My own person is healthy and courageous. My own person is self-aware and emotionally intelligent. He is growth-oriented, resourceful and positive.

My own person is supportive, thoughtful, kind and empathetic. My own person is ready to take accountability, communicate and work through things even when the going gets rough.

My own person desires to make me happy, chooses me and shows up for me. He is sure about me and healthily obsessed with me. My own person encourages and lifts me up when I’m at a low point.

My own person does not disappear when I need him. My own person protects me. He knows how to introspect, reflect and has a desire to be better.

My own person does not make me feel small or irrelevant. My own person is a secure place where I can feel at home. My own person is expressive. He is a source of light when I am in a dark place.

My own person is as sure about me as the sun rises and sets without our asking, with certainty; regardless of the weather, timezone or location.

I curl into a ball
To get a clear view of my feet
Why am I looking at my feet
And not at the stars

I lay on my bed of worries
It’s comfortable here
It’s warm here
I can’t seem to stand up
My worries need me

I know they are no good for me
But I can’t seem to do better
I want to do better
My soul wants better
But I’m comfortable here

My life feels over
Without even starting
I have no goals or drive
Everything is meaningless
I am comfortably numb

I found myself
At the end of a bottle
It's been three months
Reluctant solemn months

I said it would be six
I lied
I am weak
The bottle is my best friend

I woke up thirsty
It was a short night
I wanted it to be short
So I found myself
At the end of a bottle

I honestly don't know why I'm still talking to you
And I honestly don't know why I'm entertaining you in my life.

I know for sure that I don't have despicable hatred for you  
And I know for sure that I'm not head over heels in love with you.

We're just friends.

Sometimes I get bored and I don't mind company.
I'm just a bit worried for weird dynamics because there’s that weird tension.

Well, I think you are good looking.

But there's not much I can do about it
And honestly there's not much that I want to happen.

Because that side is stressful
And you don’t make it easier.

Why
does the pettiness
of my silence
affect you
so badly

why
do you expect
by default
an adjustment
to your actions

why
are you quick
to call me out
on my shortcomings
but blind to yours

why
can you hear
only the sound
of your voice
and deaf to
the sound of mine

why
do you believe
that this control
is craved and
makes you
a saviour

why
can't you see
that your insecurities
are laughing
so loudly
at your ego

How do you see yourself from my eyes
my tall, dark and handsome lover
my strength when I am weak
the light that pulls me out of a sunken place
wouldn't it be beautiful if that was all there was

But you don't see the veins under your eyes
thirsty to unleash a rogue when teased
a rogue that demands the admiration it does not give
protecting its baby, your ego, with aggressive commands
showing no mercy for all in its way until fed and satisfied

I tease to ease the grim aura
so what happens when I am all thats in the way 
stuck with the responsibility to nurture and feed the rogue
showering it with forceful respect and unwarranted apologies
a dynamic you validate and see no fault with

my history gives you confidence and insolence
to believe that I can handle a shove from a lover
because I have handled several fists from my brother
forgiving my trespasses and outbursts
to accommodate your impatient temper

An unstable pain stuck with with your thirsty ego
reminding myself that I deserve empathy and understanding
you are my tall dark handsome lover
but I have run out of the strength to nurture your baby 
so I have to find the strength to walk away

Say a prayer
to stay connected with the universe;
Say a prayer
to give your soul a little faith;
Say a prayer
to massage your mind;
Say a prayer
to let go of your worries;  
Say a prayer
for tranquility;
Say a prayer
to calm your conscience;
Say a prayer
to restore lost hope;
Say a prayer
to set your spirit free.

wandering is beautiful
when rambled untroubled
I wandered into your arms
You anchored me with your love
reminded me of the need for a pursuit

You are beautiful
I lose myself in you
I open up my mind to you
I let my soul mate with yours
We are soulmates, its beautiful

I share my darkest thoughts and desires
This insight gives you the power I don't have
The power to love me for my flaws
a power I am yet to master
you are stronger

Now I run to you
To tell me how to feel
and interpret the jumbled mess
I can't comprehend in this head of mine
But there is only so much you can do

Now I am furious
irritated and hostile, cold to you
for not showing me the compassion
that I should have shown myself
in the first place

My mind is noisy
All the characters in this room are awake
One says to be quiet
Another says to speak
One says to cry
Another says she is strong
One says to apologise
Others don't see a fault

No one is in control
I'm not sure what to feel
or what to think
Its just a party
A loud, busy party
where everyone wants to be the star
of a show they have no details of

My mind is noisy
The soul has lost control
The body wants to end this show
The show is pointless
Is there a puppeteer
Make this stop
I want to disappear