Don't ever let any one tell you that you're not beautiful.

You are a most precious gem, 
         beautiful in nature, unique in design.
                 One of which all men are hoping to find
A gem that should be strung on a necklace
                       and kept close to the heart, 
Yet necklaces are often only seen in part.

Perhaps you should be on the band of a ring 
                             on a hand like a string, 
    reminding everyone of your glorious beauty,
Yes for all the world to see the treasure that you be. 

But hands are often, time and again 
                       bound to get ***** now and then. 
No, not on necklace nor a ring can 
                        all your beauty be on display. 
If there was something I could do,
                         if I could just find a way.

Perhaps on the ear you can hang, 
          where no dirt will be
   But lo, there is hair and hair blocks
              the beauty the world needs to see. 

Where can I put a gem like you?
         Necklace, ring, and earring all won't do
   So where can I display a beauty like you?

At last only one place remains, 
            (Though your beauty I could never contain)
    In a case, behind glass, on a stand made of brass, 
        where dirt nor hair get in the way
        where your beauty can be put on display. 

Then the world may know what treasure have I,
to hold such a gem as yourself makes me one blessed guy.

2/11/12

He was a man of ambition, a goofy look on his face,
He had just arrived to a new and foreign place.

But this was a cold place, masked by the sun
It beat him down until he wanted to run.

He was looking for love, lost and alone,
So he clung to the first girl he could call home.

When they first met it was love at first look.
If love is a drug then oh, boy, was he hooked.

He couldn’t get enough, but she couldn’t care less
He was unaware that his world was a mess.

They tried to warn him, but couldn’t get through.
His world was a lie he insisted was true.

She turned him against them when they persisted.
She toyed with his heart and got his mind all twisted.

Abused and berated he still thought it was right
Even though all they could do was fight.

Over time we had to leave him to his devices
Only he could find the way to conquer the crisis.

Once, I checked up on him to see how he was
It was the same drug different name, for that’s what he does.

It’s not offten you witness an abusive addiction,
But a drug like love can be a strange affliction.

8/20/18

You found me without searching,
 Said you loved me with all your heart

Then ran and did desert me
Once you helped me fall apart

I'll never see your face again 
I'll never hear your voice.

For you thought it best we not be freinds
Claimed we didn't have a choice.

But the choice was there, the choice you made,
Leaving me in the pouring rain.

I sit facing my future alone and afraid;
Afraid that I'll never escape this pain.

I only ever, at all times, always
Wanted forever to make you smile.

If only ever at this time in all ways
To do what hasn't been done in a while.

That would be, being for once, happy
Which is hard for me, being without you.

But it seems you're doing fine without me
If the very thing I hear is true.

So much for no choice in the matter,
When you left me and chose another.

For even though you love the latter,
I can't choose right now to love any other.

4/8/14

I looked for a friend
Who'd know me and trust me,
I looked for a friend
Who always would love me.

One who would see
The worst and the best
And still would love me
When I was a pest.

I looked for a friend
I never thought I'd find,
One who would be there
No matter the time.

One who would care
To know me, to trust me.
With whom I'd share
My worries, my fears.

I often would pray
For one just like this
Who, when away,
I would quite miss.

I searched night and day
And still couldn't find
One who is fair
And loving and kind.

Now, Praise the Lord!
For that day has come,
I found a friend,
With whom I have fun.

How blind could I be
To be looking around,
When in front of me
Is where she was found.

One who knows
My quirks and my riddles,
And sets me aglow
By her laughs and her giggles.

One to whom I
Will always listen,
When sharing her troubles
With tear drops that glisten.

This is my friend
Who shows me she loves me,
By being my friend
Who knows me and trusts me.

This is my friend
Who always will care,
Which just goes to show you
how God answers prayer.

Tonight is the night, be it All Hallows' Eve
One filled with fright most refuse to believe,
For deep amongst the shadows, silently lurking,
'Tis a terrifying creature, his jagged teeth smirking.

Thou hast all heard of demons, and hast battled thine ghouls
Whilst this terrible beast watcheth with hunger and drools.
It's spittle, like acid, can burn through thine flesh
Making thee so much easier to digest.

No name shalt be found for a creature so foul
That gobbles up goblins, and ogres disembowels.
Dost thou think that thine lanterns shall frighten it hence?
Oh foolish man, it shall consume the light thence.

It standeth hunched over, twelve feet in height;
Stalking thou, watching thou, waiting for night.
It cometh from deep within the forest, as the moon wanes
His fur smelleth of death, his claws favouring pain.

He shan't be stopped ere his hunt is over
Yet he only hunts the thirty-first of October
Take ye heed, then, and hear the warning of the raven
For this beast is coming, and from him there is but one haven.

He preyeth upon the weakest, and the one full of fear
So stand fast, take courage and in another likeness appear
Put on a mask, as treacherous as can be
Conceal what layeth within, do not let him see

Or else you shall be taken, beaten and devoured
For this beast prefers to torture just to see thee cower.
So please, take heed to this warning and believe;
Thou art only safe if thee wearest a mask on All Hallows' Eve.

11/3/16

Lying awake, I stare at the ceiling,
Wondering if I'll ever regain any feeling.
Trying to lay still, I still feel like I'm falling,
Listening to the cries of my memories calling,
Flooding my thoughts, causing me pain,
Binding my mind with these freezing cold chains.
Now I must wait till those thoughts are all gone,
But by the time that does happen, it's already dawn.

