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Yenson Jun 2022
The poor girl said
I so sorry, but I'm afraid they may turn against me, please understand

The near brownies said
please forgive, they will start picking on us if we don't go along and do as ordered

The Preachers says
we have to be as them, we are cultists and already marginalized, if we didn't they'll isolate us more and it helps our recruitment

The weak and insecure said
this is a no brainer mate
for once we get the opportunity to feel relevant and play the fool without the usual disapprovals

The reluctant ones say
we feel oppressed and bad but they are coercing us daily and we just don't have a choice

So their moral compass compromised, their free-will imprisoned
their integrity abused and disrespected, their brains washed, their dignity rubbished, their minds poisoned and internally they are stressed, uncomfortable and feel enslaved. They have been dehumanized because their Narcissistic masters decides so...







Anyone who remembers watching the Wizard of Oz as a child will probably remember how horrifying the Wicked Witch of the West’s flying monkeys were. These monkeys were sent by the witch to do her ***** work, and the phrase has since become synonymous with people who end up doing the ***** work of a narcissist.

Flying monkeys get caught up in a narcissist’s plan — often to damage the life of another person. The narcissist may use their flying monkeys as piggy in the middle, carrying information from party to party. The flying monkey may use gaslighting tactics, open aggression, and guilt-tripping in order to make another person feel bad and weak, whilst shoring up the narcissist. And they’re often involved in pleading the case of the narcissist. Narcissists love having flying monkey, as it makes them feel important and means they can appear to be above the people below them who are caught up in the messy parts of the drama.

Some of the reasons people become flying monkeys include:

Self-preservation and protection.
Forming an alliance with the person perceived as like us or our organisation is one reason people adopt this role. Telling tales, spreading misinformation, and using gaslighting techniques against anyone who dares to question the narcissist might just mean you get to keep your job and don’t find yourself on the receiving end of narcissistic rage.

Rescuing the narcissistic "victim."
If you tend to fall into a rescuing role, you may feel compelled to jump to the defence of the narcissist who blames everyone and everything for whatever is going wrong in their life. Sticking up for the narcissist meets your inbuilt need to feel valued and needed because of your rescuer role.

A loss of sense of self.
Some flying monkeys are so browbeaten by the narcissist that they have far less capacity than otherwise might be expected when it comes to knowing right from wrong. They may have experienced years of emotional abuse at the hands of the narcissist and have lost a sense of self and independent decision-making along the way.

Loving the drama.
Some flying monkeys really thrive on the drama. When you’re involved with a narcissist, it’s almost inevitable that you’ll be involved in a few dramas along the way. What can beat the adrenaline of being caught up in lies, secrecy, and deception?

Being a narcissist.
Flying monkeys often have strong narcissistic traits themselves, including a desire for attention, a lack of empathy, and a desire to bully and manipulate others. They may be involved in a work, or other situation in which they know that their best opportunity to fulfill their narcissistic desires comes from allying themselves with a more powerful narcissists.

Being used by a narcissist to take care of some of the least desirable aspects of their business is always going to place you in a compromised, stressful environment and you should ensure that you have the appropriate support in place when you choose to change your role.
Asha Nicole May 2012
I loved the narcissist
The object of selfish beauty
Engulfed so deeply in herself
No suitors did she see.

I loved the narcissist
But no lovers did she meet
Engulfed so deeply in herself
through the mirror could she see?

I loved the narcissist
The way her beauty gleams
Engulfed so deeply in herself
she was too blinded to see.

I loved the narcissist
her eyes so vague and deep
Engulfed so deeply in herself
The narcissist was me.
Amanda Shelton Aug 2022
A narcissist is a dummy bear on crack. They have gummies for brains.

Viewing the world with mooching eyes, flirting with greed and gluttony, playing games with the devil.

The narcissist is no friend
of the family.

They are crude and thick with pollution and toxic waste.

The Narcissist brings nothing but
suffering and pain.

If you bump into a narcissist
in the wild, run and don't
look back.

A narcissist wants attention and
they don't like bold and brave people.

They chose victims by kindness,
reputation and intelligence.

The smarter and more popular you
are the more likely a narcissist
will strike at you.

You have to be smarter than they,
set boundaries and strict rules.

Don't allow anyone to break your
security or your self esteem.

A narcissists biggest flaw is ego,
strike them in the ego ***** and
watch them turn blue and fall.

Find their weakness in their
gaslighting, use it to fight back.

They blame everyone but themselves for their actions.

