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Desi Jun 2019
I thought of you
And My mirror shattered
There’s blood splattered
Each night I think of what really mattered
We had some good vibes but our lives went separate ways
It saddens me for days I feel like I can’t get up
I need air to breathe, so I sip Hennessy
I’m just trying to forget you and me
I need to give  up
Stop giving a ****
But how can I do that when in the future I only see you and me
It’s  meant to be
you remember the day we met? it was cold and wet
But you lit up the dark
And It’s hard to forget.
It felt so perfect
Like a movie scene
From what I could see we were meant to be.
We grew together
You wrote me love letters
You were the one and I won’t forget it.
On the days I needed you, you were there
Nobody could ever compare.
I do what I can to forget it
But that’s impossible
I remember when you acted so dull
It made me want to put a bullet through skull.
When I’m with you I feel full.
I think about the times you said you loved me
Those conversations were filled with lies
You say you care
But you sound so bare
You’re not there
I wish I could show you how much I care
But it’s Like you’re barely alive
You know I have eyes
I’m not blind
But I still want to be here for you
So hopefully I’ll hear from you
I need a dose of
Those lies to fill up my night
I still look at the sky and think of you
I know it sounds crazy
I’m sure the months spent with me seem hazy
Maybe I was lazy at love
It felt like you were sent from above
I should’ve spent more time
But nothing I do seems right.
Maybe I still wanna call you
We could small talk.
You can listen to me cry
I’ll try to find where I went wrong
Or maybe I could show you a song
I think we’d get along great,
If not we’ll just go back to hate.
I will feel pain
I hope that **** stays on your brain because you’ll always be the love in my veins.
Desi Jun 2019
It’s nights like these that make me miss you
It’s 3 am and I just wanna kiss you
Wishing that you’d just call me
I watched the sunset today baby
I thought of you and your eyes
I told you the sky could never compare
I wish you’d call me
Tell me how you’ve been I’ve really been wondering
Darling let me ease your mind
Take everything off your mental
Let’s lay in bed and listen to the rain
Tell me about  your pain
You know I wanna be with you
So why are you wasting your time
I know you’re lying
Baby just call me
Tell me it’ll be alright
I don’t know what you’ve been doin lately
And I can’t lie it’s killin me inside
Do you wanna see me cry?
I know you’ve been living your life the one you said you wanted but baby I can see it in your eyes, you’re lonely but let me help you.
Baby just call me
We can meet again
I can tell you new things
Or act different
Baby tell me what you need and I swear I’ll be it
I wish you’d wake up
And call me.
And I get it maybe you don’t wanna hear from me
But baby I didn’t know I need you  I think I hurt you more than you’d like to say or maybe you’re just afraid.
Afraid of the commitment I just really want to know how you’re feeling baby just call me.
I still think about the day you left
I still feel that pain inside my chest do you think of me too?
I wanna hear how you’re doin so stop acting stupid baby I want the best for you
And maybe I seem a bit crazy I can’t stop writing about you
Baby I need you
And you got me feeling dumb I just want my babe thinkin about you with someone else makes me feel insane
You know you’re trapped inside my brain
Baby just call me
Desi May 2019
I’ve been staying up late.
Waiting on that 4 am call.
You can’t sleep.
You’re sad.
You’re drunk.
You miss me.
You’re happy.
You need me.
I’m waiting to hear your voice.
Hear your muffled laugh through the phone.
Last time you called I never took my face from that phone.
Feeling your voice right next to me made me feel at home.
I want to hear what’s happening.
I want to know your new favorite song. I want to tell you about mine.
I want to know how your day went.
How your moms doing.
I want to know what you want to do next with your car; even though I used to hate hearing about it.
Tell me about your new passions.
Fears.
Wants.
You’re new must haves
Or never do’s.
Tell me what’s on your mind all the time.
Or now.
Or last week.
Even last month.
I want to know it all.
I want to call you.
I want you to know everything new about me too.
I want you to care.
Give me advice
Tell me everything’s alright or Im overreacting.
I want your input
I want to hear your views
Let’s argue
Tell me I’m wrong
I’ll tell you you’re right.
I want to hear you yelling at that video game you play.
I want to tell you to shut up
Or speak up.
I want to hear you snore.
I want to text you “call me”
And immediately get a call.
I
I want you.
Desi May 2019
It’s back
It came back slowly
It creeped through the walls I’ve built trying to keep it out.
It wrapped around my mind.
It consumed my thoughts, my laugh, my life.
It paralyzed me.
It made sure I stayed in bed while my friends were out making memories, then drew dark clouds over all of my favorites.
It makes me angry but never hungry.
It makes me want to hide.
It makes me want to scream but it makes me too nervous to make a sound.
It comes and goes.
It likes to come more than go
And stay rather than visit.
It pushes me away yet draws me closer.
I kick and scream in my dreams but it always comes back to me.
Desi May 2019
Today was perfect
The windows were down
Indies music playing
And my favorite people were around
They make every sunset beautiful
every tear less sad
Every smile more meaningful
Every high more enjoyable
And every memory memorable.
Desi Feb 2019
Little siblings,
please stop growing.
I wasn’t there for your first words.
Your first steps.
Your first days of school.
Your first anything.

Little siblings,
I know you don’t understand the world around you.
Why you don’t see me like you should
I wish I could hide you, you’ll never feel pain.

Little siblings,
I wish I could teach you about life
Good music
God
manners
And morals

Little siblings,
I want to be the perfect role model for you
I want to show you that family can be together
I want to show you a good life.
I want you to see where working hard,
Living for God,
And never being afriad to ask for help can get you.

Little siblings,
I see the world in your tiny eyes
And I hope I become someone you look up to.
I know you see me as strong, caring, and loving.
And I want to continue showing you that I am.

Little brother,
You came at the perfect time
You put light in my life I didn’t know I needed
You call me beautiful every time I see you

You give me big hugs that warm my heart.

Little sister,
I held you and I knew I had to build myself into the women I want you to be.
I know I’m not perfect but in your eyes I am.
You yell “*****” when you see me

You give me big hugs that warm my heart.

Little siblings,
I wish your laugh could always fill my room
I wish I could see you like I should
You used to be so tiny
Where has the time gone?

“Big sister” feels so important

Big sister has to be perfect for you
Big sister wants to be there more
Big sister wants to watch you grow

Big sister will always be someone you can rely on
Call  upon  
A helping hand
A loving hug
A long talk

Big sister can be someone you laugh with
Or cry with

Big sister will always love you
Never judge you
And always support you.
Desi Feb 2019
Today I woke up and immediately checked my phone.
No I didn’t get a text from you.
No you didn’t call when you couldn’t sleep last night.
No it wouldn’t be me.
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