"afriad" poems
Little siblings,
please stop growing.
I wasn’t there for your first words.
Your first steps.
Your first days of school.
Your first anything.
Little siblings,
I know you don’t understand the world around you.
Why you don’t see me like you should
I wish I could hide you, you’ll never feel pain.
Little siblings,
I wish I could teach you about life
Good music
God
manners
And morals
Little siblings,
I want to be the perfect role model for you
I want to show you that family can be together
I want to show you a good life.
I want you to see where working hard,
Living for God,
And never being afriad to ask for help can get you.
Little siblings,
I see the world in your tiny eyes
And I hope I become someone you look up to.
I know you see me as strong, caring, and loving.
And I want to continue showing you that I am.
Little brother,
You came at the perfect time
You put light in my life I didn’t know I needed
You call me beautiful every time I see you
You give me big hugs that warm my heart.
Little sister,
I held you and I knew I had to build myself into the women I want you to be.
I know I’m not perfect but in your eyes I am.
You yell ***** when you see me
You give me big hugs that warm my heart.
Little siblings,
I wish your laugh could always fill my room
I wish I could see you like I should
You used to be so tiny
Where has the time gone?
“Big sister” feels so important
Big sister has to be perfect for you
Big sister wants to be there more
Big sister wants to watch you grow
Big sister will always be someone you can rely on
Call upon
A helping hand
A loving hug
A long talk
Big sister can be someone you laugh with
Or cry with
Big sister will always love you
Never judge you
And always support you.
Feb 26, 2019
Feb 26, 2019 at 2:23 AM UTC
Down to my last bit of strength
Walk out of work in sobbing tears
Start the hike home
half a mile
81 degrees
"Yo Panda you look beat"
I stop dead in my tract
That voice
It shouldnt be here.
Is it really here?
Afraid to hope
afriad to believe
Take a gulp of air
look up.
Am I seing things?
Chillign against a car
a smirk across his face
arms crossed
sunglasses oddly on
HAWK
Big brother Hawk
in all his dark glory
drove 8 hours give or take
just to make sure
I was ok.
Runnig into his arms
I cling to my big brother.
Wrapping them around me
lifting me up in a
big bear hug.
Safe, secure, peace.
In Hawks arms
I always feel
those three things
No matter what.
*"You're safe now Panda,
I'm here for you,
You're not alone."*
He whispers to me
And I know he means every word.
Jul 17, 2014
Jul 17, 2014 at 2:40 PM UTC
How we can be born from love
And filled with such hate
I shall never know
I have learned
Over the years
Is that demons are real
Just not where you think they are
I've found some
Oh yes
I truly have
They're more terrible than your wildest dreams
Where did I find them?
Why the answer is simple
I found them inside of me
For the demons we fear
Are inside us
And they come out to play
When we're afriad
Jun 7, 2015
Jun 7, 2015 at 7:12 PM UTC
everything is changing
i feel like my train is late
and im not sure i even want to get on
doing this scares me
i envy all of you
you who jump in headfirst without thinking
i wish i was more like that
not calculating everystep
wondering when its all going to crash around me
feel the air around me
like i could walk on clouds
flying in the sky
not being afraid of falling down
letting go of it all
just being
for once
i just want to be.
is it too late
or is my train still waiting
will it take me there
to the place where the air is all around
where clouds are soft and fluffy
where i can jump and not be afriad of falling
is this my train
im not sure
i guess for now ill keep waiting
im just not sure
cause right now i just wanna jump and fly on my own wings
no train is gonna take me there
Nov 8, 2012
Nov 8, 2012 at 1:37 PM UTC
a years gone by since I realized I loved you
and everything has changed
a years gone by
and I finally don't love you
a years gone by
and I realized that maybe I never even loved you at all
a years gone by
and the idea of you still sounds great
a years gone by
but I don't really love YOU
a years gone by
and I've wasted it thinking about you
a years gone by
and I'm no longer filled with hope
a years gone by
and all I am is sad and confused
a years gone by
and I'm still falling apart
a years gone by
and I'm still just as confused and afriad as I was on day one
a years gone by
and nothing's changed
a years gone by since I realized I loved you
and I still don't know what to do
Jun 20, 2015
Jun 20, 2015 at 2:01 AM UTC
Bank,
took away my tract-home-house, got divorced from my last cheatin’ spouse
Laid-of from my company job, all I get to eat is corn-on-the-cob
Get evicted cant pay no rent
Rains too **** much to pitch me a tent
Kinfolk don’t like the mess I’m in, so I became a bohemian . . .
