As scared as I was,
I remember climbing my first mountain.
Then there was a second
That wasn't as demanding.
The third one was a task
Because it was much too rocky to be easy,
And the fourth one was intimidating
As much as it was frightening.
The fifth one was intriguing
And the six was the most humbling
Experience up until then.
The seventh, I thought, would be my last one
But alas,
I'm climbing an eighth mountain.

I fell in love
Climbing up the first one,
I took a chance
Climbing up the second.
I knew it wouldn't be easy
But I took a chance with the third,
And I wanted to go higher
And higher after the fourth.
I wanted something different
From the fifth,
And I very much enjoyed
The smooth scaling of the sixth.
I was too careless
Thinking I had enough experience for the seventh,
But I learned my lesson,
And not taking it easy on this next trip

you hear people tell you how
lovely you are
you read it, hear it roll off
their tongues.
But what you hear disconnects
somewhere
before the point of
receiving.
It gets near but not in
or in but not through.
You close your eyes
and all
you have is a dark black drum,
beating towards a dark sharp
edge, dragging you away

don't let the down days come,
you're begging yourself. Don't
let it swallow you, don't let it
sink, sting, don't lose yourself.
Your only hope is that you've been this low
before and you can float back to the surface
stay afloat, stay
afloat
you don't have to drown, you can drown the dark days

Sometimes Life gets hard
Too difficult to handle
At which time
We must remember to be thankful

This morning, I am thankful
I am thankful for my alarm clock
Reminding me that time
Never slows down

I am thankful for my bed
Reminding me that there is always
Something to look forward to

I am thankful for my empty phone screen
Reminding me that it's okay
To not be needed for a night

I am thankful for the breakouts on my face
Reminding me that sometimes things get worse
And I am thankful for the tan lines on my back
Reminding me that things will also get better

I am thankful for the day ahead
Filled with struggle
And a high chance of failure
Reminding me that these days
Are the ones that build us up
Even though it feels as though
They are tearing us down

All day
all YEAR
I have been listening to the voices
traveling through my ears
playing over and over again in my head

They tell me,
You need to work hard
You need to work harder
You cannot fail
Just do your best

What the sources of these voices do not realize
I am working as hard as I can
My best does not matter
My best is the same as failing

I try my hardest
Yet you would never know
Funny, how most people think I'm slacking
When I really have nothing left to give

My best is everyone else's worst
Which is why I have stopped trying
Why I have been destroying myself
and become addicted to death

I am not good enough
I was once
Those days are long gone now
Gold stars masked by average, maybe less

There is nothing left of me to give
that is worthwhile
Nothing left to show
that might mean something
to someone

I want to dig my nails in to my skin,
and drag,
peeling and bleeding the tears I must not shed.
I will leave little crescent moons
that will glow
as pale
as a child's milk.

I want to pound my thighs,
and bruise,
breaking and destroying all frustrations.
Great booms will shake this earth
and stories will be told
about these booms
for generations.

I want to rip the hair from my scalp,
and shred,
tearing and pulling all smoke clouds away from my mind.
The ***** smoke puffs will dissipate
and I will be able to
finally
think clearly.

Even through the wars,
When society kicked my feet out from under me,
Even when my knees were scraped and bloodied,
When hot fire tears burned my chapped lips,
Even when I snapped like a worn rubber band,
Whipping your skin and making you yelp,
Even when my words were dipped in poison with barb wired tips,
You were there.

You,
With your white silk feathers,
And permanent glow,
And undying flames in the hushed snow.
You,
Holding out your hands,
Palms facing the sky,
Pulling me off the dusty floor, covered with glass shards.

The words are too hard
To leave my soft lips,
So I write a quiet message
That should be screamed from rooftops:

Thank you.

Giant Pandas can defecate up to 40 times in a day.
Dragons spit fire around 800 degrees Fahrenheit.
And the words that come out of my dental cavity are not always holy.

Although I don't consistently speak truth I often hindsight the difficulties in my speech ability. The ability to speak proper, well, or complete is not always present behind this broken breath. In a desperate attempt to square away my oval thought process I thumb words into a pixelated infinity of memories. Letters typed out across the fog covering lower layers of hazy thoughts. Filling up neurotic gaps with logged cabin pressures. On second thought I would rather not think about it. Not think about the imperfections in our complexities. Why not just paint these walls with compliments and thank you for every breathe that's ever graced my space. I saw you as a star, so I looked up to you and never really told you how god dam beautiful you are. Because I knew my words would cease to paint the sky like you do. Giving hope to children around this world that maybe, just maybe their dreams will grasp with reality. That they are small gifts on this earth wrapped in skin tight wrapping paper that exfoliates excellence. Small bundles of hope giving me reason to smile on days the sun forgets to show its face. You give hope to the frazzled packages that don't have a home to gift on empty holidays. You breathe there is a tomorrow into the yesterday's broken promises. I have never understood much about the constellations, but I think I do know that you are a stand alone constellation that shines brighter than the moon. You lit footsteps for those who don't cope well with darkness and eloquently gave direction to the dizzy, when all they wanted was to hear that they will, be okay. Burn promise into my eye ***** with your persistence presence. I know there will be cloudy days in my head. Days I won't see you above. I know you are there. What I don't know is why the hell I'm still looking into a light that burnt out 1 light year ago. I guess I'm simply here sharing words. I guess I never wanted to to accept that your light is gone.

I know a sailfish can swim up to 68 MPH
And that frost dragons are completely illegal in city limits.
I still don't know if what I'm saying is true or not. So I will free my thoughts for now, this dental cavity needs a cleanse

I asked him “what am I to you?”
and he replied “you are the breeze to my sail
helping me to outrun the ship on my tail”
And when he looked down at his feet
he said “now what about me?”
And I uttered “you are indeed the ship I am pushing,
but away from whom? From the person you love.
The one who first made you swoon”
His cheeks were filled with a deep crimson
as I whispered “Look, I am just a distraction”
I've no air in my lungs left to sail your boat
and I'm afraid this means you'll no longer float.
And that ship on your tail, will catch up with you
And I cannot stress enough that there's only room for two
in that small boat of yours
with the holes in the floors
left by me, battered by the sea.
But I can see, you did indeed love me
But there's never enough space in the heart
for more than one partner
And for you to see better days
this breeze must eventually fade away
So you are right to head away
to the place where the sun shines all day
And I hope you can reach land
And feel warm on the sand
And all I wish is for you to shed a tear
when you receive a postcard saying
“Wish you were here”

We wanted to fly,
We did.
We wanted to touch the heavens,
We did.
We wanted to know more,
We did.
We wanted to live our dreams
We did.
I wanted to speak out my love,
I couldn't.

When things seem difficult miserable
Life is turning away from you
Intimidated and worn out you remain
In darkness at a corner you examine
Watching the sky as it disappears
Reminding the lost beloved ones
How beautiful and caring they were
Vanishing without saying goodbye
Shortening your long life span
And leaving you destitute and lonely
Deeply you wonder
How life can really be unfair
To honest and good people like you
But all you let go off
And focus to mend your life
And strengthen your heart
With good and caring friends on your side
Opening the picture of brightness
Knowing GOD holds your hand
Leading you to your success
Stars embracing the whole sky
And you know your journey has started
In pursuit of your purpose
Slowly matching from dusk to dawn
With smiles and determination
In whispers you read your heart
ALWAYS STAND STRONG