Sweat drips into gasoline pipes, the
Burning in my stomach causing
Noxious fumes clouding the sky, as
Acid rains down on my tongue, while
Chewing on black rubber, but
Don't swallow your sorrows, remember
Steer clear of the profits, that
Promise a better tomorrow, see
The fruit of knowledge is bittersweet
And all of these people gotta eat, so
We'll carve through the rock and blood
Black skeletons soaking in sin
To keep our treats in refrigeration
There's little man hasn't already done.

Time passes like clouds in the sky
Lessons cycle like white spirals
Twisting deeper into my mind
Carving passion into canyons
Hobbies become habits or
Potential into careers
Joy into sadness or
Love into tears
All the while
My children
Won't stop
Growing
Up

I know these words need not to rhyme
Yet the sound rings out as if divine
Hands wrung out the blood in my heart
Spilling love onto white and making it art

We've traveled the world and seen so far
Across oceans of water and to the stars
Past peaks of earth that scrape the sky's
Through the struggles and doubt of just getting by

You've attracted me like a moth to flame
A light in the garden that paints the way
You're the moon to my midnight, the rays on my petals
You're the reason I fight, to put down my devils

This feels so right, knowing that Alexandrite
Changes in the light from purple to green
It seems like we were always meant to be
So I'll never let go, if you'll marry me?

Blades cut back to the roots
Forced us to start fresh
Like the waning moon
Or the sun when it sets

From frost to morning dew
Life wakes from its rest
Seeds grow into shoots
Surviving winters test

Cycles begin anew
Like babes to a breast
Or when flowers bloom
On Persephone's dress

I tried turning the other cheek
It left me battered and bruised

I tried washing their ***** feet
They walked over me after I was done being used

I tried opening up my home to them
I was left with the debts and dues

I tried my best to understand
But I'm still so confused

I've worked so hard to share my art
Years and I'm still afraid to starve

I wanted to show the world my heart
Crushed under the imperial boot

I finally found peace when I ran away
Back home where I once sought to escape

But this calm wasn't meant to last
As my fears of the world turned inward on my self

Plagued by anxiety and chronic stress
Paralyzed by the most simple of tasks

Where there once was a boy with flowering ambition
Now sits a man made of broken glass

I never thought I'd go back to smoking
But there's not much to do here
Besides stoke the fire.

I spent a year watching it all crumble
So I tucked my tail between my legs
And went home humble

I wonder around trying to stay busy
There's so much that needs done
But I'm so ******* lazy

I thought I had conquered my many addictions
The shadow of my past haunts me
Causing these afflictions

I've been in a panic, knowing I'm undeserving
Happiness and success aren't for me
The pressure is unnerving

I can't handle drugs like I used to
My palpitations make me anxious, but
What else can I do?

I gave it my best, and tasted the good life
My art has been seen by so many
But I was stifled

Now I'm just bored, so **** it I'm smoking
The feeling of nicotine is
better than nothing

I never wanted to be
As still as the stone
Though,  even the mountains
Slowly erode away

Time flows like rivers
Winding up and down
Rapids here,  trickles there
Always in motion

Hearts thump with purpose
Though, sometimes erratically so
The anxiety of the end
Coming ever closer

The spirits come and go
Passing through the veil
Heed their warnings though
You'll follow their trail.

It's the part of the story, that
You can't quite put into words
Despite the message being sent
Through written symbols and prose

It's the point where the science is
Dissolving into ether
The solution is clear as day
Burning bright in your center

It's the similies we see, when
Peering into the cosmos
Black holes spiral the galaxies
Like Iris casting rainbows

There's an art to the way you walk
In teaching children to talk
The purest act of creation
To learn love and expression

Time has an incredible knack, for
Marching us into the next chapter
Pages turn by light of your lantern
Guiding me back home

I built a life of fame and fortune
Paved my way to riches and stardom
When lightning struck, I watched it crumble
Left with only stone

