absurd
But I feel as free as a bird
It all started last Friday the 3rd

Swung my sharp metallic blade
Watched the color in their eyes fade
Saw their blood dance
As my feet started to prance
With every slash upon their throats
It makes me want to sing a note

Now, there there
It's not too much to bear
Soon you'll doze off in an eternal bliss
You'll arise no more
Not even with a kiss

Cause darlin, this ain't a fantasy
It's the harsh and brutal reality
Watch me fly
As you lie there sniffling a cry

So I suggest
for you to rest
That's for the best
Ogle at my perfect crime
Sorry it's already your time
After this, honey, I'm gonna sip some lime

My heart starts to race
whenever I see your face
This feeling that I can't contain
and my composure I can't maintain
For whenever you come near
redness on my cheeks start to appear
Just a glimpse of your entirety
leaves a smile on my face for eternity

In you, I trust
but leave you, I must
this is all just too much
you left me with my heart to clutch
My insides tumble
your name, I mumble
You left me like a wreck
and got me like what the heck?
Expectations, *expectations, expectations
You were supposed to be my inspiration
but all you ever was my expectation
Now leave you, I must
In you, I no longer trust
You broke it with your own hands
for you only show up with demands
I was never a friend to you
because you're only here when YOU feel blue
You kept trying to convince me that it's true
that you actually care
but here I am saying "It's not fair."
because I can't say no to that look on your face
You always change the pace
I guess it's time
I no longer believe that this will ever sublime

Leave you, I must
*In you, I no longer trust

Just promise me
You'll never forget
The stitches I've sewn over you bare chest
Because I was the only one who knew
I was the only one who saw
That void you were hiding underneath your white shirt
All they ever saw was the false reflection upon your face
All I ever saw in you was your shattered entirety whom dreams to float along the clouds
And so there I was
Trying to mend your broken wings
But I never thought I'd get broken in the process
Why can't I say no to that look on your face?
I just stayed

In my sleep, your name I mutter
I wonder still, how you made it flutter
I refuse to acknowledge it
For I know it'll whisper to me my defeat
My heart doesn't believe
What my eyes perceive
I know your hidden shenanigans
I know your every move
But I let my guard down every now and then
Wishing I never knew how you work
Wishing I never knew how you think
Wishing I could just enjoy the feeling you're making me feel
But I knew, you'll be the source of my heart break
It was my second losing streak
As you left me with a teriffying stare
It was so far my worst nightmare

Let me ink away your entirety
Explain every detail of you in a poetry
State the wonders of your personality
And let me bid you goodbye
As I let that paper with my poetry fly
I'll finally set you free as I cry
I hope one day we'll pass by each other
In some other place at a different time
When the pain finally decided to sublime

You're a live fire
Burning me from the inside

Give me some coffee
Talk to me at Three
Lend me a pen and a paper
Let me write all about it in a letter
It's something to make me feel better
Make my heart explode
Make my thoughts wander wondrously
Like i'm losing myself in a fantasy
I'll lose it all and explode my thoughts like ink on a paper
writing all about my wildest dreams and imaginative travels,
all my irrational thoughts, my greatest memories, the habits of mine, the things that remind me of you and the stars that I've seen each night too
Just let me write about all of it including you

Come with me into the woods
Let's jump on leaves
unleash our catapults of feathers
Swing on vines and climb on tree tops
run around nature's maze
and *live our youth

Gazing upon a beautiful picture with smiles painted upon the faces of people who're bound to be together
With my fingers, I caressed and picked up the picture
Slowly sinking it into my memory
Making me remember each genuine smile
Till my hands went numb and the frame went out of my grasp
Shards of broken glass scattered on the floor
A broken image of a strong bond is now weeping in front of my face
With my hands, I picked up each broken glass and they ended up cutting through my skin
It hurts to pick up the broken pieces of such a master piece made by emotions and relationships

That tragic story still hasn't healed and it didn't only leave cut marks upon my hands but also on my heart
Whenever my memory replays that uneventful moment
It strikes a heart string and makes my heart weep

To me, you're a wonderful tapestry
However patchy you can be
You're what I've been trying to seek
A beautiful master piece that's unique

Don't worry
When your vision turns blurry
I'll lend you my glasses
To see the different faces

Lost as you may seem
I'll let my light beam
To let you see your way through
We'll make it through the maze too

