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"comprehended" poems
my love thy hair is one kingdom the king whereof is darkness thy forehead is a flight of flowers thy head is a quick forest filled with sleeping birds thy ******* are swarms of white bees upon the bough of thy body thy body to me is April in whose armpits is the approach of spring thy thighs are white horses yoked to a chariot of kings they are the striking of a good minstrel between them is always a pleasant song my love thy head is a casket of the cool jewel of thy mind the hair of thy head is one warrior innocent of defeat thy hair upon thy shoulders is an army with victory and with trumpets thy legs are the trees of dreaming whose fruit is the very eatage of forgetfulness thy lips are satraps in scarlet in whose kiss is the combinings of kings thy wrists are holy which are the keepers of the keys of thy blood thy feet upon thy ankles are flowers in vases of silver in thy beauty is the dilemma of flutes thy eyes are the betrayal of bells comprehended through incense
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160.2k
My Love
Somedays my thoughts shriek so loud that they congest the rest of my mind other days they chant lullaby's as if nothing traumatic has ever happened one moment i'm up the next im crumbling to my knees one or the other its consistent drowning with no one to rescue me I'm keen on telling myself its all in my head at times, but doctors tell me its all me but for gods sake do they realize what horrid phrases the voices scream? death would be so heavenly I long for the passing of sides im awaiting to go home where its all white and peaceful i have days where im so narcissistic; I swear I can commence the world as if every millisecond is a luxury of sighs and sounds at moments my dispute comes out so rapid all i get is crooked looks and mumbles some days, I love him other times I swear he's the devil in disguise during my manic episodes you spoke soft as if I was a fallen angle that was overflowing with life. You had mentioned a world that disculded me was a world you cannot exist in You said I influenced your heart to skip beats, that I saved you, I was your fresh air Once he witnessed myself during a dreadful episode you declared loving me was exhausting and space is what you desired for hell could i control this? he was the one isolated concept I could ever make my ******* mind up about I loved him; I love him he said that his devotion to me was similar to staring into a black hole but seeing the reflection of the delicate sunset it never made sense to him BUT HELL DID IT MAKE SENSE TO ME? when he stranded me, i couldn't help but dissolve in tears i was nowhere adjacent to happy but that's all I've ever comprehended my doctor says they've observed a change maybe its the sleepless weeks and collection of mood stabilizers consuming pills in hopes to not feel so ******* empty anticipating on my next manic episode waiting for the door to open to go home If I have learned anything from living with BPD it is im constantly dilapidated upon everything one day soon I hope to recover from this disorder that replicates a loud room without recognizing how loud it was and all I hear is the ringing in my ears that doesn't seem to have an end some day this will be over some day my lover will stay I pray to fall in love with another angel again
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Nov 14, 2015
Nov 14, 2015 at 2:27 PM UTC
Living with BPD( Bipolar Disorder)
Somedays my thoughts shriek so loud that they congest the rest of my mind other days they chant lullaby's as if nothing traumatic has ever happened one moment i'm up the next im crumbling to my knees one or the other its consistent drowning with no one to rescue me I'm keen on telling myself its all in my head at times, but doctors tell me its all me but for gods sake do they realize what horrid phrases the voices scream? death would be so heavenly I long for the passing of sides im awaiting to go home where its all white and peaceful i have days where im so narcissistic; I swear I can commence the world as if every millisecond is a luxury of sighs and sounds at moments my dispute comes out so rapid all i get is crooked looks and mumbles some days, I love him other times I swear he's the devil in disguise during my manic episodes you spoke soft as if I was a fallen angle that was overflowing with life. You had mentioned a world that disculded me was a world you cannot exist in You said I influenced your heart to skip beats, that I saved you, I was your fresh air Once he witnessed myself during a dreadful episode you declared loving me was exhausting and space is what you desired for hell could i control this? he was the one isolated concept I could ever make my ******* mind up about I loved him; I love him he said that his devotion to me was similar to staring into a black hole but seeing the reflection of the delicate sunset it never made sense to