My life was orbiting around someone else's plan
The people who are meant to keep you safe
End up hurting me the most
When angry about something it was always my fault
I was the punching bag
Remembering lying on the hard wood bleeding
Crying to myself
Knowing I would never escape.
Then he came along
He picked me up
Rescuing me from the place I called home
Nurturing me with love
Something I was not used to
Now I'm dependent on you
That scares me the most.

That taste on your tongue
The smell in the air
The hair sticking up on your neck
The feeling of guilt you get texting her
The secret messages
The phone calls
The blade glides
The red river greets the tile again.
Your hold over me is deadly
The lipstick stains his collar
Her lips shine with chapstick
Under the rainy gray sky he departs
To meet the girl with the lipstick.
Don't be the lipstick girl.

The rains pour on our drought infested land.
The lights twinkle and shimmer with joy.
Seeing the reflection in your partners eyes,
Gives my body chills of happiness.
Soon families will be together,
Soon cookies will be baked,
Even though this holiday may be hard for select few,
Just know this Christmas I'm so proud of you.
Stay strong and spread love not hate.

In pain all day.
He takes care of me.
Rubbing my back makes me relax.
He knows exactly what I need.
I think I found the one.
Almost 8 months since we became official.
I want him to never leave my side.
I see a future.
I see him growing and becoming a perfect man.
A gentleman.
Here I lay at 4am writing.
Poetry lets the soul grow.

Like a broken petal of a rose i wilt.
My heart sinks like the petal as it falls.
The blood of my blood.
The feelings deep inside.
Do my feelings rippen like the rose blooms?
With the right love and devotion will it prevail?

Your eyes sparkle when I look at you
When you are inside me
It feels intense with love and passion.
I love you.
Your body quivers when you kiss me
I feel your heart beat when I sleep
My head on your chest
Your around me tight
I love the moment of peace
His smile and kisses show me
The words he can't say
A simple "I love you"
Makes my heart melt
This moment
Those blue eyes.

My heart is aching
My hands are shaking
The blood is flowing
Your knife is still here.
Sticking out of my chest
The silver sparkles
The blood turns black
Reaching my hands out
I grab only air.

Just another typical Friday.
No money for medicine.
No money for food.
Destroyed by my own self worth.
Feeling ugly.
Disgusting.
For people I pass anywhere I feel bad they have to see me.
My boyfriend tries to make me feel better.
He's a sweetheart but I know how the world looks at me.
I'm not desired or wanted.
I'm so ugly that if I was the last woman on earth the population would die.
Those girls in magazines, on social media, and in the limelight are now the norm.
Girls who are real are being criticized for weight, style, and looks.
If a woman's self worth is now determined by looks,
I feel bad for societies future.
Just remember, the uglier you feel, someone else feels the same way.
Well....I hope so.

No I won't call it fall.
Crisp is the feeling.
Crisp is the taste.
Apples on the trees.
Wind through the air.
The leaves carry my soul.
Everlasting into the winters edge.
Hold me close my dear.
It's that crisp time of year.

As the mornings sun reaches my window.
I will embrace you.
Your skin burns like fire,
When touched with mine.
I could stay forever in this instant.

After 6 applications I don't have a job.
I feel helpless
I need the money
I need the experience.
Instead i will cuddle you.
I will love you
My helplessness is cancelled with my love from you

Bullets of tears stream down my cheeks like bombs being dropped from planes above.
Eyes red as roses blooming in spring.
Falling apart I only want you.
Annoying as i am I try to stay away.
Knowing how ugly and vulnerable my tears make me.
He huffs and puffs his angry tone through the house.
My heart breaks with every slam and murmur he makes.
Nothing I do is right.
Nothing i say is okay.
Feeling alone in a world crumbling around me.
My only hope is to see a light shine upon me when my darkest hour is near.
I hope he sees me.
I hope he reaches for me.
As annoying as I may be.
I still love you.
I will always love you.

I want you to be able to tell me your inner thoughts and deepest feelings.
But now i realize you might have already given that away...

I look to the future and all i see is darkness.
There is no hope for the future.
I feel sorry for my future children.

Your radiance shines from the inside.
An eternal light of my hopes and dreams.
Your kiss makes me shine.
My skin glows with your warmth.
I never want to leave your light.

