I like talking to people
Because other people are nice
I don't really like talking to you
Because you used to be nice,
And now you're not.  I don't know why.

But I don't feel nice when I talk to you,
I feel like I'm not being nice to you,
And I don't like that feeling.
Should I stop talking to you?

You make me think of things I have tried to forget for a long time
And I don't like thinking of things again,
Because I thought I had made a decision.
But you bring back the doubts I used to have all the time.
I lived with those doubts.  
They keep me from being happy all the time,
And I don't like that.

I don't know what there is that you can do to change things,
But if you could be nice to me, that would make me feel better about talking to you.
Then, maybe we could come to an understanding.
But I don't understand you, and you don't understand me.

I won't go through the hundreds of thoughts I've had about you,
Because you probably don't want to hear them anyway.
I just wish you were someone I'd never known,
And that I could meet you for the first time
And that we could be simple friends.
We messed that up before by being more than friends,
And now I feel like we are so much less than friends.

I wish we could be nice to each other.
I wish it wasn't my fault, or your fault, or life's fault.
I wish I knew what to do about you.
I hope you're okay, and that I am nice to you, even when I don't feel like it.
I hope you don't think unkind things about me.
I can't help it, I guess.  But I can hope.

And I hope you remember me.

I am a happy girl...
Though I go through the dark
and lay on my knees,
I laugh and I laugh
till my laugh leads to tears.

Though I look and I look
at the razor once again,
I open and smile and go back to my cave.

And even though
I cry my eyes out,
this is the image I show
to the world when i'm out.

The thing they don't
know is that my tears
lead to fears,
and my soul is a virtue
no one will ever meet.

I can't believe I've lost you
You were my everything
You left me
Yet you are still here
Your very presence suffocates my heart
I love you so much
But I also hate you
I hate you for doing this to me
For loving me
And then for giving up on that love
You are so close
We still show affection
But yet
You are still untouchable
I can't say I love you anymore
And that's what hurts the most
Because I'll always love you

Don’t you dare look at me as if you know me when I can’t even put my own finger on who I am or what I want.  And don’t you ever call yourself my friend until I’ve showed you the scars buried under my skin.  You can’t call yourself a lover until you’ve touched more than that very thing. And as I touch my body today it hurts, the bruises underneath my skin, they hurt. Pains that most people will never see. And I’m not talking some ******* metaphor it literally ******* hurts and I don’t understand what I did to deserve this, as I only banged my arm against the kitchen sink and everything else I could find three times. Exactly one, two, three times, each. And as I sit here in front of this old computer I look across the room at a once lovers best friend laughing as there probably isn’t a care in his wonderland he refuses to leave.
And when I think of you I remember your sad eyes always looking inward, pointed towards yourself, were strangely fixated on me and your soft lips were as flushed as your cheeks. You were looking at me not in some romantic way that you maybe wanted to kiss me; no I was pretty sure you were plotting our escape. I don’t know why you ever wanted to take me with you but you had that strange idea wrapped around your delusional little mind, going a little mad the only place I ran was towards you.  And as I wandered around in your house I got a little lost and I don’t think I ever was brave enough to leave you and come back home.

"Babyyyyyy"
"I love you a lot."
"I just want to see you :c"
"Babe I miss you"
"I said no to every other girl, but maybe to you, because you're really sweet"
"You're such a cutie"
"Dude"
"I don't want to lead you on"
"I don't want to ruin our friendship, because it's so great"
"I just don't feel the same way"
"You're not my type"
"You're like a sister to me."
"You're gorgeous and more attractive than most girls your age, but I'm just not attracted to you"
"I'm sorry"
"I don't want to hurt you"
*doesn't talk to me for four days

My mind is ******....