Trailer Home Romeo, I’m a trailer ho-home romeo
Kinfolk don’t like the shape Im in, so I drink with trailer park beer drinkin men !
Pay Taxes that I owe? Hell No ! I’m a bohemian on the go a trailer ho-home romeo!
Bought me an old F-150 Ford, at least I ain’t got no **** landlord
I cash in cans I find on the ground, easy work get paid by the pound
Can’t buy me no tonic and Gin like the rich Good-Sam suburbians
I fix my own truck rent-a-wreck, told I don’t qualify for no welfare check
Afriad to go outside in the day for a jog, got bit last week by the neighbors dog
Can’t track me down, I’m always on the go, move down south if it starts to snow!
Move when I want don’t have to hesitate, hitch-up my truck and relocate
My left tire just fell-apart so I propped it up with a K-mart shopping cart
Got me a bottle of Jim Beam to pamper, might get drunk but I’m a happy Camper !
Kinfolk don’t like the mess I’m in, so I became a bohemian . . .
Trailer Home Romeo, I’m a trailer ho-home romeo
Kinfolk don’t like the shape I’m in, so I drink with trailer park beer drinkin men !
Pay Taxes that I owe?
... Hell No !
I’m a bohemian on the go a trailer ho-home romeo!
© David Wayne Clare In Perpetuity - ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
Clairvoyant Music / BMI
Dec 1, 2014
Dec 1, 2014 at 3:20 AM UTC
Beauty according to media:
Skinny
Perfect, long hair
Flawless skin and,
Being tan but not too tan
Beauty according to the general public:
Skinny
Perfect hair
Make up but not too much and,
No blemishes
Beauty according to the broken:
Being able to get out of bed every morning and function properly
even after everything someone has been through
Not being afriad to speak your mind and,
Being capable of feeling a true emotion
Oct 27, 2015
Oct 27, 2015 at 8:48 PM UTC
Dear abuser,
Because of you I shake at night
I see so many deadly frights
My arms quiver with needles bleeding
I can't beleive I didn't think you affected me
Every night I come home
I shower and cry about my life
Every person I talk to I distrust
I know suffering is a must
There is no silence
I only hear my weeping
And your yelling echoing through
I have new triggers I don't understand
Was this always your plan?
I yell and scream at things I love
I can't beleive in any God above
My heart panics if anyone's upset
My breath is stolen like I'm in a corset
I can't stand to be alone
But I can't stand to be too close
I'm afraid of anyone's touch
Every problem is just too much
I can't have a good day
Anything good changes and rots
Into the memory and fear
I hate myself if that wasn't clear
No matter how much I build myself up
How strong I may become
I feel so weak and alone
I feel like I'll never find my home
I stay up and ponder if I ever could
Tell everyone about the hell you gave me
Maybe that would help me
Or maybe they'd just laugh at me
I rip my flesh open
I bruise and hurt my own heart
I give so much of myself to everyone else
Because of the guilt I feel
Cause it was all my fault
I black out and forget things
My stomach twist and turns and stings
I have no energy to enjoy anything
Nothing in life is a blessing
I've emptied my body of any emotion
Because whenever I have any
It's endless crying and falling apart
Noone can break this ******* shattered heart
I'm afriad someone's behind my back
I'm afriad they're ready to attack
I'm afraid all I ever do is lack
I'm afraid of every ******* thing even a tack
I can feel you
I can hear you
Needling through my skin
Piercing my head with sin
Burning my body
Every night I relive it
All the pain I'm feeling I can't quite explain
Because at this point I consider it normal
Everything is quite plain
I'm tired of the pain I sustain
I'll never have kids because of you
I don't deserve love becuase of you
I can't see anything but pain
I can't enjoy anyone's touch
I know it'll never be love
Just let them all **** me
And I'll call it enough
Except I'm not enough
I'm disgusting and damaged
My skin is peeled and broken
Scarred and red
Too many tears I've shed
I'm labeled a freak and crazy
Life is kinda hazy
Am I real?
