I stand in front of you
Yet, you don’t see me,
I dance around in plain site
Yet, you ignored me
Now you seek me
In the midst of your fears and insecurities.
I am still right in front of you
Yet, beyond your sights.
But in every blindspots
There you’ll find me...
Out in the sun
feeling every moisture in my skin dry up
rushing to escape the sun’s unforgiving eyes
in all directions
‘till the sun forgave me
and sent the moon
still I waited.
I Miss Us,
What we could have been
But never will be.
I wonder when things changed
From feelings of intense pleasure from a text
And smiles at the sight of eachother
To intolerable presence and snide remarks
And growing feelings never stood a chance.
Our first and last mistake.
I am in high spirits today
Idle playfulness and boredom
My constant friends
I have accepted into my day
While I try to forget
Everything wrong that I can’t make right
And on a high note,
I bask in this earth day
A great privilege I must say.
Thoughts of the future floats within
Accompanied by a speed racing fear
Growing ‘till I’m drenched in cold sweat
Leaving a hard knot where my heart was
And as it cracks,
I’m enraptured in sad pain
Hot tears filling up my thoughts
Forming in my once happy eyes
In full readiness to soak my clothed chest
But of what use?
This pain never leaves.
The purpose of ones existence
Every step forward is crippled
By the heavy weight of discontentment
Nothing feels right
The overwhelming feeling of emptiness
Unhappiness and unproductivity
Overshadowing all seemingly positive efforts
Filling up all happy spaces with sourness
The pleasure and laughter is only temporary?
And it repeats
Again and again
• • •
Well this time,
Even as sad tears form in my eyes
I made a conscious decision to write
All in hope that this sad pain
Will float from cracks in my chest
Through my thoughts and words
Unto this digital sheet
And I may find relief
From this overwhelming fear.
But that won’t happen. Will it?
Raw emotions in this minute.
I try my best to feel nothing
And in that, I feel nothing
No pain, no loss, no disappointment
For passion is my middle name
Every emotion felt and expressed
With intensity beyond explanation
I get scared
That there’s no coming back for me
My broken heart cannot mend
I just won’t survive
I’ll drown to a depthless death
Leaving an empty shell floating on the surface.
So I leave that switch off.
In all these, I am blameless
Entrusting my fragile heart to another
Is like free falling into an abyss
No landing guaranties
They sneak up on me sometimes
Leaving me in a daze
‘Till my body is slammed awake to reality
By my forever guarded heart
Then I fix up the cracked walls
And stay beyond reach.
You seem so certain
Every displayed emotions calculated
The next few moves seemingly planned
I am envious
All your wants seem before you
While I am constantly in search of certainty
Perfection in imperfection