Out of the night that covers thee
From your misery, I'll set you free
A mere stella from the void
Even though i'm almost dead
May my luminosity light your way ahead

Let your mouth speak the unspoken
Let your eyes explain the un-explainable
Let your mind think the unthinkable
Let your heart love the unlovable
Let your gentle hands cure the incurable
And let your faith make you result a *miracle

Whenever I surrender
You suddenly come to make me remember
It's like you come back from the dead
Making it hard for me to make a step further
I decide to go forth
Then you'll reach out and grab my ankle
I'm like a chained dog who thinks she could run away
Then a chain will stop me from going on my own way
You're a coward who can never really keep me
A hinder is what you are
To my dreams that would take me far
I've given too many chances
But I'll see you like a reindeer who prances
To my very existence
Thus creating such a distance
That eventually made me drift away

Now tell me one last time
Do you really wish for me to stay?
Or would you rather let me go and walk away?

*But first, remove your cowardly mask and face me with the question you wanted to ask

I always wondered how amazing it was that I could tell how you feel...
But I knew you can never say the same
I always wondered how you were
But I knew you wont ask the same...
I always knew you needed me
But I also knew you never knew...
You're like an open book who's trying hard to be encrypted yet i'm an experienced cryptographer
With just one look through your eyes, I could already tell but you refuse to spill the beans

I knew it was a mistake...
I knew you won't be there if I needed a shoulder...
I knew it...

Yet I thought you'd let go...
Why are you making things hard for me?
I was giving you a trustworthy ally but you never showed you can be one as well
Now im leaving for hell
Then you'll ring the bell
Asking me to come back
It's gonna be hard to go back
I hope you actually realized what you lack
And drop your cowardly act

I just hope i'm not talking to thin air
This is so hard to bear...

*If only you could open your eyes and see the truth that lies within

What if our brains are just huge memory cards?
What if the reason why you're forgetful is because it is deleting stuff to make up space for other stuff?
What if you're brainy and the reason why you're forgetful of memories and blissful times is because your brain deleted them to make up space for memorizing academic related things?
Isn't that just so sad?

Sa mga tala hihingi ako ng paunawa
Mga bagay na di ko na dapat ginawa
Pero sabi nga
Baka naman daw masyado lang akong walang tiwala
Sa sarili kong balisang balisa
Mga bagay na di ko na maipaliwanag
Kaya bang linawin ng ng mga talang aking laging tinatawag?
Sabi ko gusto ko nang lumayo ngunit sabi ko din "wag"
Di ko lubos maintindihan
Kung ano ang dahilan
Paano na ba iyan?                                
Maipaliliwanag mo ba kung bakit ngayon wala nang laman?
Kasi nung huli kong tinignan
Lahat tayo'y masaya laging nandyan
Ngayon... bakit?
Bakit wala nang laman???            
Pati puso ko di ko na maramdaman
Sobrang sakit na hindi maipaliliwanag nino man
Ayokong umalis nang hindi ito ayos
Pero di ko talaga alam kung anong gagawin kong kilos        
Dahil sa tuwing ika'y kaharap na
Lahat ng aking mga tanong ay biglang nawawala nang parang bula
Di ko alam kung paano ka kakausapin tungkol dyan sa sitwasyong di kaunaunawa
Kalagayan natin ngayo'y kaawa awa...

Di ko na talaga alam...
Sa tingin ko'y ako na'y naging mangmang
Kaya isang kudos na lamang
Para sa ating lahat

Nakakapagod mag kunwari
Na parang kala mo lahat walang mali
Ayoko kasing malaman nila
Na minsan ako ri'y nababalisa
Kasi sa pananaw ko
Ito ang estado ng sarili ko
Na kung saan maraming may oportunidad saking manloko
Pero ewan ko
Yung mga taong inaasahan kong makakaintindi
Ni isang beses sa tingin ko'y wala namang ****
Ang mga salitang hinihintay ko
Ni isa walang nakapagsabi
Kelan mo ba matututunan yung salitang "Ok ka lang? Maayos ka pa ba?"
Kelan kaya yan maiuukit ng iyong mga labi?

