Written this morning, I had an inkling that the title sounded familiar, so I looked it up (bless the computer) and lo! there is was - a poem, not at all the same, written in 1998, twenty years ago, even published under the misprinted title Pushed Around by Fat.  Anyway, here they are:  Pushed Around By Fate#1 &
#2.
      Pushed Around By Fate #2

Soft, gentle, like one of the fluffy clouds of the purest heaven above,
Free of all sin, of all filth of this earth and of what a demon holds in his desire or temptation within his wicked heart of devilish instinct,
While they carry you to your last judgement they glance at you,
Seemingly so dreamlike that it must be like a legendary illusion of an infinite being, cast upon you to grant you a splendid slumbering,
You will never be able to go back again, it has been decided that it should be this way, depart now my little soul, recieve your justice,
Recall your previous self, as these angels stare at you with roaming might, spreading their wings to appear more light, carefree and pure,
See into the dreams you saught to escape, now all agony, all sin and pride, envy and majesty are burnt away to rot within their light,
The luminousity coming from these fluttering wings, is so smooth it would likely make the worldly life appear to be in a darker shade,
Tirelessly, they are free from all needs, with no need for deep sleep,
Even if you tried you would be swept away by their sheer power,
These Angels had waited to carry you; until the moment you die!
When you reach your final destination, darkness or light will be what you may recieve, or may these wings which seem to be invaluable,
Be pure, then you are worthy of carrying angel wings.

~ Umi

sometimes sadness swells
uncontrollably
and I'm not sure how to feel about it
other than I feel the way it forces me to
a mixture of sadness and confusion as I interrogate myself
through all the possible causes of my sadness
until i stumble upon it
where then it strikes a deep minor chord that resonates through my body
i wonder why this makes me sad
and whether i should be sad
and whether i deserve to be sad
everyone needs to feel sad once in a while
but it hurts
and that doesn't feel good
when a loved one dies,
or a friend leaves you,
or your hearts broken,
or you're failing class,
or you lose a game,
or you disappoint someone,
or you disappoint yourself,
or
maybe
when you just feel sad

but it will be okay
the swelling sadness settles down
you'll be fine.

hospitals remind me of you
the frail, the weak, the fed up
It’s been a year and I still think about you
It’s been a year and my chest still feels heavy
I tried my best to be happy and I still do every day but the thoughts of you rush to the front
My mind traces the memory of you in the bed
The beeping of the oxygen tanks
Your muddled voice
Your surprisingly warm hand but pink nose

the lump in my throat is supposed to go away, when will it leave me just like you did?

It’s been a year and I still find myself crying in bed, in the dark and busy bars, on busses and long walks
I want to hear your voice and stupid comments about greek politics

I know you’re resting in peace
I whisper quietly every night to you in the stars
but I still miss you
tell me how do I learn to rest in peace too, knowing you’re gone?