him BUT HELL DID IT MAKE SENSE TO ME? when he stranded me, i couldn't help but dissolve in tears i was nowhere adjacent to happy but that's all I've ever comprehended my doctor says they've observed a change maybe its the sleepless weeks and collection of mood stabilizers consuming pills in hopes to not feel so ******* empty anticipating on my next manic episode waiting for the door to open to go home If I have learned anything from living with BPD it is im constantly dilapidated upon everything one day soon I hope to recover from this disorder that replicates a loud room without recognizing how loud it was and all I hear is the ringing in my ears that doesn't seem to have an end some day this will be over some day my lover will stay I pray to fall in love with another angel again
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58
Rest in this, my bruised and weary soul: I was a wretch, chosen to be a beauty; a slave, chosen to be a bride; an orphan, chosen to be an heir; an enemy, chosen to be a friend. I deserved nothing but wrath and death yet received everything of life and grace. I am loved beyond any dreaming of it and blessed above all worldly wealth. I have the incomparable birthright of those whose Father is God and whose Lord is Jesus Christ— righteousness from Him and peace with Him. I am a cherished gift from the Father to the Son. I was paid for by the Son’s own blood and am "engraved on the palms of His hands." I am the living temple of God’s Holy Spirit Who empowers me to do His pleasure and bring Him glory. I am the LORD's, chosen and set apart for His delight. ***What more could I ask? But that's only the beginning...*** I will live as blessed as I believe myself to already be, for "I have been blessed in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ," "given everything I need for life and godliness" through knowing Him and His precious promises, "an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade— kept [securely and eternally] in heaven" for me. I've been "raised up and seated with Christ"; my "life is hidden with Him" in the Father, and "He will fill me with joy in His presence, with eternal pleasures at His right hand." Oh, that "the eyes of my heart would be enlightened with the spirit of wisdom and revelation" to see what’s already been prepared and given to me and to know much more fully the One Who has so meticulously prepared and lavishly given it. As I walk intimately with Him and rest confidently in Him (based only on His merits, never my own), I am given free access to my account in His heavenly storehouse and enabled to appropriate its glorious riches to every circumstance of my life, even the most searingly painful and confoundingly difficult ones. I have a spiritual Fort Knox available to me through knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, but He Himself is my greatest treasure. Without Him, nothing else matters. Nothing else has meaning if I am not found in Him, clinging to Him and carried by Him. When I finally become desperate for Him alone, I begin to understand the profound reality of all He desires for me and offers to me in my spiritual inheritance in Him. There are infinite presents to be unwrapped in His presence which cannot be told in human words or comprehended by mortal minds, but they wait to be taken hold of by any and all who would take hold of Him. ***For He gives and gives and gives and gives, and even when He takes, He gives.***#
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Jul 28, 2017
Jul 28, 2017 at 3:22 AM UTC
~ BLESSED BEYOND ~
Rest in this, my bruised and weary soul: I was a wretch, chosen to be a beauty; a slave, chosen to be a bride; an orphan, chosen to be an heir; an enemy, chosen to be a friend. I deserved nothing but wrath and death yet received everything of life and grace. I am loved beyond any dreaming of it and blessed above all worldly wealth. I have the incomparable birthright of those whose Father is God and whose Lord is Jesus Christ— righteousness from Him and peace with Him. I am a cherished gift from the Father to the Son. I was paid for by the Son’s own blood and am "engraved on the palms of His hands." I am the living temple of God’s Holy Spirit Who empowers me to do His pleasure and bring Him glory. I am the LORD's, chosen and set apart for His delight. ***What more could I ask? But that's only the beginning...