i looked at your eyes,
it always looked so nice,
whenever i stare,
you're always looking at her.

i realized, i'm really different from her,
i guess she's a whole lot better,
i guess i can't really have your heart,
and our story can never be restart.

i want to scream at you

until my very voice causes earthquakes

and makes even the ocean tremble with fear

but you deserve nothing but my silence

so i will let my eyes speak instead

s.s

i can't make myself happy
when i can't get off this chair
too anxious to stop crying
silently hating my stare

my face is so ****** ugly
i'm shaking, i'm trying to stop
nothing could ever console me
this dark and familiar spot

depression that grabs me is all too familiar
i'm crippled and tired, too tired to care

a few pills will save me from cutting my body
again and again i'll make myself sleep
it's always been there, this darkness and crying
but now i know that it's better to sleep

because it escalates to rage and seeing spots
and punching holes in the wall and filling holes from inside with
alcohol and cigarettes and petting my pride

my egotistical mind that thinks that if i look good
at least i have that, and that's one thing i have

so i spend hours in front of the mirror painting my face and doing my hair and ******* hating my face, my ****** stare

if i look long enough i see myself change and no longer am i fragile, i'm filling that space
where i can't hurt i  just harm and push everyone away
it's harder to ache and to look at my face
than it is to get cold and harder to touch and harder to shove

and i can't replace my face with anyone else's
so i better make it perfect
keep on going and try to calm down
keep myself busy and play music loud

so typical.
it's a cycle.
i'm trying.
still breathing.

sometimes i'm too nice
sometimes i don't think twice
sometimes i feel like nothing can stop me
other times i feel like the world is trying to
stomp me
sometimes i glare unaware
sometimes i feel like no one is ever there
other times i feel like i got the best around and i'm
safe and sound
sometimes

I stare at you, every now, and then,
but my feelings for you remained unspoken.
I wish, I could just tell you what I think of you,
Cause if you only knew, and it's okay with you, I'll run to you.

I screenshot every picture of you,
look at my gallery, It's full because of you.
I didn't liked you since we met,
It's just.. like.. one day, when I saw you, It felt like magnet.

Ever since that day,
I'm always following your foot way,
I wanna know, who's with you,
I wanna know what you do,
I just wanna know more about you,
In every way, I can do.

Months, years, Decades, passed,
I still like you, I still love you,
You still like her, You still love her.
It hurts, it hurts, because I know, you won't love me, the way I do.
It hurts, to be bypassed by you.

I loved you for 10 years.
I know it's not your problem anymore.
But please help me,
If there's really no chance, tell me.
Cause I'm tired, I'm tired of getting ignored.
I think I can't do these things anymore.

I need to stop my feelings for you,
It will hurt more, if I'll continue.
Maybe you're not really my forever,
perhaps, you're the epitome of game over.

Forgive me that I stare,
Tis something I couldn't resist.
Tis not just for your beauty,
But for how you hold your smile.

A smile to you seems so precious;
That you only give to those you trust.
The face you so much hid away;
To avoid any eye contact.

Tis not just the beauty I see in you,
Whether its innocence or a deep concealed darkness;
That I do not know.
Oh how I wish I can know.

You let out a low vibe around you,
Whether shy or sad;
That is your aura.
But confidence was always kept within.

You turned your head down,
I can tell those you judge,
With you;
I sense fear.


- HIY