Haha, learning to trust and not be deceived by others is an art form I haven't seemed to master.
And I might as well have accidentally amputated my arms in a washing machine that's way too big by trusting too easily
Now I'm damaged goods and I don't know how to hold someone's hand anymore
My scars are so blatant they're like red lights flashing
Reminding me that all I can do is Stop
And
Wait
For when my heart turns green

(Me) With hair of cotton candy & bird's nests
(You) Sticks for legs
(Me) Pieces of glass in my knee cap
                   in the curve of my cheek
(You) Bleeding heart, it's getting all over
                                the carpet

The Sahara desert
Is my garden
But I never could grow anything

Death Valley
Seasoned time
mischief makers
playing catch with fire
Matchsticks always go out

So kiss me darling
Before the sun goes down
Tattoo the memories

Else
Fading breeze

So kiss me darling
Before the stars steal the show

My ashes
After ember
Will taste like cinnamon
Something that you can miss
So kiss me darling
Seasoned time

Dishes growing cold
Aging better like wine
One last dinner
Old time

Kiss me darling
Sunflowers wilting
Into dandelions

Fireplace settling down
Lantern running low
Batteries dead
Even the sundial doesn't know

Just kiss me, darling
Before there's no tomorrow

"Don't you think those shorts are too short for you?"
He says
He dictates my decisions
And like a puppet master
He forces his will inside my body
Hollows out my soul
To make room for his own desires
Carves out my humanity to make me a puppet
A play toy
An objectification
While still saying "I love you."

With broken wings
I feel so low
The blade a reminder
This is no nightmare, this is reality
And the only dreams I have anymore
are "Why am I still here?"
The escape is subtle

How I survived
The suffocating blanket of "no more"
Parachuting away from your curly hair
And hands that mimic: thief
When my body, is a no trespassing sign
And I finally respect that law

Too late, the walls are peeling
Insides decaying
A lost building
Not taken care of
When will the demolition begin?

Mother nature finds her decay
Caresses her vines around her broken frame
Pulling her down, but inward
Trying to rescue her from the enemy: man

She develops a fear
Her shyness morphed
Into distrust

She stumbles for a tomorrow
Watching for the spears of remembrance
That lurk
                                                In her reflection

The subtle tea of time and books
Help her
Physics and light shows
Burning glass and cloud towers
The amnesia dissipates
The hate remains
But behind so many walls
You find her

The man who speaks the language of my mind
With shaking fingers
And adamant statements that I'm not damaged goods
You place the straw back
In this scarecrow body
You find my heart

I forgot I had one in the first place
You adorn me with your smiles
Grace me with acceptance
And tell me "You look cute in those shorts."

#love   #suicide   #sad   #anger   #life   #heart   #pain

You're like a window
Light shines through
But it's dark inside

Cardigans for Curtains
All those lovely shapes, beside
Depending on the weather
Sometimes you're blue (Don't forget I can see through)
Sometimes you're black
Sometimes stars get stuck
           Fixation, Oxygen deprivation
Where would we be without you...?
                    dot, dot, dot, Question

The stars get stuck in the cracks
Obviously a metaphor for your flaws
And these lines/curves/obscurities
                  of my vision
Help me see you

Prism, dancing, and trying to age like wine
Getting, getting better all the time

Reflect it back
   Childhood
Magnolia leaves
Currently being abandoned
             Streets
Real Estate
   And different Paint

Then College
NOT taking you're money
"Too bad, see you next time honey"

Lanterns and Moths like houseguests
   Here to assess the property damage
You are not Real Estate

You are a Window
Light shines through

Ivy like a crown
Curtains like a blanket
You're looking from the corner
Feeling like the abandoned streets
Ex boyfriend like kids throwing stones
                      their blind, so they usually miss...you're beauty

You may crack, fracture, fractal
But you are Urban
                   There will be renewal

Here comes the repairman (Not that you need a man)
            Band-aids & stickers
Heartache like a stomachache
And he's looking in

There's the Windowsill
Light Shines through

You are more than a Window
But it's dark inside

The sky turned blue while
You were gone
I didn't think it was right

Wish I had a soundtrack of your heart beat.

