It’s a rainy, snowy Tuesday morning, so I headed to our fitness center (in the basement) to walk on a treadmill. On arrival there were four or five guys there. There was a time when that would have been reason enough for me to not go in - if I was alone - I’d skip it, but I feel more at home now.

Late one Sunday night I decided to treadmill. A few guys were there on the weight-cable-machines at the far end of the room (it’s huge) and I decided give it a try anyway.

As I was setting up to walk, this one string-bean of a guy did a funny, exaggerated flex in my direction, saying loudly, “I’m the man of your DREAMS!”  

To which I quipped back, “The man of MY dreams would do my chemistry fact-sheet.” (homework)

Which got a laugh from the guys who went back to their workout - ignoring me. That’s when I began to relax.

I'm running on a treadmill sweat is dripping down my face I'm running on a treadmill can I keep up with the pace I'm running like I'm being chased. I'm running to a place that doesn't exist. I'm running running running waiting for someone to assist me. I'm learning more about myself but also watching everyone flee from me, I'm running towards something that I'm not sure was meant to be I'm running and my ears are starting ring ring RING! Its starting to sting I'm running away from something thats attached I'm running to catch something that wasn't meant to be catched

****** treadmill
run fast
life of dead will
can't last.

Druggie dreaming
money scheming
problems teeming like goblins screaming for honey feeding.

We play the Duke and Earl for employment
we're tarred and feathered for enjoyment
cracking our avatars of annoyance
we learn townspeople avoidance.

Drifting like a raft on a river
the Mississippi becomes the Ohio
a bridge extending from Kentucky
enters Cincinnati over dormant currents.

Addicts wander like an incomplete
translation of a foreign language
unable to understand their anguish
society deems them brainless vagrants.

A card to use
play dumb
light the fuse
draw gun.

Treadmill running
looking for something
hedonist hunting
life is about one thing.

I've been warned for the first time before
I'll be warned for the first time again
just trying to ignore what's in store
death is not a matter of if—but when.

Sweat trickles down my nose
And onto my gasping lips
Begging for a gulp of air,
Begging for sweet relief
As my legs start to go numb
And my ears ring, head pounds
But I keep going and going...
Until I hear it cry out
“2 miles, Workout Complete”

I'm in a treadmill in my mind,
It's like a hamster in a cage.
Claw and scratch, but I'm confined,
Till I go off the pressure gauge.
So I let out a little steam,
From the cooker in my brain,
It's not like I can simply dream,
Because I'm becoming insane.
I'm in a treadmill in my mind,
Look closer and you will find,
That the treadmill is designed,
To be a never-ending grind.

Living through my tragic life, and then talking about it to the point where I can't even defend myself.

It's killing me.
There's no point to standing up for yourself.
And no point in arguing ever if you're right.

Living my life, and then being sad about it.
Telling people who can't help me.

It's like being on a treadmill.

It's exhausting without going anywhere.

I buried
my roots
in new-age
spirituality.

It nourished me
with words
like water,
soil
sunshine
and promised
a harvest.

They say
the hand
that points
to the moon,
is not
the moon
and I was thirsty.

My entitlement
told me
I should not
be humbled
by a glass
of water
when what
I desire
is a
spring.

Well the spring
never came
and my
cup became
just another
empty glass.

Now I've
stepped off
my hedonic
treadmill.

My frail
body was
not designed
to withstand
the aches
of running.

I'm a
tall woman,
albeit small.

I was built
to see
the little things
from great heights.

And so it became
my glass of water
turned to wine.

How to get off the treadmill,
We've all been workers, through the mill,
In golden days, we step back,
Cut all the young ones some slack,
Their time for the great Oz dream,
Is the economy what it seems?
At our age we've been through the mill,
Our golden years, off the treadmill....