©️ 2022 By Amanda Shelton
This is inspired by my personal experiences with a narcissist. I have gone to college to study behavioral health and social science as well. Mental health was my best subject. I have personal experience with mental health as well as studied it for over 20 years. As a passion and necessity to understand my own mind, I researched the deepest parts of mental health. I was seven years old when I started being intrigued by behavioral health. My anxiety and paranoia brought me to a place of intriguing environment's that I wanted to face so I can get through my fear of suffering in silent pain. It was my candle in the darkest.
Mike Hauser Jun 2020
In Narcissist Nation
It's all about self
What's in it for me
Forget everyone else

The views you cling to
I do not approve
In this all the above attitude
Without a clue

In Narcissist Nation
Only I have the right
To say what I say
False truth in my eyes

I'll follow the crowd
To the dark side of town
Then light a fire
And burn it all down

In Narcissist Nation
There's no need to discuss
I'll scream at you
While at me you cuss

With new slogans and sayings
On which to feed
As the world continues baking
In insanity

In Narcissist Nation
This will not end good
If we continue forsaking
All that we should

If we only focus inward
In this I, Me, Mine, time
And not see through into
This narcissistic lie
I heard a guy today say we've turned into a nation of narcissists... I'm beginning to think he's right.
Amanda Shelton Jun 2022
Depression,
I caught you swimming in my sorrow, you were drowning in
my tears.

There in my mind I laid down
my life but you stole my heart instead and I lost my mind amongst the shadows.

In the battle of my chemical imbalance I fight for my right to be happy again.

I am dancing in the dark
with myself, my heart beats
in the shadows as my breath
stands to the side, whispering
to me keep dancing.

Exhausted and frade sorrow
follows me, my flaws abuse me,
my mistakes scared me.

Society forgot about me,
I faded into the pitch of nothing.

A void of me, frightening memories
of taunting accusations from a
devilish monster.

Those eyes of blue devoured
my hopes and dreams,
he had no love for me.

His teeth bit into me,
his harsh lashing of accusations
embodied hate and broken ideas,
from the narcissist who said
he loved me.

The narcissist invaded my dreams,
with grinding bones from the
skeleton's he stored in his closet
of screams.

Scratching my brain with his
narcissistic rants and shoveling
wants trying to steal what
I achieved for himself.

The narcissist knows nothing of
love and passionate embraces.

For the narcissist only
knows how to break things.

A narcissist gaslights until crazy
devours everything.

©️ 2022 By Amanda Shelton
A P Taylor Jan 2015
Narcissist I


Money questions hidden in cultures
Instead of debates, we have the vultures
They will overspend whatever their budget
Destroy years hard work, their odour pungent

Often called users, epiphytes of highest order
Those that cannot earn sufficient to quarter
Or manage their own, so they use others
Spending, unfettered, is their druthers

Cannot accept responsibility for damage
Continue to feast on their host, they ravage
Hollowing out from inside, funds they suction
Weakening the structure for eventual destruction

And weakened, debates then start about savings
Too late, funds gone, too late for the cravings
Absent conversation, leaves a bad situation
Long ago, train of debate left the station

What we have now is death and decay
All caused by silence, as the vultures flay
It will not be long until they seek a new host
Just when their former home needs them most

So leave they will, to claw the next poor victim
Removing their talons of love and devotion
Moving on, leaving behind just carcasses
Warm used bodies, mark of a narcissist
family matters
Dream Caster Apr 2014
Rise narcissist, rise!
Your life is built on lies
A star on your own stage,
though your locked in a cage.
Rise narcissist, rise!
Facing truth is your demise
Always need what they supply
Fighting life until you die
nate1990 Jan 2016
A N D
Nothing
Determined
                      Her value more
                      Than an injection-
                      Of opiates...
                                            In binary form.
It was a sad day for that lonely narcissist
When her battery decided....
                                             To toil no more.
Obsession with social media.
Jackeline Chacon Aug 2014
I met a mysterious man
It was love at first sight

Thought he was charming
Things weren't quite right

He spoke to me romantic
Pure seduction in my eyes

I loved the way he kissed
It taste of such sweet lies

He gazed deep to my soul
He said I was perfection

Yet it was not me he spoke
But to his own reflection

He was a man so confident
Sure no one could disagree

So naive I was for thinking
That you could ever love me

Now I find myself silenced
A little lost book in a shelf

A Narcissist can not love
Except their beautiful self
Starlight Jul 2018
He is narcissist of highest character
is sunshine that is so smug
with its
wide smile
and rays that
poison

yet sunshine is
still your happiness

he is holder of many hearts
he likes to clutch them like
soft baby skin
to his soft chest
and feel the
beating and
warm gush
of blood
against
him

it feeds him
some say
like your eyes
never could
like the spark
that
pumped
like the
breath never could

that
beating
marvel
never could

like you
never could

he tells you that he has always loved the sun
you believe it is because he
sees himself when he
stares at it
in the reflection of the
car door