*** I will live as blessed as I believe myself to already be, for "I have been blessed in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ," "given everything I need for life and godliness" through knowing Him and His precious promises, "an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade— kept [securely and eternally] in heaven" for me. I've been "raised up and seated with Christ"; my "life is hidden with Him" in the Father, and "He will fill me with joy in His presence, with eternal pleasures at His right hand." Oh, that "the eyes of my heart would be enlightened with the spirit of wisdom and revelation" to see what’s already been prepared and given to me and to know much more fully the One Who has so meticulously prepared and lavishly given it. As I walk intimately with Him and rest confidently in Him (based only on His merits, never my own), I am given free access to my account in His heavenly storehouse and enabled to appropriate its glorious riches to every circumstance of my life, even the most searingly painful and confoundingly difficult ones. I have a spiritual Fort Knox available to me through knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, but He Himself is my greatest treasure. Without Him, nothing else matters. Nothing else has meaning if I am not found in Him, clinging to Him and carried by Him. When I finally become desperate for Him alone, I begin to understand the profound reality of all He desires for me and offers to me in my spiritual inheritance in Him. There are infinite presents to be unwrapped in His presence which cannot be told in human words or comprehended by mortal minds, but they wait to be taken hold of by any and all who would take hold of Him. ***For He gives and gives and gives and gives, and even when He takes, He gives.***#
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59
This is a poem I must write, and hopefully not recite I feel like an old, twisted, used dish towel thrown across a kitchen sink my insides opened wide, and the color of pink pushed aside like nothing at all just hanging there waiting to fall I can’t even comprehended what my heart must feel this feeling inside can’t be real there is just no answer; but when will it end?
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Feb 2, 2015
Feb 2, 2015 at 8:58 AM UTC
USED
What's your take on walking? My body serves my soul and tells me how to go. My heart, affixed -- aims to show. These ways I’ve walked in my shoes and stockings. I've looked to heaven’s stars, to daylit clouds, when I've stepped out, or dropped my gaze to track the ground. Yes, it is true—whoever passed me by could have taken offense and supposed I lacked my confidence. And ofttimes, I strode out straight and true as if toward a far mist horizon. Un-manifest future, even peek-a-boo, could be comprehended?  I should doubt it. And if I wished to address an occasional in-the-dumps, lost-at-sea feeling, I'd shut my eyes, and walk backwards -- owl-like, swivel 360 my head. Backwards blind circumspection seemed worthy my try; Ask--Who am I? I would story where I’d been. In my most spontaneous of nature foot-trafficking, in roulette walk; my spin of gun chamber click-- ant, spider, beetle, and the occasional sighing snail had fled my shadow shoe? As slow drift clouds in a sky game would play with the sun to hide—creatures had sought me out, sung their farewells?  (it was an excellent day to die) Let me tell it, as it had happened today, and truth says how. My feet, they had gotten to waltz-walking. O how my body and soul danced a-fancy free. Love was brimming out of me; happiness whispered her wordless name; and my tongue tripped nonsensical. So if, at last, you've kept a-pace with me in sympathetic striding, then perhaps you would surmise: there never could be a flat-footed me, when I spout off with poem-talking. Now, what’s your take on walking?
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Oct 31, 2015
Oct 31, 2015 at 12:12 PM UTC
Walking
What's your take on walking? My body serves my soul and tells me how to go. My heart, affixed -- aims to show. These ways I’ve walked in my shoes and stockings. I've looked to heaven’s stars, to daylit clouds, when I've stepped out, or dropped my gaze to track the ground. Yes, it is true—whoever passed me by could have taken offense and supposed I lacked my confidence. And ofttimes, I strode out straight and true as if toward a far mist horizon. Un-manifest future, even peek-a-boo, could be comprehended?  I should doubt it. And if I wished to address an occasional in-the-dumps, lost-at-sea feeling, I'd shut my eyes, and walk backwards -- owl-like, swivel 360 my head. Backwards blind circumspection seemed worthy my try; Ask--Who am I? I would story where I’d been. In my most spontaneous of nature foot-trafficking, in roulette walk; my spin of gun chamber click-- ant, spider, beetle, and the occasional sighing snail had fled my shadow shoe? As slow drift clouds in a sky game would play with the sun to hide—creatures had sought me out, sung their farewells?  (it was an excellent day to die) Let me tell it, as it had happened today, and truth says how. My feet, they had gotten to waltz-walking. O how my body and soul danced a-fancy free. Love was brimming out of me; happiness whispered her wordless name; and my tongue tripped nonsensical. So if, at last, you've kept a-pace with me in sympathetic striding, then perhaps you would surmise: there never could be a flat-footed me, when I spout off with poem-talking. Now, what’s your take on walking?
