You said you were the one
You said that  you were it
But you were wrong
You claimed I needed to be with you
So I clung to you
I needed you to simply be
Because i thought that you were me
I thought living was inside my head
I thought performance was winning
And equated with existence.
Every part of you is not me
Though I've grown with you
And traced you back to the age of three
You are not me but merely a distraction
From seeing the ethereal before me
From living out the plays inside my head
From conforming to the reality that attention is not needed
Recognition is not imperative
Success is not vital
To live extraordinarily.
You are just a distraction from who I need to be
And as I fall and trip and stumble back into the pleasure of your continuous movie reel
I see the world and I see me and I remember the presence of who I am supposed to be
All in the moments that you are not there
And still I struggle
But I know now that you are not who I was destined to be,
And maybe I’m not special
Or all i thought I’d be
But with you, I’ll never reach my dreams
And I’ll never reach me
Until I hit pause on the remote
And eject this fantasy DVD.

You are a slave to that refrigerator
Rummaging its contents for your self-worth
consolation beckoning from its abundant shelves
You're in a relationship with that refrigerator
insecurely quelling yourself with the emptiness of the jarred-full shelves
You break up, you make up
starve-binge, starve-binge
yet absent in every bite and every purge is your self-love and self-worth
spirits do not hush at the flavor of delicacies
and with every neglected rumble, it shrinks more
your soul is broader than endless contents
and starved for complete contentment
not for empty contents
You mean more than the solid handles of that refrigerator
learn your worth.

Father, forgive me for dressing myself in the shackles that you tore off.
Father, forgive me for trying to bear past burdens along with your cross.
Father, forgive me for breaking waves when you asked me to tread water.
Father, forgive me for wearing Shame when you already bought her.

Poetry is not these words;
Its the breath we live by.
Its not the ink that kisses each heartbroken thought with fullness,
But the way we choose to see,
the way we choose to breathe,
the way in which we reside:
A love given unable to return
A song that cannot be unsung
and praise that requires no song to dance.
This is life.
This is worship.
This is love.
This is poetry.

Isnt America supposed to be united
Yet instead over Iran we become divided
And that ain’t just it
Nearly every issue
we are split
Romans 12:5 says we are one
But you offend me so then we’re done
Jesus  called us to unite and serve him
To love our neighbors and not destroy them
But I’m not talking about our foreign affairs
I don’t have your political view
So you sit and glare
You preach about loving each other’s differences
But when my uniqueness offends you
Our friendship diminishes
Romans 12:5 says WE are one
But the we You see is the we you don’t want it to be because she’s telling the truth so she can set you free
Set you free from the ways that hinder you
You want to true love but when it finally comes you can’t see through
Through the veil that world has woven
You preach false love and we need to take it back to Romans
You know how to love from afar
But when it gets real and our opinions are different you say it isn’t love at all
Real love stays if you think abortion should be legal
Real love stays even if I’m conservative and you’re liberal
I was never trying to enforce my views
But if I can’t talk why can you
And I get it, often times people tell you to shut your mouth
But one isn’t all you said that yourself
But what do I know
I’m just white trash shoving the Bible in your face when I don’t know your place
But you don’t know mine either or where I’ve been
Yeah a lot of Christians are fake
But my love is  genuine

I’d never touched the surface of the moonlight.
Shades of green bathed in milky light covet the stars of their shine.
What if there were no more comfort? No more tv to drown out the anxiety of our sin. No more facades canarying plastic joy into our utter isolation. I stand on the dark side of the moon. That's not grass, it's the grocery store, and that's no moon, it's the simple light glazing the forefront of endless milk jugs. All is real and fake and melded to the imagination of our subconscious desires. Milk is evil, and ******* is the gateway to heaven. We’ll never see what our habits blind the truth to, or what our spirits refuse to believe. I stand in this aisle, and I see God. But six people walked away from Him.

Love dressed herself up in lavish abundance over the course of two years then decided to be herself and stripped back to her nothingness. She paraded in Jealousy, tried on Heart-break, and even went through a phase with Anxiety before settling on her original lavishness. Love is fleeting. Love is nothing, and yet in the moment, she means everything. What's gone is never gone just unfit. All it takes is a reminiscent moment for love to spurn again.

Sealed letters are hard to tear open
They will never be as perfect as they were before they were broken
The contents will never be revealed without crinkle or mar
Only by rough edges is how we become who we are
The only way to reach gifts unknown is to tear the seal little by little
Is that supposed to be metaphorical?
real love is not known till one suffers real pain
If it does then i don't want it and i'd like to leave the contents unnamed.

How God, are you so good-
that you have filled me in this way?
That I want to overflow,
Even in my deepest pain.

My tears, they flow,
But my spirit knows-
That everything will be okay
Because countless times, you’ve made a way.

My eyes may weep,
But in joy, I’ll sleep
Because you have filled my every need.

My flesh may fail
My surface breaks
But my core has yet to shake

How God, are you so good
That you laid your life for me
You emptied your cup
To fill mine up
And this I sing with glee.

My heart breaks in seventeen different directions.
The white realm between my eyes glares back at me
Initially, I think he’s trying to hurt me
Forcing me to stay
But then hope effervesces in 1 new direction
Up, out.
Stay and feel he says
You need to heal he says
He's just a mar stapled upon a pure surface
He's just blank and broken
Clean and vast and warm and open
And can’t I be this wall
And can’t I just be free
From all this pain that's hindering me
“Stay” he says
“You'll never be the same” he says
And so he holds me
Compelling me to stay in the most rugged of places
Shifting when its time for me to move forward
He wasn't trying to hurt me
He just wanted to help me
Relieve the scar I painted for myself
When I cast my burdens upon the shelf
And never bothered to look
Never bothered to feel
And chose to reject what was so devastatingly real
I’m enamored by this blank space
I’m mesmerized by my own old pain
I want to leave but I finally listen and stay
The white wall becomes me
We hold each other’s gaze
And we stay and feel and then move away
To a new pose where the false okayness
Is really okay.

I’m shaking
Something radiates from the inward out
It's spiritual but not beautiful
These words aren't even beautiful anymore
I'm just a display
I wish i'd never met you
So this broken spirit could go away
I know i've tasted true love but i've also tasted real pain
Without you i'd never be the same
Never be the same in the way my spirit would not be broken
My heart would be sublimely bent on heaven
You're not real love, all you cause is pain
What your “love’ taught me is not worth the heartache

You plant unreachable images in my head
Willing me to paint
My hands though they work they wither
Much like heavens notions taint
Though I strive I’ll never reach you
For your face is much too great
Vast with perfection
And I think I’ve grasped a taste
Yet I’m farther than where I’ve been
For you have turned your face
My hands dance with fervor
Across this painted page
Flicking ideals far and wide
Desperate  to meet you
Hungry  to be lifted high
Alas my brush has found you
Then you shift your gaze
Revealing a new angle
And once  again my fingers race