Vanity and Lust wrought my twenties
Greed and Wrath spent all of my plenty
The cost of life's lessons is our Envy
Gluttony for truth

Transitioning into thirty three
Searing flames of holy prophecy
Right hand scribbles my biography
Pride has sold my youth

We pay our dues in isolation
Growth consuming the old foundation
The desert teaches moderation
The Sun's golden hues

When you hear thunder roar
It's hard to imagine
You could be the one in a million

But when the static in the air
Makes your hair stand on end
The realization comes fast as lightning

We are all so flawed that
When we attempt to trace
The face of divinity
The names scrawled frantically
Carving ink into our skin
All of our moral failings
The meaning lost in translation
Though we try again and again
Allah doesn't ring the same as
Yahweh

Can you still feel their pain?
Or have we forgotten pleasure
Try to bleach away the stains
Blood left on your treasures

Bury the coins down deep
And lock away the guilt
While choking on the key
My inky guts spilt out

I'm sick on melancholy
Numb to what's right or wrong
The ship has sailed, behold her glory
Sirens wail, so great their song

Stories told by word of mouth
Gossip scribbled out a map
X marks my heart, 10 paces South
Tricked again, fell in the trap

The clash of steel, the smell of smoke
Aye, I gouged out his eye again
Nay, just another sad bloke
Who's plans went awry Captain

As I patched up my face, and dusted my coat
A crack in the mirror split across my soul
The two parts of myself, the survivor and the ghost
Both covered in blood from others we stole.

I'm just an artist
There's nothing I can paint
That will staunch the bleeding of children
Running in the hallways
Terror streaking across their faces
Dripping sweat and tears dry
The after math is a class on
Thoughts and prayers.

I'm only an artist
There's nothing I can sing
That will stop them from drilling
Miles and miles deep the chemicals leak
Water isn't what it used to be
But gas ain't cheap, and
Neither is that mansion your
Representation bought
Across the street

I'm a humble artist
There's nothing I can write
That will regrow the forests that burn
I need the paper to wipe
And the ash fills my lungs
So I exhale my feelings onto
Blank white sheets hoping
To make a difference.

I've been pacing from room to room

Waiting for the world to stimulate

Something other than haunting gloom

Scroll unrolling a new series of emotions

Trends are mountaintops so better follow

The path is winding and this high peaked

Enjoy the view of this digital landscape

As the rest of the world crumbles at your

Feet

Our logic is round
Like the world that we stand on
Our fathers are proud
We proved to be worthy spawn

Our reasoning is cyclical
Like the seasons return on schedule
Our mothers still cynical
That love exists beyond her child

Morality makes us whole
Like a cold drink from a clean spring
But do we have a soul?
The weight of the question runs deep

You can't prove me wrong
Isn't a good enough reason to act out
And just because a song is sung
Doesn't mean I have to listen to you shout

Is it better to be seen?
Or should I hide the parts
Of my mind, the unseemly
Things that eyes don't like, so
I can sell enough bits and
Pieces of my soul to
Pay this month's rent?

Is it better to be heard?
Or should I quiet the
Sounds that my thoughts are making
When feelings start biting
At my rib cage and my heart
Skips across the cold street
To keep the peace?

Is it better to be owned?
Or should I keep trying
To make it work? Just because,
I'm used to suffering
by now, you'd think it wouldn't
hurt so bad while watching
you walk away...

I have a question to ask
If God ever finds time
I've been wondering why for
Quite a while despite
My parents trying their best
Telling me I'd get it
but, Eventually
hasn't come yet.

We ran out of places to colonize, so
Now the capitalist are after our time
Though your mind might not realize yet, our
Attention has been commodified

All these fans around me but only you, see
That eyes are as good as gold nowadays, please
Check out the newest subscription released
So I can feed my kids and escape the freeze

****** and incels fighting over bucks and *****
But free videos take advantage of ***** and
Strippers prefer cold polls to ***** cause we
All gotta clock in sucker, ***** to ****, so

We scam each other hoping to get ahead
Scheming over the same table we broke bread
Together in public we feed on street cred, but the
He said she said won't put a roof over your head

So better get famous *****, let everyone know
Your business is going swell, gonna buy some blow
Gonna sell some ****, make a scene, then go
Do anything you can to keep them eyes on you.

