Mine hands
Sinful tools possessed
Dance along the periphery
Of thy intimate domain
Touching and probing
With subtle  
Perverse persuasions

Caressing thy sweet softness
With course and brutal desires
Has thou the courage
Within thy soul
For acceptance of such
And grant admittance
Into thy Forbidden garden

Or shall these hands
Be bound and left idle
Their tools left to rust
From the tears
Of mine intimate frustrations

The morning light breaks  and my eyes open wide;
I feel the warmth from your body as you lay by my side
I watch as you sleep so peaceful and serene
Resembling an angel or similar being

Suddenly I am aware of a feeling deep within
As a powerful desire starts to begin
Hit with these feeling so quick that in fact
I barely had time to even react

These feelings were strong so true and spontaneous
And the love that I felt was almost instantaneous
A need for your presence comes from deep in my core
Uncontrollable emotions unlike never before

A wanting for your touch burns inside me like fire
And a taste for your kiss full of love and desire
But as I reach out to you for an intimate embrace
You’re gone in an instant without even a trace


The morning light breaks and my eyes are filled with tears;
No longer feeling your body’s warmth after all of these years
I wake from my dream empty to the core,
As my longing for you is now stronger than before

I know I am unable to believe the real truth
How you were taken from me in the prime of loves youth
My discovery of these emotions, and its powerful force
Were never given the chance to run its full course

Today I will watch you sleeping, not by my side but in this place
Where a granite marker now sits with your name etched on its face
You become now that angel you resembled while you slept
And that vision of you my minds always kept

The loneliness I feel is immeasurable and deep
As I stand next to your plot and silently weep
But I am thankful to have had you for the time you were here
And the time we were together I will always hold dear

Our moments will be treasured for the rest of my days
As I try to exist without you in this painful lonely haze
So sleep well my little angel until it’s time for me too
And they will lay me to rest right here next to you

Torn from your life
Like a **** from a garden
Not caring of my feelings
Or even asking my pardon

Mindlessly dislodged
And left to wither and die
Not even given the chance
To tell you goodbye

My love no longer worthy
My caring no longer wanted
And the pain that I feel
I will forever be haunted

But I hold tight to my resolve
And hold my head high
As I choke down the tears
And refuse now to cry

I know in my heart
Even after I’m gone
My love for you still
Forever lives on

It lives in the soil
Where my roots still remain
Tattered and torn
But alive just the same

So like a **** in garden
It will grow once again
In the same exact spot
Where once I had been

It will grow strong and proud
Replenished and new
With kindness and caring
To give only to you

To watch over and protect you
And give you its love
As I painfully watch you
From the heavens above

If only I were a flower
Succulent and ornate,
Maybe I would not have had
To suffer this fate

I sit here and ponder
On the one certain thing
That I know in my mind
That someday I will find

It will come with a light,
Shining soft and of white
Surrounding my being
And filling all of my sight

It will carry me away
To that place we all know
And strive all our life
And pray we will go

I will know it as death
But not of my soul
A rebirthing of sorts
With the universe I'm made whole

So now in my mind
I’m at peace with it all
As I patiently wait
For my time to be called

As I walk down this road
Towards a destination unknown
I pray sometime soon
That place will be shown

I’ve walked many miles
In these shoes that are not mine
So I could understand why
You chose to leave me behind

These shoes are now tattered
And my feet very sore
And I understand your reason
Even less than before

So the old saying is wrong
At least for us two
Because I’ve walked more than a mile
Down this road in your shoes

I hear the agony of your joy
Echoing in the vast silence of my heart

Passionate cry’s filled with hatred
For the wanting of my love starved soul

Your aching pleasures sooth my pain
And lift the desires of my deep but inevitable regret

Pulling and pushing the limits of our realities
Obscuring the vision of our desperate journey
That leads us into the infinite abyss
Of our mortal lives

Devoid of all substance and matter
I am empty to the core
Cold and vacant are my eyes
My soul resides in me no more

Love and desire have vacated my heart
And my will and hope have fled
Any thoughts of joy or happiness
No longer fill my head

Drained of all feeling and emotion
All that’s left is an empty shell
My tears have dried, my voice has gone
I’m now unable to cry or yell