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45
In the searing airless midsummer- Clockwork morning rewinds cobalt into a bleeding orange yolk dripping across the canvas of the world. Sky, turn the colour of dreams. Heart, turn the colour of love- I’m posed over a skyscraper Because I wanted to touch the stars. Because I wanted to touch you. There’s a beauty found in the smallest spaces Gaps in your heartbeat, getting your toothbrush mixed with mine Honey-lemon on my tongue So maybe you loved me, but not in a way I comprehended I’m thinking of your lips, your eyes and the way you said goodbye- The word wrapped around your tongue like a prayer. Pink bleeds into violet and it looks like the 5 a.m. Berlin skyline might tear itself apart, like a heart bursting or a car crash. So it’s dawn. So I’m inconsolable. And if the angel sun sets, then so be it.
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Oct 20, 2018
Oct 20, 2018 at 10:44 PM UTC
Litany in Early Mornings
Remain in a state of wonder that cannot be comprehended by those around you Be one with the earth as a wandering soul wide eyed free and changing
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Apr 16, 2014
Apr 16, 2014 at 3:27 AM UTC
Nomad
Life is a writhing swirl who's information is meaningful but the information does not exist for the purpose of being comprehended so it is only taken in and interpreted as well or as usefully as the perceptive devices. Nothing significant has a vendetta against the individual beings' happiness or success, though beings may appear as food or some other form of fulfillment to other beings. Beings will view other beings as their appetites would view any other thing. No one can exist in the view of another. Don't expect others to view you as you do. You are NOT their center, only your own. Everybody thinks everybody else is insufferably selfish and everybody is right. Love is interesting though. More on that after more data is collected.
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May 30, 2015
May 30, 2015 at 12:24 PM UTC
Field Notes after years among animals, plants, bacteria, viruses, and fungi
A perfect Mommy, a perfect Daddy A perfect daughter, a perfect life, A perfect world to exist in, eclipsed by consummate sight. She was my sun, a seraphic voice   bathing me in warm light, And he was my moon, watchful eyes protecting me from the darkness of night. Two halves of my whole heart, their blood flowing through my spirited veins. Two halves of my whole mind, their thoughts crashing through   my synthetic brain.   Perfection is their sweetest lie, proclaimed by selfish mouths uttering vain whispers after bedtime.   "I can't live without you. You can't leave me. I know we can survive this." But survival is intangible against an affliction of the soul.      Imperfection is my harshest truth, comprehended by grieving eyes seeing raw memories before sleep.   "I can't live without you. You can't leave me. I know you can survive this." But even a human's profound devotion can be turned away by their Creator,   just as a pleading child can be deserted by their mother and father.   And that is the largest betrayal of them all.   But to remain, to endure against hate's control, against fate, would be an immediate death.   To try and withstand their sickness and deterioration would be suicide.   And I have realized that I do not want to die.   Loss is my most unbearable pain, undeniably clouded by her beautiful smile and his comforting resemblance. She used to sing her child to sleep, and now, she is singing to her one last time. At the door, he is watching and keeping them both safe.   They will both leave and never come back, but the memories will remain. The happiness will always be there for recollection. But for now, it is time to sleep and forget. She caresses her child's hair and kisses her forehead lovingly, getting up and walking to join him at the doorway.   The silhouettes of their mournful faces seem like a cryptic dream.   "Goodnight, Gigi. We love you very much." "Mom? Dad?" "Yes, sweetheart?" "I can live without you. You can leave me. I know I can survive this." "We know."
