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Àŧùl Sep 16
Parents arranged my marriage with a girl.
I liked her at first sight—young and chirpy.
And I made up my mind to marry her soon.

In the followup to the marriage,
We interacted with each other,
In the beginning, I liked her.

Soon, courtship turned one-sided,
I was the only one interested,
Insulting me, she started.

She had a problem with quick love.
Berated me for saying it so soon,
She told me to behave mature.

I accepted her remarks,
The criticism of my ways,
I focused on all my means.

I proudly told her that I didn't give up.
The coma-inducing accident, and
Injuries couldn't reduce me.

I told her about how I literally won a war,
A war against time and disability,
The doctors labeled me as 42% challenged.

"But I didn't give up," I told her.
I defeated my disability,
And all of their speculations.

When I passed into that coma,
After the accident, I'd die,
They had speculated.

When they diagnosed me 42%,
I will do some easier work,
They all had guessed.

They wanted me to drop out of college,
Oh, they want me to be humble,
Be humble and accept fate.

Not that the other job is easier,
But they wanted me to set up a shop,
For daily needs, stationery & photocopy.

Even my mother wanted me to drop out.
Leave the B.Tech. Biotech incomplete,
Opt for an easier course instead.

But I told her that I didn't give up,
No, I did not; I did not give up.
I fought my way to the top.

I cleared my B.Tech. degree in Biotechnology,
Not only that degree, but my story continues,
Attained an M.Tech. in Animal Biotechnology.

I initiated a PhD in Animal Biotechnology,
However, I had to quit it due to COVID19,
I lost my opportunity due to the pandemic.

But she, out of her own regret,
Regretted about not being able,
To clear exams, me she insulted.

"People with disability achieve more."
I felt belittled, but she continued,
"They even crack UPSC-CSE."

I'm not disabled since birth.
No, I'm not, I'm not, I told her.
This disability I acquired in 2010.

I told her the same,
But she did not realise it.
How wrong she was.

How she had insulted me and my struggles,
I can't marry her,
The man I am today is after my struggles.

Though she loved my poetry,
The 'Angel?' Saga the most,
But she insulted my history.

She even compared my life against others.
As if she knows all the people like me,
My dreams shattered due to that accident.

No, she knows everyone not,
She doesn't know others who gave up.
Look at me; I didn't give up, but I'm victorious.

But she was not impressed.
She is rigid and argumentative.
Never going to apologise & accept.

I told her mother that I couldn't marry her.
Why? Because she doesn't know humility.
Obviously, she can never respect me either.

She wanted me to respect her.
She thought that only hers matters.
Because I live in the inferiority complex.
I'd rather spend my life alone than with some egotistical person who would insult my life to extract sadistic pleasure out of it.

My HP Poem #1985
©Atul Kaushal
Alexis K Apr 29
Should sting.
They should make you want to crawl out of your flesh prison.
They shouldn't be flowery.
Nor sweet, simple, and easy to read.

My words bite at your arm,
Like the truth of society burns your eyes.
These words are the venom in my bones.
T H I S  I S  M Y  P A I N
Feel it as deep as I was forced to at 8.

This is the truth.
My words may never be full of light.
But the world holds a flashlight,
And pretends that they can see.
I may be 'deranged'
But  a  t    l e  a s  t
I
C          A        N
S        e       e
Jack Thompson Aug 2021
Pour a little bit.
Drink a little more.
Die a little slower
Feel a little less.
Psychosis deranged disease mental overdose comeGetMe
Louise Dec 2020
My love, I will be here.
I will be here on nights that all you wanna do is cry and all I wanna do is watch you because I enjoy seeing you in pain.
If I could only take more pain possible and let it wreck you from the inside out every night, I would.
I will be with you on days that feels like weeks
and I will try to make the days feel like years instead.
If I could only shove the sun aside and bring forth darkness to your daylight, I would.
I will stay and sit with you through the dark
so I can make sure that you wouldn't find the switch before I do. The only light you'll ever need is the one you'll see in the end of my wrath's tunnel.
I will protect you until the end
from finding your happiness. You are safe enough inside the cage of my pain,
I will not let go of you,
where do you think you'll go other than here in our bed of daggers made from your remorse and my resentment?
I will hold you closer with the strongest grip of my now unable hand everytime.

There's nothing you can ever do to lose me,
as much as there's nothing I can ever do to love and trust you again.
Being with you, I knew I've brought this upon myself.
Messing with me, you never knew you're gonna see this coming, knocking you from your senses.