Can I ever heal?
I don't think so
I just want you to please go
All three of you
I see all of you In everyone I meet
The yeller the ********* and the molester
You're in the eyes of every person
I can't find comfort
Because you'll always find me first
Aug 12, 2019
Aug 12, 2019 at 3:52 AM UTC
Trust?
How do you trust someone?
How do you take such heavy risk?
Putting your whole world on hold
Banking on someone's good intentions
And their conscience
Even when you know they are human
And we're inately decietful.
Just how?
Right now I'm afriad
Afraid that I'll loose
Loose it all
All that i invested
Invested in a human
Human like me?
This time, I'll chose to trust.
Or should I?
©2018 Busola S. kolade
Nov 28, 2018
Nov 28, 2018 at 7:09 AM UTC
She was 5 years old
her name was Isabel
She knew me very well
everyday we played in the park
and we made up a hand shake too
It went
I dont wana do the dishes
I dont wanan clean my room
all I wanna do is be here with you
then we would hug
and smile all day long
but that didnt last very long
my father told me to watch out for her she was bad
I didnt undrstead that she was the only friend I have very had
My dad insited that we never speak
he tried to make sure we would never meet
But one day in the cafetiria She smiled at me
then we became best friends almost instantly
we Did everything together
one day I invited her over so my dad can see
that she is an amazing person to me
and she is a lovely young lady
that was when i turned 13
she was always ther for me
Then I came to school with bruises all up my face
she aksed what happened to me
That was the first time I told her about my daddy
she threatened to call the police
she said that it was not safe or healthy
that its not normal to be beat
everyday
for nothing
that dads should punch their wives and cheat behind there back
she said good men dont do that
and I believed her
so just so my dad could hear I brought her to dinner one day
she didnt wanna go but I insisted it was ok
When she came over my dad got mad
the maddest I have ever seen him
then she saw my father
He punch her and kicked her then he grab a knife
I told him to stop I screamed
but i was to afraid to fight
to afriad to fight
then she stop moving and layed there still
everything was silent
she was dead
dead
my only friend
THen I grabbed the knife and stabbed my dad in the head
I screamed
NO MORE
no more
Then it wasnt just Isabel that layed dead on the ground
No one made a sound
my mom just stood there staring at me
Then I realized I just lost my family
I killed my daddy
I did worse then I could ever believe so I picked up the knife and stabbed my mommy
I didnt want her to have to live knowing that I killed her family
then I took the knife and stabbed me
That was the end of my family
Dec 17, 2014
Dec 17, 2014 at 10:23 AM UTC
I hate when hearts break.
That moment when something is said or done and from it you literally feel your heart and it just doesn't feel the same.
Just like a tambourine hitting the floor, reflecting the way you love with no bounds,
That ecstacy of emotional perfection has a mirrored emotion.
Just like a tambourine hitting the floor, a loud crash,
so does the beat of your heart when it's been broken into pieces.
Falling to the ground,
Capillaries, blood vessels, muscle tissue, all of it breaking because the impact is just too much.
Similair to a hand or leg, a heart takes time to heal after it's been broken.
It breaks, you panic, and you rush to the doctor.
He takes a look at the damage and says,
"Hmm, mam. I'm afriad this is a disaster. A beautiful disaster. Little did you know, this heart break saved your life. Because the exact moment your heart stopped pumping blood, it began pulsating something deeper. People everywhere felt your heart crash just like a tambourine hit the ground and transferred a beautiful healing matter to pulsate through your insides. You're coming back to life. Full, vivid, crazy, adventurous, beating, brilliant life and it's falling down all around you in a loud beautiful sound, just like a tambourine hits the ground."