We sit in your car
Brains in the console
'Cause this is a heart to heart

"Hey, what are you doing tomorrow?"
Social Obligation like stress is a dead weight or a blood clot in the drain
And all I want to do is stay
In bed
Staring at plastic glow in the dark stars on my ceiling      in the daytime

Or sit in a Chair
Pretending to draw
Holograms like Finger Painting for a future
That's just as boring

You're what I want, not what I need
He's what I need
which is what I want..

Butterflies and pills
Broken window sills
You left me here
With the wind
If I jump
Is it a sin?

I'm still so sensitive
in parts of my body
that have not been rubbed raw
by human touch

Connection
You might be confusing that with discretion

Lesson
Yeah I'll teach you two
Exactly to your heart
Is what I'll do

Second thoughts
Maybe that's
what you should do
Speaking truth or speaking rhythm
Now tell me what's the difference
I can sense the tension the friction the whole she bang
But bang not what I do

Teach I don't preach
Leech on your money
No I got my honey
Goin ham
No I am rabbit

Can't trap me in those lies
Seeking truth and denying
Bureaucrat wanna be
Just wish I could call my family

Family see no evil hear no evil
Do all evil
Believe father ******* whatever you call Him
He is no God
No gift of life
Just whole life struggle
Original sin from blood you were given
No choice
Mama too young
Almost not given her own voice
But thank God you
Rhythm helped you come alive
Scarecrow born in the field
Magic land but no fairytale

Modern society an epiphany of hell
Because we're still spillin blood
In our own streets
Serenity and peace
The enemy of greed
Feed the capitalist horse
Let's go Trojan
Owin to our past what our mother's have lived in
And
Overcome the sin that we falsely believe in plant the gardens in your heart
A seed is just a beginning

If so maybe I'll kiss you

I didn't want you in my pants
So I put on a dress

The dead sea is synonymous with me
Salty

We met during a meteor shower
at a party on Cloud Nine
And we were high, high, high
         out of our minds

Drinking the Elixir of Life
     From Vampire bartenders
The bumble bee of time
                whose sting is reality
And idealism is a crime

You were trying to plant trees
with seeds inside rain drops
Like Redwoods and Populus tremuloides

I  think your father was a giraffe made out of sticks from the Swahili language
              by the carpenter that is your mother
Who you look like

I wonder what you would carve from the
   wood of your harvest
A Wife like the Blue Fairy?

But you only saw in colors of green
With absinthe stuck in your teeth
you wear windchimes and windmills like earrings
and hummingbirds nesting in your ears
Your blood is honeysuckle

You caught me a Shooting Star,
              Calling me Eyelashes and Pretty dresses
I  like it best when the stars fall,
sizzle sizzle pop Like the beginning of time
and water fighting for its Life

I asked you, "Have you ever cut down a tree?"
            Pause button lingers on your lips
"What does that feel like?" I ask.
Your reply, "Hot, like the burn on your chest from the sword you made for the King of Aliens."
"He was just an Ex boyfriend" I reply.

You continue your work, eyeing as ghosts
     linger like houseguests on my shoulder pads
Pretending to be my consciousness
I put my morals in the recycling bin last week.
     And threw my soul into a Wishing Well.

You said you were going deep sea memory diving.
Amnesia a Past time, last time, previous life girlfriend you had
Who cheated on you with Reincarnation

You say that's why the dinosaurs
are extinct

I ask you if you need a ride home in my Time Machine.
It's made out of cardboard and childhood memories.