My spiritual existence has ended
And left me completely hollow
If my courage hadn’t left me long ago
I would let my mortal life follow

Indistinguishable from the nothingness
I am the darkness’s biggest fan
As I am now resigned to be
Just another invisible man

Just one touch
Is all that it took
To confirm what I knew
In just one look

The instant I saw you
My life flashed swiftly by
So beautiful and fulfilling
I fought hard not to cry

It was terrifying and profound
But calmness soon set in
As I realized what was happening
It was love wanting to begin

So I threw caution to the wind
And opened my weary heart
So that yours may find mine
And a life together could start

Many years have now passed
And our love is steadfast
Our life full of joy
And a love that will forever last

Just on touch is all it took
To set my heart ablaze
And know we will be together
For the rest of our days….

I bury these feelings
Deep in my heart
To keep my soul
From falling apart

Push the memories back
To the deepest part of my mind
To a place I hope
I will never again find

Emotions and memories
So painful to bare
But I know I will be safe
As long as they are there

I will stand tall and strong
I can not dwell on the past
I must focus on the here and now
If I want my happiness to last

I’ve come so far
And fought hard to heal
But understand I’m still a little broken
So I’m keeping real.

Beware not the hour
But the minutes that slowly **** it
As the seconds bleed away

Forlorn in demeanor,
Thyself with heart in tatters

Solemn and beseeched,
I'm near the edge
Of loves rapturous foreboding precipice

Shall my torturous soul
Commit it’s self to the abyssal unknowns
Of sacrificial acquiescence to thee?

A force neither trustworthy nor forgiving
As it warms chilled hearts
And sooths with passionate death

Unwitting those of lesser toils within,
True to their salvation,
But blind to its deceit
And yet give reverence to thee

Alas shall I not gaze into eyes of splendor
Nor taste passion upon sweet lips?

Forsake the essence of purity sought,
And forgo righteous happenings within thy being?

To this unknown I ponder
And thus negates my apotheosis of thee

Enlighten my sorrowful remnants of gayety
And subservient obedience to thee
As was once remembered

At this I shall take that leap of faith
And boldly plunge thyself into the depths
Of your infinite sanctity

Look at you now
All bloated and stinking
Feeding the maggots
What were you thinking?

Did you think it would last?
Your rein of malicious intent
All the days of physical abuse
And nights of hellish torment

Your belittling ways, gave you such a thrill
How you chipped away at my sanity
Breaking not only my bones
But my dignity and will

You tried to control my thoughts
Your power over me you had to prove
By binding my heart and soul
So tight I could barely move

I had become just a toy
To amuse your twisted mind
To my misery and unhappiness
You were unaware and completely blind

But your cruel games are now over
Your time of tyranny is through
It was my life I had to defend
And that’s why I had to **** you

I wish they had not found you
Revenge or satisfaction I never really got
I wanted to feel your soul suffer
And watch your body rot!

Your smile has faded
And your eyes no longer see
The things that you loved
And what attracted you to me

I see only now
Your disappointment and hurt
And your adoring voice
Is now angry and curt

It is now as I’ve suspected
The beginning of the end
No longer wanting to be my lover
My companion or friend

I sit now and ponder
Everything that I’ve missed
The clues that were apparent
On the rare occasions we kissed

How could I be so clueless
To your boredom and disdain
Your lack of enthusiasm
When I now call your name

I guess I was just stupid
To think I had what was needed
To make you happy and content
My inner voice should have heeded

But now it’s too late
My inadequacies are too much
You no longer enjoy my company
My voice or my touch

I have only myself to blame
For wanting more than I deserve
For thinking you could really be happy
With someone who’s a little too quiet and reserved

I do want to thank you
For all the years you did try
For trying your best to love me
And to this day I’m unsure why

This is not self pity
Or an attempt to make you feel sad
It’s just a realization of me
At what I almost had

I now know it’s time
To let you be free
To unburden you with all my crap
And to succumb to what’s not to be

Losing you will be painful
And losing our life together even more so
But seeing the ghost you’ve become
I see I must now let you go.