it slams behind him
as he steps over the
threshold

he does not whisper
of how your lips
were the key to his

he does not let his tongue
trail across your aching chest
as he murmurs
of how

you are the sun
baby
you shine so bright
baby

your skin is so soft
baby

sometimes you believe he has forgotten
that he was once you
was once the boy who lied
beneath the hungry tiger
and let its jaws
wrap upon his neck

and squeeze

sometimes
gentle narcissist
is he,

he likes to hold you to his chest
to feel your heart
and whispers about how
beautiful
you are
and how he

doesn't care

a pang shoots through your chest
and you feel tears leaking from you
you feel as if he has betrayed you

and then he

puts down your heart
looks you in the eye
and says

I don't love you for your beauty
baby
I love you for the fire
that spurs my wind
and
darkness that
sets my
skin aflame
Regina Riddle Oct 2014
I saw you looking in the mirror again today
You can’t seem to go past one
Without taking a second glance
Your own image seems to impress you
As if you were really in love
With the one staring back at you
You never seem to notice me
Watching you as you pass the mirror
And you seem almost a narcissist to me
Who only sees how you prance and primp
Staring long and hard at your appearance
I don’t believe I’ve ever seen
Another look so long or endearingly
Into that looking glass where we all see
Ourselves staring back at us
Could it only be me or are you actually
In love with what you see
Looking back from your reflection
And it is a little troubling to me
When I see you speak to yourself
Long moans of yearning
Puppy, I know you long to believe
That puppy in the mirror
Is your brother or sister!
Personification
Kari Jan 2014
Mirrors telling lies    makeup
         Painting illusions,
                   Stains
                      On
                     Lips
Making caricatures from my face, a
Character in its place, playing
Narcissist    every    day.
If I love me they will come,
If I love me they will stay.
This part masks insecurity,
If I say I love me, won't they?
Pretending to love myself so others love me.
Jake Taylor Nov 2011
the niggly nasty narcissist
who keeps you off the road insists- to stay in all your thoughts he sits and strips your magical mind to bits with all his games and all his grifts a punch a preach consider the junk he's ******* sift, mist or haze
send him away
cause your wisdom yo its better than this,
so think - the ways to rip this spit
im a free man now
peel the author away from this
blow your mind !
just to see the way that i can outline this
and keep myself a verse afar from all your ****
Saint Ozz Apr 2014
Echo and Narcissist

He stared into her life
It enveloped him, metamorphosing his reality
Sometimes we are changed until we dont remember
those quaint things that we pretend to adore
and lose ourselves in the Medusa’s gaze
of a life
trans-formative and different.
Human connection changes us sometimes for better sometimes naught
The shadow we cast is ours but ever changing
We are changed by those we enter and leave
We are amalgams of those we change and those
who change us for better or worse
Seán Mac Falls Sep 2012
Un-veiled Narcissist

                      O
         THE             POET
   WHO                      TALKS
    AD                            INFI-
Nitum                             About
  Ones                            Self,
     What                      Low    
          # is                  S/he
                        ?
Duchebag Rabbi aka p. *****, aka Arlo ***** mouth
wolf Spirit, aka sychophant ( aka the WEEKLY POET ) and attention seeker, panderer supreme
Ryn aka awful, writer and poser
Aka ad you own
To the growing 'PANTHEON of HP POSERS'
Devin Weaver Feb 2013
Life knew it would be hard
So it hard-wired its many children
With a self-serving fondness
Life was well aware of the darkness
And for fear of objectivity
Man was subjected to instinct

Life knew of loneliness
So it made us laugh down
Through our bellies and slap our knees
Life was well aware of heartache
So it drove us toward pleasure
And made us forgetful

Life made us forgiving
Resilient, blissful
Life, the narcissist
Knew of limits
And made us to imagine

Life watched me balk its efforts
And gave me to you
JaiJai Nov 2014
He build me up only to tear me down
With words that hide behind a laugh, "I'm only playing"
But I can see through you and feel what you're doing to me
Breaking my confidence, my strength
Questioning my character
And for moments you had me
Under your manipulation
Consumed with the gratification when something was pleasing in your eyes
Inside I become wary of what I might say and how it'll be perceived
I can't live up to your perfect "image" of what a woman's suppose to be
The truth is it's too exhausting pretending to be okay
That somehow you'll change, when I've been exposed to your true self
The self that finds fault with almost everything
The self that refuses to love blindly
The self that is domineering, controlling, deafening
The self that is cold and calculating
The Narcissist in you
Seán Mac Falls May 2014
Un-veiled Narcissist