Through the gloom and in bloom,
for worse and for the worst,
for richer and for poorer
In sickness and in madness,
to hate and wait for you to perish
everyday we'll crush each other's hearts
I promise even death won't keep us apart.

💍
A vengeful, sadistic rendition to the classic wedding vow.
Maniacal Escape Jul 2020
Sun soaking up
Dark in your mind
Paralysed in static terror.
Movement in shade
Sprinting through glass
Vision blurs, frozen fear.
Crazed and deranged
Flailing through mist
Demons bring truthful answers.
Flailing deranged, crazed and afraid vision sees frozen glass.
Mind coming too, sheets soaked with fear, your eyes see the sunrise to.
Vish Apr 2020
remorse isn’t a part of my life anymore,
any atrocity that i commit doesn’t shake me to my core anymore,
love me or hate me,
it’s all the same

•••

maybe that’s why im so flawed,
maybe that’s why when i cut people off i don’t feel an ounce of regret,
perhaps it’s just an empty victory,
one tainted with satisfaction and subtle despair,
the decorum of a deranged mind,
where lack of prudence breeds recklessness,
lack of warmth breeds detachment,
and lack of conscience breeds mortal sin
Faizel Farzee Aug 2019
I look across the room and caught her staring,
What’s this sudden heat
My emotions suddenly flaring
We both instinctively look away and I guess that we are sharing
The same secret I hope that I’m daring,
Enough to look back, or am I just chancing
Should I rather electric slide over there like a man that’s just dancing
Wait what’s this I always here about
I think it’s called romancing,
Something about whining or dining, I think
Man! I need a shrink, or am I just glancing,
At what you *****, and stop with the counseling,
Man this is challenging!
Maybe a ring, what am I thinking
I don’t even know her name, this is demeaning
I look back and my heart just start racing….I mean F1 style
And yes! I know you know the meaning…
And it has feeling, what more do you want from me
At this point I’m reeling,
I turned around… she was gone like a magician, disappearing,
I was left picking up the pieces,
The sound of loss still screeching,
So I put my blades away in my bag clanging,
And hope tomorrow she’ll be inside me, her eyes is just stunning
So sleep soundly tonight lady knowing your shadow is now shading
Together forever… and no I’m not joking, for tomorrow my love….
You’ll be the one choking
Mixing my style of writing
Never whole
since in this hole
I fell
A bottomless well
and since time started here
(when all of time stopped)
this spell
I’m under
makes me not well

The company
I’m in
a grin
One who spins
A tale to weave
of make believe
These items to sell
Story he tells

My brain
set on fire
from his grinning
Cheshire
The maniacal laughter
and madness
inspired
I’m tired
I’m mired
Situation is dire

Without choice
he is hired
All thoughts are rewired
Has risen to “Sire”
This liar and thief
Plays *****
and cheats
I’m beat
can not win
Left to stare at that grin
Written: May 28, 2019

All rights reserved.
Blade Maiden Sep 2018
I'm guilty
I'm always guilty
it bugs me, won't leave me alone
"you're filthy, empty
only filled with things you collected
over there, in anothers life
you're all things neglected
hell, you're not worth the dive"

Shut up! Just be quiet.
Only once. Give me some bliss.
I am the one who decided
I'm fine with how it is.
Why can't you be my ally instead?
What is driving you so mad?

Yes, I feel pathetic.
Are you happy now?
Won't we make this sound more poetic?
The least we can do is put on a show.
Is this all I can do?
Always fighting this stupid me and you

I'm happy, can't you see?
My eyes cry out to make you believe.
I'm happy, I'm happy, I'm happy,
why don't you let me be?
A little bit futile,
in the eyes of my own judge
Quite a bit volatile,
and how it still all feels like a little bit too much

I know what I'm supposed to do
I know no stranger should feel like hope
I know I alone need to come through
I know there's no red rope
nothing that ties my floating pieces together
scattered for far too long,
underneath a bright and broken moon, forever
singing some beautiful and lonely song

Realization,
I recognize.
Acceptance,
I understand.
But I can't be changed.
I won't ever be changed.
Always feel estranged,
countless thoughts deranged
in the picture you see, so beautifully arranged.
ok okay Aug 2018
Live for the moment
Blank out the past
Rejoice in the present
Learn to smile and laugh

Forget about sadness
Numb yourself from pain
Ignore others problems
Congratulations you are deranged
madness is a part of everyone
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