I want to live
In the depths of my inner being
Remote candid blisfully
Gratified to hear it can accomodate me
Here I come,
Joyous willingly.

Saddened was falsehood behind me
Cursing crying fretting me.
Turning a deaf ear to,I walked unmindfully.

Soon I was in the haven of truth,
Tranquil and festive, the air enveloped me,
Blanketed by love it breathed me.
You're here for a purpose,it whispered
And opened the doors to my loving deity before me.

Don't tell me about bad habits
Because you're the bad habit I could've lived without
Don't act like you know me
Because after all this time I still wish I never knew you
Don't tell me about the future I could've had with you
Because our past saw no future

This toxic relationship that we had filled my body with the lava of liquid waste
Blood
And now, I feel like I am suffocated
With the fumes of your polluted mindset of us
When in reality its
Me and You
Separated by only one word
Present

Like twins or an untitled man
Our relationship was an abomination to the gods
A curse to the earth and all that was us, was doomed
My gullibility, was my downfall-like the people of Babylon
Who were selfish and wanted pride-I cut my own wounds and poured coarse salt into them
I still have to wet a cloth with burning spirits
And hide these scars and painful bruises
Because even though you never touched me(which is what i really wanted)
I feel like people can see through me

This toxic relationship that we had made the green-eyed monster real inside of me
And now
I will live my life thinking that there is nothing truthful about being a man
When in reality, it was you
Me, I didn't choose the right man

Thinking that you were my:Even in the rain I would hold the umbrella for you babe
When in reality you were my:Shut up *****, I told you I'm sorry

Like an ancient sarcophagus
You were the shape of callousness
With an outer beauty of humanity
And you showed me confidence
Built my self-esteem
But like Rudy said:When confidence hits the ground it echoes, like sin in a room full of God

But a God I did not know
You were my one true deity
I felt like I was in a paradise
A place called heaven
And to me, hell was just a rumour
But all the time you were here
I didn't realise that every night
I slept beside the devil

Would it be right to say
I miss who I thought you were
Or more accurate to state that
I never knew you

The ache is deep inside. There, just where your knife resides. Didn't I beg for your mercy? My throat screamed raw from wailing for my surrender. A barbaric answer, I did receive. Your concealed dagger buried within my left side. I stumbled and fell to the ground and watched you walk away, with a whoosh of your dark cloak. My vision blurred within deaths grasp. Left to bleed on the cold granite. Pale-white stone smeared amber. Oh, God. That awful color.

I couldn't help it my love, even with your fervent betrayal lain open and exposed. My waning eyes traced each strand of your ebony hair as the manic winds whipped them around your unhinged-grin.

"What a vision you are, my god." I whispered my ****** words staining my teeth.

You glanced back then, with the greenest of green eyes. A swirling ball of chaos with a deadly smile. The gold of your curving helmet reflecting; what could have been; what should have been between us. You looked back at me, right before you vanished in your clouds of illusions and smoke.

"I worshiped you..." I spoke to the dissipating air where you stood.

My god. My king. My lover. My killer.

"--and I trusted you." An empty echo of words ringing truth within my ears.
My time is fading in this realm. I am merely a red smudge on the ground. I question myself as I drown, lost in my sea of blood.
'How did I ever come to trust a deity of mischief and lies?'

I want to be the stream of light in your life
That awakens laughter
And starves uncertainty.
That steals you from disaster
And gives you courage
To travel to the ends of the earth
For the sake of discovery.
I want to be the place
Where you hide your secrets
And pour out your defeats.
Where regret is swallowed up in ecstasy
Ever-present,
Translucent and pure.
Where deity does not run,
But holds us:
Holds us together.
Together we rise.