The monster of things
brought out the man in me
the boy that emerged as a man
from the trappings to be
and with all that I know now
it becomes a home I can never again see

I've lied once
I lie now
I'm venomous
I'll show you how
Come in close
Don't look away
Illusions dance
Creations dream
Gods can't die
But they can scream
So many pretty things
Block your way
Now I've done my trick
And here you'll stay.

Sometimes---
I just don't know
I just say I'm fine
when really I'm not
my soul is on fire
screaming on the inside
and my sense of worth is shot.

Sometimes---
I don't know
what makes me breathe each day
the hand that stirs the ***
the urge that pushes me to the end
I have never seen this book being written
perhaps I am just waiting to transcend.

Looking at this world
the old gods will say
let it expire,
it's far past decay

When flesh rots its form
there is nothing more to find
leaving only the stench to remain
and the bones that remind.

Another few seconds pass
before the minutes are flung into the chasm
the next skeleton that rattles
will bear the mark of the hour
and so greedy it is,
as the pair of hands reach for our lives
all consuming, but never full
the swinging tock sound of the pendulum
has now provided me
with a tic of my own
only now can I---
almost taste
the impudence of the clock
the eyes on its face
ever alert,
unblinking
its grin,
unyielding
widens,
more still---
until it seizes the day.

Let my words burn and catch fire
to better reach you in the high tower
propel callous thinking to new heights
in order to teach the biased few.

Do not roughly misconstrue
the sacred meaning of life
since it is meant to be this
and not made wholly out of that.

We were born in a broke down palace
where purpose is disagreement
and forgiveness in all its charm
has become worth less than a fraction.

Agent,
you've been made
lost and disavowed
all those villains
with each and every agenda
that ever boasted loud
who sought to end you
and plotted to overtake
through and through
attempted to conquer,
****, break, and harm
fell prey to your presence
and could not assassinate your charm.

James,
no more
to be shaken or stirred
a mortal man
replaced by God's eternal number.

Bond,
even now as the clock hands stretch
and reach past eleven
they will never catch you
you've done your job well
you have disappeared forever
so rest in peace---
007.

This world is an ugly place
when it has shown its terrible face
after heaven's fall
I've heard the call
and I'll never go back again.

What more could you
possibly take from me?

I whispered into the darkness
and shivered as it answered back

Your years
it yawned oddly

loved ones
it grinned madly

and happiness
it laughed dryly

I shuddered and drew back
at hearing its replies
suddenly my world
turned black.

I hurled a freshly lit match
and saw its form ablaze

I finally found my own voice
and yelled
seeking to make the woods
come alive
with my own spark of madness.

A glint of scope
crosshairs,
then a life is gone
send me home
I miss my momma
and everything that is my home
you gave me a gun
taught me to hate
I tried to soldier on
but a bullet can't wait.

The weight of thought falls on me
as life understands its gravity
such a small room I think
but such a big world I tell
which leaves me to wonder
as I stand upon the chair
are ghosts haunted by regret as well?
then by taking the rope
and pulling it taunt
I then decide
I'm not so sure
but time will soon tell.

I'm here
I shout
I am the one who made it
Out of millions
I stand singularly
Born from a mother and father
Determined to embrace
And now witness my presence
See my face.

Many times, I have fallen
Despite the sun
Too many, I surmise
Despite the rain
With each new breath
I am reborn
With each new day
I still remain.

It's getting better all the time
not the struggle
it always stays the same
but the difference is
truly I am now
a more accomplished liar.

If there's something else to salvage
other than those
savage feelings
that two people create
speak up
before our voices get too raw
and all that time spent together
becomes nothing at all.

I raised my voice today
You only tuned me out again
The pregnancy wasn't planned
But it was a chance to begin

You reached out to me
then knocked me to the floor
feeling betrayal
at how my body
so willingly accepted the gift of yours

You were scared
And so was I
the choice was ours
and it became our guilt
as the life inside me went away

Finally----
as day led on to coupled day
the only surprise left
was departed touch
as did our love
until nothing stayed.

Give me a spoon
cut me loose
we shall see
what holds more weight
my stature---
or my resolve.

It all started with saying hello
and now I barely know you
each day grows shorter
and I struggle just to grow through
the disagreements and anger
that find themselves at our door
that only seem to flow true
the only thing I remember now
when you said you hated me
is the sad fact that I asked for this
and how I still only want you.

Life is not fair, friend
when I am here
and you are not
when you were ensnared
by addiction and desires of flesh
a soul left here to rot

The existing situation is not so great
born of our differences
where we did not gain a scar
knowing love did not spare us pain
moving us forward into unknown embrace
and only served to make us who we are.

Not promised life
yet take from it
assigned to a station
and not far to get
all ponderance is infinite
as human I remain
seeking joy
and clarity of life
beyond my early stain.

You used to run beside me
but now my body is run down
all the miles together
through the changing weather
wherever I was, you could be found
ever since the silence
I miss you more now
because I finally know the math
the both of us were works in progress
with feelings always equal to this life.

The loneliness of it all
still haunts me now
called an animal
a beast, a deplorable
chained as veal
deprived of resources
be it sow or cow
sang to, out in the field
bludgeoned with violence
told to submit daily
or else, threat
or else, ****
I can not be owned
God and Mother Nature
could never allow
yesterday I was once a man
who tasted freedom
upon his tongue
and tomorrow---
I will be a man still.

Human is the face
look through shattered windows
of a broken home
and memories scatter
like blinded cockroaches
of a homeless spirit
that despairs each night I roam

Hunger stirs me awake
my body decays like rome
laying in the gutter
the rain comes down
a faded shadow of man visits
an illuminated town.

