My eyes are bruised
My pupils are black & blue
Sometimes i cut open my eyelids just to see the truth
I should be put in a mental institute
Because even with all this evidence
Im still evident ...

Self-harming just to get through
Each cut represents you
I lost hope in what to do
Where can i push this pain to ?
I know if i push it to you ,  
You gonna continue to do
  what you do

Im blind to whats happening
It is what it is exactly ...

You say you don't want to hurt me.
But then, why do you do it?
You say you don't want to hurt me,
But you never spend time with me.
You say you don't want to hurt me,
But you stop replying out of nowhere.
You say you don't want to hurt me,
But you still don't consider anything that I've told you hurts me.
You don't consider the fact that I hate being ignored.
You don't consider the fact that I can't be spoken to in an angry tone.
You don't consider the fact that I'm sensitive.
You don't consider the fact that I'm not a toy.
If you don't want to hurt me,
Then why do you do it?

Why can't anything work out?
How come, feelings can't ever be reciprocated?
Why did I even try?
I knew someone like you wouldn't ever want someone like me.
I knew you would end up saying no.
Because who does?
Who wants the girl who sits alone at night writing stories and poetry and songs?
Who wants the girl that just wants to make someone happy?
Who wants the girl who wants to love them, and nurture them, and make them feel on top of the world?
Who wants the girl who has trust issues?
Who wants the girl with the problems?
Who wants the girl who's sensitive and dramatic?
Who wants the girl who cries at comedy movies and eats spoonfuls of nutella?
Who wants the girl that plays with make up when she's bored?
Oh right. No one.
Who wants me?
No one.
Why can't everyone have happiness?
Why did the happiness I had have to be limited?
Why did you have to say no?
Why does everyone hurt me?
Even if its unintentional.
Who wants that girl who's hurt?
Right. Not you.

the sun is not quite setting
brighten the sea with golden brushes
the clouds are hanging dry on the canvas
the magenta and turquoise mixes all over my gaze
lighten up the eyes with strong desire
and the night is calling me out
the stars appear with the faithful moon above it
battling with all the city lights
the laughters and smiles are fulfilling my ears
the words of love sounds monotonous to me
and here i am,
chasing down the streets
and wandering the empty hearts of mine
alone;
searching for yours
that i know will never be here.

When I see these thoughts in my mind they dance around like different coloured hues,
The colours are only of one type of shade, of purples and blues,
Coloured a lot like the beatings I’ve taken, the hits often left with a bruise.
Let me be your one and only, your beautiful, paint me in your mind as your muse.
I swear that I’m making my love for you obvious, I lead you with all different kinds of clues,
Yet whenever I do try to explain it to you, it just fizzes out like a dumb fuse.
Why, you just think you’re so classy, as if you’re a scotch on the rocks or any other kind of *****.
But when you talk to me, I forget it all, and even your simplest words make my heart ooze.
No matter what you do, you swoon me over, my heart just sways and woos.
I don’t have to think about thinking when I’m with you, a feeling I don’t want to lose.
Dear, I want to be the only one that you choose.
And I swear until the very last day of existence, you will be the only one my heart pursues.

I should have known that
when you said I was the moon and
you were the stars

that the moon is soon replaced by the sun

j.f