Listen closely
As I breathe words of desire
Into your eager awaiting ears
And fill your head with visions of lust

Focus on my eyes
As I transcend love and truth into your being
While I taste your moist lips
And savor the aftertaste of your wanting

Lean towards me
As I slowly inhale your essence
While my soul feeds your hunger
And we devour one another's desires

Touch my skin
As the heat from our fevered passion
Ignites the sultry air around us
And we burn like white hot embers
In a bed of our fiery pleasures

In the stealth of night
You may find me creeping
Pursuing my prey
On a midnight reaping

I slither and slink
Without the slightest of sound
As I silently make my way
Through the unsuspecting town

My killing blade
Tucked neatly away
As I cautiously stalk
My next deserving prey

Visions of my last
Fill my filthy little head
As I relish in the fact
That another sinner is dead

**** all these people
Who pretend to be just and clean
While behind closed doors
They‘re all bigger hypocrites and fiends

As they all pray by day
And fornicate in the same breath
I am the night’s judge and jury
And I sentence them to death

It gives me great pleasure
To be Satan’s next of kin
To punish all these ******* pretenders
Who are comfortably living in sin

I am no longer lost,
for you have guided my way
with your loving light.

I am no longer alone,
for your shadow accompanies me
on my new life’s journey.

I am no longer afraid
for you comfort me
in your loving arms.

I can see clearly,
for you have opened my eyes
and have found life’s beauty and purpose.

You gave me your wisdom and reassurance
so that I may understand your love
and the truths of its meaning
within my own reality.

How can this be
That this face I now see
Was the face of blissful youth
And everything yet to be

It’s now twisted in hatred
Misery and pain
My Life's hard lessons
Have clearly been in vain

Those once innocent eyes
Bright and filled with wonder
Now dark and full of contempt
From the dark spell I’ve fallen under

Drained of everything
That was wholesome and clean
Unable to remember what hope
Or happiness really mean

Staring now back at me
Are my eyes that now see
The reflection that depicts a face
I no longer recognize as me

Brilliant eyes opened wide,
sparkling orbs radiating incandescent light
upon the dark face of my loneliness.

A vast array of spectral wonders
dance just within the periphery of my mind,
like a beacon of hope
emitting a kaleidoscope of pleasing images
that soothe the inner confines of my heart,
just one look
and my life is revealed
within those loving eyes.

Moist lips
Swollen with passion
Sent from thy red throbbing heart
Once resembling obsidian

Nerves once numb
Tingle and burn anew
As rivers of red
Course through
Thy once arid veins

A cacophony
Of maddening inner voices
Echo within the hollows
Of a once silenced consciousness

Newly awakened emotions
Now ready to unfurl and blossom
Within thy once dormant being

Flushed skin warm and red
With newfound emotions
Brighten the lingering gloom
Surrounding thy darkened dreams

As tears of new found reverence
Spill from once blind eyes
That once again behold
The beauty and desire
Buried deep within thyself.

Alas life flourishes
Abundantly growing
With each new word of adoration
Whispered into thy long deaf ear

As love buries it’s self
Deeper and deeper
Under thy now soft
And no longer pale skin…

Again I see her;

Fumbling for my thoughts
As I trip over my emotions.  

My heart pounding
As if to send a Morse code to my brain
So that it may fully understand
The urgency in delivering its message

My inner voice screaming the words
But somehow lose their way to my lips.

Desperation courses through my veins
As she goes to him

Tears of frustration run down my cheek
Only to be wiped away
By the cold hands of loneliness

My frantic emotions subside
Back to the only place
Where my love for her will ever truly be known,
Deep within myself

A thought born from rage,
a decision made in haste.
An action performed out of anger
as a precious heart’s laid to waste.

Trembling lips blow out smoke
from the fatal shot of words spoken,
as the sanctity of ones promise
is left shattered and broken.

A soul stained with blood
from that murderous shot,
as the words enter the heart
painful and red hot.

A grieving face wet with tears
and the others eyes filled with shame,
as misguided emotions
were most likely to blame.

Jealousy, mistrust,
insecurity and greed,
from their tight grip
some can never be freed.

This emotional war we fight
is brutal and tough,
but as hard as some fight
it is never enough.

So whats left are the victims
of this senseless war,
leaving the survivors bloodied and broken
and empty to the core.

Words and emotions
are powerful weapons and tools,
so make sure you don’t put them
in the hands of loves fools….