I have often heard the sky is blue and how the grass is green,
But I haven't got the slightest clue as to what that's supposed to mean,
No, I've only heard the stories of a sun shining bright.
You see, I was born into the dark, never to know the light.

I know birds by their songs and trees by their shade.
My fingers run for miles on hills artificially made,
Painting pictures in my mind of things I never knew,
Looking for some insight, searching for the truth. 

But all I see are the missing trees and those who make no sound,
Ghosts of my own making, look at what they're taking, never to be found.
For insight is like hindsight, both are looking with the mind
So spare the lies, don't try to empathize with a man born blind.

I have smelled the color purple, I have heard the color blue!
I have tasted green and yellow, and the combination of the two!
I can feel the color orange like the warm late summer breeze,
And the pale blue of the waters in winter when they freeze.

To walk by faith and not by sight is so much easier for me,
For I once was lost, but now I'm found! Am blind, but now I see!

8/7/15

"America, the beautiful," you once were said to be.
Where men would fight to keep this place the land of brave and free.

But now instead these men that fight are left so far behind
They are pushed way to the back, out of sight out of mind.
It is my hope that by the end of this you'll see,
Although they fought with courage we are all but free.

America, America, upon which God's grace had shone 
With liberty and justice for all, where'er the flag was flown.

But now there is another flag that mocks God in his face
What is now a symbol of sinful lusts was once that of God's grace.
And now no longer do we have what's called a home of liberty
For where is justice in the killing of the unborn, this I just can't see.

America, once beautiful, so far you've come since then
You did your best to play the act, but forgot your lines again.

You tried so hard to conquer hate, by making laws to call it crime
Our courts are full of useless debates that in the end just waste our time.
We sit and act like nothing's wrong, as if we're clean and pure
We breathe our last so painfully, yet still reject the cure.

America, America, where will the line be drawn?
Or will you slowly crumble into the fading dawn?

You say if done for love then it's all fair and good,
That these sinners are all just simply misunderstood.
But what about the ******, or the *******?
Everything they do still brings themselves a crooked, ***** smile.

America, so sick with sin, or do you still not see,
Our country has been littered with gross *******.

You fill the minds of all the kids with things they should not see,
Showing your approval to things that should not be.
You now begin to act like you for them know what is best.
Forcing rules in all the schools and claiming parents as the pest.

America, America, will there be hope for you one day?
Will there be a time at last when you hear the truth we say?

To you who are no longer sick, to whom the cure He gave,
Will you let this country fall into it's miry grave?
Will you not help to guide the shot, nor correct their aim?
Will you not choose to take a stand and with one voice proclaim:

“America! America! May God's grace to you be shown!
May you return His truth, into the land we call our home!”

America, so beautiful, you can someday become,
When the fight to stand for Truth, becomes a battle won.

7/12/13

Among the shadows,
in the dark of night,
Something is lurking, 
It doesn't feel right.

You can't hear me,
But you know I am there.
You can't see me,
Yet you feel my stare.

I sit and I spy
As you do your bad deed
With my watchful eye,
I see you fulfilling your greed.

Beware! Beware!
For out I will come.
Beware! Beware!
There's nowhere to run.

For I will be on you
In the dark of night
And they'll see what you've done
Clear as black and white.

You will tell us your lies,
The Truth will come out.
And the whole world will know,
What you're really about.

For among the shadows
Is a place you should fear.
When I come, you will scream
But no one will hear.

3/26/14

What is wrong with a world
Where the sky is green and the grass is blue?
Where up becomes down and left turns right
And the sun starts to rise first thing in the night?
Why can't people fly, and chickens dance,
And all the little critters wear pants?

What's wrong with a place 
Made with a creative imagination?
Or an imaginative creation
That makes everything new? 
You could have superpowers for even an hour
Heck, why not the whole day?
And those who lied, would be justified 
By the power of the truth we say.

See, I'd like to create a creature
That could change its physical features
To look like watches, gems, or diamond rings,
Or any other shiny thing.
What's wrong with a world like that?

What is so dangerous about the imagination?
Why do we frown upon its sight?
Am I crazy or is it true
Does the world reject the new
When upside down becomes upright?

I suppose the question now arises,
After all of these surprises,
As to the point I'm trying to make.
When this world is full of gloom
And we see ourselves as doomed
And our happiness is fake.
This is when we should look
Away from a screen and to a book
To find real happiness a piece of cake.

Let's explore the worlds within our minds
And perhaps we just might find 
a reason to live on.
For when the grass is too green and the sky is too blue
And you think your dreams will never come true, 
and your hope is gone,
Fly away to a secret place, 
look in the mirror and make a face,
So you can greet with a smile each new dawn.

This is the power of a creative imagination,
Building a world, an imaginative creation.

12/9/14

Thank you Lord, For darkness and light,
Thank you Lord, For giving me sight.

The sight to see, Your mercy and love,
And giving to me, a gift from above.

The gift was your Son sent to live perfectly
The only one, to pay the price for me.

The price it was death, hung from a tree
Taking God's wrath for sinners like me

Three days later you showed your satisfaction
By conquering death through His resurrection.

Thank you my God for letting me hear
Your word being taught for all of these years

Help me remember to never forget
Renew the ember, a fire once lit.

Keep me burning for you and help me to find
That living for you is worth all of my time.

To end not my will, but Your's here as in heaven, 
Because of your son, I am forgiven.

