Grey: Poems

Abuse

Grey Mar 2020

Abuse

I remember sitting on the floor,
Arms wrapped around me.
Bawling my eyes out
Wondering why I'm crying,
Thinking what's wrong with me?
This isn't reality.
Now I look back and realize,
It was real.
It was abuse.
Nothing was wrong with me,
Except for being used.

A telltale sign,
I now see.
The problem wasn't even me.
Angry with what has happened
But elated because...
Now I'm free,
Effortlessly,
Drifting on a breeze,
Of such sweet release.
I have to say
God bless me
And everything that tried to break me
That in itself amazes me

💙

Written,
by me...

Rebecca

#healing #abuse #verbal #pain #grief #mentalhealth #expression #release #openheart #bliss

Apologies

Grey Jul 2020

Apologies

I'm sorry
You have to see
That I don't believe
You love me

#disbelief #trauma #love #mentaltrauma #relationships #unloveable #problems #warning #sadness #repair

Bittersweet Changes

Grey Mar 2020

Bittersweet Changes

I tried to fix what was broken
And became upset when I couldn't.
I left it alone,
I let it be,
I even changed me.
Some worked and some didn't..
Now, I must admit it
My errs have made me shameful
Because my intentions were so good;
But I was blinded, so blinded,
That I never really understood
How I could ***** anyone over
The way I did.

I turned a new leaf
And still I couldn't succeed
Because all anyone ever really saw
Was the old me

I set new boundaries and was shunned
So I opened them up and now I'm lost

I went back to the old me,
And even that ******* me.
So what do I become?
What do I do?
Because the old me
And the new me
Wasn't ever good enough for any of you.

#regrets #changes #selfesteem #identity #anger #lost #confusion #old #new #transformation

Home Remedies

Grey Dec 2020

Home Remedies

You left a stain
A stain so dark
On my soul
It turned to a mark

And I thought I'd never get it out

I moped and I mourned
I really tried so hard
But I couldn't get you out.

I thought this was it
And I let it alone
Until I realized

I could come up with the perfect remedy.

I love the folks art and their mysteries
So I came up with the perfect solution
To remove you from me:

I'm brighter than before
Almost like we never warred

You no longer affect me.

#abuse #relationships #trauma #damage #healing #movingon #healthy #relief #becomingme #newme

Long Endured Pain

Grey Mar 2020

Long Endured Pain

My cries for help

Have been ignored,

I don't think I have the strength

To scream anymore.

#cries #silence #deafears #alone #pain #help #canyouhearme #weaker #mental #lost

Nothing

Grey May 2020

Nothing

How can something that once had great power over me,
Now means nothing?
The same thing I used to cry over
Because I wanted it so bad,
Now means nothing.

The man I once loved
I now see for what it was...

Nothing.

#wonder #questions #life #men #love #possibilities #relationships #changes

Oh, "Paying the Price"

Grey Mar 2020

Oh, "Paying the Price"

I should not have to pay
The price for responding
To torture. I should not
Have to pay for doing
What is best for me.
I should not be
Afraid to make
These choices
Out of fear
Of karma.
It makes
No
Sense.

They say everything has a price - that everything has a consequence

#karma #consequences #nonsense #logic #decisions #fear #choices #free #slavery

The Ways of Humanity

Grey Mar 2020

The Ways of Humanity

The same ones who hate me
tend to try and break me,
Curse and forsake me,
Then cry when they **** me.

Then they see,
That they actually need me

it's too late for that now,
Because I do not break and I certainly won't bow.
They have condemned me for now
But watch them as they come back around.....

For Help.

Hating what is provided and then loving it when it saves them. Weird how that works, right?

#witch #condemnation #takingadvantage #users #forsaken #burdens #unappreciated

When Reaching Out Does Not Help

Grey Apr 2020

When Reaching Out Does Not Help

All I wanted was to talk:
to have another acknowledge these events
That tore my life to shreds.

When I did speak,
It was instantly flipped or ignored.
So I said enough, I'm not doing this anymore.

I will not give to those who only take
Or to hear my stories so they can create
A reality which would leave me
The center of their entertainment.

I am not a joke,
Nor is my life at any rate,
A show.

I admit I was clingy, I admit I lost connections
I thought were worthy of pursuing
Because I needed support early in the friendship.

They didn't know
I was in anguish
Or perhaps they didn't care.
Either way,
I was left standing there.

My screams were muted,
My statements unheard.
The help I needed
Was blatantly ignored

I'm now silent
To prevent these losses
Because apparently people
Don't know how to handle these problems

#freestyle #ignored #uncaring #unfair #traumas #whenreachingoutdoesnthelp #pain #providingmyowncare

— The End —