I can feel myself drifting
The white noise so loud
It blurries my already hazy vision
I don't know where I'm going
I'm not sure if I'm scared anymore
Or if I'm just tired of it all
My body feels so heavy
I don't know how it moves anymore
I'm so angry at me
Why cant I get off of my drifting sea
I don't know

Today my demon asked "why won't your feet move?"

I feel my broken lips turn into a frown looking forward at my smirking demon I say
"You should know, you were the one who nailed them into this never melting ice"

As her smirk grows and a full boasted laugh erupts from her broken lips she turns her bloodshot eyes to look right into mine and says "No sweetheart that was all you"

Impossible
I try
But to no avail
To trust is to love
And that I cannot feel

It hurts to watch
Others trust
And turn to dust

Eyes closed tight
On a winter night
Cry away
With all your might

I told you
To trust is to love
And that I cannot feel

I think about it everyday now
It's like a nightmare that follows me to the day
When I can sleep anyway

It sticks in the back of my mind like a cancer
Even in my happiest moments I still think about it

It would be so easy
All I have to do is pull the trigger
Yet here I am living with it

I see my mirror ahead
Black stainless pieces chipped floating away
I can see myself on the other side
My long hair twisted with rage
My burning gray eyes filled with my mistakes
The scarlet red tears that stream down my face
The black from my soul slowly eating me away
As one black stained arm slowly reaches toward me through my mirror
I see it
My future
I feel the scarlet warm on my cheeks
As my mirrored hand slowly wraps itself around my neck
The sweet metallic smell of steel fills my nose
I open my mouth to scream
As I beg my demon
For forgiveness

Alone
For hours
My face soaked
Red from tears
People come and go
I try and be quite
So no one will know
I bite down
Choking the tears back
And alone I cry

They say it
Over and over
Its suffocating
Air think and hot
Like the blood
That boils
Under my skin
Again and again
I'll do anything
Even stop breathing
Just to make it end
I cry I wish
But nothing works
Useless
Runs around my head
Now and forever
They say
Useless

My chest hurts
Why can't I stop
Are you ok?
Smile say yes
But know in your heart
It's nothing more than a lie

Eyes closed tight
With the sounds of the night
Filling me with fright

Be a good girl they said
It constantly plays in my head
I wake to my bed

And I smell the flowers
Just like they said

Such a small word
Yet said right
Does the most damage

I close my eyes
To be transported to a dream
Where I'm sitting on my knees
In a white box

As a black liquid slowly fills the space
I feel almost suffocatingly numb
It's like concrete cementing me here
Colder than dry ice
It slices through my skin
Like a sewing needle to soft cotton

I grab my shoulders and squeeze
Feeling myself start to shake
As I am engulfed
By my fears and past mistakes