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Nov 4, 2015
Nov 4, 2015 at 11:19 PM UTC
heart or death
A perfect Mommy, a perfect Daddy A perfect daughter, a perfect life, A perfect world to exist in, eclipsed by consummate sight. She was my sun, a seraphic voice   bathing me in warm light, And he was my moon, watchful eyes protecting me from the darkness of night. Two halves of my whole heart, their blood flowing through my spirited veins. Two halves of my whole mind, their thoughts crashing through   my synthetic brain.   Perfection is their sweetest lie, proclaimed by selfish mouths uttering vain whispers after bedtime.   "I can't live without you. You can't leave me. I know we can survive this." But survival is intangible against an affliction of the soul.      Imperfection is my harshest truth, comprehended by grieving eyes seeing raw memories before sleep.   "I can't live without you. You can't leave me. I know you can survive this." But even a human's profound devotion can be turned away by their Creator,   just as a pleading child can be deserted by their mother and father.   And that is the largest betrayal of them all.   But to remain, to endure against hate's control, against fate, would be an immediate death.   To try and withstand their sickness and deterioration would be suicide.   And I have realized that I do not want to die.   Loss is my most unbearable pain, undeniably clouded by her beautiful smile and his comforting resemblance. She used to sing her child to sleep, and now, she is singing to her one last time. At the door, he is watching and keeping them both safe.   They will both leave and never come back, but the memories will remain. The happiness will always be there for recollection. But for now, it is time to sleep and forget. She caresses her child's hair and kisses her forehead lovingly, getting up and walking to join him at the doorway.   The silhouettes of their mournful faces seem like a cryptic dream.   "Goodnight, Gigi. We love you very much." "Mom? Dad?" "Yes, sweetheart?" "I can live without you. You can leave me. I know I can survive this." "We know."
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34
A palpable discord keeps me turning all through the night until the late rays of Sun shine by again I want a dreamcatcher Feathery-spider web- To keep my hypnagogic rest sacred to me And then I can wish him closer... Without a separating sea I reserved my sleep to calmer nights where my dainty ribs caressed an incense-ridden wind My dreams are a shade happier than me I found my wrists bedecked in fine jewelery There's no chiming of antique clocks in my sleepy subconscious knots. My eyes were not corrosed over so when he spoke I comprehended with crystal orbs I'd hoped I find him through disheveled bedsheets under the waxing moon... It illuminated my skin and sent me soundly reveling in the hazy countenance To me he's Elvis' love child He's a wish fulfilled to me I discovered an idol I write letters, coveted, held close I worship what I know of him My thoughts are almost this tangible-thing like a rope I could grab and make a knoose out of perhaps it's time to slay the golden bull I struck his wayward glance by some silver spring of snow He's travelled to the ruins of cathedrals with chipped limestone on the doors arched-shape... darkness on the otherside... Mother Mary follows, walking through some threshold hallway Crooked stem, bent leaves... A pruned up crackled rose for me to eat Those eyes... dark brown, almond-shaped Squinty with sparrow-feet I'm waiting in the mountains Clouds covering my eyes Ocean blue in the stark sunshine blinding me and enveloping me when the music dies
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Sep 15, 2017
Sep 15, 2017 at 1:20 AM UTC
Dreamcatcher
A palpable discord keeps me turning all through the night until the late rays of Sun shine by again I want a dreamcatcher Feathery-spider web- To keep my hypnagogic rest sacred to me And then I can wish him closer... Without a separating sea I reserved my sleep to calmer nights where my dainty ribs caressed an incense-ridden wind My dreams are a shade happier than me I found my wrists bedecked in fine jewelery There's no chiming of antique clocks in my sleepy subconscious knots. My eyes were not corrosed over so when he spoke I comprehended with crystal orbs I'd hoped I find him through disheveled bedsheets under the waxing moon... It illuminated my skin and sent me soundly reveling in the hazy countenance To me he's Elvis' love child He's a wish fulfilled to me I discovered an idol I write letters, coveted, held close I worship what I know of him My thoughts are almost this tangible-thing like a rope I could grab and make a knoose out of perhaps it's time to slay the golden bull I struck his wayward glance by some silver spring of snow He's travelled to the ruins of cathedrals with chipped limestone on the doors arched-shape... darkness on the otherside... Mother Mary follows, walking through some threshold hallway Crooked stem, bent leaves... A pruned up crackled rose for me to eat Those eyes... dark brown, almond-shaped Squinty with sparrow-feet I'm waiting in the mountains Clouds covering my eyes Ocean blue in the stark sunshine blinding me and enveloping me when the music dies
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66
My absence was a mortifying misfortune, The ponies drew their swords at the amity, The sunset hung close to my crackling toes. And the rings of ardor were a constant reminder of the fall. We know we rise again in the sunrise but the plastic hair gave fraud to wishes we made days before. The soldiers clamped their wings tight The circle had not comprehended the fight we fought for. The context of these misused actions could be used to modify. “Please come again” The narrator spoke. We rode the carousel again.