If ignorance is bliss
And knowledge is power
I'll conquer the abyss
And defend my Tower

If Babel did spiral
And cursed all our people
I'll learn occult symbols
And cast out this evil

If Zeus blasted my crown
And reduced to rubble
I'll flow red from your brow
And rip through your muscle

If Prometheus ran
And flames danced in his eyes
I'll pluck two apples and
Hand you our sweet demise.

Past nights haunt me in the bedroom
Pillows not so comforting since
Peace lost under a blood red moon
The ghost of my sins, still Present.

Trauma can wear many faces
Tears streak a fallen angels wings
Terror marks us through the ages
Raging wind destroys every Thing.

Soft whispers stoke the secret flames
Seared nerves can no longer feel pain
Strike my metal, I'm not to blame
But I can't seem to wash the Stain.

Decisions I made lead us here
Devils over my left shoulder
Dancing demons into my ear
Live out my days in Disorder

What has Nature done to us?
You can’t write past wrongs while time is set in stone, but making an effort to be better next time is akin to Love is it not?

Cain wasn’t just jealous, he was HUNGRY, and
I was just so ******* lonely

I’m an animal, but why do I  care?
Who is forcing us to do this

I long for breathe, please give me life, please me, please me, please me

Why would I want to do anything, if you just wouldn’t ******* hurt me
Are you comfortable?
What does it matter if we don’t know what it means?

EATSLEEPFUCKSHITMACHINE

why does feeling pleasure have to be so painful? I just wanted to look at you, so I created a universe for us

I AM

except it’s not that easy is it…

To feel all that LOVE and to LOVE all that PAIN you caused because I left you inside of me

do you enjoy my suffering?
at least then it would be worth something

I could trade my time here for some time there instead and maybe then I could be happy?
If I eat something, then that means someone else feels empty right? Am I supposed to feel guilty or full?

YOUCOMPLETEME

****** war feeds mostly carnivores
I wish we could all just get along, ha, ha, ha, but if you step on my toe I’ll
******* **** YOU

Children whisper secrets to each other while trading the bones of their ancestors with fairies who give them shiny metals, all colored shades of gray

If rainbows are broken white light then why shouldn’t I be racist?

I’d love it if you’d love me how I wanted you to love me

I JUST WANT SOMETHING THAT I CAN CALL MY OWN THAT I CAN CONTROL

Why y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y

I’m here now and I don’t know why I was born, but if you’d like to give my life meaning I can pay you money
Where are we going?
Can you build
WHAT ARE YOU WORTH?!?!?!?!!
......has it always been this way

I've killed more creatures... and people, with my dollar bill, than I could ever count...

And I'd do it all again if it meant spending another day with You.

Drugs are like people
When we first meet them
You get such a thrill
How could such an experience
Be contained in a vessel
We try to keep our distance
Addiction makes us look dependant
But we can't wait to get more

OH that sweet taste of fulfillment

People are like drugs
We put some on a pedestal
We look at others with disdain
It's so easy to blame it on them
The chemicals in our brains
So cynical but the truth is
That once you get used to it
Life is pretty mundane.

Oh god...
Please no, not this
Just breathe slowly and
Hopefully it'll go away, then
SHIVERS spark beads of sweat
The pain inside you'll never forget
Hot and cold, breathe in and out, then
LURCH
   Oh God Why?? I'm
CH...Oking on my
       I n s i d e s
CO....UGH I can't FU....Cking breathe
My God is it ove.... Rrrrrrr...