There's creak and cracking
In the ancient structure
Of getting older
Body tightens its grip
Flirting with eventual end

Scenic route
Sighs to broken bones
On this open road
Superficial souls

Can't have a birthday
Always gotta look ****
Digital manifestation
There's no mystery left to the world

We dive deep
Still minnows
Time calls our names
Never forget youths betrothed enemy
Time calls our names
Subjects to change

Superficial souls
Searching for rabbit holes

Scenic route
Sighs to Indian mounds
On this ending road
All souls grow old

Thanks for misundersnding me
Gives me a lot of clarity

Sky can't be without some rain
Experiences perspectives change
From sunshine to anger issues

Psychotic look whose wearing the
shoes
Could run crop circles around you
Foreign realities unspoken
Wonder or never land
Figures we were just playing pretend

Can someone tap into my destiny
And tell me what I'm doing wrong?

Study sleepy water
Build bricks in your showers
Try to find some balanced ground

Streets crawl like rivers
Buddha is the new potassium
Black is the new fast track

Try to find some Hometown

Tennis Courts are tea tables
              the places we sit and think
      Inside the box

Leave your scars/mistakes/All the pieces of you that are plates
                                       Fragile, easy to break
In the car, locked, just like your keys

Stand on rooftops with umbrellas
             Waiting for Meteorites        
Find some Peace of Mind

Or Open & Close them
  Like S.O.S
And signal for Help

Build houses like Sandcastles
To realize time is eternal
           But you aren't

Keep your childhood like a locket

You aren't a puppet
      Socks are

Find some confidence
      And let sheep be for counting only

You are like spam.

I learned bravery when my first kiss
Was the one who used force
Who took advantage of my developing body
And turned my morals into mind rot
When my body became cavernous
With stalactites and stalagmites skewering me from the inside
And my heart poured out through a hole
Like soup
And you
Swallowed it whole

Post Script:

You devoured me on first sight
You saw my craving for knowledge
And my body as an advantage
You did not know this then

You gave up your current
For a new model
Gave me letters and flowers
And then trouble and hate
Pain and ‘no lipstick’ ohh wait that was the other guy
It matters not because you both fall into the same category
Mistake
Your strength could never match mine
Because I grew from my past
I learned from my flaws
I turned them into armor
While you turned them into excuses
You left me broken in other ways,
But not as broken as you’ve made yourself
You turned to drugs and alcohol
Looking for answers in acid
And lost your soul in the process
Not that you believed in one in the first place

At least leave me a box of matches
So I can build my own fires

And on that day
my Curiosity died.

He chews his water
Like food for thought
Like he's never thirsty
But always starving

The night crawls under my skin
Fever delirium laced with heartbreak
in the cracks of my chapped lips
I let down my walls
Now kite drifting away like balloon let go
You were the walls of this maze called home
fog blanket me into Limbo called fever delirium hot and *****
icecream cone by the fireplace
defy the logic
cut the shoelaces
defy the logic
jump and walk on the sky
defy gravity
Swallow the whole **** ocean
Do the impossible

Have *** demand icecream for breakfast
throw punches in the street
Do drugs you don't know what they are what they do how they can hurt you
trusting abuse like a unicorn but it's just a horse
hear the dragon roar
Underneath the bed you make love on
your friends are sometimes the monsters
Spilling the probation all over the floor
Realize he's not sleeping next to you
He doesn't love you anymore

You can tell she hurts
Lives away from home
Digs teeth into words like wounds will heal like they are stitches
Fall for boy in coffee shop
Leave dream boat to pursue reckless thought

You give leaves
He gives you hope
Helps your lighthouse at sea float
Secretly as you sleep inside the sun
When your lighthouse work is done
He paints over the stripes
He thinks it is like the love story of your mother and father

She is angry with a tiny clustered house with the smell of her smoke filled lungs
He paints every room like reversing time
But it's all pretend, just men being men

Let the leaves burn
Steal the words from books
Cut them out
Cut your heart out
And try again

You sit in sunshine
While nighttime caresses my lips
And sleepiness is a war keeping me
from your morning
You fit into tomorrow
While the past is a circle trying to be a square

take these broken and weary bones
call them home
folding paper flowers
leafs into owls
stringing them up on close line
next to the windowsills
Hanging ceremonial prayer flags
Stare at clouds instead of each other's eyes
Misdirection not necessarily a lie

