One last phone call
Then you were gone
Trying to make sense of it
But no sense came at all.
Your smile and joy
You decided to quit
however I know
it was all a decoy
Your heart was broken
you felt so low
You tried so hard
many words unspoken
I know you are watching
And keeping guard
Life is all good
like you always said
Until we meet again
Be proud of all you withstood
I’ll send my love up there instead.

11 years
You paused
You couldn’t continue.

I miss you
Your smiling face
Forever remembered.

This is me
Raw emotion

It's like if it was possible I could rip my body open and show the pain running around like blood flows through veins and arteries

To open my mouth and scream and for the air to fill my lungs without taking a breath so all the noise and anger goes soaring out

I sit and stare I often catch myself not thinking just staring and then I wonder what caught my mind and all the tears start flowing

My body aches it's exhausted not in a tired way but just where everything just feels it's too much to cope with I don't want to deal with anything at all

I hate this me
I want to switch off
Stop feeling
Just for a day

As you watch the water glisten.
The Moon shines and shows. The beauty of life as I sit here and think of how life would be diving in and forgetting the world. The innocent submerge the rocking the swaying. I think of the sea world the sharks and whales and fish they seem so insignificant so unhurtful. To just be and be one and to feel.
Would that not just be the most unbelievable feeling in the world.  To feel. And to know.

When the only thing you've ever known breaks in front of you,
When your heart is grieving, so full of love, it hurts, it shatters,
There is no one to fault, no one to put the blame, just raw emotion,
There are no words, just tears of pain and anguish, not a life has been lost

My heart broke in two.
You didn't mean too
It's no ones fault
No ones to blame

Shattered and confused
You are our role models
And now you're apart
I don't understand

We always thought you'd be together
I guess life isn't perfect
You will always be our parents
New memories, new traditions

Our love will never stop
My heart still hurts
One day I might get it
For now I'll just trust

You were meant to be there
Be there when I was little
When I was a teenager
Even when I became an adult.

I know you were there
But it didn't stop the bad things
The bad things from happening
I needed you to protect me

I shouldn't blame you
I know that everyday
I just wanted you to fight
I needed to hear you fight

You were my protector
At least my very first
You'll never not be
The one that I call

I just wanted to know
That you would be there
When your little girl falls
Always  there to catch her

Don't worry I've learnt
You can't always protect me
But you will always be
My dad.