                      O
         THE             POET
   WHO                      TALKS
    AD                            INFI-
Nitum                             About
  Ones                            Self,
     What                      Low    
          # is                  S/he
                        ?
Perched before the mirror,
my eyes open to see
the greatest of loves there in front of me

With a smile, a chuckle,
a nod and a wink
I’m falling in love above my bathroom sink

My ocular captions
are fixed in a gaze
and neither denies
our lust-worthy ways
Never before
have I seen such a marvel
Brought almost to awe
yet I recant such sparkle

For my status is equal
or better than such
I say with full modesty
(as if I must)
The greatness exuded
Displayed on both sides
It is something that I
and the other can't hide

All of those who now know
and all those who shall see
will admire and greet us
down on bended knee
Consternation displayed
only to be outdone
by illustrious gestures
to this royal son

But enough of the rest,
there is just you and I
“All of those poor, poor people”,
we say with a sigh
They will truly not know
what it is to be us
When you don't have to worry
And don't have to fuss

This supremacy life
is a difficult one
My heart would feel pity,
(If I had one)
Instead it’s disgust,
disdain and the like
The fuel that's propelling me
forward with blithe

Still across from me now,
a reverent sight
Another near equal
and one who just might
be the only one worthy enough possibly
To stand here beside me for others to see

They think they all know
but know nothing they do
It's the jealousy had by them
for I and you
They’re like chlorophyllic plants
Dripping in so much envy
They try and they try;
They try to prevent me

From being the greatness
I know I can be
If just given a chance
Then perhaps they would see
But alas, in the end
it doesn't mean ****
What I care for is me
Only me
and that's it

Except my love for you
It's so deep can’t you see?
It is real
I can feel it
I truly believe
Only you I can trust
The one person who matters
The one I turn to
when life breaks and it shatters

All others are pawns
I can move on the board
Sacrificial pieces
for falling on swords
No dispute; I am king
Come stand here with me
It’s us versus them
And trust me they will see

It might not be today
It might not be tomorrow
But it will be soon
when they join me in sorrow
Make all of them pay
For what they’ve done to me
For the pain they’ve inflicted
Their fault, you will see

Anything that I do
Even though I will try
They keep holding me down
No idea; Don't know why
They are all out to get me
So plainly can see
But one thing you won't see
is not the last of me

Here, take my hand lover
and come with me now
We'll go out in the world
and together show how
Their pathetic existence
can benefit us
We may step on some ants
But there's no need to fuss

The hole that is empty
That is our damnation
Use things superficial
Instant gratification
It's a short-term "fix"
But will make-do for now
In our path, leave destruction
This much I will vow

Happiness, thoughtfulness
or concerned empathy
Some examples of words
unfamiliar to me
Therefore, no one can feel it
Must feel like I do
Only then I'm complete
Feeling I belong too
Written: August 31, 2017 (revised February 3, 2019)

All rights reserved.
Ishita Jan 2017
She was a full bloomed flower
Poised,grateful and gentle
Brimming with love,selfless and secure
But you plucked her petals,one by one
Slipping by the hands of trust.
And now she's engulfed in a web of lies
Broken,bruised and burnt
She was your admirer,once and forever.
For you were the sun.
And she was the earth.
Just stop questioning her,
Over her self discovery.
For you've made a narcissist recovery.
Don't take anyone for granted.
Ashton Jul 2016
They turn even on the closest in their lives
They lie.
They are blameless.
They are "perfect".
They belittle you
They tell you youll never be good enough
And you're just a huge disappointment
They strike fear in you to make you hush
They strike you down when you refuse
But you're her child so you must obey
You're her child so whatever she says goes
And no one will ever step in to help
Because you are her child
And you must obey...
Your mother
The Narcissist
Lorraine day Nov 2013
He does not think before he speaks
Wounding all with words he meets
A trail of destruction left behind
Oblivious of his dysfunctional mind

Never wrong he's always right
Insecurity is his plight
An enemy to himself within
Everything always about him

No middle ground
No compromise
He'll twist the truth
With articulate lies

His ego grandiose
As he stands tall
His aim to watch you
Retreat and fall
Emotionally void
From the human race
Defiance etched upon his face

Your life now fraught with  pain and worry
As he does never intend to say
I'm sorry
Jessica H Nov 2015
She professed she'd die for him,

Not realising he wasn't even living for her
Luisa Nov 2017
So much hurt & so much pain
Too much confusion, I'm going insane.
So many questions & instead of answers, just lies
Because you’re a Narcissist I’ve had to say my goodbyes.

I loved you so much, to within an inch of my life
I felt a stab in my back and it was you holding the knife.
I was patient and loving, I gave you my soul
Being together as a family, that was my goal.