Amen

June, 2011

Ashes falling, embers burn,
Sirens calling, "Lessons learned!"

"Help is on the way," they say,
But help won't make it here today.
You try to run but can't get away,
Death will come and fear will stay.

Ashes falling, embers burn,
Death is calling, "Lessons learned!"

Crimson streets, the bodies line,
Those still living are losing time.
Death is searching and will always find.
Fear will take hold and rot your mind.

Dreams are falling, memories return,
Regret is calling, "Lessons learned!"

"Play not with fire," you were always told,
"Lest you be burned before you grow old."
But you loved to stare at the colors bold,
Enjoying the heat, despising the cold.

Ashes falling, embers burn,
Fire is calling, "Lessons learned!"

You loved setting fires and watching them burn,
The only thing for which your heart ever yearned,
 But a flash and a bang say you'll never return;
Life is fading, lessons learned.


8/26/14

Take a look and see,
At a house is where you be,
All around you there are trees
And the pollen makes you sneeze.

The grass is green and bright,
And from the sun comes a soft light.
A warm breeze blows, too gentle for a kite,
The fresh morning dew shines; such a beautiful sight.

There's a swing on the porch where two would sit together,
It seems the swing is one thing to out last forever.
Now it rocks back and forth from the breeze
Swaying in sync along with the trees.

Over the horizon shines the rising sun
Allowing shadows to dance on the porch, having fun.
The silence is deafening, leaving the squirrels dumb.
Not even the birds and the bees will hum.

I guess that's how the memory works
Slightly foggy with all of its quirks
Yet the silence in a memory is quite a perk
For it adds to the beauty so you can't help but smirk.

Use your eyes and see now a beach
So serene it feels quite out of reach.
The sand is so golden and so bright
You can't help but squint when it'***** by light.

So soft is the sand between our toes
The warm sunlight makes our faces glow.
Quietly the waves brush against the shore
It seems after every wave our hearts beat more

Here comes the ocean breeze blowing through your hair
—Your beauty is amazing— breathe in that salty air.
With your hand in mine we walk a straight line
Our footprints wash away if you just look behind.

As we watch the silent seagulls fly away,
So goes the same with the rest of the day.
So quiet, it seemed not a word had been spoken.
Yet we needed not speak with our minds so open.

I guess that's how the memory works
Slightly foggy with all of its quirks
Yet the silence in a memory is quite a perk
For it adds to the beauty so you can't help but smirk.

As I lay here trying to sleep,
Breathing in, I'm breathing deep
A gentle nod, a heavy eye,
A simple prayer for a quite night 

Rain drops patter on the window pane
Moonlight so soft as it starts to wane
A heavy eye, a gentle nod
A simple prayer to an awesome God

“Dear Lord, bring me comfort, give me peace;
With all that's going on, set my mind at ease
Fill my dreams with precious joys, I'm asking please

This is just a simple prayer, help me tonight,
Lift away the fog, drain me of all fright.
Let me gently nod, as my heavy eyes close tight.

Amen


10.19.15

Oh the beauty of the seasons,
Each one with it's own specific reasons.
Winter springing as Summer is falling,
Look at the sounds of Memory, calling.

Feel the warmth as a summer breeze blows;
Washing us over, from our head to our toes.
Remember the laughter spent in summer days bright
As children dance with glee into the summer night.
As August comes to an end you should know,
Summer is the season in which life and friendships grow.

Oh the beauty of the seasons,
Each one with it's own specific reasons.
Winter springing as Summer is falling
Look at the sounds of Memory, calling.

Autumn is here now and summer is over
Kids return to school another year older.
This is the season where change happens most
The beauty in the changes, her greatest boast.
We gather around while the world outside is dying
Giving thanks for each other, while others are crying.

Oh the beauty of the seasons,
Each one with it's own specific reasons.
Winter springing as Summer is falling
Look at the sounds of Memory, calling.

Old man Winter arrives with a storm
Beating us down, making us worn.
But then the storm is over and snow covers the ground.
Frozen crystals hang from the trees, beauty all around.
Winter has washed the dead of the land snow white.
A reminder of the power of the perfect work of Christ.

Oh the beauty of the seasons,
Each one with it's own specific reasons;
Winter springing as Summer is falling
Look at the sounds of Memory, calling.

As old man Winter blows away,
Spring brings life with each new day.
A gentle breeze blows in the honey bees
That love the very trees that make you sneeze.
Rain drops splatter with every April shower,
Working with the Sun to give life to every flower. 

Oh the beauty of the seasons,
Each one with it's own specific reasons;
Winter springing as Summer is falling
Look at the sounds of Memory, calling.

Winter covers Autumn's death with beautiful snow white
And Spring brings the rain to give us life.
As life lives through the summer we continue to grow,
And Autumn reminds us of things we don't want to know:
There is a beauty to change and even in death,
So long as you live for Him who gives rest.

Oh the beauty of the seasons,
Each one with it's own specific reasons;
Winter springing as Summer is falling
Look at the sounds of Memory, calling.

7/25/14

There are always warning signs,
If you could only see one.
If you do see it in time
Don’t ignore it, just run.
Forgetting what lies behind
You might just get out before it comes.

Pay no attention to him behind the curtain
Who is only ever sure that he is never certain.
He does his best to stay behind the curtain
Because that's where he is sure that no one else can hurt him.

