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Cerasium Feb 2020
You call me childish
You call me selfish
You call me all these things
Just because I relapse and hurt myself

Don’t you see that I am sick
Don’t you get that I need help
Not criticism from my love
I need understanding

These thoughts that keep racing
Thoughts that everyone
Would be better off
If I was no longer around

Thoughts of self hate
Thoughts of suicide
Thoughts that bring so much pain
That it’s hard to breathe

I need help
So badly
Before I end up
Doing something permanent

That is something
I don’t wish to do
I want so badly
To feel better

But every time you leave
Every time you berate me
I feel so much worse
Than I already did

It makes me feel
Like you hate me
That you despise my existence
That I should no longer exist

And that brings me even more pain
So much suffering it is unbearable
I cry myself to sleep every night
Hoping things will change for the better

But they always seem to get worse
They say it gets better with time
But I’ve been fighting this sickness
For so many years now

The only solace I had
Was in the love that you showed me
But now that that is gone
I have nothing left

The thoughts have been
Getting louder and louder
Threatening to snap my mind
Making it harder to see the good

I ask you this one thing
Do you actually hate me
Or do you just not understand
That I’m fighting with my own mind

Fighting these negative thoughts
Fighting to breathe
Fighting to love
Fighting for just one more day

One more day of being alive
One more day of feigning happiness
Hoping it turns into true happiness
I am fighting everyday


It is an ongoing battle
One that is a struggle
Cause this is one battle
That lasts a lifetime
JDL Feb 2020
Fist to face, Pen to paper
Words of disgrace, poetry is safer
Grey Jan 2020
Clouds billow around us
as the zephyr gently ruffles
your red-brown hair
so that it falls in waves
across your bright almond eyes
and hides the light freckles
dappled across your forehead.
As you reach out to fix it,
another gust shifts it back
and your laugh is like a magician's spell,
banishing the last few shadows lingering
in the cobwebbed corners of my mind.
I brush the strands of hair
behind your ear,
one finger lingering
to trace the spots where the sun kissed
your caramel skin.
Your lips tug into a smile
and you squint your eyes
so that long lashes hide
all but the swirling royal blue
of your irises.
Head tilted back, your long locks
tumble down to your waist
before everything fades
except your blissful smile
and contented gaze.
You open your sunset-colored lips
but I silence them with my own,
warmth flooding our bodies
as the sky howls around us.
Its salty tears begin to fall,
but your giggle is soft and bright
as you pull away to dance under the stars.
Our fingers lace together
as you tug me towards you again
and we twirl and spin as the sky cries.
Bodies moving as one,
we dance and laugh and smile,
bracing ourselves against the harsh winds
trying to break into our euphoric oasis.
Our fingers and fates were tangled together
as we watched the whole world
fade away in front of our eyes.
Standing in a beam of light,
silky white fog rolled over
the lonely cities and dark alleyways
until they were obscured in a ghostly veil
and all that was left
was us.
end is a bit bumpy
two many "ours" at the end
sentence structure at beginning is a bit repetitive
make the entire poem present-tense?

Jan 19, 2020
Amanda Kay Burke Jan 2020
People start whole wars
The bigger picture unseen
Red flags all ignored
Idk haha
Emillee Goodwin Jan 2020
I am down and out.

I stay in my safe place.

I try to convince myself I’m not hiding

In fact I hide because I’m afraid

Afraid of things I’ll do if I go out.

I’m so strong but right now I’m nothing.

I feel like the world is suffocating me

No one understands, they can’t cope

When I am not myself.

I carry everything I smile I talk.

When I don’t people flee they disappear

Where are my people, I need you

I’m trying but I feel tied down.

Everything hurts everything doesn’t make sense.

I can’t be strong all the time.

I am not. I feel down and I feel like escaping.
Renee Jan 2020
traumatic depression
that’s what it is
woven from screaming
behind closed doors
that gradually turned into fights
at the dinner table
threats of physical violence
rushing in like a flood
during a rainstorm
it always left me feeling hollow
sad
scared
hopeless
well, what’s a family without a few scars?
M Grant Teague Jan 2020
Time to write
Time to talk

No wasted effort
No wasted breath

Dusting off
Standing up

Less trash
Less tears

This time I **** my fears
I don't identify as,
religious.
I don't identify as,
going to church everyday.
I don't tell people I've read the bible,
because I haven't.
I don't tell people,
I believe.
Because I'm not religious,
and I don't go to church at all,
I don't think I own a bible,
and I didn't believe at a point in time.
But,
I believe there is a figure in the sky,
who watches over us.
I don't have evidence,
and I don't have bullet proof faith.
But I have faith,
and a little bit of patience,
and he hasn't let me down yet.
Cerasium Jan 2020
You sit there
With your crocodile tears
Hoping to get
A response from me

I sit here emotionless
As you look at me
I see no pain
I see no sorrow

I see no hurt
No love lost
You look normal
With no care for us

I get tired of
Seeing those fake tears
I walk away
And you follow

I turn back
Wondering why
But before you answer
I storm off in a rush

I toil with the idea
That maybe you actually care
But these past few months
You have shown the opposite

I sit and ponder
That maybe I'm just paranoid
But then I remember
Back to the stuff that happened

Stuff that you keep saying is nothing
Stuff that actually does matter
Yet you refuse to see
That it eats at me from the inside

Stuff that caused me
To melt down and collapse
My emotions couldn't handle
The crushing sorrow

So I stopped
I have set boundaries
Some that you might not like
But here's the thing

I'm tired of being toyed with
I'm tired of the heartache
I'm tired of being lied to
And I'm tired of being a Marionette

I'm tired of it all
And the worst part
Is that I allowed it
For far too long

So I made up my mind
I will be free
I will live my way
No matter how much you beg

Because I have always known
It was always a choice
That wouldn't end up
With me being first.
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