If you want recognition, buy it!
Wow, I guess all of my poems are going to
"****" from here on, but I will still "post them"
Anyway, because they are worthy of their own existence,
And I've got nothing against writing my feelings,
Real fame is brought about by skill, not monetary expense.

Blood reigns from
My flickering eyelash
As he tells me it's "okay"
But how can it be
When each day I am
Grovelling
To your stainless shoes
In my pain
You come to hush and soothe
But it turns to stinging and crying
Am I not the one you love
Am I not the one you adore
I guess not
Because even though
We are both freaks of nature
An abomination by modern society
I have come to turn
That ore mature love
Into consistent anger
Now it's my turn to cause pain
Because my fire has re kindled
And I am ready to start
Burning your life down.

It's like a ringing in my ear.

I'm stupid
stupid
stupid
stupid

Ringing through my ear and
Silence is a choking cough pushing to get out.
I need the drumming electronic waves
to deathen my body.

For I took my regular pill of
Self pity today.
It kicks in with its usual velocity
and I lay down mesmerized by its tranformation of the world.

I fear that when I open my eyes
He is not the same.
That his too rough strokes pulling my hair and
His semi sweaty hand on my face
that smells a hint of balony
is all just
Make belief.

How many times was fantasy a
Sanctuary
Maybe it finally consumed my reality
Since this must be some kind of
Heaven
This life of misery
With somebody here with me.

She was everything but stupid
Even now, she's not stupid
She's just falling in love
with the wrong guy

This place, with its cold white walls and it's sterile gray speckled floors.
The nurses take my mouth that cusses far too often as a sign I'm on some kind of drugs, I guess. When I answer the question about what kind of medicine I take they look at me with questions in their eyes when I say "none."
I know that the bruises on my body look bad. I'm malnourished, okay. I don't have time to eat. Need more potassium. I don't shoot up ****** or snort pills. I just take ibuprofen like a normal person.
My head is spinning. But not like normal. Like it's taking me twenty minutes to write this ******* poem. I feel like passing out.
And the doctor will see you now, at the cost of 1,000 dollars to sit in this dumb bed.
I hate our healthcare system.
Why do hospitals feel so much like your trapped in their walls? And so little like they're actually out to help you.

empty bottles,
shattered glass,
blood lying on the floor,
What have we done?

slowely I open my eyes again,
The light is to bright,
What have we done?
I feel so sick.

There is old blood sticking on my bare skin
What have we done?
I can't remember,
My mind doesn't seem to work.

What have we done?
I grave for more,
I want to fill the emptiness in my heart,
Want once again feel your touch.

my mind is corrupted,
My heart is empty,
I tried to fill it with drugs and pain,
What have we done?

The floor need to be cleaned,
I need to get clean,
What have we done?
We were so despaired.

Our hearts were so empty,
What have we done?
we didn't see.
we didn't care.

What have we done?
filling our empty hearts with liquor and xtc,
like that could take away the loneliness,
we had in our broken hearts.

what have we done?
I ask myself as I see the bottles and the blood,
And your slowly cooling body lying next to me,
What have we done?