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Nov 14, 2011
Nov 14, 2011 at 1:33 PM UTC
Carousel
What is your touch? It is the physical sensation of electromagnetism repelling our atoms, It's the chain reaction set off through my nervous system, Culminating in my cortex, where it is comprehended as your touch. *In dim streetlight through your window, With just a crescent of your face illuminated. With your soft eyes, and memories of our backpacking trip mixing in Like honey mixes with warm tea, or coffee. With ***** brown curls around your head like a halo.* Still, what is your touch? It is like a ripple through me, and it ripples out into the world It is more present in my action every day As you take down my walls As your lips send soothing down to my core As you make me believe In love Again. It is everything that went into making you, No better concoction Has ever been brewed. And the way that you move Makes little eddies of awe that captivate my eyes, They cannot move. So you see, It's not hard to convince myself That your touch is everything. Two ends of the universe, You're setting me free That anything happened at all Was as great a miracle As your touch is to me It's giving me shivers And melting my heart-- There is nothing in this world like your touch.
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Sep 26, 2018
Sep 26, 2018 at 1:17 AM UTC
Ouroboros Touch
*You spoke adamantly of gentle courage      and sharing spring's flourished nectar, the swooning rhythm of swaying trees    and the easeful breezes that flow      'tween endearment's sensibilities, misty moonbows 'neath dusk's stormy skies      lavender sunsets midst rosy horizons, affectation surging amid life's turmoils      wallowing in self indulgence & the harmony of olive branch surrender     and thrumming heart strings of patience, it was then I comprehended, darkness doesn't    last a lifetime when lit by love's fortitude*
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Jun 30, 2015
Jun 30, 2015 at 7:23 AM UTC
'Tween endearment's sensibilities
That calculus in mathematics and the female line of thought are the two most complex things in the whole world, The difference among the two of them stays in the fact that while calculus can be finally comprehended after practice, the female mind can't ever be understood.
