sometimes sadness swells
uncontrollably
and I'm not sure how to feel about it
other than I feel the way it forces me to
a mixture of sadness and confusion as I interrogate myself
through all the possible causes of my sadness
until i stumble upon it
where then it strikes a deep minor chord that resonates through my body
i wonder why this makes me sad
and whether i should be sad
and whether i deserve to be sad
everyone needs to feel sad once in a while
but it hurts
and that doesn't feel good
when a loved one dies,
or a friend leaves you,
or your hearts broken,
or you're failing class,
or you lose a game,
or you disappoint someone,
or you disappoint yourself,
or
maybe
when you just feel sad

but it will be okay
the swelling sadness settles down
you'll be fine.

hospitals remind me of you
the frail, the weak, the fed up
It’s been a year and I still think about you
It’s been a year and my chest still feels heavy
I tried my best to be happy and I still do every day but the thoughts of you rush to the front
My mind traces the memory of you in the bed
The beeping of the oxygen tanks
Your muddled voice
Your surprisingly warm hand but pink nose

the lump in my throat is supposed to go away, when will it leave me just like you did?

It’s been a year and I still find myself crying in bed, in the dark and busy bars, on busses and long walks
I want to hear your voice and stupid comments about greek politics

I know you’re resting in peace
I whisper quietly every night to you in the stars
but I still miss you
tell me how do I learn to rest in peace too, knowing you’re gone?

You
Are          The only thing that keeps
The devil        Away from me
                 Maybe I’m whipped
And yet                 I can’t stand this ****
I still want you.            To be happy
                      I must stop
I don’t care if this makes you feel uncomfortable
My feelings, wonderful. I don’t love anything.