I cant pretend that I am okay
With not seeing you and being with you for even a day
I felt more than I thought for you
It's unbearable and unsettling too
To have  you so close but yet so far
It's hard to pretend that I am not hurt I can't lie
And be okay with the fact that I don't fit your idea
I get it we should do what's best for us it's only fair.


I know I have mountains to climb,
To be on a frequency I feel i need to be
All I ask for is time
I don't mean to make thing complicated and hard
With you I know I can play the part
All I ask is a chance to grow into what you need
This is my unapologetic plead.


I am not very good at selling myself
But I knew from the very first kiss
It's you I wanted to share the rest of my life with
I need you because my mind you enrich
That's why I can not I will not pack up and disappear
Consider your position and give this an ear
I know there is a lot to fear
Even Rome was not built in a year.

I have loved you and I don't know who you are
Nor your name
Or where you from
Or how far
It's been years that I have waited
To meet you
To see you for who you are
With each heart break
I sensed that you were close
With every tear
I felt how you cared
With each day that passed
I felt you near
I've loved you and I don't know who you are
Tell me..
Do you like walking in the rain
Or cuddling on Sunday morning
And pancakes covered in honey
Do you sing at the top of your lungs
Listening to Jeremy loops on the radio
"Down south" our favorite song.
Tell me..
When you think of love
Do you think of me too
Or am I just hoping for a fairytale.

Going through the emotions

I love you I love you not
She loves me she loves me not
Innocent flowers
Fallen victim to my cruel
Confusions
Are we friends or we not
Are we friends or we more
I wonder if friends
Say I love you like the way you do
Petals scattered around
My feet some drifting with the wind
Maybe you love me
Perhaps if I told you,
You would laugh
Just friends
She loves me she love me not
You love me you love me not
They are times when it seemed
That you do
The slight stolen glance
That stole more than it intended
My heart
When you smiled like a half moon
On twilight sky in the country side
My breath
With your sily laugh that whispered
Like sweet grass anchored on the mountain face
My doubts
When you speak your mind
With such passion and chaos
That challenged my sanity
Caught between my love for you
And our friendship
More than friends perhaps,
Or are we just friends
Unspoken words fill my mouth
Like grandma's cooking
At Chrisman dinners
Starved of oxygen
Unable to bring them to life.
She loves me she loves me not
Just friends
I hope not.

In the light of things
Life is precious
Limited to a few seconds
Which can feel like eternity
When disaster strikes
And suddenly you see things
In a different perspective
Suddenly it's not the materialistic
Things that matter most
Suddenly it's not the superficial reality
That looks beautiful
Suddenly it's not what society thinks
That counts
Suddenly you feel the little things
the little moments
of excitement
With every breath you take
You get to appreciate
Even the tiniest of things
Suddenly it's not about what you should be
Nor what you are said to be
As the silence creeps all around
Distant noises of sirens echoing
The tension of years of struggle
Lifted...
And from the wreckage
A new man emerges

At cross roads our love fell apart
The journey that took us here
Was filled with memorable moments
Moments that will forever be a part of us
The road we take from here
Leads us away from each other
It's distance and obstacles
Are completely unknown to us

At cross roads

Goodbye was never the easiest
Word to say
But here at cross roads
Our paths take a different direction
New moments and expériences
Await

At cross roads

Our love fell apart
Here ends the wonderful
memories we created
Here ends those long night chats
And never ending phone calls
Here we part ways to our new lives

At cross roads
We said goobye
But goodbye was never the easiest
Words to say

At cross roads

We part ways
To
One day meet again.

After all that has happened
And the future that will never be
After the midnights calls
And long night chats
After that awkward first kiss
And Sunday morning sleep in's

After all the plans we had
And the those that will never be
After the heartbreak
And tears that stained our cheeks
After the love we had for each other
And still do

After all that we had
And all that we lost
After all we wanted
And all we didn't get

After all

We felt love

Am a stranger to my thoughts
Drifting apart like a sailor's sheet
Pushed by the wind that howels
On my Vacant stare
Without care
I navigate aimlessly into
Unknown plots that hold firm
My ability to comprehend
My own reasons.
I am a stranger to myself
Growing away from the principals
That hold root my morality
Astray from the steps that filled
My feet
Abandoning my own
Seeking in poisonous thoughts
Meaning to my derailed ways
That feed vigorously at my
Untainted soul.
I am the enemy of my own
A grenade held
Together by a thread of slik
Weaved to the core of my heart
By a stranger that I once.

I've lost you in the ambiguity of my words
The puns and metaphors
Tring to figure out my speech
The parts of you that were lost in translation

How can I piece together
A sentence that starts with you
And ends with us?
The words elude me like a deer a lion

I am at sixes and sevens..
Trying to define homophones
Twice this weak.

Logic walked away from me
On the eve of my flight
A flown fool filled with fuel of
Rage
Hate maybe.

Burning all that personified
The meaning of you
While
The truth of the irony is that,
You are all I write about.

I come home to you.

I come home to the intoxicating sound of your laugh
that ricochets off the walls that held
pictures of a time we both shared.
To the melody of your voice that filled
The rooms where we both laid,
Our footprint on floors that
Held the pain when we both bled

I come home to the light of your smile
On walls that carry memories
Of time we both spent
Hopelessness that bent
My crumbling heart
For moments when we are apart.