I'll be the pyramids you'll be the sky

The clothing shorn
In wasteland we are born

Where do we go now
Forgotten places
Forgotten time

Love and love me not
Wilted flowers and lost thoughts

The radio is in the street
Columns creaking in defeat
We're feeding ourselves to the fire
Injecting dreams
self dissonance

We walk in the desert calling it home
In fire born
In wasteland
The clothes are shorn

I'll be the sky you'll be the pyramids

There's something so sick about
        this emotional capacity

Before breakfast we plant atomic bombs in our neighbors yard
                                                            ­   like bulbs of (glad)iolus
Haven't you noticed how much gardens look like graveyards

My cereal, ceiling, bathroom, and skin
        All say Made in China
This homeland is looking more like that land
Ughhh and you can see the blood in my pink nail polish from that sweat shop girl
It's not supposed to be RED!

ooOooopps did we just learn how to commercialize genocide
I'm wondering when I'll wake up with a barcode
Will it be on my eyelids
             my arms                                           my soul

Maybe God was in the bees
And now
Now there's no more honey, flowers, or trees
  
                       Just time.

My brothers both went to war
It's not Wal-Mart
But it's open 24/7, checkout through Heaven
And I don't think they're coming home

Not without bones implanted in their brains
sharp, jagged, broken ones
That kind that make you uncomfortable with your memories
The one's that make it hard to sleep

Last week I found a dead cat
  A dead bird in the snow
When I turned around the corner, I saw myself

I was lying in the street
          Dead, dead
And I felt nothing

dream of boys and sycamore trees
you are every tree broken window pane shooting star crash landing like UFO sighting you are scars and tears in bed sheets like mutilated painting
melodramatic alchemical reactions friction between legs and the toes
heart chakras bending inbetween our spinal bones coffee drips from our lips decaf because we are sleeping and dreaming in each other's holy water tears and the little house of fire we built under the full moon after you failed out of architecture school we were children forgetting how to swim because we test drove people thinking that was love

Now you're seeing foxes and I'm seeing
roadkill calling this spiritual
Sensual exploring of the record and we are the players scratching each other on repeat trying to find meaning in life, in heavy breathing ourselves inside out
not looking in mirrors because we finally see ourselves

You are dancing cubes I dance like the moon gave birth to the Sun
binary staring at each other till we collide and and it scares us because because you are the One
Zero divided by infinty you Fibonacci sequence connecting the patterns of human and ***
we are so microchip trying to logic our way how to love system overload not failure

Sirius A Sirius B
You Orion me in crecent pulsars of ******* like backwards slow motion of looking through a telescope and fighting orbit disorientation of the world spinning us together like the cermaics class you took in college like lost love remembering itself

We smoke each other's cigarettes
Hoping to protect the other's lungs and wearing sunscreen trying to protect our sensitive skin as we melt like candles at each other's touch
This is a love story born on the ripples of skipping stones as we skipped all other lifetimes to fall into lips laced with kindness
The kind that hurts

I push your back against a tree as river heartbeat races below with cold hands and white sycamore staring across like white buffalo we are reborn as the chipmunk chirps, false bird

As the sun lingers like words we have yet to say like tiny convict not daring to escape the teeth cell of our own body because mind says no like bad dog
No early Christmas gift unwrapping each other with the lingering words in the shallow doorway of our our mouths
We are just becoming bilingual
Soon to be fluent in each other and know each freckle constellation and cell plastered on the graph of your skin your scars
are cracks in the wall that let me see into the rooms of you
and i trace the x,y, &z; axis of your body it blooms into muscle memory  
One midnight I'll meet your soul
I hope the stars are sleeping so that's all I'll see and I'll go blind in the light that permeates your eyes
But I'll read those freckle Constellations of your body like braille
Blind but happy

I stab myself with the piercing water from the faucet sideways french kissing it
My eyes distant planets with no GPS home
I stumble away
Stubbed toe an after image

I imagine a new city
Faces I don't know
Disappointments new baseline
I imagine being unmet versions of myself
No more horoscopes fairytales of grandma universe