Kissing his lips
I feel my body tingle
Ripping off clothes
Breathing hard in anticipation
He gives one last kiss.
"Are you ready baby?!"
No answer is needed
My eyes say it all
Tight as usual
He goes slow
Eyes connect wild with passion
His lips cover mine
He thrusts hard
Harder and harder
Every position
Making my heart beat faster
When he finishes
Oh how his face sends chills
He kisses me up and down
"I love you"  exchange lips
I could lye with you forever
How much power you have over me
So much love.

I learned something new about myself
I hate when boyfriends talk to their ex
The claws come out
I'm territorial.
Maybe because I'm short
Maybe because I have history with boys cheating
I hate these emotions
They control me
I will protect my territory
And *****,
I'll ******* up.

I miss my razor blades
They were a friend to me
When the stress of money, love, and family
Tears you apart
My love tries sewing me together
My parents ripping me up again
The cold sting of the blade
The way the blood used to drip down my arms
I miss being numb.
Ever since finding love I have started feeling
Before him my parents would rip me apart
Emotionally I'm a wreck
Physically I'm growing gray hair
I don't want the numb back
But maybe just for one day.

I love him.
More than I have ever loved anyone
In my entire life.
I'm so scared to get hurt.
He has my heart
It's cut from glass
It will brake if dropped
I hope he keeps it close
But life is a *****
Will I survive this?
I want to be with him forever
I'm just asking for a chance to spend my life with you.
Forever & always.

I write about you every chance i get.
You don't write about me,
Not once.
I'm a little depressed.

I have trust issues.
He talks to his ex
She flirts with him
He sees no problem.
The feeling that someone is stabbing me
My insides bleed.
My skin bleeds
The blood stains my shirt
I need to release the pain
The blade really helps.
Let the blood flow.
Forever not good enough
Insignificant
worthless
Boring
**** me.

Lying here.
Waiting for your soft snoring.
I hate being away from you.
Your lips
Your hair
Everything about you makes me miss you more.
It's only one night.
It feels like an eternity.
My breathing turns shallow
I picture you
For a second
Just one
I feel you here.

I want to stab you twenty times.
In the ******.
I want to cut off your ***** ******* and throw them to the dogs.
I want to show you exactly who you messed with.
I will make sure your relationship ruining *** ends up like a human centipede.
I will make sure you are the middle!
I hope you realize how many times i cried myself to sleep because of you.
The amount of rage i have toward you is extreme.
If i ever meet you, the first thing that i will do is punch you across your ***** face.
*******.
*******.
*******.

If I ever get the chance.
I will do to your relationships,
Exactly what you are doing to mine.
You skanky *** side *****.  
Not even able to breathe without anger.

Every part of me screams
Every nerve ending feels like I might die
Could this period really b a period.
Am I pregnant.
I pray to God and all his living sections of Gods in different countries.
I'm not ready.
He's not ready
We want to love each other forever.
No more negative thought.
I'm not.
I'm not.
I'm not.

Just trying to breathe.
The waves crash
Breaking my heart
Ripping my soul
Emptiness follows.
Breathless
Lying still notmoving
No air to breathe.
Feeling of hopelessness returns.

Treat me like your favorite sweater
Wear me until the end of days
Wrap me around you in the cold
Let me hug you as you cry
Love me and cherish me
Wear me until I fade
Once I fade hang me on the wall there
I'll keep you safe from a distance
One day you will replace me
Don't make that day now
As I see your new sweater
Younger and brighter than me
I'll wish you nothing but happy thoughts
I'll yearn from the wall
One day I'll turn to dust
My only wish is for that love
That once was mine
Never fade from your heart
As I float through the air
I hope you feel me there
The dust that landed on your shoulder
Embrace me like an old love.

I see myself different than others see me
Where you see lips I see acne
When you kiss my nose I think about how big it is
If you touch my stomach I'll flinch away
The pain of my body looking so horrible I don't want to be touched
My eyes may be bright but they always look sad to me
My soul is corrupted by depression and abuse
My past is dark and twisted
I'm ugly
A monster
But some say I'm "cute" "adorable"
This makes me a child in my mind
Not the adult i should be
The mirror shows me how I am
A worthless waste of oxygen

Throughout my body I feel a yearning
I've never felt so wonderful
The happiness scares me
What if
What if
What if
Running through my head
What if
What if
What if
Without you I'm nothing
Nobody wants me but you
Without you I'm hopeless
These what if moments
Breathe through me like the wind in January
You never know what will happen
But I love you
And that will never stop


Your blue eyes make my soul melt. Your touch makes me quiver. Your kiss is like nicotine. I'm always wanting more.