8/22/14

I'm trapped in here,
I can't get out
"Somebody help me!
Please help me," I shout.

I'm bound by the hands,
With steel crushing my heart
I can barely stand
So I just fall apart

I'm giving up hope
Of living happily after,
Of a life spent with her
And all of our laughter.

I gave away my heart
Now my heart won't come back.
Was I doomed from the start?
Or is it faith that I lack?

I'm bound up in chains
Chained up like monster
Still filled with pain
Over the fact that I lost her.

How is it possible for me to move on?
Moving on with out any hope.
Hope died like memories fade, sinking into the dawn.
A new Dawn binding my feet like rope.

Still I am told I must pick myself up,
For who else is there to lend me a hand
Or to hand me a way to improve my "luck",
Though, luck's never made a man stand.

I thought all this time that "us" was a blessing,
The blessing that kept us together.
Instead, now I'm left constantly guessing.
Guessing what kept us from forever.

Now I'm trapped in a nightmare where nothing has changed
Save for the change of a loved one lost,
I'm lost in a world from which I feel so estranged,
Estranged from love, a lost-love's cost.

I cannot escape from this terrible dream,
Dreaming of days long gone.
Gone, I have gone and died it would seem.
Seemingly nothing can make me strong.

11/21/13

This crazy conundrum has been conspicuously contrived quite cordially. Of course, one could concede this cordially contrived conundrum could carelessly conflate the countless quandaries causing quintessential quantities to question the conspicuously questionable conspiracy. Conversely, carelessly questioning conspicuously contrived conspiracies as cordially quantitative quandaries could create considerably confusing claims countering the critically acclaimed crazy conundrum so callously clarified as to continue to count as cordial. Consequently, with careless acquiescence, I must confess that the conceptually contrived conspiracy, so inconspicuously inconsistent, conflated considerably contrary quandaries quite questionably and continues to confuse the crazy quite cordially. To conclude, the crazed conspicuous conundrum confuses the cordially questionable quantities of conceptually countless claims clearly clarified as conflated quandaries continuously contradicting a considerable count of conspiracies.

11/2/16 11:59 p

The first day is the worst day
The hardest of them all
The day you have to stand up strong
When all you want to do is fall

If you pass the first day that's the worst day,
But there's still much more to come.
So push your stand into a walk,
And then your walk into a run

I am not now, nor will I ever be
Defined by misconceptions others have of me.
But rather by my actions to those that bring no gain,
How much more so to those that caused me pain.

I am not now, nor have I ever been
Defined simply by the number of those I call my friends.
For an excess of friends can be like fame, vain and quickly fleeting
Rather I have found only a few close friends is what I'm needing.

My convictions are no restriction, at least not that I have found.
For the best way to learn is debating with one who disagrees.
It may take some time, but the truth does truly set free.

Definition like inhibitions, only weigh us down,
Clouding our careless conceptions, not allowing us to see:
We are what we do, attempting all we can surely be.

12/15/15

With a leap of faith, you take the plunge deeper
Into your sea of fears, trying to out-swim The Sleeper

I can write wonderful words of eloquence
Describing in detailed elegance 
the pictures in my mind.

But when it comes to speaking aloud,
Especially in front of the smallest crowd
There are no words to find.

That's why I pick up my pen to write,
To let all of my dreams take flight 
And go explore the worlds.

Then perhaps while they explore 
They'll listen to my heart as it implores,
"Find me that perfect girl."

Off soar my dreams with the stroke of the pen
To search for the girl that my heart seeks within
To find only a broken blue heart.

So they search for and gather some of the pieces,
For the ones they can't find, their sorrow increases
Their eloquence falling apart.

With what small courage I had, my heart tries to speak
But it fumbles and falls, and feels like a freak
Our weakness fully revealed

Yet touching my heart, she helps it to stand
My own broken pieces enclosed in her hand
And nothing left to conceal.

The rest, you could say, will be history
But 'til then it will stay a mystery
I can't wait to be told

For now my dreams are straining more,
While I just sit here waiting for
My story to unfold.

1/30/16 12:01am

I've found hope in a far off dream
So distantly impossible it does seem.
Others think I'm a fool to believe 
Even though I know they think I know not.

This dream is the thing for which I reach
Even though I know I'm unlikely to succeed
Others they think I'm going insane
Even though I know they know not.

They tell me give up, they say to move on
Find another purpose, write a different song.
They don't understand, they can't comprehend 
Even though I know they don't know it's all I've got.

I ignore what they say, I choose to press on
But my heart starts to feel like it's wandering on.
I say I'm ok, that there will be hope for one day,
Even though I know they know I have not.

Not sure where I'm going, I hold on to where I've been
As if I have some sort of direction, I try to pretend.
Without this dream I have nowhere to go
Even though I know they know that I'm lost.

1/19/14

None of it feels real but rather surreal 
as my memories fade into dreams.
The future becomes the present and the present past,
As my memories fade into dreams

I feel lost in a fog, dazed and confused
Confused how I woke up feeling so bruised
I've lost all feeling in my past it would seem
As my past becomes a memory that fades to a dream.

Now that I'm awake it's hard to recall
Standing with caution, afraid I might fall.
Dreams fade into memories that can't be kept,
Memories of dreams, dreams that long to resurrect.

Resurrect from within, a life full of gladness.
Putting to death my sorrows and sadness.
I start to recover from the battle lost
My memories fading like dreams, is the cost.

