Don't make me get out of the car
Jolt me out of my dream
Pulled back by the heave in the brakes
It's the only time I'm not sure
if I'm supposed to be
Here
I just want to be, my love
pulled by the force of the car
And you
carrying me in a hammock over a river of grossness
Adding weight to my eyelids
I can't move
Safety to take for granted
that's what we all want
Safety to take for granted
And that we forget we have

A drop of life rolls down my cheek
Towards the earth where the soil waits
A manga of hope left in its wake
Faster, faster, it's almost time
Find some love. Some shelter and hide

Through the wars, through the death
A filed of hatred, hurt and regret
Another drop down my cheek
It's music I can now hear
And yet I run but do not fear

Safety in my distant vision of smoke and dust
Over mounds that come up from the ground
Over mounds that are made not of earth...
Another drop now on my chin
Another drop to wash the sin

Within my grasp I hold a flag
It's colour brighter then the snow
Hanging from a branch I found long ago
Stuck in fear and lost death
I still hold it down when I take my breath

Booms and roars of the skies now sing
In safety of shelter I now remain
As the rain now pours from the heavens above
A drop of life I felt on my cheek
Was the first thing i remember when war ended that week

This is all so new to me
It's a new kind of love
It's not overwhelming
Like the others, no
It's slow and steady
A love filled with safety
Not a love planted in
The way he looks
No, it's the way he is
His talents and charm
Yes, that's what it is
This is all so new to me
It's a new kind of love
But guess what?
I like it

I feel secure in this little cocoon,
Never do I wish to metamorphosis;
I do not wish to take flight.

When I feel confident enough to take a peak,
I wish to sink back into my undamaging, innocent cocoon.
I do not like the idea of a ‘big world’.

Everything is not beautiful enough;
Its not as magnificent and imaginative like I want it to be,
Unlike this innocent and carefree cocoon I have molded my mental image into.

I am longing for some kind of change, but to afraid of the unknown to take it.

I am mentally unstable; I cannot handle the dangerous world,
I am much more safe and stable in this cocoon.
So leave me be in my little shelter,
I know it’s unhealthy you don’t need to remind me.

I’m I truly secure in this cocoon or is it all a fable?

I wish to be pure not mature,
Though sometimes I daydream of being both,
As I sleep away in the sheltered cocoon.

Everything is so frightening.
The outdoors that surround my cocoon are calling me,
But I can’t seem to shake away the worries.

“You’re so unsure of your own path, you never even take a step back,”
My thoughts sing song to me as I lull back to sleep.

I am to petrified of the outdoors of my own cocoon,
I can’t seem to win the battles of thoughts, even if it could save me,
So I stay silent and let it eat away at me never taking the chance.

the traquilled waters flowed
awaking her inner child
light engulfs the darkness
enclosing her past behind

enchanting beauty shines
hidden under nature's blanket
something very special
calling her soul of pure bliss

deep and beyond the underworld
she has finally arrived safely
just where she was meant to be
home within the seams of the sea

All the snails
have hard shells
like coat of arms
of pachyderms.
Beetles' hard sacks
save attacks
just as armors
of old soldiers.
Our safeguard
is to make skin hard
to let us glide
in ebb and tide.

1st Dec. 2016

He is screaming with frustration,
throwing objects like fits,
trying to contain his shrills but they
break through in shrieks
so I hold him.
He grumbles and growls wanting me
to leave. I just rub his back.
Slow circles; with my other arm
wrapped around him
like he is still a child.
I remind him to breathe
and tell him to try again tomorrow
and he huffs
but I can feel him releasing his anger
relaxing.
The tension in his body dissipating
until he is ready for me to
let go.
He picks up broken pieces
from the floor
tries to put them back together
the best he can  
I leave him to do this.
He never questioned my fear of the dark
when I would sneak away at night,
he eagerly awaited to hear my stories
and would hug me
no matter how hard I pushed him
away.
This is a love that can withstand
fights for the mirror
battles over school.
He is ever changing,
becoming someone new everyday
but when I hold him
he is still five
and braver than I.
He is stronger and kinder.
When I was his age
he could not understand
why I would cry in the other room
and bite at the ankles of anyone
who dared to step too close.
But I understand him.
The anger that lingers beneath skin
always ready to consume
and dominate.
This household is like
a pack of matches  
once he ignites he is forgotten
because we all burn up and out
without listening to his pain.
I remember that feeling,
it never fully goes away.
It is not something we speak of
but something we feel
and when he needs me to hold him
I will never be too far.
He has my ears,
my arms,
and always
my heart.

Feeding the little thoughts
The doubts
The dreams I'm lucid in
But for a second they wrap around me
They grasp me with their warm hands
Tell me there's more
More to this
Something magical could happen
If you just wake up and run

And I believe it
In moments of anger
On days I'm misunderstood
I believe it
When I feel stuck

Feeding the little thoughts
Giving them characters and stories
Taking away from my own reality
To fuel this dream

And I'm sinking
Sinking ship
I feed these thoughts
And you reach out
And you save me
Every time