There is a fine line between comfortable and safe
Because being comfortable is the reverse of being safe
When you’re uncomfortable you have all of your walls up
Safe
Nobody gets in
If you hadn’t been comfortable maybe he wouldn’t have left you in the dust
Picking up the broken pieces of your heart
But like a jigsaw puzzle lost to time
You couldn’t find all the pieces
You’re broken and it’s because you were comfortable with him
There’s a stutter in your throat when you say
“I- I l-lo-love y-ou”
Because “I love you” means comfortable and comfortable means being hurt again
And he can’t understand why it comes out so broken
He can’t understand why you try to keep yourself uncomfortable around him
Because the last time you were comfortable
You were harassed until the only option you could see to get out was a thread and a tree
And a goodbye
Because comfortable sounds like hugs and kisses and warm nights cuddled in bed
But the reality of comfortable is
Pain and vulnerability and never being able to trust again
Maybe you’d have been safer being uncomfortable

Now I see it's you not me
Don't say your same old lies
I'm tired of hearing it all the time

I never wanted this.
Thought that it was always going to last
But now it's failing fast

Wasting my life
It's too much for me to forgive
Knowing how much you hid

Who needs the night
Sick of the fight
You can never find me

Memories swayed
Had I stayed
I wonder how things would've changed

Now that you see what I did
All that's come undone
I just had to run

Not that it was gonna last
I'd've never said goodbye
But all I ever did was cry

Never say I don't care
You were never there
I felt so uncomfortable

I asked you to come over last night.
I felt like I was laying on rock bottom
With no way to get up
As more rocks were gradually being stacked on top of me.
The weight became too much to bear
My body started shaking uncontrollably
I did not want to be alone.
“Just take deep breaths, I’ll hurry.”
You came over and you climbed into my bed
You held me until my racing heart had calmed
And I finally felt like I could breathe again.
Then something in you switched-
You started gripping me tighter
Moving your hands to lower places
“Please babe, I really don’t want that tonight.
 I don’t feel like myself. I just want you to hold me.”
You were persistent, whispering
“Your body tells me otherwise.”
My heart began to speed up again
As I tried one more time to say,
“Please I can’t handle that tonight.
I thought it was clear, I just wanted you to hold me,
And make me feel okay again.”
This time you tried to take my pants off.
“Do you want this-
Or do you want me to go home?”
Giving me an ultimatum.
“I just want to feel okay.
I don’t want that tonight.”
And with that you got out of bed and
Grabbed your keys and belongings as you headed for the door.

I made sure you were watching-
As I undressed myself
Throwing my clothes into a neat pile on the ground
Before wrapping myself up in my fuzzy blanket
To comfort and calm myself.
I saw your true character last night.
And I learned
That you cannot find serenity
In the same place you found discomfort.

It’s always easy to say you love me,
when I’m naked,
I only have your undivided attention,
when you’re about to come,

what is it with lust,
and why do all mean act like predators,
walking around looking to stick it in,
while constantly trying to fight all competitors,

gross,
get your sick stick away from me,
I don’t want to fck I don’t want to ****,
I just want to make a way to get away from everything,

even though I know there’s no where I can go,
that will put me far enough away from men,
that I will feel comfortable enough,
to relax enough to meet a man and be his friend,

and I know that sounds a little extreme,
but so does being pinned by my wrists to a bed,
while I’m being stuck from the back my lust,
with a pillow pressed upon my head,

and you don’t even get it,
you think we’re making love,
and I try to explain this,
but you don’t give a fck,

because you don’t make love,
you make lust,
so I’m going to get ghost as soon as I can,
no love lost because all we did was fck,

it’s always easy to say you love me,
when I’m naked,
I only have your undivided attention,
when you’re about to come…

∆ Aaron LaLux ∆

Every class I walked into, was a new book for me to read...
Terror had an aim on me...

and with time, it struck...

Numbness bathed me as I stepped into another Dimension, out and beyond my comfort zone

People that surrounded me, blinded my eyes, for this was a community of uncomfortable brightness, colors, and laughter.

I wanted to disintegrate into a shadow and fall right through the floor... and allow my soul to shrink and disappear.

For I stepped into an atmosphere that was unfamiliar to me...

I always looked down, for I felt like a prisoner of fear... for this is all a New World, a New Beginning for me...

I can't back down from this challenge, I'm already here...

Mosquito bitten bumps rise and falls
My finger tips pressuring soft cells
Hating how it feels as I take pleasure in killing
These wing foes
To them I am the terrorist with weapons of mass destruction
Not a terrorist of guns but one with pity and power to abuse
My feeling shift hotly from victim to symbolic hero
Everyone needs a bone toss in their direction
From the crude skeleton hiding within the dusty Shallows
Closet the feeling you gift to loved ones
Hush the happy times placed on the back logs of memory
Take note of polite strangers with words not your own
As I use them to speak a language taught to me years ago
When was my first word and did I speak it roughly as sandpaper
Or was it sweet to the ears with a buttery finish  
Am I too personal with my speech as this is all new to me?
Like a mouse with dreamy eyes watching the gleam off claws above
Silence is the key
Surrounded by much braver beast who riot into the night
I want to be heard

I put makeup on
but not too much
I wore my favorite outfit
straightened my hair

I felt good
and pretty

I left my house
my home
my safe place
then
someone looked at me
a moment too long
a little too judging

today I look pretty
I thought
that's why people look at me
I thought
I am going to be okay

I met friends
and a lot of people
and I couldn't help myself
but felt all eyes were on me
but
not in a good way
in a way
that made me feel uncomfortable
in a way I wanted to sink in the floor
and never come back again
in a way
that made me reconsider
my decisions
of dressing up
of putting makeup on
of straightening my hair
of feeling good
and pretty

it scratches–
just like the branches
of our faux christmas tree
that i stand by ***** for the photo
i don't smile
i don't want to
i hate wearing this dress