For shortly after waking, dreams fade away.
In the same manner my memories won't stay. 
I fight to remember, I struggle to hold on
But lo, quick approaching is a burning new dawn.

And with every new coming dawn
Are my thoughts left wandering on,
Warm sun light so brightly gleaming,
My memories quickly fading as I awake from dreaming.

It's short
it's sweet
It's the perfect treat

For our last goodbye 
I'm not going to lie
I really hope you don't die

Growing up we had our fair share of fights
With flying slippers 
...and that broken swiffer
But I think we turned out all right

You're not the strongest nor the smartest
Though you're much stronger than me.
And I know you'll fight the hardest
When you're fighting for our right to be free

It is said there is a friend unlike any other
One that sticks closer than a brother

Perhaps some day this will be true
But I think it's almost impossible to do
Cause I have to say, 
to my brother born in May,
I've never had a closer friend than you.

So here's farewell, not goodbye
There is only do, never try
Stay strong, don't die
And of course, semper fi

5/20/16

I'm standing at the edge, too afraid to move
Looking down into the bottomless pool.
I've fallen in before and didn't drown then
But standing here now it's a question of when.

I liked it before, I enjoyed the cool waters
Splashing over my head, cooling me down.
The sound of laughter and joy filled my ears,
But now I can only watch, too afraid that I might drown.

What if the waters fill my lungs and I can't breathe
Or if I tire too quick and get pulled down by the current
The air might leave my lungs when no one's around
And I might not break the surface, I might drown.

I can't take the leap of faith, I'm paralyzed in fear,
Yet my friends are there laughing as they search blindly for each other.
I take a step back content with being alone;
I'm close enough to feel their joy though I know it's not my own.

When someone like me comes along
Too afraid to take the leap, yet afraid to be alone
I know pushing them in would serve them best
But instead I talk them through it until they can jump in on their own

As they swim there, a smile on their face,
They call to me, asking me to join in their race,
But I'm a hypocrite of my own making.
I talk big and give good advice, but in the end I'm just faking .

And so I sit on the edge of the pool,
with my feet in the water.
Just out of reach of all the fools
Who think my place is in the water.

Though I know I can swim that doesn't stop me.
Though I'm sure I'd enjoy it that doesn't help me.
So here I sit in the same place they've all found me,
Sitting on the edge of life, so afraid of drowning.

2/3/17 1:00 am

Call me ugly, call me dumb
Say I’m boring and no fun.
You can say that I’m a mess,
You don’t have to be impressed.
Just tell me that I’m lazy,
You can even say I’m crazy,
‘Cause it may be somewhat true.
But please, whatever you do
Don’t tell me I’m too sweet,
That my company’s a treat.
Don’t say that I’m too nice a guy
That’s not a reason why.
If you’re not interested that’s fine,
Rather stay friends? Well, I don’t mind.
You could let me down easy,
Or you can say I make you queasy,
Just give me a reason, even blame it on fate
Just don’t blame it on one of my positive traits.
We’re all deeply flawed, you can take your pick
Just don’t choose something I don’t need to fix.

3/20/19

Never forget the forgetfully forgotten
Just to beget the regretfully begotten.
For then you might simply be awfully rotten, 
Or you might even do what you woefully fought and 
Then this would be for naught

Prom is for the parents
Nothing less, nothing more
It seems to me quite apparent 
As they drag me to the store.

Sure, girls all have fun
As they shop in search for the perfect dress
But until that is done
It seems to me they're only filled with stress

Prom is for the parents
I have to say
But when it's time to make a purchase
It is we who are left to pay

The tickets cost an arm and a leg 
And the clothes our hands and feet
Before this is over we'll have to beg
And will wake up the next day on the street.

Prom is for the parents
They just love to take our picture
It would come as no surprise
If they went as far as to get a fixture.

But then comes that time
We've been waiting for all year
The night I call you mine
And get to hold you so near.

And although I don't know how
For you I'll give it a chance
When better to learn than now
Yes, I think I'll like to dance.

So prom is for the parents
If only at the start
But if I get to hold you close
Then Prom is for the Heart

4/23/12

Save a man from self-destruction
Fill him with ideals that never matter
Prevent him from thinking freely
And then watch his morals shatter.

This is a letter from my future self
To the past and present Me’s
When you’re stuck in the spaces in between,
May this letter set you free.

It’s hard to think of what to say
To my past and present self.
What are the things you need to hear
That would be of use or help.

Surely, whatever I end up choosing
Will be hard upon your ears.
I must address some insecurities
And attack your greatest fears.

Don’t be afraid to take the fast lane,
Though I know you like moving slow,
You see, sometimes, moving quickly
Is the fastest way in which to grow.

I know you like to test the waters
Before gradually wading in,
But life is short, so take the leap
Don’t be so afraid to swim.

Remember life is always worth living
For there are people who truly care.
And when you’re not in that place
Let those who still are know you’re there.

Regardless of your wealth or status
We are each and everyone the same;
Deserving of grace, respect, and kindness
Whether or not you know their name.

Life is an adventure full of memories,
Like scars— just stories waiting to be told.
Just because you open up to someone
Doesn’t mean you’re shouting it to the world.

So take a chance once in awhile,
Go over, talk to her, smile.
Don’t overthink, ask what if, or why.
You’ll never find out unless you try.

Laugh when life gets crazy,
Love her patiently,
Live life in the moment,
Sincerely, “Future Me”.