I come home to the sound of your foot steps on
marble floors
Held together by walls
That captured our past life in frames
Held together by
moments when love was real
And felt infinite.

I come home to an empty house,
A lonely home
And to the side of the bed
Where you lay no more.

I felt your pain
It tore through me like a hurricane a city
My body trumbled at the idea of
How you felt
I shivered with fear
With what you went through
My mouth dried up like a river to dust
At sight of your tears
The vains in my body
Tore from my heart
When you cried and it echoed
All around my head
My soul darkned
When i felt the scars on you cheeks
You beautiful
it's all I managed to mumble.

It's  a mess
In all its glory and wonder
It leaves the biggest pile of hurt
That echoes through time
Love is tragic
To an honest heart
It breaths life
To an unsuspecting eyes
It's beauty glorifies
Leaving nothing in its wake
Love is tragic
It dresses it's self with the most elegant gowns
So captivating
Like a trance
You are drawn to its form.
Love is tragic
Words lose meaning
Meaning lose definition
Defining it requires
Utter surrender of your soul
Logic escapes the mind like
A prisoner on death row
Every fibre in your body is
Overwhelmed and over charged
By its effortless power
Love is tragic
It will keep you lusting for
Its beauty
Hard enough to watch your whole
World fall apart
Love is tragic

Lost word

I can not seem to find the words
To write this poem
Nor the strength to fit
This pen between my brittle fingers.
I am unable to inspire the inspiration
That motivate my aspirations
To scribble the vocabulary my words posses
Into sentences that speak to your heart
Echoing the purity of my feelings
For you.
I've lost the credibility of my metaphors
The trust in my ability to alliterate the message written in these words appropriately.
How do I find the meaning to this paradox
When it's essence create's confusion
this emotions are a calamity to my being
Unable to distinguish between lust and love
Stumbling from one verse to another
Struggling to find the right connection
To the connotations of this words.
Feelings feel flat without infatuation
unable to penetrate through
The ceiling of this unwritten admiration
My words have lost meaning
I can't seems to find the letters
To confess that I am in love with you.

Speechless

You hinder me helpless
Shred my pride and leave me defenseless
Head spinning words lost
thoughtless
Weak from my knees
Air lost from my lungs
breathless
Eyes shut hearing disrupted
Senseless
Your scent choke my veins
Starving my brain of oxygen
Overcomed by weakness
How do I escape your grip on my soul
To find my sanity
Lifeless
The alphabets
Run dry
counting numbers end
How do I describe
Without the meaning of words
How you make me feel.
Speechless

Tell me

Do you still say my name
Like how I write yours on the open sky
In the country side by the lake
Where we first said hello
Does the sound of the way you say it
fill your teeth ring
In your ear? like sirens
Rushing to save a mother
And her unborn child from
The gift that takes and gives life

Does it taste sweet
Like honey accumulated from
Pollen stolen from roses
That lay waste at a grave
Of a father, a lover who served his
Country well but defeated by
His enemy with bomb strapped
On a child who barely knew love

Tell me do you speak of me
Like a fairtale
A story of a prince and a black horse
A tale told to
A child who never knew his mother
Her death a secrifce to grant him
The ability to fall in and out of love
Filling the seas from the Nile
Of his heart.

Look, they say the first cut is the deepest
But thy don't tell you that the **** will almost **** yeah.
You try to bury the pain with unfamiliar faces
hotel rooms, parking lots and other random places..
Man, love will get you killed.
Friday nights offer opportunities to
Further console yourself in the
Arms of other
Oh dear father
I am the seed you created
Shaped by the love of my sweet old dear mother..
****, it's been a year and this feelings
Are as real as the day we first met
This **** is sad.
Bitterness and resentment fake themselves as friends,
Alcohol comes easy
Bottles run empty
After 7am feeling queasy
She gotta leave.
I aint got love for other
But my ex who probably found herself
A new lover,
Man, thy say the first cut is the deepest
But they don't tell you that
This **** will almost **** yeah..
You see, the shots keep coming
And the sheets keep changing
but the heart keeps beating..
For you.

After us

The are days when it all flocks back
The memories of you the momeries of
us.
Like a wave crushing on the shores
Of my mind,
On rainy days the most.
Drops of laughter
Drops of tears
Drops of little moments when time stood still
Falling from above
Onto my vacant face.
This place
Reeks of you
The smell of your lips
Hair
Voice
Eyes
Scattered around on the floor
Of my mind.
There are days when the memories
Are real
A slight glimpse of your face
On a stranger,
Your touch when the wind brushes my skin
Or the sight of your smile when the sun kisses the horizon.
I wonder,
Would the rain fall
And wash you away.

Hey I haven't heard from you in while
I guess life happens when we all trying to figure it out.
I just hope that you healthy and well,

I know sometimes it might feel like we are walking on eggshells,
In this unpredictable life

Hoping for a day when a new door opens.

Maybe one day I can
Give you a call?
We are friends after all.

I hope your moon shines as bright as mine,
It's beautiful
Especially when it and Venus align
This winter nights can get pretty cold
I just hope I don't catch
A common-cold.

I am doing fine of late
Settling in and not fighting fate.
Work and school keeps me on my
Toes
Well the lack of sleep kinda shows.

This is not a poem
It's  just that when I sit and stare out the window
I just wish you were home.