Mae.B
Jun 13, 2012
Jun 13, 2012 at 10:39 AM UTC
you paint a picture with words
speaking out just to be heard
you think yout fooling me but i've known all along
your everything you say you are
except one thing
strong
your weakness shows as you string me along
i try to believe you
but deep insidee i know you are wrong
wrong about being right
yeah its a complexed contradiction
but what else should i expect
with someone that mixes fantasy with nonfiction
so mirror mirror on the wall
its about time you crumble and fall
and amidst your broke shards of glass
come to realize the past has passed
dwelling in broken memories
your drown in your thoughts
tangeled up in emotion
afriad to admit your caught
like a spider you spin your web
parallel to the cycle spinning in your head
on your worn out path you continue to tread
i dont even know what it means to be
without you
because your always haunting me
taunting me
drawing me into your cycle
its time i break free
so mirror mirror on the wall
its about time you crumble and fall
and amidst your broken shards of glass
come to realize the past has passed
turn over a new leaf
dont look back
or stop in your tracks
determine myths from facts
begin to act
like the adult you are coming to be
look from an outer perspective
begin to see
clearly now
come to think about it
i dont know how
i believed in your self doubt
so mirror mirror on the wall
its about time your shatter and fall
and amidst your broken shards of glass
come to realize the past has passed
come to peace at last
and realize
that despise
isnt a comprimise
when it comes to fate
and that hate
isnt the only way to demonstrate
your emotion
lifes as vast as the ocean
and always in motion
changing with the tide
so swallow your pride
learn how to recognize
a blessing in disguise
end where endings end
after that
begin
know yourself deep within
submerge to the surface of conciousness
and listen
to the voice within
yeah thats really livin
so mirror mirror on the wall
its about time your shatter and fall
and amidst your broken shards of glass
come to realize the past has passed
Jan 14, 2011
Jan 14, 2011 at 8:36 PM UTC
I used to like to run
run like the wind,
just to see how fast I could go
and now I run
but to escape , to get away
you see,
I have trouble looking my demons in the eye
I am cowardice, weak, afriad
afraid that the fire burning in their eyes
will consume me, ruin me, burn me
leaving charred ashes of this person I hate
who's too afraid tell you the truth
too afraid to take her rose coloured glasses off and see the world for what it really is
too afraid to admit to herself that the reason she doesn't stand up
and shrug your shackles off her shoulders
why she doesn't tell you everything she should
why she stands at the mirror, poking and prodding
wishing her waist was thinner, her ******* were bigger
her legs were longer, her feet were smaller
her eyes less empty
she is afraid, afraid of one small little word
no
No I won't listen, No I don't care, No I won't love you
No, you can't have your way, you can't stay
and so she locks up her words, in the safe
in the pit of her stomach, in the far reaching backwoods of her mind
like drying cement it weighs her down
solidifying her veins, till her heart can't beat
stiffening limbs stopping her feet
from moving forward down the street
she is stone, a hollow, statuette of herself
till her screams shatter her way out, and break free
and then she runs
Jan 29, 2011
Jan 29, 2011 at 4:15 PM UTC
No. I have no terror I will avenge you.
You say karma will but I'm not waitin' on it. Besides I'm not afriad to.
You were my eyes when the fog I couldn't see through.
Tell me now. And tell me the the whole truth. Did he harm you?
No. I've never been here before. But you I will do it for. If I don't stop him he will try and do it more.
Ohhhh. Ohhhhh. Ohhhhh.
Noooo. Noooooo. Nooooo.
No. He won't do it no more.
My sweet friend. I promise he wont
do it again.
My pleasure was inside his pain. I took retaliation in your name.
I'm the champion. I'm your defender. I will be your watcher...your preserver.
It was easy. ***** threw his hands up. Tried to surrender. But that didn't work...was already over.
You said that he harmed you.
Ohhhh. Noooo. Noooooooooo.
He won't do it no more.
-Jennifer DeAngelo
Copyrighted 2016
Jun 16, 2016
Jun 16, 2016 at 11:44 PM UTC
Numb deep within
Can't feel my feet
Up to my heart
Do i exist?