1/16/19

Lights on   Lights off. Then
Lights on   Lights off, again.

First dark  Then light.  I
Can see.   No sight.  Now
It's loud,   then not.   I
Think I   forgot   how
To be    or not. I'm 
Afraid   I might show
That I   really know
Nothing at all.

First life   then death.  You
Breath in,   no breath. First
To see.   No sight. Too
Afraid   To fight. Worse, 
You're here   At night. Too
Alone   To find rest. 
Still I   Try my best,
With luck I'll fall.

Lights off.   Lights on.
You're here   and then gone.

Here's to the New Year
For one filled with hope
Where we conquer the fear
With which we couldn't before cope.

To a year full of promises we mean to keep
To finally getting a good nights sleep.

Here's to a new dawn
One filled with a brighter sun
A day to face with out a yawn
And filled with joy and fun.

To a day for us to be reborn
After being battered and forlorn.

Here's to the new life
And the promises to change
To persevering through last year's strife
And outrunning terror's range.

To all the things that caused us pain
That they might at last bring forth gain.

Here's to the New Year
Filled with great unknowns
To have many days of cheer
And a light to us shown.

Here's to the hope of a better tomorrow
One filled with hope instead of last years sorrows.

Here's to the future me
To never forget the past
That I might always see
How God has built me to last.

Here's to a New Year filled with laughter
And to living life happily ever after.

1/3/14

Home is hanging with a few close friends
It's always spending time with family if not now and then
It's laughter, and hugging, and yes even tears
It's someone beside you as you're facing your fears
It's "good morning" and "what's for dinner?"
"I'll see you later", and "is there anything good to eat?"
It's not about where you lay your head to sleep.

Home is about the memories and the moments you hold dear
Talking about your long day with mom and dad
Or having a shoulder to cry on when your sad.
It's movie nights and nerf gun fights even when your "too old".
It's snow forts in the winter and couch forts when it rains.
It's being surrounded with love when your world seems full of pain.

Home is Christmas cookies, ice cream, and making apple cake,
And spending time with Grandma, learning how to bake.
It's a bro's night out at the movies, or breakfast in bed on Mother's Day
And it's dancing to the music in that particularly peculiar way.
It's beanie babies, teddy bears, and memories so sweet,
Basketball, and baseball gloves, and sometimes muddy cleats.

It's sewing fingers, broken fingers, and shutting them in doors,
Broken toes, and scooter falls, and hospital trips galore.
It's talking all night with your brothers, and driving together to school
And making fun of brace face whenever he would drool.
Home is not a building not confined to just one place
It's more a state of mind, a memory encased.

Family are the friends you're born with and friends the family you choose
Home is being with either for in neither case you'll lose.
They say home is where the heart is, so I've split my heart in three
One for family, one for friends, and one to keep with me
For life is full of travels, sights I have yet to see
Yet no matter where I'm headed, home is where I'll be.

1/13/17 1:00 am

I almost wrote you a poem
Except for the unfortunate fact
I’m hesitant about how I feel,
And all the information that I lack.

I don’t know what fills your dreams
Or what monsters fuel your fears.
What sweet joys make your smile beam?
What fills your eyes with tears?

Do you cry for the small injustices?
Do you smile for a beautiful song?
Do you paint broad strokes with small brushes?
And speak without fear of being wrong?

I almost wrote you a poem
Except I just don’t understand,
I barely even know you,
This is not what I had planned.

I never thought I’d feel this spark
Before I got to know your heart.
Never thought I’d have this crush
Yet your thought can make me blush.

You’re beautiful and surely kind
Talented and most devine,
I know this and not much else
I see you and my heart swells.

Even with all the knowledge
This would still be true:
There is no beauty in this world
That could accurately compare to you.

I almost wrote you a poem
And perhaps I already have.
One day we may look back on this
And have ourselves a laugh.

10/21/18
1:31 am

Anger. 
I can see it in his eyes,
I can smell it on his breath.
How is he even standing?
He's lost all self control
(As if he had any to begin with)
Fear is swelling within my soul
So afraid of going back into that hole. 

He's so full of hatred,
I can smell it on his breath,
Screaming and shouting,
And spitting in my face,
Says he's going to put me
Back into my place. 
Down on my knees,
 Face down on the ground,
Until I beg and I plead
Or don't make any sound. 

What an animal, what a monster,
Drunk with hate and distrust,
I can see it in his eyes,
I can smell it on his breath;
How is he even standing?
Or how can he see,
So caught up with anger
Staring, screaming at me. 

He swings at my head,
Striking my face;
(Without make-up for cover,
I would be a disgrace.)
He throws me around like trash
Putting me "in my place"
Face down in the ground where I belong;
Where I am weak, meek,
And my outlook is bleak;
Where all light is gone. 

I don't want to go back into that hole,
It's cold and dark, black like his soul.
I'm sick and tired of being afraid,
But he's stronger than I,
Or so he likes to proclaim,
But I see it in his eyes
And I can smell it on his breath
Tonight he's threatening death.

He's coming at me again,
To hit me once more,
I won't take it this time,
I'm losing my mind,
So I dig my thumbs into his eyes
And scratch at his face.
It's time everyone sees him as the disgrace.

How is he even standing,
Why won't he just fall,
He doesn't seem to be phased at all.
I can see it in his eyes, 
I can smell it on his breath
He's so drunk with anger
I'm never finding rest. 