Just Coffee shops for breakfast with music unknown
Hustlin'
Library books too poor to buy
Pay for rent coffee music plants and lies
Black market your soul to get by

Yellow hands pulling people outside their bodies
Force fed images of reality
Human shells beehive
themselves into just a hive mind
With ignorance of chaos theory

I go back to bed as the train passes by

I am lonely in thoughts
And practice
Like sport without training
And I will die knowing less than I have learned
Transparent in form & nature
Giving birth to myself in ways my mother couldn't
On stumbling ground
With no grace to be lost or found
I tremble in my humble footsteps.

My voice seems stolen
By what you call affection

Shadow in the mirror
See through powers of invisibility you granted me
How carelessly I invited you in
For the tide you are washing me away

Stolen voice
Locked away
Constriction for the caffeine you are
And call me addicted
Because I guess I wanna
           Disappear

Frustruated that the only way to make me believe that I love you
By only believing the rest of the world isn't here

My hollowing bones are the windchimes you call annoying
My insecurities the toothpicks from the flesh you tear
With gritted teeth
False belief in upside down
This is Folie á deux
That has become
              me & you

There's a storm in my teapot
I accidentally let loose
Now the geese are staying here for winter
As the dog waits for a golden egg

I'm finding ways to distract myself
from the clothesline
Where I used to hang your shirts

The sun is boiling over in the ***
Little children are dancing around the eye in a future
I can never have

Curl inbetween the pages of the book I have yet to write
Moon whispering tiny secrets to me over breakfast when she should be asleep

I get love letters from other habitable planets in my oven
I never get a chance to read them

Blame the stars and there infinite possibilities as you try to organize them on your spice rack
Grandma will be here soon to show you how it's done
With her practical magic

We hibernate our self like the seasons sometimes the roulette city pulsates us out of our circadian rhythms
Destined by epigenetic movement
Humans becoming gutted fish dandelions missing the wish part and just being stem Sometimes I wonder if it'll be an eternal fall

Endangered self awareness
Sleep is a drug as consciousness dims in everyday life

'Cause being alone
Is its own form of home

I look at the ***** mirror.
The mirror isn't the ***** one.

My stomach hates me for the toxins I indulge in
Swallowing my teeth trying too hard to take words back

I will remember your words
You bury under the sycamore the sun has burnt
I will remember them till I drown in the oxygen my grandmother pulled from a tank
Lead in her lungs from persimmon jelly and fig jam

Mister John's dog still wanders the neighborhood
His master is dead under the turnips

I haven't loved hard enough or well enough

I miss my 50's cluttered gold mailboxes in that quiet haunted hotel to apartment, one bedroom no one sleeps in
The fridge keeps me company
Because you're not home
You are not home

Violent daises over black
Fade on my t-shirt
The washing machine ate too much

My hot tub caught on fire
Mother in the shower
Thank god the neighbor was home

Giving to the pain
Tides smearing my existence to sand
and I don't mind

My meaning in life dissipates
Within my lack of discovery
Place cells eradicating memory
Like forest fire

Two strangers
Opposite of a bridge
Meet center
But he dropped the fire
"I don't want to be in love anymore"

i sit on the bed
naked
eating spaghetti

I wanna wake up
With stale breath
So I can ******* own venom

Deep sea memory diving

I sketched you
And watered your plants

We had existential sunrises
Blue from inner death
Fond to gnarled tree
Sick memory of you and me

Coffee no longer no longer
Tastes so bitter

Shy with fear
Do not cross yield
Crop circles ahead
Firery brim firey brim firefly sins
Liminal sythaeshtic bliss

Cerberus innocence
Kite crashing
Temptation mixed with tense
Escape escape escape x2
The loneliness
The lonely winds

Coffee no longer coffee no longer
Tastes so bitter
And I miss my name

Bitter little sinner
Bittler little girl
All the same
Bitter little sinner
Bitter little girl
Learning the same mistakes

Interest to abstract concept