Unfortunately you lied and took other women to bed
While still promising me the world, you messed with my head!
You toyed with my heart and played me for a fool
I’ve never had anyone treat me that cruel.

It’ll be five weeks tomorrow since I sent my final text
Every single day since then I’ve wondered who’ll be next.
I guess you are working on finding a new supply
Such a typical narcissist, you will lovebomb until you die.

I can’t carrying on holding onto any hope
Of you coming back to me so we can elope
I miss spending time with you & running my fingers over your skin
Whenever I was near you the feeling I got within.

Memories will live with me forever, I will never forget
Falling in love with you though is something I’ll always regret.
You were not a real person, it was all just an act
You are a pathological liar & a narcissist, that Lee, is a fact.
M H John Apr 2019
i spent my life trying to please
someone with a twisted disease
i broke myself down
and tucked my feelings away
to become the person
they wanted me to be
i let myself be watched
through the glass of a two sided mirror
of a sociopath
i wallowed my spirit away
and begged for acceptance
but there’s nothing in the world
that i could do
to let the narcissist know
that i am human too
the only thing that can please a narcissist is being miserable
Àŧùl Feb 2015
There are categories....

Positive: Narcissists think they are better than others.
Inflated: Narcissists' views tend to be contrary to reality. In measures that compare self-report to objective measures, narcissists' self-views tend to be greatly exaggerated.
Agentic: Narcissists’ views tend to be most exaggerated in the agentic domain, relative to the communion domain.
Special: Narcissists perceive themselves to be unique and special people.
Selfish: Research upon narcissists’ behaviour in resource dilemmas supports the case for narcissists as being selfish.
Oriented towards success: Narcissists are oriented towards success by being, for example, approach oriented.
I'm a 'Positive Specially Oriented towards success Narcissist'.
It's okay to be so.

Actually it's good and needs no medication.
Mateuš Conrad Mar 2022
title: prune
body:
      /ick/
\itch\
|snooze|
szshszsh    a 502 bad gateway bypass


HIM:

Why are we quantum entangled? I'll just walk away

12 hours ago Quantum physics mean nothing. Take your plank hole shove it up your plank hole ***. non locality? get non locally ****** every instant. I drank the essence of a black hole.

12 hours ago Wait, I want to know what you see so I won't walk away.

12 hours ago I live in the US, in Colorado. It ******* ***** here. King George is an *******.

11 hours ago My issue I'm having, there's too much to the story inside my mind. There's not enough words or time to tell

11 hours ago It all starts with Unholy Trinity. Cast of characters in “clinical” terms, Borderline Mommy Room 11 who lives completely fragmented and disassociated from her own feelings and emotions and Narcissist Room 7. I’m cast in a role in a control fantasy  between these two psychotic child blood drinking creatures. I have to be the adult. I have to deal with their feelings and emotions. I don’t get to have  happy childhood feelings and emotions.

Now I’m in my 30s. I’m confused about Borderline Mommy Room 11 because “Real” Mommy failed miserably. I don’t understand being born because of this “failure”. I found a new Surrogate Mommy who lives above my head Room 11. She’s “clinically” “borderline”. I think she has a control fantasy. She’s using  me in her control fantasy, really easy and convenient for her. She had been watching me for months before I realized she even lived above my head, apartment above. When she was always making noises, before I even knew who she is, it would give me PTSD symptoms and I’d think my dad’s getting up and he’s coming back to ****** me again.

Now I’m more aware of the situation. I had a control fantasy too but I’m working on breaking down it down, return to source. I know now I just have really really ****** up Mommy issues and I’m using Surrogate Borderline Mommy Room 11 as a mirror, projector to try to understand what the **** happened in my childhood. I have no idea what is going on in her brain, she refuses to communicate with me.

The first time I saw her, I saw her in the rear view mirror of  my car. I did not know how long she had eyes on me. Way longer then I knew about her. Basically she had preyed on me, calculated a whole bunch of stuff about my psychology because she had been spying on me. She approaches me one day under the pretense of a light for a cigarette. We talk. She tells me about her self. Like’s to paint. Has paint all over her hands and arms. I had been avoiding looking at her because the beauty, is just what I want. I want her beauty and I’m scared of wanting that. So simple. She made a move though then I saw her up close, too late. Feelings are there now, no going. She smokes cigarettes, I don’t. I smoke cannabis, ask her if she wants to smoke in my apartment. Show her my computers stuff, tell her about my divorce, pretty much just make a fool of myself. What ended up happening is me inviting her to the apartment was a ******* really really bad idea. I show her more, my paintings and stuff. Tell her I served time in the psychiatric facility. She served time in the same one. They say bipolar mania for me, borderline for her. Nothing happened between us, she decides she wants to leave. I tell her it was nice speaking with you, she says the same. She says she’s happy she came up to me. I tell her I’m happy too Got her number, she says she wants me to text. I tell her I would like to see her paintings before she leaves.

