I receive an average of 1 text per day.
It's usually a bill payment reminder.
I have no friends.
No, literally, none at all.

I'm on 3 dating websites,
sending 50 messages a day.
Zero replies.

I'm fit. Gym 7 days a week.
Well-groomed and clothed.
I've been called handsome.
None of that matters.

I can explain a
thermodynamic chemical equation to you.
And it'd still be easier than for me
to land a date.

I'm going to settle for a woman when I'm 40.
She'll be in her 30s, desperate to conceive.
We'll have some children but no interest in each other.
And that'll be the end of my romantic life.

A settle bit
On my lips
To take away  
To take away
The settle hint
Of pain-
In my heart
It won't go
I'm left the same once again
Alone in my head
False reality of comfort
you'd shown
-It's how you always
Left us
And I'm scared
Of being alone

I know I have a one track mind
I can't stop thinking of this broken love,
Wrapped up in the same stupid argument
From day one, maybe you said it means
I'm the dumbest man alive both far and near...

Or maybe it's just pointing toward my fear.

Settle this once and for all,
I get the old mirror out,
Wipe the half-smile off my face,
It was never really there in the first place,
Here I sit, neither man nor dog,
Just a person who can't like this way of life,
Whether for better or for worse,
I'm the poorest "selfish hog,"
Whatever you want me to believe
This is the end for me,
Where the road meets pavement and I
Am forced to continuously be what
Society wants me to be.

Let the present moment in time settle in it’s entirety
Let everything come back to normal from where it started as it is,
as it used to be and as it was prior.
Let everything come back to normal
Let today be a part of routine as was yesterday
Everything will get worked out,
everything will fall in it’s place,
if one decides not to give up.

Odds are part of life
Odds have got a place and make there presence felt in life,
however, life is also incomplete without the inclusion of odds as a part of life
Odds when tackled successfully and overcomed they then determine the calibre, capability and expertise of an individual.

If something has happened for good, then good will be followed by better and better by best, if it’s decided to continue along the same line of getting things done.

To start with something of which there is a faint idea that something like this can be done is the easiest thing
To continue along with the same is an uphill task and that is what is known as doing something apart,
different from routine,
however, everything in life happens over a period of time and so does expertise, which is gained only when experience is earned.

So one way or the other
In someway for sure
Bottomline has always remained the same as it is forever,
Never give up in life,
then no matter what comes along your way.
Always remember
Keep it in mind and follow the same
Never give up in life.

Goodnight, pretty cannibal!
It's been fun, I guess.
Beats being alone.
It's gotten late and I suppose
     I'll talk to you in the morning.

I mashed up every sad complaint,
playback on loop;
a bad mixtape.
You fell for it, but can't complain
     'cuz we've settled on each other.

Throw me out a lifeline,
               find
a bracket--you could tie it off.
And, maybe once in my dumb life,
I can pull myself to the shore.

I keep pinning all my hopes
on losing
bets
but I won't bother
giving you the benefit
when I doubt my own luck.

I have wasted time on wasted lies
but you don't care.
And we've not wasted tonight
               so let's just say...

You'll talk to me in the morning.

We're two pretty cannibals.
We had our fill
then spit out bones.
The day is here and now I know
     you probably should be leaving.

We played through every easy stage.
Continues gone,
so that's the game.
You're over it; I won't complain
     'cuz we knew that this would happen.

But throw me out a lifeline,
               find
a bracket--you could tie it off.
And, maybe once in my dumb life,
I can pull myself to the shore...

You keep rolling up snake eyes
on losers,
jerks
and creeps like me.
But still you saw some benefit--
thought why not try our luck?

I am wasted time, you're wasting minutes,
but who cares?
And we didn't waste tonight
               so let's just say...

I'll talk to you in the morning...

When I know you should be leaving...

There's never quite an end to the core of an apple, is there? You bite and you bite but you always finding yourself taking smaller and smaller bites the closer you get to the center. You know its 'cause you don't have the power or stomach to eat it all away, but you pretend its 'cause it takes time.

There's one step, two step, trip, and fall. One day you get a high and the next you hit a wall.

Getting to the seed of things isn't quite getting me nowhere, or somewhere, but someplace, the someplace I dream of, its up and its everything I want but I can't really see anymore. Darkness always makes finding the walk home a little harder.

And there's that; home. That thing I found and jumped in full-bodied and now I lay curled on the floor as it took itself three steps away. Its door is open and the welcome mat is brushed off just for me, but those three long steps are hard when your world is gone.

Its not even just the house itself. Hell yes I love it and its my someplace in a heartbeat, but Its like all the comfort and routine and dreams I had went with it and alone a girl with frazzled blonde hair and clutzy freckles is just a shaky three legged chair with a termite problem.

When you don't believe in "just deal with it" not knowing what to do can feel like ****** needle ready to give you a fix on the one day you might say yes. My eyes want to see the other doors open but all I see are padded walls and only the smallest of windows on the ceiling. It seems to be growing bigger.

I want my three legged chair to get its **** together; its all I've ever wanted. But when left isn't an option and your feet and bound and your eyes are blind what do you do?

Though I'm a ***** who ***** up funfetti cake but never will ask for a tip, my pride isn't even the matter. The matter is even if I ask I don't know if anyone can help me know what to do.

I just want every moment of these three steps to feel like an adventure; not like a punishment. But I just don't know how.

Really, I just want to get to that someplace. My someplace.

But I can't stand wallowing until I get there. I can't stand hating every moment. Its not who I am. Its not the kind of person I want to be.

I just want an open door, but every one I find here seems to be pretty closed.

I want to refuse bleakness, hopelessness, giving up. I want to be strong and dream and get everything I can out of every second. But I don't know right now if I can do anything better than settling and just dealing with that.

Every single time. Every time I tell myself not to get my hopes up, not to get attached. And every time, I fail anyway. I'm a lover, a fighter, a thinker, a survivor. I don't know what it is. I don't know why being distant is so difficult. I trust no one. I refuse to love. I won't be anything but loyal. I push people away. And I do it on purpose. At least then, I'll know who to blame.
Every time I tell myself: "no, you have too much to lose" "no, he doesn't mean it" "no, you aren't still in love" "no, you aren't going to fall". I'll always prove myself wrong, which in turn, proves my doubts right.

I don't want to be a back up plan, a second choice, an option. I want to be the one and only one on your mind. I want to be a priority. I want to feel loved, know I'm loved. I want loyalty, honesty, integrity.

Yet, every time. I settle.