My decision made
only air caught me
resigned to fade
from the highest place
with the most shade
I'm coming down
that hand I've played
sent me below
but I'm not dismayed
when beckoned by the ground
I heard and I obeyed.

Raise the ******* high
to salute the fairness of life,
a signal to the clan of the world;
to those blameless few,
content to merely pass through,
it becomes a warning
to those other wretched ones.

The fur and pelt of clothes
becomes a second skin,
animals on the mountain once more;
half covered by white curses
bodies pocketed in snow,
the chilling embrace of eternal season,
reaches all that know
and are deeply felt in the bones,
by brethren and coven alike.

It is the flag of Everest
to mark how far we have come;
ignore the scar tissue
hunger pangs and brokenness
and climb upward to find a perch,
as thin breath of the lungs remains.

Come out from the caves
and seek your mantle;
where others have fallen,
from the towering heights.
Despite the consuming frost-bite,
the finger remains on the tallest peak,
as a cross to bless other weary pilgrims.

Sometimes
I don't want to breathe
but I still do
just to spite myself.

Making each morning
the remainder of questions
and the child
I know nothing about.

The woods are my asylum
I'm surrounded by my screams
the animals all know my secrets
because they guard my echoed dreams.

Nostalgia is what anchors me
gentle reminders of a more simple life
where the minutes drifted through
and I couldn't process time.
Now, I am overwhelmed
when youth has sheltered me
and blessings were so easily overlooked.

I suppose
to you
I've become
something of a joke
so pardon me
if my punchline is showing
avert your eyes.

There's a joy
that resounds
in my soul that rings
a halo around Saturn
that blinds all when it is reflected.

I reach for it
the treasure
long since hidden
something I thought gone
Mourned when it was left behind

When I dig down
it shines
catches my eye again
it becomes the tableau
that gives me peace of mind

I know that
dawn comes
night holds a chill
as I remain steadfast in feeling
I understand I'll make it
No---
I KNOW that I will.

I was a son
born without protective shield
given a borrowed name
and no confidence to yield.

For years I loathed my own skin
no kind word did I find
your attention turned to someone else
and your eyes became blind.

I wish I could hate you
with your earthly presence gone
it is cavernous inside me now
between evening shade and dawn.

I still hold that fear
that buried thorn I didn't see
afraid that the product of you
might become the whole of me.

The light from under your bedroom door
It bleeds golden streams
Spilling out onto the floor
Making a bridge of light

We're both connected.
You and me.

Your room is so close by.
Can I come in?
It's locked.
And I've tried knocking.

I can hear you crying through the door.
Is it me?
Why don't you let me in?
I can help you.

You have your secrets
I'll keep mine.

I'll come back later.

I'm back.
Compose yourself.

There's nothing to fear
It's only the house settling.

I'm only down the hallway

Getting closer now

The boards creak

I hear your heart beat faster

Don't be afraid

It's only me.

And I've always been here

Since the day you moved in

Waiting for someone like you

To share the house with me.

Allow me to borrow your golden halo
agree to let me purchase your soul
every thing that shines has a silver price
every one who walks the earth must know
nothing sacred remains here
there is no more holy ground
crusaders and pilgrims alike have all faded
and the world has muted its siren sound

Shallow breathing
where my lungs reside

Hollow soul
speaks from deep inside

Heavy yearning
as these feelings subside.

Such angry hunger pains
how the world quivers and shakes,
while men and women
fresh from their work,
whisper the toll it takes;
as clay forms lay listening
glistening, and salted in their beds.

However, not an alarm is raised
not a single head turns
we are safe, comes the lie
we are secure, comes the swallowed pill.

As we close our eyes
and prepare for borrowed sleep
I think with great dismay:
oh, what a difference,
does indifference make for us sheep.

Take me out to the middle
where the stillness always lies
out to the deep dark calm
and nothing answers back
bend my knees
bow my head
wait for revelation
sins as numerous as bubbles surface
and turn the water black.

Once you realize
you're part of a dying machine
marvel at your worth
and the part
you play in the movement,
little cog.

Have you forgiven me
I ask aloud
as I hold the knife
unlike you
it shines
just like you
it becomes personal
an object which will never apologize

It holds my gaze
and I hold my breath
it seeks to deepen our relationship
as it cuts once
then twice

I'll bleed you from me
I think privately
all that is love is
has a liquid flow
shaded red
as I extinguish me
with no friendly place
to rest my head.

I'm bruised
I'm broken
tired
outspoken
looking for a purpose
wondering what my worth is
angry
confused
and so afraid to lose
everything I've gained
until nothing else remains.

Relax,
and breathe in the sour mange,
tread marks etched into asphalt.
what can it be?
what was it before?
only the smell of tomorrow.
I guess---
we'll never know now
why it tried to cross the street.

It is a vacant place now
this world didn't deserve you
you were incandescent in nature,
when all the lights went out.

The lies they told you
were designed to hold you
the wounds that never healed
you wouldn't speak of them;
you wore your camouflage daily
and I never understood,
how that smile was your tourniquet.

There is so much
want in me
sometimes it's scary.

It becomes---
a hole I cannot fill.

Giving birth to
a whole other person
that I can not please.

Bound up in anxiety
then left outside myself
to freeze.

In copious amounts
the feelings came
torn asunder
then left the same

The card went unread
the flowers came
but this wintry day
left no mention of my name.

Demanding loyalty
being bonded to a pax romana,
contract or treaty
and craving attention
from all that I see
just as our fathers
and mothers before us
just as any good creator would do
I am focused on the worship of me.

Take my hand
discover its warmth
look past the human debris
and find me
avalanches and storms
of centuries
could not bury me
for the studio light
shines too bright.