I’m trapped in the spider’s control fantasy at this point and I’m completely oblivious. In her control fantasy, She’s just using me to  recreate conditions in her childhood so she can master them. Nothing personal.

She asked me to text her, I did, basically just repeated myself, would like to see your paintings, let me know what you would like to do. She “ghosted” me. She lives above me and “ghosts” me on the cell phone. I never send her another text or call her. Takes me a month to figure out that she has *** with Narcissist Room 7, who has way too many guns and always has the cops showing up to his room for some reason. He confessed to it, and basically the way he told is is he lured her somewhere and ***** her, used her for purposes of ****** gratification and that was that. I think she saw me talking to him, this is what borderlines are known to do. They triangulate. This man who I was speaking with reminds me a lot of my ex husband, who I recently divorced. He was a very evil man into the Voodoo religion, a super control freak who had me under a Voodoo spell.

Psychologically, Narcissist Room 7 has now become cast in the role of my father, or ex husband Voodoo, who is a very dangerous and abusive man. Now I’m in the middle of this really ****** up situation again, like a repeat in my childhood, between my parents and their inevitable divorce, trying to stave off the impossible. Narcissist Room 7 is obsessed with me. He was working on me, trying to get me to do what he wanted. I was just humoring his manipulating attempts. Honestly, I may have even had a plan. I have plans and keep the plans from myself. But the plan got jammed up by Borderline Room 11. I’m ******* ****** with him now and it completely ruined his plans to manipulate me. He came by later, trying to manipulate me to get over it, bros before hos, blah blah blah. I’m not following that script, I will not be manipulated. I’m angry with that man, for good reason and we will not be ever becoming friends and this just eats him away. He is obsessed with my attention for some reason, so is she. She always puts on a display to make sure to parade her kid around in front of me in some bizarre power play. That’s how she communicates with me. She’s holding me hostage in her control fantasy and I have decided now that I’m just not going to play along anymore. This is a ticking time bomb situation, we’re all ticking time bomb people with very bizarre psychologies. Not sure what’s gonna happen here.

So the root error and cause of this ****** up situation is my mommy issues. So what do I do? I call my mother. Tell her to come visit. My plan is to give my mother all the attention. When she gets here, I’m going to ask the Narcissist Room 7 if he wants to have *** with her while I watch. I’ll tell him he can invite surrogate Surrogate Borderline Mommy Room 11. We can even record it and have the memory live forever. I’m going to keep talking to my mother, give all the attention to my mother and drive these ******* stupid *** people crazy. They want my attention, I need to give my real Mom my attention. She’s in a lot of pain and really hurting. I care about her even though she abused the **** out of me. She’s finally learning how to help me out a little, for real this time!

11 hours ago Oh i forgot to mention, last real communication I got from Borderline Room 11. She has a really bizarre sense of timing because of her fragmentation and disassociation. She went out to take her trash, timed it with when I drove back to the apartment. I was looking at the sky, ignoring her. Timing ended up being she walks behind me as I walk up to the do or to unlock. She walks up to me exactly the same way narcissist room 7 ***** her. Asks me how I'm doing? I'm just like, inside, is she ******* kidding me right now? ***? I just reply: "Ill be all right". I havn't made eye contact, this isn't real communication. She's ******* with me and she knows it. She's still behind me, the split occurs and eye contact occur. She says thank you. I tell her, you are welcome and I smile. Now I'm in a fight with Narc Room 7 down the hall I guess, with a little child in the mix.

I now find myself most concerned about the child in this situation.
I am very frightened.
The danger is real.
Violence seems inevitable, can’t see the future.
Caught in the web
No way out

Last communication I got from Narc Room 7 is he told me my room smelled like **** because of the insence I was burning. He told me this from down the hall. I tell him, come up to me and say that **** to my ******* face, say that again because I did not hear you. He said it. He replied: Are you saying I’m ****? He got real mad about being asked this question, so I asked him more. Why the **** do you come up to me and talk to me? What the **** is it about my attention that you need so bad? He just says all I do is cry, makes crying noises. Im just like ***, you literally turn into my father. I ask him if he’s real? He closes the crack of his door and returns to his apartment.