To the moon and stars above
Would you gladly listen to my plea?
I badly want to flee
To the mountain top I shall go
And scream to my heart's content
Cause I no longer know
Up to when I shall endure
This unspeakable feeling
It's been following me everywhere
I dont know how to put it into phrases
What more into sentences
Not even a word could express it
Too much thought is taking up my tired and restless brain
There's just so much pain and confusion
I can't even come up with a single conclusion
Everything ended up like a convulsion
But I know there was a root to the problem
Now we need it to be uprooted
Because the bigger it grows
It might soon become a tree and bear
Unbearable fruits      
These fruits look delish but you'll never know that it'll make you perish...

Tell me when... When will this end?
Cause it's gnawing at my chest cavity and it's making the floorboard shriek
It scares me to the bone
And it has made my soul unconscious...

You're seen as somebody who is unexpectedly soft
fragile
delicate
vulnerable
In fact, your persona was described as tough
firm
strong
mysterious
I wasn't that certain yet when I saw that pure innocence upon your eyes
little did I know that you really were deception
yet I still saw your true reflection
Now I can never look at you the same way
I look at you now with so much care
I painstakingly want to be your very own bubble wrap

An encrypted note on a papyrus
An ancient mystery that refuses to be solved
But I saw through your wall
Now I could sense the tears wanting to come out like a water fall

*I finally deciphered your intriguing paradox

Now I see the cracks
All your soft parts and misshapen heart
Your broken wings
that are truly a beauty
Once impossible to decode
Now I see your most vulnerable self
Your sensitive persona
The actual you that you've been hiding under a snake's skin

So fragile that every time I touch you, I feel like I might break you
To lessen the pain you feel, I badly want to hug you tight and may that be enough to put you back in one piece

*I wont leave. I promise.

Standing still dazed
Unable to process completely the whole thought
Waking up since that day makes you want to slap yourself awake
Away from this bad dream if ever it was one
That pain slowly eating away the insides of your chest cavity
Makes you harder to speak about that day
The day everything suddenly gave away
It's hard I guess
It's unbearable
Weeping is currently impossible
Because the whole thing refuses to sink in to me

I wish I'd just bawl
I wish I'd just cry out loud
I wish to just scream it all out
I wish to just let it pour like a waterfall

But maybe it's too much that not even a single drop comes out...
It's too much for my soul to bear that it can't produce a liquid called tear drop to clean my broken heart

To my asleep conscience
To my ever lasting cowardice
To my low self esteem
And to my doubtful self

I wonder when
When will courage rise up
When will it surface my very face...
When will it ever come at my door

But i'll just wait
Wait a little bit more
Wait a minute or so
Wait a week or two
Wait a decade or a year

I'll keep on stand by
I'll be here obediently waiting for your grand arrival

I have been battling insecurity
Just to make sure you stay with me
It all just sounds like insanity
But it's all just to keep it "we"

I remember the day we all became one
The day I got accepted into your clan
Each day was filled with glee
It was the happiest I can be

Seeing us in the picture
Lost pieces of the puzzle
now scattered around the floor
No one dares to move
I don't know anymore

How long will we stay like a mishap?
How long will we misunderstand?
How long will we stay numb?
How long?

I don't wanna know how long...
but please don't make it so long...

Ang sabi niya sakin "Bat ka pa maghahanap kung nandito lang naman ako?"

Edi syempre sumagot ako "Ikaw ba ang hinahanap ko?"

I think I almost ran out of words
But maybe you're just one stubborn child
To whom I need to repeat everything to get it all into your hard knuckle head

Maybe it's gonna be worth it
Im still not giving up so why are you?
Neither you or I have found our answers
so why are you telling me everything's gonna be up to no use?
Why are you telling me you're useless?

I myself have thought almost the same telling myself "You can never be like them..." but I found my own voice speaking back to me telling me "One day you'll see... One day you'll gleam with glee..."

And now here I am... Not much achievements but I sure am quite satisfied

I'm sure I was certain
Since when did I think I was a burden
Could it be? That I didn't see?
What's happening to me?

Slowly getting unhinged
All these stuff
They're driving me nuts
Maybe I was just a klutz

But oh please
take me away from this unbearable cage
called my thoughts
where doubt is certain all over the four walls

I no longer know where I fit
Feeling like a splat of dirt in the middle of a picture
Like an unwanted dust over a highly expensive vase
That feeling of being a trash in such a clean place

It's driving me crazy
It's utterly familiar to me
I guess it's called *insecurity