My seed has been planted
In the soil of thy intimate garden
Held safe and warm
In the confines
Of thy nourishing womb.

Electrical impulses charge atoms
Genetic strands are animated
Nucleus expands,
Cells divide into a chaotic cohesion of life
Held together by love
Absorbed from thy inner being

Our future is born anew
As our legacy of passion lives on
Living proof held true within the vessel
Of our loves creation

I am listening to your heartbeat
As I lay my head gently upon your breast

My throbbing emotions within
Keeping time with its every beat.

As I listen to your life’s blood
Pass through your body

I imagine each corpuscle
Is filled with a tiny bit of my love

As it courses through your veins
To infect every part of your body
Like a disease

Until it finally reaches your brain
Where it is slowly absorbed into each cell

So that your every thought
Is now only of my love.

Pushing and pulling
With all of your might
Never bothering to listen
Demanding your way is right

Your unwillingness to compromise
Along with your stubborn closed mind
Has clouded you judgment and reason
And left you deaf, dumb and blind

Your arrogance and gall
I really wish you could see
And clearly don’t understand
Why this is the way you choose to be

This is just a testament to your ignorance
To think you are always superior
And further proof you’re just afraid
Of being exposed as someone who’s inferior

Trying to reason with you
Is like talking to a brick wall
You’re just a self centered fool
Another Mr. Know It All


So stop your foolish way of thinking
Open your eyes, heart and your mind
And then you will see
All your friends and life
Have left you behind

This day is set aside
So that we may impart
Our feelings of devotion
Which comes straight from the heart

Some show adoration
With chocolate and sweets,
With heart shaped cookies
Or some similar treats

Some choose to give flowers
In a vase or a mug,
With the picture of a bear
Asking for a big hug

Some send silly cards
With a balloon or a toy,
In hopes it will show
The amount of their joy

Some are more elaborate,
Expensive and bold,
In the form of a diamond
Or something made of gold

I chose to be simpler
Or humble if you will,
To try and show you
Just how I really feel

So I wrote you this poem
In hopes that you would see
Just how special you are
And how much you mean to me

Although they are just words
They are passionate and true,
And meant to express
The enormous love I have for you

You are my beautiful princess
So elegant and divine,
So I'm asking that you
Be my forever Valentine.....

Tortured soul,
Come immerse thy soiled vessel
Within my cleansing pool of forgiveness.

Replenish thy love starved heart
With the sustenance
Held within my being.
    
Renew thy passion
With soothing words
Whispered softly  
To thy slumbering spirit.

Embrace the beauty
of thy true self  
That shines bright
Within my minds eye.

And thy renewed essence
Will guide you anew
Towards forgotten dreams
And wonders yet to be revealed

Why do I speak?
Spoken words silenced,
My human voice no longer heard.

Verbal communication obsolete!
Replaced by this small device
Whose buttons I now push
To spell out my thoughts and words
To deliver my now digital voice.

Emotions sent and received
Via bits and bytes
Through the cyberspace of our now wireless existence.

Uploading and downloading our virtual desires
And deleting our unwanted emotions
Like a no longer needed text.

Our need for physical human interaction
Sent with a click straight to the recycle bin
And then quickly emptied as not to be reminded
Of the reality of our own human betrayal…….

Like a spirit bathed in a soft warm light
You stepped out of the ethereal mist
Your beckoning smile
I could not resist

Your presence was overwhelming,
And engulfing my senses,
Shattering my world
And destroying my defenses  

You reached out your hand
And as I held it in mine,
I felt the power of your glory
And now knew the meaning of divine

Your touch was so tender
It made my heart weak,
My body felt limp
And I could not even speak

You looked deep in my soul
With eyes so calm and clear,
Searching for my truth
And all I held dear

You found my very essence
And the core of my existence
And with unyielding trust
I offered no resistance

I gave myself freely
With faith and with love,
For I knew in my heart
You were a being from above

Your passion runs deep
Through your body it flows
Look in your heart
And let yourself go

Release it with love
Whisper soft in an ear
Or shout it with song
For the whole world to hear

But let it come out
And let it be free
Shine your wondrous light
For everyone to see.