10 hours ago I forgot to mention, I held the door open for her. Total sucker, total fool

10 hours ago Let the self trashing continue. I already know what's coming. I'm indifferent. Okay with anything. Ready for the suffering

10 hours ago This is my last message before it scrolls off the screen. The identity confusion that results from being in the middle of Borderline Women and Narcissistic men is very very very very confusion. I am so confused. I think I'm going to be okay. Writing helps. Getting the story out of my head helps. Will continue the work as long as I can


ME:

how can i unpack, justly, fairly, what you have left me? i don't think i can... oh: i will have you know that i read all of it, it was a curious read in some parts, but, in other parts? very relatable...  i'm going to try to refocus your attention on something that's been been bugging me before i try to consolidate your troubles, not that i'm going to offer any advice, proper... o.k. o.k.... the song... Your Woman by White Town... was sampled by Dua Lipa - Love Again... which one do you prefer? Me? i recently tried to get together with this woman... i'm 35... she's 39... oh my god... i really fancied her... i was round her house three times... outside of work... brought her homemade wine, forgot my "Gordic Gryffindor Sorting Hat" i left at her house... pom-pom and all... a hat i found at a bus-stop... mind you: i hate Harry Potter...she too has a kid... a lovely 11 year old chap... i told him he should be learning German rather than French because the grammar: the way words are aligned are akin to English... her dog liked me... i had wounds on my knuckles from putting out cigarette buts on them... because? i enjoy pain... being a sadomasochist... i like to inflict pain i might on others on myself first... that's the real test of the threshold... first: me... and if someone gets in the way... at least i could possibly say: 'don't be a *****, i can stomach this... if i can: so you can too...' i even cycled the night prior to Valentine's day and left a card and a bouquet of flowers on her porch... what did she do? ghosted me on WhatsApp... then again... all the talked about was her exes... her abusive exes... one boxed her (beat her)... drank excessively... i drink excessively myself, mind you: but i'm the sort of drunk that tends to wrestle with his shadow and beats himself up... the kid doesn't know his father... she dated this dog-lover type of guy during lockdown... but once lockdown ended... the dog-lover type ended falling back into his old ways... sniffing ******* etc.,  for THREE ******* DAYS i had stomach cramps... i was thinking: ooh! i'm in love! i'm in love! i'm in love! i thought i was... "thought"... this is the same person that... on our first shift together tried to spread a rumour that i was stinking of alcohol / drinking on the job... 2 ******* WEEKS OF DRAMA... between my coworker females... you know... in that sort of scenario... watching a horror movie like Hellraiser is more akin to admiring Buonarroti's Pietà... horror has its moments...it's no longer horrific... it's somewhat beautiful, when people behave in such a petty way... but i told the other girls... listen... don't tell her that i know, i even used the proverb phrase from my native land: liies have short legs... i.e.: liars don't walk on stilts... you need to be a Machiavelli to lie... you need cunning... you can't just expect to be a good liar by watching English soap opera dramas... to be a good liar? you first need to master telling the truth, i.e. to be unashamed of it... like... i tell you i still live with my parents... in the Anglo-Saxon sphere i should be ashamed of this fact, like i'm some would-be Ed Gein ******... but then i tell you... but i'm the custodian of the property itself, i will own it when they're dead... i do all the housework, the DIY and the cooking... my parents are not going to be found in an old people's home... but you know... in order to lie... you need to remember the lies you spin...  you need to be consistent, otherwise there will come a time when glitches... irregularities appear... all liars are bad because they haven't spent enough time in speaking the truth: CONSISTENTLY.... the reason why i'm framing my reply like so... from a shared experience is because: i don't know how to approach your individual case... the similarity is that this "girl of mine" is also damaged goods... she has an 11 year old kid... she has several suitors... she's also very attractive... and i'm as dumb as you in willing to commit to a doomed relationship... rumour has had some sway on me... the other girls told me that her ex didn't actually beat her, but she... beside ploughing him with fists threw knives at him... and... ha ha... she was in her 30s while he was 19.... they met through her son... when this guy was picking up his younger brother from school... why did she ghost me? she can't control me...  in the most recent episode of Billions... don't know if you're familiar... Wendy tries to bribe this Buddhist monk with a tub of vegan, homemade ice-cream... it's different when a man brings a woman his homemade banana loaf and wine... i was peacocking... **** me... if she's not impressed then and there... basically because of that... and from what her past experiences of men should have taught her... then... she ghosting me... i don't think she has anything to learn... Colorado, eh? i'm not English... i have no allegiance to the history of England regarding your country... i'll go as far back as Edward the Confessor, Henry II... but i'm not English... i hope there might be zero animosity between us on this front... i don't care what your take on Englishness is... i just live here... my favourite barber is a Turk, i buy my spices from an Indian merchant... i'm going back to Poland on the 5th to reassurance my grandmother that... Putin will not cross the