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Nov 26, 2013
Nov 26, 2013 at 2:06 AM UTC
A Wise Man Has Said
Noitareneg For my Soulmate I I saw the best minds of my generation go to waste I saw the worst minds obsess over awful taste I walked a steady path and staggered through some mud I soared through skies so bright, my eyes were useless studs II You viewed the same madness that spewed from my pen You walked the path of enlightenment and gorgeous Zen You mastered what all the useless fools never could You comprehended what they never understood III We rise, only as one, but the stragglers keep us down We never worry much, because a king is just a crown We march to the drum of freedom, with paper on our tongues We are the 90’s generation, the wise among the young
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Feb 9, 2015
Feb 9, 2015 at 12:37 PM UTC
Noitareneg
The idea of **** . **** One letter away from something beautiful privacy who is willing to capture the idea of **** the beauty of ones body being grasped with someones eyes licking their lips need the only emotion comprehended from all of this and only because of sexiness. The want The emotion The feeling How its craved each breath sending a shock deep The rush The chill quietly watching oh how the mind runs free how ****
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May 11, 2015
May 11, 2015 at 11:14 AM UTC
Stuff
600 It troubled me as once I was— For I was once a Child— Concluding how an Atom—fell— And yet the Heavens—held— The Heavens weighed the most—by far— Yet Blue—and solid—stood— Without a Bolt—that I could prove— Would Giants—understand? Life set me larger—problems— Some I shall keep—to solve Till Algebra is easier— Or simpler proved—above— Then—too—be comprehended— What sorer—puzzled me— Why Heaven did not break away— And tumble—Blue—on me—
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2k
It troubled me as once I was
I, (Love Thy Neighbor As Thyself) *how I would, honor this with ecstasy joy effervescent, the simplest of methodologies, if only I, reasoned how one safely permits   to love myself, if only I, knew how to love an I to self love well, not a university course, no simple answers like thirst, yet how I thirst, hunger, burst, curse for this peculiar wisdom, please, instinct me to navigate murderous shoals of take but give I who teaches this to the children? I, parents, teachers, not ****** or pastors or TV the great substitute for all of the above, myself is not a selfie, no glorying got in I, I, burdensome, never comprehended, love thy neighbor better, love actually, no mere pretense, if well executed, perhaps is when the trapeze line is at last cleanly indistinguishable, your I, my I, both wicks will be joined, brighter lit for it, one flame, one godlike burning, fusing, with neither consumed, wax fusing, but teaching easy loving to explode the I,* ~ 9:24am EST 6/2/17 airborne over the Western US of A
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Jun 2, 2017
Jun 2, 2017 at 4:35 PM UTC
I, #2
I have this little pencil pouch that I stuff scraps of paper in, "happy memories," and when I'm feeling down I'll reach in, swish them around, and pull out a few to remind me of better times. They're all kinds of memories: big, significant moments, funny or sweet quotes, little nothings I don't even remember until I read them later. Today one was, "I threw away my last two blades 6.12.14" Now, this one was pretty **** major. I used to have cutting kits, blades hidden everywhere, and one always      always on my person, just in case I needed it quick. I remember my first cut with scary clarity. I was ten. I'm twenty-six now. Sixteen years I've been haphazardly coping in all the wrong ways. More than half of my life was consumed with the evolution of my methods. Maybe you can understand, just a little bit, how incredibly terrified and yet empowered I felt on 6.12.14 when I opened my palm and watched those last two faulty escapes fall into the trash. Every day since has been a struggle, but I haven't relapsed once. I've thought about it, dear lord have I thought about it, but I've refrained, forced to just rub the scars running across my porcelain skin. I feel like I've been battling these hellish urges forever, so when I opened that slip of paper and read it, comprehended the date, I wasn't proud at all. 6.12.14 I broke down, instant tears. All this struggling I've been doing, and it hasn't even been two months. Not even two measly ******* months. If this is what "staying clean" from my ******** addiction feels like in just the first month and a half, I'm not going to make it.
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Aug 2, 2014
Aug 2, 2014 at 1:42 PM UTC
Struggling
I have this little pencil pouch that I stuff scraps of paper in, "happy memories," and when I'm feeling down I'll reach in, swish them around, and pull out a few to remind me of better times. They're all kinds of memories: big, significant moments, funny or sweet quotes, little nothings I don't even remember until I read them later. Today one was, "I threw away my last two blades 6.12.14" Now, this one was pretty **** major. I used to have cutting kits, blades hidden everywhere, and one always      always on my person, just in case I needed it quick. I remember my first cut with scary clarity. I was ten. I'm twenty-six now. Sixteen years I've been haphazardly coping in all the wrong ways. More than half of my life was consumed with the evolution of my methods. Maybe you can understand, just a little bit, how incredibly terrified and yet empowered I felt on 6.12.14 when I opened my palm and watched those last two faulty escapes fall into the trash. Every day since has been a struggle, but I haven't relapsed once. I've thought about it, dear lord have I thought about it, but I've refrained, forced to just rub the scars running across my porcelain skin. I feel like I've been battling these hellish urges forever, so when I opened that slip of paper and read it, comprehended the date, I wasn't proud at all. 6.12.14 I broke down, instant tears. All this struggling I've been doing, and it hasn't even been two months. Not even two measly ******* months. If this is what "staying clean" from my ******** addiction feels like in just the first month and a half, I'm not going to make it.