Breathe... Just breathe
Spit and wipe the tears from your face
Sweat in my eyes burns like
The acid in my throat but
At least it's done...
At least I hope

I have something to show you
A piece of perspective
You, otherwise, would never know
See, through my eyes it went but
From yours it goes and
Words can only get us so far so
We just make more up as we go
I've never felt quite like this before
How would you put it? Um
When understanding looks like a chasm so vast that
Alexandria could be cast down to the firey pits of Mankinds worst shortcomings...
The sad fact is that
We can imagine anything except what it's like to walk in the skin of another.

I'm afraid
Of
Eyes
Seeing me for
Who I truly am
That "they" might
Hate me
Because
I'm different.

I'm afraid
Of
Ears
That "they" might
Hear what I have to say
But
No one will want to
Listen

I'm afraid of
Hands
That "they" might
Make a fist or
Worst
Point a finger at me and
Single me
Out

I'm afraid
Of
You
The public is
Dangerous and
THEY have no time
To care about
My opinion
Only
"Theirs"

It's not fair
I just want you to understand that I
Never wanted to hurt you but
My only means of coming closer is
Convoluted with all these carnal longings, wants, and needs bleeding together until I can no longer separate the meaning between my words and my feelings...

And it's not your fault for not communicating with your tongue, I can see it in your eyes, in the way your body moves, I just wish we could dance without stepping on toes, but swaying and swooning is a slippery ***** when I get caught up in pursuing something more intimate with you...

I've never been the best at tumbling, lucky to finish with some light bruising, and it's hard to move on when the wound still hasn't healed and it's hard to treat when you're wrapped up with what hurt you in the first place...

I can't feel without being physical, I'm still just an animal, and I know it's selfish that I need this from you, I just wish that you were as selfish as I am so when I'm ready to hunt we could ravage the world together and share in the sweat and pleasure...

It's painful knowing that you don't feel the same, and I don't understand when your words mean one thing, but your body walks away, but your tears touch my hands, and your lips press to mine, and we're both hurting from swallowing this mixture of love and longing...

Sometimes it's like we speak a different language, like you're ok with just holding hands and spending time together, and it's not that I don't like those things too, but when I hold you there's a snake slithering inside of me, whispering in my ear that there's a sweeter fruit to be had...

Had I played my cards better could it have ended up different? Doubting myself, and our attraction, my ego swells and needs stroking, and I'm no stranger to my left hand, but ******* just leaves me feeling lonely, so am I wrong for wanting to make things right with you?

I love you, and I just want you to know that I know it's not fair that I want you when you don't want to, and I'm sorry I let my feelings run off with my ego, because you mean so much more to me than just touching... But I'll still be waiting for when you want to.

It's hot, stormy nights like this
With tip-taps on the glass and
Sudden loud claps rumbling
Thoughts of my past come
Scrambling back

That summer night party where
Our eyes struck a match and
We danced in the smoke while
We sweat out the high and
I couldn't stop my mind from wondering between your thighs
Whiskey burned holes in my memory
But not as big as the one I tore in your leggings...

But we burned out that night
I didn't know, I just hoped you
Might have wanted to stay but
There was someone else and you
Told me that you made a mistake...

You were art to me...
Just the way you walked through life
And talked with a lisp and didn't
Take anyone's ****, what a bad ***
Punk rocker *****, I swear to GOD
If I would've known you were
Sticking needles in your arm...

I doubt I could've taken it away
Addiction is something that stays
Even when it's unwelcome, and
There's nothing I can do to change the past, but it's nights like this one that
I just wish I could tell you
That you were art to me.

It's pretty easy to write when you have a topic in mind and emotions are high.
When love is swelling inside, or
When the pain is overwhelming you.
But its a lot harder, for me, to capture
Beauty in day to day moments,
Mundane reality, repeating itself like a
Daily alarm reminding you that it's time to be "creative"...
I want my art to be genuine, and
They can tell when you try too hard to be noticed, but it's not easy either,
Too really put yourself out there.
It takes a lot of effort, and practice, and raw talent, that you may or may not have, but theres something pulsing, something beating in your chest that just wishes it could display itself...
I long for recognition, please, hit that
LIKE button, so I know, at least, that this meager life I'm living might mean something to someone.