border... blah blah... man... now that i think about it... you know what i did when this girl ghosted me... on a ******* shift a taste of: voyeurism... she was swiping left, left left left on TINDER... i never used a dating app... but there she is... swiping left left left... it's bad enough that i have a facebook profile... that's ******* embarrassing... but i did set it up when there were restrictions regarding to who could sign up... university students... i have no twitter... why? i write too much... 140 charaters is not going to cut it for me... plus... with this girl... we didn't talk about books, we didn't really talk about movies... well... i mentioned Sunset Boulevard & Bell, Book & Candle... the 1958 movie... my love for vinyl records... our 4th date was supposed to imply i bring a vinyl record and some more of my homemade wine... obviously that didn't happen... mate... it's ****... and from what i read... you're knee deep in some... horror show... i dare say... if H. H. Holmes wanted to build a labyrinth slaughterhouse... he'd base it on your narrative-analysis! i'm not joking! but you know what i did after this rejection? the girl obviously loves her soap opera... her femme-boxers... she just likes to be abused... some people can't help it... it's like that Eurythmics's song: sweet dreams are made of these... who am i to disagree... i travelled the world and the 7 seas... everybody's looking for something: some of them want to use you,
                            some of them want to get used by you,
                              some of them want to abuse you,
                     some of them want to be abused (by you)...
the next big fix on offer? going to a brothel and seeing a *******.. i'm not going to handle rejection like that, not in my 30s, that's simply not going to happen, i was always going to have an auxiliary fall-back to land on, that comes all the more easier with prostitutes, at least they're blatant, obvious, 3-dimensional... at least if you upkeep personal hygiene one might tell you: live dangerously... have *** without a ******... hell... i'm expecting her to bring some marijuana to our next session since... two sessions prior i mentioned that i haven't tried *******... she brought ******* to our last session... tried it... did **** all for me... i prefer coffee... it's like sniffing... a dog-****... with chemical rainbow aftertaste... i was more into her naked body... mate... get out... even if you have to grow a pair of horns or a cranium  thickness of a ram's head... get out... but it's how you opened up... kudos to you... you are most certainly primed for the Beatnilk cut-up technique, oh man, i was a big fan of the Beatniks in my younger years... all that ****-****** literature surrounding William Burroughs... the confused state of "affairs"... i gobbled his books down... Naked Lunch is still one of my all-time favourites... you're on your way, in terms of writing... i will spare you correcting some discrepancies in your messages... although... the grammar-**** in me is tirggered beyond belief...i'm seriously itching at what corrections i see that need to be corrected... but this time... i won't...  i see too miuch of you in me and i hope: not enough of me in you... but at least we can share the similitude of our fates.... to compare... we're not that much mis-aligned... trouble being... i went to the outlet of a *******... to counter her having control...even my neighbour today, who i went going to the shop commented about my **** beard... you need to find other people to please, there are always other people... don't congest yourself with the claustrophobia of this one woman... like my one... oh... she's fit... she's just my type... half Celtic... hair like a sunset...ginger: but not ginger...but she originally wanted to get be sacked for "apparently" drinking alcohol on the job... you can't help them... if she's into being beaten, if she's into soap opera antics... free will is a *****... however much good you want for someone: if they are still adamantly reserved in being receptive to advice... so be it! let go... just let, go... your interest in computers is like my interest in making my own wine... let it go... see a more available third party... you know how much i wish it could be true? but... i just don't feel like being the *******...i don't want to **** myself spiritually in order to win over her heart... sad... i know... i'd like to love her... but if she's only willing to be loved by men that abuse her... Pontius Pilate... i wash my hands clean, of the whole affair... FIAT!

i did sort of warn him... he didn't believe me...
i guess that's perfect:
learning the hard way, from experience.
Setenance Aug 2014
silently
breaking away
from all these
insignificant
incapacitated
drones

selfishly
plodding away
i drift
ascendent
dreaming of death
and endless rapture
shedding this flesh
that binds us
to the stone
rook Oct 2014
you're an idiot to believe
And a heartless ******* to conceive
Or rather to ignore
What happens, thinking
About repeating
Coward.
Your troubles mean nothing.
There's not a **** thing wrong with you so
stop.
GUNI VATS Sep 2020
A red bulbous cactus
Seated on the green,
A crown too heavy for the head.

The Narcissist king
Tumbled off his throne,
Seated on the corpse of wisdom.
My metaphorical rendition of a democratic leader abusing power.
Veronika Jan 2017
I am your mother
I will make you feel incompetent all your life
You will always seek my approval
I will reject your individuality
I will know what is best for you
What you should wear
What you should eat
Who you should be
Who your friends should be
Who you should marry
I am your mother
You will be grateful
For raising you
Feeding you
Teaching you manners
Allowing you to have an education

I will bully you from the bottom of my heart
But you must accept me as I am because I am your mother
You only have one

— The End —