Anytime i feel
It hurts
Everyrhing races
i am afriad
I can't remeber
Ever belonging
Not in a social sense
Or being real
I get too tired
I feel as a child
Seeing monsters
Giant man eating
Lobsters
Demons running amok
Every breath of mine is bad
Luck
I swear to god
I belong in a mental institute
Im not real
Are you?
I'm alone
Ive been alone forever
And ever more
I'll be alone
My life is flashing
It's all been so quick
And I've hated every second
Of my breathing
I miss my mother
I miss my brothers
My whole family
I think played a big whammy
They must be fake too
My scared eyes sometimes see
Through
Theres a veil you see
Doctors say it's anxiety
Thats a lie to keep me busy
We aren't real
I'm so scared
I can't describe this fear
It never leaves me
I'm shivering and afraid
The monsters coming to consume me
Look hard enough
You'll see real mosnters
Slenderman and demons
Theyre all real
Mocking us
Im still a little girl
Sad and afriad of the world
All i see is fear and creatures
Lurking with no ****** features
No one will hold me
My soul is ******* empty
Is god real
Why won't he answer me
He probabaly is around
And ignoring me
That is the theme of my
Reality
Can someone just hold me
Let me forget my dark reality
Im so ******* afraid
I must be extremely brave
I see demons larger then i can comprehend
Yet i go out and still stand
If someone held me
And didn't leave
Maybe for ahwile
I would feel real
And not as a scared
Child
Apr 12, 2019
Apr 12, 2019 at 4:46 AM UTC
A poet hidden in a singer,
A singer hidden in a poet,
Under the grey skies,
On a land of snow,
Her lamp almost burned,
She wrote,
She was a poet,
But she sang too,
She sang her melancholic pieces of poetry, carved on wood,
She sang lullabies with her words, on torn ***** papers,
On a broken seat, with a dusty piano,
She bagan to play with the waves of notes, pushing her tired fingers, against the keys.
Afraid she was because she thought she was imperfect,
But some imperfections are beautiful and wonderful, she did not know that.
Her pain gave her words birth,
Her fears raised her words,
Her regrets made her sing,
Her beautifully written poetry,
Not too strong, and not to powerful,
With a little voice, with a little hope,
A girl who was afraid to speak,
The one who was afriad of herself,
Invaded the universe.
With her unheard voice,
With those unspoken words.
An unexplained series began,
When her shaky voice sang her old lost lullabies,
And her soul lifted her voice up,
Her body still shaking.
But not quitting,
She wrote and wrote and sang and sang.
On sunsets, on oceans, on skies , on rain,
She wrote her heart out by singing with her soul.
Feb 22, 2018
Feb 22, 2018 at 6:31 PM UTC
Shes got a face not spoiled by beauty
Hands not marred with jealousy
A kiss not powered by wonder
and hips not fueled by lust
She has a ring finger not driven by greed
This girl has eyes that dont look for the best
but accept the worst
and are not afriad of what mine have seen
Her heart is not stealable
so with me she'll stay
I'll do my best to keep it that way
and her mind cant get any blacker
so with mine it will
This girl has scars from where shes been
so with mine they mark us together
Hopefully...
Forever
Feb 8, 2015
Feb 8, 2015 at 12:39 AM UTC
She was a goddess
amongst mear mortals
and I was a peasent
that wanted to be a knight
so I could be her prince charming.
She always gave me little looks
and her father said I would never be good enough
but I made it my life to prove him wrong.
So I collected as much silver and gold as I could
and I bought me a shanky *** little horse.
I fed that horse
and trained it to be big and strong
soon I was ready to fight for the heart of the Princess
So I managed to get myself some armor it took me a long time to build it up
but when I did my armor was stronger then anyone elses.
Mine was built threw blood, sweat, and tears
and in building this armor I had no fear of loosing
I had no fear of her stupid father because I was comming in with something the
other fighters didnt have and that was love.
The others wanted the Princess for the family money
I wanted to Win her heart
and even if I loose
I know in trying I won already.