He pushes me once
 And pushes me again, 
Starting to lose his balance 
Every now and then. 
Just to catch my own 
I lean my hand against the table
To find a pair of scissors right there 
So I question if I'm able.
 He grabs the bat by the door,
 And charges, no light left in his eyes
Before I even know it 
we're on the floor and both surprised.

His expression is unchanging
Now drunk from so much shock
I can see it in his eyes
I can smell it on his breath
This is our last goodbye.
His body is oozing life, 
I can feel it on my hand,
The warmth of that red essence
Dripping down my arm. 

Will this ever wash off?
Will I ever be free?
From the guilt deep within
That is eating me?
My shirt is stained a crimson red,
Life dripping from his lips to my head. 
I see nothing in his eyes,
I smell nothing on his breath,
The guilt is eating me up inside
But at least I've found my rest.

12/8/14

I can see it now, I can see just how,
'Twas never meant to be, never you and me.
We never argued, we just couldn't fight.
I was never wrong, you were always right.
You wanted everything to stay the same,
I was so afraid thinking about change.
I would always stay, you would never leave
Then that day— you started to disbelieve.
I could do no right, and all you did was wrong
We didn't fight, but we couldn't get along
I held true, and wanted you to hold me,
I thought you knew, but you didn't know me.

I can see it now, you don't feel this pain.
I just can't see how, I'll ever say the same.

12/7/16

If I were to get hurt
If I nearly died
Would you stop what you're doing
Just to be by my side?

Or would you live like I didn't exist
As if you didn't even know
Carrying on with your life
Not a feeling for me to show?

Would you not shed a tear
Nor let me hold you near
And instead walk away
Like it were any other day?

If I were to get sick,
If I nearly died
Would you not find yourself 
Right there by my side?

If anything at all
But to tell me at least,
That you liked me as tall,
That I was one handsome beast?

If I nearly died 
and just layed there in bed
Would you stay by my side
With sweet words to be said?

Would you give me your hand
That I'd have something to hold
Would you show me your smile
So I wouldn't feel so cold?

Even if I were to eventually get better 
And after, we still went our own ways 
At least I could live life knowing 
That you came to me in those days

For if you were to get sick 
If you nearly died
I would make sure to find out
And then rush to your side.

I would give you my hand
So that you'd have something to hold
I'd wrap my arms around you
So that you wouldn't be cold.

For if you really nearly did die
I'd thank God that you were still alive
And oh so many tears I would cry
From joy in knowing that you'd survive.

I hope this never happens to you
Though perhaps maybe to me
Because that might be the only way
That your beautiful smile I'll get to see.

If I were to get hurt,
If I was about to die,
Would you tell me you love me?
Or would that just be a lie...

11/6/13

How might it be,
If it were me,
If it were you,
If it were someone you knew?

Would it change how you view
The world all around you?
Would it change what you saw?
Would it fill you with awe?

Would you show more respect
For the oft disrespected?
And come to expect
What is most least expected?

If it were your baby who died,
Your son who had lied,
If your brother had tried,
And your mother who cried.

What if you lost what you earned
If it were your life they'd burned
What if you worked there so low,
If it were someone you know.

How might it be?
If it were you, if it were me
Would you've behaved any differently?

2/25/17 1:45a

I can't take this any more
I'm so battered and so worn
I've lost my way and my mind
I'm just so awfully torn.

I need my friend back,
I need my home, 
I'm so sick and tired
 of feeling all alone. 

I can't get my mind off her 
I can't ever let her go,
If only I could tell her,
 If only she could know. 

But would that even make a difference,
would it really bring the change? 
Or am I just losing my mind 
becoming totally deranged?

 I told her I loved her, 
I swore it was true
 but she doesn't feel the same, 
If I could only get a clue.

 But I can't move on, 
I can't ever let her go. 
If only I could tell her, 
If only she could know. 

I just need to find a friend, 
I need someone to hold. 
Someone who can keep me warm 
While the world outside is cold. 

I'm not sure where I'm going, 
I barely know where I've been. 
Still I just want to go back 
If only to feel alive again.

I want to find a new friend
But I'll have to let her go
If only I could tell her
If only she could know

But I can't move on
I can't ever let her go
If only I could tell her 
If only she could know.

7/27/14

To my once dearest friend,
I simply wish to make amends,
I know that you've moved on
It's my turn to go.

But what's it like to realize
That what we felt was only lies 
And not for real?
Did it catch you by surprise,
And did he open up your eyes
To how you feel?
Oh, I just want to know, my friend;
What's it like to fall in love again?

I often wished to write, but then,
I feared upsetting you again.
 I really should move on,
But I need to know.

Will I look into her eyes 
Only to think of all the times 
I looked at you?
Will not everything she does 
 Simply remind me of the love 
That I first knew?
Oh I just want to know, my friend;
What's it like to fall in love again?

I can't help thinking of
The day I get to fall in love 
And show how far I've come,
That I've let go.

But what's it like to realize 
That your first love was all a lie
And not for real?
When she looks me in the eye
Will it catch me by surprise 
just how I feel?
Oh, I just want to know my friend;
What's it like to fall in love again?

 I'm not sure how I'll feel.
How will I know if it is real,
Or if it's better that I run;
I need to know.

