It was perhaps the first of the few times
when I had started looking for a father in random guys
sitting by my window
calling the ones walking on the street papa
maybe I used to miss him a little back then,
but surely the things changed when I turned seven-
not young enough to understand why my mom cried &
yet too young to know
why he won't be the one
who'd bring chocolates for me
who'd be the one who'll stand by me and
wipe my tears when I'd weep
who'd help me stand when I'd fall
who'd be in my failures, the first person I'd call.
who'd teach me about the important lessons of life
who'd not make me realize, how humiliating it would be to be someone's wife
who'd be the first man I'd love.

We exist because we think
or we think because we exist?

I see my existence in your eyes.
I exist because you think of me.
I exist because with you
I don't need to think about myself.

I don't exist when I don't live in your imagination.
I don't exist when I don't live in your thoughts.

Don't look into my eyes
as I open my jar full of glow worms
& let out one by one
the light kept caged in my heart-
it helped me fight many violent storms.

Why was it caged, you wish to ask?
I will tell you as
one wise man once told me,
"accepting your mistake,
is step one of putting remorse to its task."

Fear drove me in different directions for years.
On one such maneuver when I was tired
and my eyes were full of tears
I found this really nice man
who shared with me his light
gave me a reason to carry on my fight.

But as he shared with me his light
I extinguished his own.

(He thought the world was nice
and sharing was caring,
not realizing I was wary and soulless
after all my experiences scary.)

Seeing the world dipped in the color of my soul
I protected this light
buried it deep inside,
to not let the ones who were like me
steal it from me
how I stole it from him-
by looking into his eyes.

Now, looking back in time,
as my soul gets cleansed
by regret and remorse
while
the nice man shines brightly in the sky,
even as
I wish to get rid of this stolen light of mine,
to die,
to be blessed with a less insecure afterlife.

Hence,
I release my glow worms one by one,
but
don't look into my eyes,
and try to steal this light-
escape my fate,
don't make the same mistake as mine.

Let's weave a cloth
using thread of lies,
one colored in your biases
the other in mine.

You believe what I tell you
& I will believe in you,
but take care to remember
what you say isn't true.

Let's keep it low key
& use only light colored threads-
a lie too bright
can show the lack of facts.

We'll use it to hide our skins
whenever
our sand castle we shall leave.
But careful!
Don't step out in the wind-
Beware of the power of truth
that takes the strength
out of this fabric we weave.

Look at him,
oh, how composed he looks,
like a tree on a windless day in spring

But alas! Our eyes see as much.

His heart is in pieces and bits
as, in love,
he pulls her up to fulfil her dreams

while

she holds onto the rope
that drags her baggage and
still a little hope.

Look at all these
hopeful coins in a fountain.

They echo the truths
kept caged otherwise
in so many

(broken
desperate
love-thirsty
tortured and
a little empty)

hearts~

Whispering the secrets behind one's
hope
pain
sane and
insane.

A broken tooth
tooth fairy &
monsters under our beds-
Oh! so scary

to

broken heart
what's a fairy &
Stop dreaming!
Face the reality so scary~

We complete a full circle from

our childhood's ache
to
growing up is an inevitable mistake!

A daring, caring angel
tried walking on land
wanted to spread love
but got stripped of her feathers
by just humans
now
she stares through an hourglass,
waiting to become mortal,
at falling grains of sand.

She keeps her lips
sealed tight,
opening her heart to no one.

She keeps her heart
sealed tight,
letting her dark inside
see no light.

Touching words and
warm rays of hope-
don't heal her anymore,
but
make her bruises burn.

Woodsy smell
Gentle touch
Husky voice
Sensuous words
Teasing smile
Steady, mysterious eyes
~
Appealing to my five senses
Seducing me, tenderly,
your sweet and spicy nothings.

Here, hold my open palms.
I think I am finally ready.

To put my past on mute.
To be played on a new song.
To surrender my heartbeat to your tapping feet.
To sway.
To dance to an unknown tune.

Take my empty hands.
Take my free soul.
Take my dying crazy.
Take my loneliness as I grow old.
Come.
Take me forever
until my heart is dead and cold.

Please
Hurt a little more
Don't
Let my tears deter you.
Things
Do look blurry through these misty eyes
But
My heart just began to see through you
Much clearly.

You found time alone?
Celebrate & revel until
he slips through your fingers.

Descending in the west,
the Sun, scraping the walls of darkness-
a prisoner of the night.

Bury thy sorrow, they said,
she buried her happiness instead~
with him, in his grave.

Let
your soul
be your own
guardian angel
&
let the watchful
spirits be free to fly~

After all,
they did good things
to deserve those wings,

not to be tied to you
to look after your sins.

With no burden of emotions
to weigh him down,

(She took his heart away-
smashed it, broke it, burned it)

his spirits could finally rise~
if he weren't dead,
you'd finally see him happy
and full of life.

He left her bereft of all, but
a blue & hollow wounded inside
and no many
chocolates, cupcakes & candied sugar
could sweeten her battered bitter.

They said he was a survivor
While he wondered
why he survived
with a heart so empty-
haunted only by the memory
of watching her die.

A fallen leaf
(now brown and dry)
died with a wish
to fly high
to reach the sky
or
to get burned~
giving fire a longer life
or
to get buried
feeding the earth
or
to float on water
giving an ant
a reason to not die.

Last night,
Under my pillow
I placed a key.

(Found it lying lonely
on my way to nowhere)

Wishing for some magic.
Wishing for an escape.

Four seasons,
but
only winter he loved,
When
he let the coldness
caged in his heart
set free,
disguised as
the cold December winds.

At night,
the grey clouds of
her dark memories
cover her sky.
As it gets darker,
rain starts to fall on her face
washing
her kohled eyes,
staining
an already leaden pillow.

The tragedy
of the binomial couples-
day & night,
black & white,
wrong & right;
together in our words,
separated in our world.

Look!
A newborn rumor.
Feed it fiction
or maybe a fact or two.
And it will grow bigger and plump.
Some will laugh, fret
and some will cry.
Until-
it starts to fade & gets boring & old
and
a day will come when
****! It's no more.

With no strings attached,
his stray heart
flew carelessly & free,
every day perched on a new tree.
Until his heart
found a cage-
he called it love.

You stumbled upon my fantasies
wen I let you look into my eyes.
You shout,
"Our reality gets better."
But how?
Convince me and
I want to be convinced.
I am ready to
give up my dreams for us.

Her last words
preserved in his empty heart,
like ashes kept in an urn-
to remember the times
when she is not
and
the time
when they were.

She's ready to start once again;
Never mind
her broken heart
& its heart-wrenching pain~
Her wounds
make her
a woman more feisty.

Wake up, get real!
World is a stage
so,
put on your daily act.
Why, are you sad?
Use my makeup,
you can't look bad.
Drink coffee.
Now, SMILE.

A smile can't fool many
when your battered & weary heart
fails at hiding its despair &
flows out its unhappy
as joyless tears.

Close your eyes and
be alone with the forgotten Gods
buried in your soul.

It's not pretty
& it makes u unhappy
But try.
With teary eyes
as you unwrap
this gift of pain,
embrace it &
release all your fears.

Daffodils in my garden
lie damaged & still
Fragile spirits of
these delicate dancers
crushed by-
the angry assaults thru the sky.