The battle came and I was shivering
not in fear but in knowing that I made it to the big show
I got my horse ready fed it a apple before, tied my armor straps tight around my waist
and got ready to fight for my Princess.
The first battle went fast my horse was to fast for the other horse and the man layed flat on his back.
The second man gave a little bit more of a fight you could tell he was from wealth and might
he tagged my shoulder but I stayed upright. I took the corner around back at him and got ready
WAM nailed him right in the sternum he went down like a rock in the water.
The final and most precious battle came
and it was a sword fight
I forgot to make a good sword I thought this was gonna be a horse match.
I had two small blades to his mighty majestic sword. People said this guy was a Demi God the Alpha male
but I wasnt afriad. I got myself ready and prepared for him to make a mistake I noticed the land was covered in holes from the previous races. He comes running at me without seeing these holes and trips and falls basically right infront of me I jump on his fallen body and slice his throaght and the crowd goes silent. All you can here is the Princess's heart start beating again.
Jun 14, 2013
Jun 14, 2013 at 1:29 PM UTC
For the weekest,
Meekest, lonely
And afriad;
Understand attention
Must be paid.
Offer a hand,
Help carry their weight,
Be sincere
On your first date;
Request true friendship on FB,
Get the Baileys, share your tea;
Turn on a light for the old,
Give a coat to the cold.
Don't just shake,
Embrace and hold.
Create you own way
To convey,
Serious attention
Must be paid.
Nov 30, 2014
Nov 30, 2014 at 2:57 PM UTC
can one find happiness within dark trenches?
not if one can't be both happy and defenseless
for happiness comes along with barries and walls
which rapidly disinitegrate when such boundaries fall
caged and shackled within defintion
one's true happiness is clouded with subtle ambition
for is what one has determines who one is
then should one redefine what it means to live?
should one bow and bend with the status quo?
give up what is is felt burning inside
for the soothing assurance of what society knows
afriad to create a new route and step out of line
instead, blindfolded, we surrender
giving up our mind
making oursleves hollow and empty becoming utterly senseless
piling up armor yet claiming to be defenseless
Jan 14, 2011
Jan 14, 2011 at 9:00 PM UTC
Committing is hard!
I'm afriad of Adultery......
Way before
cheating...
Apr 17, 2013
Apr 17, 2013 at 3:30 PM UTC
You're breath on my neck,
It replays in my head everyday.
Your whispers, they taunt me.
Your heart lies.
The softness and clarity of your lips on my chest,
Leave me restlesss,
Aching for more.
To be a fool
Or to be sane,
That is the question.
Our bodys intertwind,
But to afriad to truly touch.
The heart frolics with the mind ,
Leaving both fragil,
Weak.
To be a fool,
That's the question.
The breath which you leak, isolates my heart,
And manipluates my mind,
To foolishness.
To be a fool,
A fool to love you.
Jan 19, 2014
Jan 19, 2014 at 11:01 PM UTC
Little bear, don't be afraid
Everything is going to be okay
The sun will shine once more and, the birdies well they're just sleeping
The waves are calm but they aren't gone
Little bear, don't be afriad
Everything is going to be okay
Just close your eyes and go to sleep
And when you awake oh, the joys you will see
May 23, 2019
May 23, 2019 at 1:08 PM UTC
Whenever I See You,
I Always Ask What's Wrong,
You Say I Don't Have A Clue,
I Know You're Strong,
But I'm Afraid I'll Lose You,
Of That One Dark Temptation,
I've Stopped You Before,
But How Long Will It Be,
Before You Do It Once More?
You Asked Me,
If I Runaway Would You Come With
I Know How Badly You Wish To Be Free,
But I Said Yes Pretending It Was A Myth,
I Wish I Could Save You,
From The Depths Of Dispare,
If I Did,
What Else Would Be Lurking There?
You Told Me Half The Story,
But What Does That Do?
You Told Me,
If I Told You, You Might Want To Help
The Only One Who Can Help,
Is Yourself
Sep 2, 2012
Sep 2, 2012 at 9:01 PM UTC