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Here we are
In a closet,
protected by intimacy.

This is not a reflection,
written on sand
nor a message
left on a mirror
by salient hands.

With a phrase
I will release you.
Into a room,
Without judgment, or breath.
Without a scream of worry,
Or an island of regret.

This is love without witness,
The most naked of vulnerabilities.
The self-seeking, all seeing periphery,
NM Jun 26
I am not the person I want to be yet.
I am trying not to be too ******* the one I am now.
I have never been the person to give love to myself or put myself first.
Nor has it ever been me to love myself at all as much as I do the rest of the world.
Slowly, I am learning...
If not, co-existing into the home that is a body.
LWZ Jan 21
The grip is tight without remorse
Suppressing memories of my execution
Betrayal sharp as a knife
The unease of a battle I never was aware of
Secrets so sick they stench of rotting flesh

Forgiveness is an elixir
A medicine for the pain
Abandon thyself absolutely
To achieve a place of tranquility

Self is all I have
Self will last indefinitely
Self betrayal is thick
Like mud on the bayou
Like oil on water
An eye for an eye
Betrayal ends with betrayal
Joseph Soncksen May 2018
From the darkest pits he has pulled me out.
Placed his hand apon me and showed what life is about.
He saved me from the Devil and my sins.
And told me “this is not where your story ends.
I need you for so much more.
You wouldn’t believe what your life has in store.”
Believe ya that’s all I had to do
But I continued asking god where are you.
Until the day you came to me
And told me listen and you will see.

So I listened and my eyes where opened
And I could see how his love goes on without end.
He has turned my life around
And planted my feet firmly on the ground.
So I walk with him always on my mind.
Knowing that whatever I seek thru him I will find.
Know with my heart and soul at rest.
And no longer a pit inside my chest.
I live my life full of love.
Thankful to have God up above.
Ijla Apr 2018
So many things I want to say
But words cease to form
Its like my tongue gets tied
From what I did
I should've been there
When you needed me most
But I couldnt be
And there is no one to blame but me
I wish I had tried harder
And pushed myself further
To ease even a bit
Of the pain that hit
Action speaks louder
Than the words spoken
So I know words cannot justify
A good enough reason
But please forgive me
And dont push me away
Let me show that I care
With my actions in the future
Sorry that I've been MIA for a while now. Life just got in the way. Things haven't been exactly okay but I finally got myself to post again. Never stopped writing though. Hope you like this one.
NM Feb 2018
Tell me, Father...
Which do I ask forgivness for?
What I am, or what I am not?
Which should I regret?
What I became or what I didn't?
Kayla Nov 2017
Boys are like teddy bear.
You love them for a short amount of time.
When that’s times up and the timer rings.
You just throw them away.
In your closet where you never see them again.
Then you get a new teddy bear.
You love this teddy bear.
The way he smells like the woods,
but after shave at the same time.
The way he fits perfectly in you’re arms.
This teddy bear oh you think it’s the one.
The one your going to love till the end of you’re life.
No this time the teddy bear stops loving you.
He throws you to his closet.
Just like you did to that teddy bear.
Now you know how it feels.
Opening your closet you bring that old teddy bear out.
Loving that old teddy bear till the end of your time.
NM Oct 2017
Behold the man who terrfies with power,
Behold the man who can **** a king with his glower.
All hail the man who has it all,
All hail the man who cannot fall.

Woe to the man who fears judgement day,
He paces and turns the clock off in fear driven rage.
Woe to the man who hides his pills from the other "eyes",
He sits vengeful at his past, masking it with every lie.
Woe to the man who doesn't sleep at night,
For he regrets selling is soul, he doesn't sleep in fright.
Woe to the men who are evil, for deep down they do not know,
Their sickness has overcome them, they aren't aware they are suffering, barely able to crawl.

Behold the one who sees it all,
It is I, the lowly, the injured, the small.
Behold the one with the love for the wolves when the world does not,
I love what the world only wishes to die and rot.
The evil are not born evil, some this truth is no option,
For many, "Go to hell, you deserve no love, you are just a toxcin."
I have grown to love what you consider "wicked",
Despite my life, I am the victim.
I can only love and forgive, no hatred after all these years,
I still pray for them, behind my bruises, scars and tears.

We could both debate, argue and try to pursuade, but I care too much, I will not lie behind hate.
Perhaps a weakness, call me pathetic,
but I was sent to heal the broken,
Even if it makes me just as sick.

Without a cure, how can we heal?
Without a heaven, there is only hell.

I fear the day when I am free,
I fear the day this chord is broken,
Killing them from me.
What will be left is me the murderer,
Me to mourn their decay;
And what will be left is just a dream, a blurr.
A pain I cannot bare to think it,
I cannot stomach that, not even for a bit.

So, woe and behold,
The evil, the sick,
Whom society and the mind is their virus,
A good soul their antibiotic.
Survivor of SRA/CSA and multiple traumas.
To my abusers, whom I could never find it in my heart to harbour hatred and vengence, for doing so would keep me not only prisoner, but blind.
Despite all the pain they have given me and the freedom, innocence, and stabilty I may never have again, I have learned to love and understand their pain deep inside.
What has made them, them today...
What has destroyed them.
I hated seeing that pain.
I have done everything I could to be what I believed "a cure" for their troubled hearts.
Who knows if what I did found them.

It kills me still that I don't feel "sane" without them, as if I killed them by escaping because at one time they said "we were one".
Yes, I still deal with heavy Stockholm Syndrome, but for me, loving and forgiving is what I will never not do.

As said, no one is born evil,
No one is born with a black heart.
I wished society can understand this,
but there is nothing more I can do.

To all surviors of all trauma large or small, May peace, happiness and freedom forever be with you. <3
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