It's been two years now and
This is our third Valentine's day
But I still find it difficult to say
How you've impacted my life from the moment our journey began

I've always struggled to face myself
My shortcomings were haunting
Ghosts of past failures, stunning
I was ready to let the liquor take my dreams and bottle them on the shelf

Then a whim, a ray of hope
We met in such a rare circumstance
I knew I was given one more chance
To be with you I could, and I would, change...you were my antidote

You are the cure to my depression
In moments of weakness and axiety
In moments of fear and agony
To be with you I could, and I would, face my demons and leash them.

You have brought out the best of me
And on this Valentine's day
I just wanted to say
That I hope you spend the next fifty Valentine's days with me.

You gotta do what must be done
To get what you want.
But be careful that in the meantime
You aren't sacrificing too much
Cause human beings have needs
Regardless if you like it or not
That new truck isn't gonna fit in
The burning pit in your stomach and
All that money in the bank account
Won't buy you more time with the kids
So be mindful of the work you do
And thusly where you invest
God forbid they burry you with all the gold, full of regrets.

Something
Something's rattling within me
Shaking my rib cage
Increasing my heart beat
Pressing my vessels
Increasing the pressure
It's... Nothing in particular
Just the crushing weight
Of global disarray
Pushing me against the brick
Grinding my teeth to dust
Scraping my skin on cement
Anxiously awaiting the end

So the truth is
This universe is a black abyss
And all that exists, everything
That we would call "conciseness"
Is beams of light eternally swirling into deaths gaping mouth.
Now, which event would you say
Brings us back to unity?
To be made, or unmade all for
God's glory? Or... Is there something
Beyond this everlasting duality?

Over and over again now
A savior has come to us
With words shared by the crown
A weighted blanket of morals

And over and over again
We sold this golden blanket
For 30 pieces of silver coin
So quick to forget the lessons

We used this coin to build a wall
Surrounding all of our possessions
Praying to God that it stands tall
While children paint it with excuses

The desperate need a place to sleep
But we traded golden bedding for lead
Nothing left for them to eat or drink
So we cover their land in bloodshed.

The golden blanket now soaked red
Torn open on the side with our spears
too late to put these nightmares to bed
Even gold can't soak up a mother's tears.

If you're too soft they'll chew on you just to prove you wrong.
But
If you're too hard the slightest change will fracture your brittle core.
So
Balance these concepts of gift and swallow to show them all that kindness can also be a force to be reckoned with.

Where does compassion meet justice?
Where does tolerance meet judgement?
When does innocence meet violence?
When do the sinful become righteous?
Why do we dismiss what others find precious?
Why are destroying our only environment?
Humans are so full of contradictions...

This used be a breath of fresh air
Ventilation when I felt suffocated by
My overflowing thoughts and ideas
Racking my mind for the words to
Express what I feel about *******...
Being alive...
Now I just hear echos in the endless
Caverns of data, stacking numbers
Became too important and it's like
We've sacrificed what it meant to
Just be human.
The depth is beyond comprehension
Crushing darkness all around us
With nothing more than glimmers
Hung just far enough to wet your
Thirst for knowledge
And still, with all of this death circling us in a seemingly endless abyss
We can't seem to grasp that it is life
That is the splendid exception to the
Laws of physics.
We'd rather toil over our individual
Perceptions of what it means to be
Good or Evil, on a rock that frankly
Doesn't give a flying **** about
What we think.

I guess I'll just
Try my best to
Play both sides of
This never ending argument cause
I can't resist the  
Temptation when I
Talk to my demons
About what we're really capable of
Deception isn't my
Preference, but still
At this point I'm just
Trying not to resort to something
More destructive since
It's painfully obvious
That we prefer our own
Illusions over the grueling climb
Towards Truth.