Your body is like succulent fruit
Vine ripe, plump and tasty
I must quell my desire to gobble you up
I mustn’t be so hasty

Your skin so smooth and supple,
Tender to the touch
Wanting so to taste your flesh
My yearning is just too much

Your sweet aroma fills the air
And I absorb your pleasing essence
Entering my nose then body
Where it reacts like effervescence

My mouth is now watering
And I’m unable to fight
This thirst and anticipation
For the first delicious bite

I finally give in and peel your clothes away
Like the skin of some exotic fruit  
The goodness I find hidden within
Is exquisite without refute

I savor every morsel
The taste of you is divine
I’ll never share you with another
The pleasure of you is all mine

You satisfy my every desire
My hunger and thirst you sate
No other can compare to your passion fruit
It’s the best I ever ate.

Although our eyes do not meet
And our hands cannot touch
Our spirits unite

With each word you speak
That I cannot hear
Or tear of loneliness
I cannot dry

I feel your love and passion
Reaching for my heart
Spanning the distance
That now is between us

But to have you near
Is to only remember
The sweet taste of your kiss
Or the softness of your touch

Our connection defies
The physical space between our hearts
As I am with you always
In my thoughts

Flowing effortlessly
as you arabesque twirl and spin,
as the music in your heart
starts to begin.

Poised and graceful
as you move to the sound,
as if your talented feet
are not even touching the ground.


Fluid and elegant
like wind through your hair
as you fouette’ and leap
and fly through the air.


Delicate feet
landing softly again to the floor;
to impress all the world
like never before.

You are poetry in motion
and our hearts you do lift
to be able to witness
your beautiful gift.

The soft soothing light
Slowly starts to fade
And the grip on my sanity
Begins to degrade

My spirit sinks slowly
Back into the black sea
As I realize normalcy and happiness
Was not meant to be

Devoured once again
By my ravenous psychosis  
Death of my spirit
Is my final prognosis

The demons start to appear
As paranoia starts to set in
And the unsettling voices
Start to begin

As I now wander lost
Within my sickened mind
Escape from schizophrenia
I know I shall never find

Please shut up
You’re always talking
Like a ******* chicken
You’re always squawking

Going on and on
About things you don’t even know
It’s like diarrhea of the mouth
Just a constant sickening flow

You have not a clue
On how annoying you sound
Your constant useless babble
Is causing my brain to become unwound

You’re always running your mouth
So shut your trap
And stop filling my ears
With all of your crap

Be quiet a minute
And rest your mouth a bit
Then you may realize
No one really gives a ****!

I want to scream
But I’m down to my last breath
I want to cry
But I fear my death

But today I will be silent
And hold it all in
And let the demons subside
Within me again

I want to shout
But I’m down to my last breath
I want to laugh
In the face of death

But today I will be silent
And hold it all in
And let the demons subside
Within me again

Tomorrow I will do it
Take a deep breath
Scream and cry
Without fear of death

Release all my demons
For all the world to see
Let them all out
Before they **** me

But today I will be silent
And hold it all in
And let the demons subside
Within me again.

Should have been something
Might have been everything
Probably wasn’t anything
And most likely nothing

Would have been happiness
Might even have been true
Probably was hopelessness
And most likely a lie

Could have been promising
Or may even have been love
Instead it was emptiness
That I regrettably have chosen

You envy me so
With all of your might
You want to steal all my warmth
And extinguish my light

You covet my power
And my celestial role
You want to replace me
With all your heart and soul

You yearn for the control
Over the mornings and day
Your greed for more time
Has lead you astray

You try to block me out
Every couple of years
Unable to completely do so
It brings you to tears

You obsess over my fame
You detest all my praise
You despise my allure
And my warm loving rays

Void of any beauty
You feel dead and cold
Stories of your greatness
Will never be told

Forever chasing the day
You’re bound to the night
You will never be happy
Till you’re the only one on sight

Your quest to seize the day
Is useless and in vain
You’re stuck in your own orbit
That feeds your jealousy and pain

Your chance of replacing me as a star
Won’t be coming soon
For I’m the life giving sun
Silly little moon....

The blackness;
Thick and oppressive,
Cold and void of all that is pure and clean.

Like a horrid gaping maw
hungry and ready to devour  
Even the dimmest of light
Shining within us.

Sinister and malevolent
As it washes over and slowly swallows the light
That illuminates all that is righteous and true.