Will she catch me off my guard
And will I feel within my heart
A love that's strong?
Or will I know upon first sight
When I'm with her I am right 
Where I belong?
Oh, I just want to know, my friend;

Will she help me off the ground
And will I at last be found
As I take her hand?
It hurt like nothing else before
When you knocked me to the floor,
I couldn't stand.
Though I know you said we can't be friends;
Tell me, what's it like to fall in love again?

9/10/14

Forever have I promised
To from you never sunder
And though this promise I will keep
I have begun to wonder.

I wonder just what it'd be like
If for all my life I hold your hand, 
For all my life could be a long time
I wonder if that you could even stand.

If I hold your hand past "down to the wire"
Through the sniffles and the cough
Would my hand begin to tire,
Could it possibly fall off?

Even if my hand could get dismembered
I'd hold you nice and snug
For this you should remember
If I lose my hand I'll give you an eternal hug.

But then I begin to wonder
If I hold you close for eternity
Would our heart beats sound like thunder
Would we manage to keep on standing.

Yet even if our legs turn to jelly
And like pudding become our thighs
Nothing will stop me from saying "Hello Beautiful,"
Nor from looking into your eyes.

And this I know about my eyes,
They could never become weary
If all they saw was beautiful you,
Yet I know they may get teary.

But there's one thing I'll always wonder,
How could I be so blessed to have you,
And even though I often blunder
I know your love will always stay true.

7/20/12

The pen is mightier than the sword  
Or so they like to say
Trapping a man tight with cord  
So he can't get away
Look how easy they cut to the quick  
With rumors spread so thick
They stick to each and every day

Don't speak, don't speak, don't speak to me.
Your "facts" are just opinions you claim to be free.
Free from logic, free from rhyme,
As free as the rhythm of the passing time.

Riots are just fires we start by the spark of the tongue
Set ablaze within the maze of the minds of our young.
The media's a shooter, an impressionable youth their gun
Pointing them at the political process and pulling the trigger just for fun.

"I'm not listening because you're a bigot and a racist,
Just leave me to the feel good lies of my safe spaces.
Sticks and stones can't break my bones, but words were meant to hurt me."
There's only one way in which we can stop them thinking so perversely.

It's plain to see what the solution should be
A permit to permit the diversity of thought
For how dare any of us think differently
This is the only ammunition against chaos we've got.

You'll have to petition for acquisition of the God given right,
One of the greatest things for which our forefathers would fight,
Let's start acting like enacting laws is our only choice
Before our "precious feelings" get drowned out in the noise.

This permit will outlaw protesting in peace,
Since most protests today end with riots in the streets.
And don't for a second think your voices will be heard,
Because the government will control your every word.

All this because you can't handle hearing truth
Or wouldn't let them at least share their proof.
But to see you listen to reason, and through controversy peacefully endure
Would be like seeing a criminal obey the law, or a dictator feeding the poor.

The first amendment protects our diversity of thought,
And that's by far the most important diversity we've got.

9/27/16

I put you on a lifeboat and watched you sail safely through,
As I drowned in the ice cold waters thinking about you.

I've struggled and faught to keep my head afloat
In hopes that you'll come back for me in your little lifeboat.

We did our best to avoid the iceberg, or so I like to think
But being the Titanic we were doomed, bound to sink.
 
And we broke so quickly, like it was out of the blue.
Turns out love isn't a strong enough glue.

So here I swim in the freezing sea of sorrow
Hoping to find warmth in a better tomorrow.

I can try to pretend, pretend that I'm not sinking,
But all the while I can't stop myself from thinking.

Thinking that if I can just stay afloat for a while
You'll come sailing by in your little lifeboat with a smile.

But you won't come, you've already reached dry land.
So I struggle for my life, for anyone to lend their hand.

I can only hope that hand comes before I freeze.
Oh Lord, send me my own little lifeboat, please.

12/17/13

When I heard how she felt I couldn't stop from grinning,
But everyone told us from the very beginning,
"You're too young, this is wrong,
You won't last that long."

But we swore to them and to each other
We would be different, we would be better
It would always be the two of us,
Both of us together.

Still, we felt the pressure wherever we'd go,
Making it harder not to one day hear "I told you so."
We tried so hard to do our best,
And prayed that God would take care of the rest.

But it seemed we were never told we did anything right,
Only scolded when we did something wrong,
Keeping us awake, worried late at night, 
Afraid of thinking we wouldn't last long.

And although it wasn't true, at the time that's how it seemed,
Just me and her against the world, with a love like a dream.
Nevertheless, every dream must come to an end
Only this time, the cost would be losing a friend.

For just like in a dream, you don't know you are dreaming
You just look at the blue sky and the sun beams, beaming
Making me feel so alive, with her hand in mine.
With no recollection of the passing time.

But in reality a storm cloud was coming
And everyone headed to the hills running,
All the while we thought we were smart and cunning
To weather the storm so stunning
And finally be free from the looks of the world scared running.

We were happy and alone when it started to rain,
Until the rain brought the pain and it started to pour,
And so we swore to each other that we would endure.
But as the wind started blowing and the sun began to set,
We had to see just how far we could get.
Had I only known that the dream was near the end
I wonder if I would've found a way to keep my friend.

And as it goes when waking up from a dream,
You find that nothing was ever as it seemed.
Just as the downpours turn to steady rain, turns to infrequent showers,
And the sunrise reflects off water dripping off every flower,
So the memories of a fading dream dissolve with every passing hour.
For when love is like a dream, you'll always close your eyes 
Only to have them open to the most deplorable surprise.

12/11/14