i choke on these words
that have fled from containment
i sob and i take
gulps of air like hydration

i starve to maintain
this excess of hate
that sits loud and patient
across my whole navel

i blame these sharp words
that sneak out through my teeth
they lash out at you
as you stare wide at me

my headlights alarming your doe eyes
(no malice apparent but it breeds behind light)
as i speak in these slices of sentencing spite
(then i silently lie and regret in the night)

thought i grew this act out,
but i caved it all in
let it push its way up
let it surface my skin
just to see myself lose
what i thought was a win

pictures of you that i
stapled to my
pillow, so that
you're there when
i'm lonely or
tired,
so that you
sop up my sobs and
soak in my screams, you
are beneath my deepest dreams and my
nightmares, too

i feel as though my body is no longer mine
a stranger in my own home

a b a n d o n e d * and *b r o k e n

isn't it funny how the one place i'm supposed to feel safest
is the one that does the most  d a m a g e

a sad word in many ways
we almost had our chance
our chance to finally be happy
not just together but also with ourselves
we almost made it
maybe if one of us held on we would still be together
or
maybe the  "almost" being in love is what saved us
maybe this almost love story was enough
maybe this almost was our everything