Surrounded by people
Who've known me all my life
And yet not labeled "my family",
I can't help but feel alone.
Though we laugh and cavort
In companionable glee
The fact that they don't know
The unmasked me
Saddens my hermit-yet-lonely heart.
I can sit alone in a full room
And feel the same as if it were empty
For the level of empathy,
Understanding, and knowing
Never changes, never grows.
It stays at zero zero point zero.
Like the monotone screech
Of a lifeless heart on the monitor
Never fluctuating up or down,
I sit here unknown, unconnected,
Alone.

Lint and dust in every corner,
the **** of living builds in all
the nooks and cracks like
furniture for spiders.
The room is wilting;
The walls have been stripped
and slowly everything recedes
to the center of the room.
A monument to what was.
In this room, there was;
an art gallery,
a cave,
a studio,
an arcade,
a love shack!,
a study,
a library,
a concert hall,
a gym,
a dressing room,
a laboratory,
a cafe,
a theater,
a psych ward,
a photo booth,
a club,
and a home.
Now it moves elsewhere,
a box at a time. One-two,
a hamper of clothes,
a bag of cheap technology.
A poster. A picture.
An instrument.
A lot of instruments.
There was a heartbeat here,
and now I hope you can
invest in that.
Keep this room more than
a home. Above an enclosure.
Head and shoulders above;
this room holds legends.

They brought a great big elephant
Indeed, they brought him everywhere
It is a massive elephant
Still, nobody seems to care

For that reason, I inquired of this elephant
Because I simply could not ignore
So I asked them why in the hell
Would they bring an elephant for?

An elephant is so obnoxious
It drives me up the wall!
When people readily ignore it
Just because it's against the law!

I open windows every day,
to let the wind air out my room.
Blowing out all the memories,
clearing out the lonely gloom.

The smell of flowers covers
what lingers of your cologne.
And in the fall the smell of leaves
masks that I am here alone.

The sounds of outside drown out
your voice echoing in my head.
Trees rustling and birds singing
ring in my ears instead.

The breeze feels so familiar,
slightly cool across my cheek.
It replaces the touch of your hand,
saying things without having to speak.

But I wake in the dark of the night,
shivering from the cold.
The wind has crawled in my bed,
and you're not here to hold.

I push down on the window,
but it's stuck, and so am I.
My sheets are frigid and foreign,
I can't sleep but I still try.

The sounds are now haunting,
crickets and howling at the moon.
I touch your side of the bed,
and pray I fall asleep soon.

My soul is trapped within
this room.
A bit strange and yet so familiar.
Or so I see.
It’s amazing how much
of a mistake
I am.
Just want to forget,
but can’t.

Do you see the scars?
I can

Within this shattered heart,
a victim.
A tiny locket all its own.
Devoid of feeling for me.
It’s amazing how much
of a mistake
I am.
Just want to forget,
but can’t.

Do you feel pain?
I can.

My voice is lost within
the echo.
It’s all around me, but
What I hear is not really me.
It’s amazing how much
of a mistake
I am.
Just want to forget,
but can’t.

Do you hear the harp playing?
I can.

Upon these unloved lips
blood drops.
A familiar earthborn tang of deception.
It I can taste.
It’s amazing how much
of a mistake
I am.
Just want to forget,
but can’t.

Do you taste salted tears?
I can.

My birth is sweetened citrus,
a boy.
Citrine and earthy.
An aroma of anguish.
It’s amazing how much
of a mistake
I am.
Just want to forget,
but can’t.

Do you smell the rain coming on?
I can.

Can you write in the dark?
I can.