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61
We cannot seem to understand that one perceives personally with limited scope, a minuscule allotment, a slippery vision of time. We believe to hold witness to a great single minded river, this metaphor is bought wholly and sold solely to sweeten our short life- As one word often leads to the next, a parent sires child thinking this is the most powerful measurement of truth we use to falsely foolproof our assurances and assuage any feeling of being a victim, eaten by time. It is a shared dream of the dead man's final words- they carry weight, meaning and purpose. Needing to be painfully comprehended and carried self evident. A literary reflection of our need for death to matter, to have matter and be of substance is a view of ourselves linearly, as a line drawn between birth to death then- maybe a cathartic eternity.
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Apr 16, 2011
Apr 16, 2011 at 8:13 AM UTC
The Uncertain Solution.
Do not listen to your heart. Ignore the tumblr quotes. Child, life is not measured by care. Decisions are made by balance Better vs Worst. Good vs Evil. Life's questions do not have right or wrong answers. Only comprehended responses. Remember the brush of his skin. The musky scent buried in his clothes Don't ' forget the tears. Feel the hairs of knuckles across your innocent cheek. Don't forget the laughs. Child, listen to me Reasons to stay and leave will always exist The out come is yours. Don't listen to your heart It will always want to stay. For once, let your mind decide.
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Mar 5, 2015
Mar 5, 2015 at 10:21 PM UTC
Mind over Heart
*How you comprehended my myriad a murmur My mind can barely understand even with a hammer Hard hit on my head I a diaper-wetting toddler nestled in the warm bed Of your comforting arms You, in constant vigil feeding me honey-sweet plums Singing me lullabies in your soft mellow voice Your seemingly palpable heart always in a state of rejoice Kindness well-articulated on your visage Your demeanor that of a revered sage. Your unmatched audacity to defy odds Neutralizing all prods Initiated by inconveniencing circumstance A goddess of stern indefatigability, your experience in life expanse.*
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Dec 19, 2013
Dec 19, 2013 at 4:32 AM UTC
Mama.
As an atheist I doubt the existence of celestial beings, but if ever there were an angel, I know it’s you. But perhaps it’s time to rethink my beliefs, because you too give the impression of a Greek God: statuelike, sculpted and beautiful beyond belief. I have found myself to care more about your entire being; every hair on your body, every freckle on your skin; more so than I have cared for anything. The sonorous sounds you make when formulating words and meanings are melodic, marvellous and my favourite song. Your eyes have the power to captivate even the most apathetic of beings and challenge anyone who looks into them to evade falling in love with you. Your love and care cannot be comprehended. You make everyone you encounter feel distinctive and special which in a world of 7.6 billion, is not an easy feat. Your enthusiasm for your passions is tangible and infectious. And you bring a bit of the Sun with you everywhere you go. And were our time together to end tomorrow, I would be grateful for what I had. I hope you know how much of an honour it is to have you in my life. You make me feel safe and sound, And content when you’re around, And I can’t wait till the day that your art is renowned, And I am just so glad I found... …You. Because as soon as I see that smile, I know I’m home.
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Jul 20, 2021
Jul 20, 2021 at 6:53 PM UTC
untitled love poem
By the way she walks, the way she talks It has you mesmerized, in a way you can’t even imagine. Her grace, as she touches every inch of that floor has every man in there wanting more, and more, and more. So seductive, her reasoning can’t be comprehended Yet, compensated for her work. Look at her strut, left to right Back and forth, for your eyes are glued because she is astounding. Hypnotizing, to say the least. You wish to describe her but, she fails to compete. For she is your dream girl, your fantasy… and even more.
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Mar 18, 2013
Mar 18, 2013 at 9:02 PM UTC
My Angel (Victoria Secret Model)