I care about popularity
I care about my looks
I care about the boy in the back of the class
Yet
I don't care about who I surround myself with
I don't care about my health, why eat more than 1 meal a day
I only care if the boy in the back of class likes me
Because,
I don't care about myself
I care about you. The one reading, it's You.
It's me,
Caring too much
Acting stupid for you
Starving for you
Just to look perfect enough so you know,
I'm here for you.



It's is such a selfless act of anxiety so discriminated.
This may be confusing so here's a summary!:  it's me saying that I change every aspect of myself,...for myself. But I don't do it for self-acceptance, it's so I can accept YOU accepting me. If I went to school with no makeup, I would think every word you tell me is a lie or that you only talk to me because you HAVE to. Because not even I can look at myself as normal human being when I'm makeupless without breaking down eternally.

i am the uneven eyeliner on the face of life

I put makeup on
but not too much
I wore my favorite outfit
straightened my hair

I felt good
and pretty

I left my house
my home
my safe place
then
someone looked at me
a moment too long
a little too judging

today I look pretty
I thought
that's why people look at me
I thought
I am going to be okay

I met friends
and a lot of people
and I couldn't help myself
but felt all eyes were on me
but
not in a good way
in a way
that made me feel uncomfortable
in a way I wanted to sink in the floor
and never come back again
in a way
that made me reconsider
my decisions
of dressing up
of putting makeup on
of straightening my hair
of feeling good
and pretty

Symmetry deficits call for chiaroscuro.
Highlight the summits,
and diffuse shadows at the vertex
of cheekbone and mandible.
Colour the apples, rubescent as newborn flesh,
and soften edges for a gentle definition.

If you paint claret from bow to corner
it can create something fuller; induce desire-
Valencia can bleach the blemishes.
Liquid or matte lies in pesky furrows
and rots like carrion in warm weather:
remember to blot excess sebum prior.

Are you pneumatic? Applications can support you-
with enough you can acquire
something ample for a decade.
Look to the lens. It winks;
raise brow in a clean cut, diagonal
from nostril edge: the playful frame apertures admire.

Flash.

Share with friends:
refresh/close/open,
and sigh at affirmations.

Confidence is tricky.
Because there’s something weird about loving the way you look at the one minute,
But then you stare too long
And then you regret it.
Then you wipe off your makeup, rip off that dress, kick off your heels.
Suddenly you are in your bed, and you say are “sick”.
I guess you can say you’re sick of yourself and of the way you look.
And you will question the reality of it:
Do I really look like that? Is it just the mirror? Just the camera?
Or maybe it is just you.
Confidence tells you that you look beautiful,
but when your anxiety stems from your want to be confident, it’s tricky.
You can’t control it and you can’t just stop.
Maybe confidence is staring, maybe it’s just owning, and accepting.
Is confidence telling me I am beautiful or that this is the best it will get?
Why is confidence so tricky I ask as I put my shoes and dress back on, and restart my makeup.

I'm more than my perfectly curled hair,
My flawless skin, my beautiful nails and
Model-perfect outfits.
I'm more than my big chest, my skinny waistline,
My perfectly toned legs and my adorable feet.
I'm more than someone's pet, a pawn in someone's
Twisted game of chess,
A prize to be won, or a piece of garbage to be disposed of.
I'm more than my body, does anyone realize that?
That I'm smart and kind and funny and independent,
And that I have more talents than simply putting on makeup?
Is society that messed up to think that
You must either be smart or beautiful, kind or pretty?
I'm asking you, pleading you, to think of me as
More than something to stare at.
Because I know
I'm more.

You used to not wear lipstick just so that you could kiss me,
and it hit my chest like bricks when I noticed
you were wearing it
today.

I let you in, you let me go,
Guess you're better off alone,
You have no reason to text me,
No reason to come home.

Heard you say you're doing well,
I'm sure youre happy, I can tell,
Want to act like I'm okay,
We both know I'm going through hell.

CHORUS:
I want to skip to the part,
You say you're sorry and fix my broken heart,
How long do I have to wait,
Til you wake up, realize you made a big mistake?
I don't understand how you are so strong,
Ready to kiss and make-up -but you're gone.

I've been a mess, falling apart,
Trying to repair my broken heart,
Sleep is the only relief from sorrow,
Wish we could go back to the start.

I would run away with you, or fly,
Just us and the open blue sky,
We'd be happy like we always hoped,
That wasn't destined for you and I.

CHORUS

I wish I was kissing you now, hands on your chest,
Out of all the love I've seen, ours is the best,
How is it so easy for you to let me go?
This hurts me more than you will ever know.