Poisonous and vile,  
Permeating and festering
As if born in the bowels of evil itself,  
Hollow cries of abhorrence and loathing
Echo lost within the ebony abyss.

Dark madness
Oozing and *******
Even the slightest of openings made available
By the tiniest breaks in ones emotional defenses,
And infecting all it touches like the plague.

Like a sordid petulant Fein
Stalking its victim,
Ready to pounce at any sign of weakness
And taking control of our sense of reason and sanity,

Feeding off our own insecurities and doubts,  
And turning us into emotional slaves
To the dark force called jealousy.

Kindness and love
flows freely from your joyous being,
Radiating with a luminescence
bright and pleasing upon my soul

Chasing away the ebbing darkness
that threatens to engulf me
And denies the seed of my salvation to grow

Cascading words of rapture and merriment
Pours from your lips like a waterfall
Exciting and refreshing
Washing away the loneliness
Replenishing my dying pool of contentment.

Endless rays of the mornings bright promise
Reflect like diamonds in your eyes
across my emotional wasteland

Revitalizing the soil
with new expectations and hope
So that a new crop of pleasing feelings and thoughts
Can take root and flourish within me.

And your gentle hands
Can reap the bountiful harvest
That is my love.

How does one traverse the distance
Between two hearts separated by love

How can one pass the infinite expanse
Of time created by their loneliness

Will their longing and heartache
Explode Like a supernova

Creating a vortex
That sends them both spiraling
Into an abyssal plutonic existence

Or will their passion and desire
Be strong enough to bend and warp the continuum

Bringing the far ends of the universe
In upon its self
Allowing their love to join once again

Creating a intergalactic paradox
Of celestial oneness

Slowly I am drifting,
Fluttering across a lush and green meadow,
Seeking out the life giving nectar
Of your delicious flower

Your ruby red pedals
Spread wide and inviting,
Anticipating my arrival

Gently I land
Upon your silken
But firm pedal

I touch you softly
As I move slowly across your surface
Towards the soft and sensual spot
That hides your precious gift.

Caressing and probing
With maddening desire
I ****** inside you.

Overwhelmed with ecstasy and pleasure
I drink the delectable essence
Of your being

I drink your life giving juices
Until I am drunk with your intoxicating liquid
And can no longer feel the wings upon my back.

I pull away to recover my senses.
Slowly I regain control
And caress you softly
With my pollen covered hands
Then bid you farewell.

As I lift away with sadness in my heart
I am comforted to know
That I will find you again
Next spring

Still hidden
and not yet uncovered
Like ancient buried treasure
Still waiting to be discovered

Like a dull white stone
Waiting to be mined
To be cut and polished
To be made one of a kind

Idling waiting
To be given a chance
My lonely heart waits
To be found by romance

To be shown how love
To share and to give
To feel passion and desire
And the joy just to live

I bask in your sunlight
As I lay upon the shore
Of your tranquil sea

Your love shines down upon me
Warming my skin
And energizing my soul

Your cool sweet breath
Stimulating my senses
As I watch the waves gently bow
And lay themselves at your feet

Flora and fauna
Rejoice in your glory
As they dance and sing
In honor of your presence

Sand and shells
Reflect the brilliance of your smile
Across the expanse,
Of an endless summer sky

As I lay here gazing
Into your infinite beauty
I feel my spirit ascend

Carried away on thermals
Created by your passion
As my mortal body is absorbed
Into the moist sand

And I become one
With all that you are

The light on my face
The sun on my skin
I start this new life
But where to begin

Do I walk a new path
Or continue straight ahead
Do I carry this old baggage
Or walk empty handed instead

Do I shed this old skin
And toss it aside
Like a love I have once given
That’s withered and died

Do I again give love freely
Or hang on to it tight
Should I trust in my heart
To know which is right

So, until that day comes
My courage I must own
And take that first step
Into the unknown


(Epilogue)


I took that first step
Into the unknown
And the meaning of true love
Again I was shown

I chose my new path
So down it I tread
And chose to go down it
Hand in hand with you instead

I donned my new skin
And tossed the other aside
In the shadow of the past
I no longer shall hide

My courage I do own
And my heart I did give
With strength and with love
This new life I now live.