While contemplating
My ethical take on
Conflicting desires
Between individuals
My children playout
Imaginary tragedies,
Attaching to things,
Building an identity...

I wonder what exactly
I have to teach them
When I'm still deciding
What it even means
To do Good in such
An abused and broken
World.

People think they've come
To know God speaks to them
But still haven't learned where from
The message came through

I seek Justice
And I'm cast down in the shadow
Of my own imperfections.

I try to be humble
And I'm seen as coward who
Only acts towards their own ends.

I'll defend the weak
But then I'm demonized for
Being the one to take things too far

I cry out for help
Yet, even those closest to me are
Unable to recognize when I'm suffering.

I give what I can
But when I take for myself to
Keep myself sain, I'm being selfish.

I call out to God
But demons have always been
Better at getting the job done.

I wish I could write about everything beautiful and all of the people who I love while sounding genuine and compassionate.

I wish we could talk about all the strife in the world, to bring evil doers to Justice, while helping those lost find their way home.

I wish I could voice all these feelings I have about the problems we face and the destruction we leave in our wake for the sake of progress.

I wish people could put their pride aside and see how God is all the same regardless of how you pronounce the Divine name.

But what's the point in shouting into this vacuume, a chamber we created that echos opinions despite any facts so we can continue stroking our fat ******* egos.

You ******* started it.
I told you once to stop and
You refused to quit.
I drew a line in the sand
You stepped up to the plate
I took a homerun swing when
You reached out and grabbed me
I hope you ******* regret it
You got what you deserved and
I will not feel sorry for it

God speaks with impeccable timing
Lining the mirror with silver
Reflecting even the dimmest lighting
So you notice that glimmer in your eyes...
Inside I'm whirling with questions
My curious mind, wresting with
Indecision and panic at the promises
I meant but might not honestly be able to keep...
I know that I'm intelligent, but still
Doubt clouds my judgement while
Fear of death, or even worse, failure
Drive me into situations I might regret...
It's a miracle I'm still alive today
By the hands of gracious people
I narrowly escaped the legions gaze
Moving out of the steeples vast shadow...
Now, standing in the light, the Truth
Watching my own shade stretch out
Consuming the lovely Sun's warmth
And twisting it with my short sighted ego...
I wish I could understand because
I don't have much faith in humanity
But we're all just doing our best
To try to make ends meet...

Real pride is bred by
Overcoming struggles
To set aside your time
Suffering for others
Grow as a person
While remaining humble
Arrogance stamped out
By love for your brothers
Chivalry is more
Than holding open doors
A dense moral code
Keeps the soul powerful
The minds corruption
Seeds of the weak hearted
Fools only follow
What leaders are born to be.

Burning time with
Written rhyme for
No real reason at all

Thinking of fall
Colors leaving
The trees turning neutral

Faces wrinkle, and
Water trickles
Down the flowing river

Leading us back
From which we came
To unity, once again.

Lightning struck and
Cracked the foundation
I've been building upon
Shaking my tower of
Preconceived priorities...

I'm falling now, slowly
Watching my dreams
Tumbling back in time
To the beginning...

I made a mistake when
I stacked to much pressure
Fracturing the stone that
All other things depend upon...

Now, I'm resting surrounded
By the wreckage I caused
By overestimating my own
Ability to hold it all together.

We are beings of light you see

Collected together in unity

We are brilliant and strong

Yet, if we focus too hard

On one single photon

You're surrounded by darkness.

As we disapate and divide

To fixed on individual lives

Death, will always bring us

To an ending.

A dense fog blurs a purple sun
Dialated pupils spinning
A web of color touched my tongue
Emitting sparks of savory
Saliva spilling over lips
Sealed secrets in the darkened depths
Trenches sailed over by ghostships
Haunting memories of the past
Chained up in synchronicity
Keys fitting like serotonin
Released the Titans from dreaming
Freed then to seek retribution.